


The mind of Tsukishima Kei.

by Avanimatics



Category: Haikyuu!!, Inside Out (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Inside Out (2015) Fusion, Anxiety, Awkward Tsukishima Kei, Brotherly Bonding, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Confused Tsukishima Kei, Crack Crossover, Cute Yamaguchi Tadashi, Daddy Issues, Dinosaurs, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Manipulation, Emotions, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Gay Panic, Getting Together, Hurt Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Yamaguchi Tadashi, Inside Out (2015) References, Inspired by Inside Out (2015), Internalized Homophobia, Interrogation, Jealousy, Karasuno Family, Light Angst, M/M, Mentioned Tsukishima Kei, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, POV Yamaguchi Tadashi, Pining, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Slow Burn, Supportive Yamaguchi Tadashi, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tsukishima Kei Being an Asshole, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei-centric, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi-centric, Yamaguchi Tadashi's Freckles
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 86,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avanimatics/pseuds/Avanimatics
Summary: what do you think I am going to do” chuckled joy, looking at the window too. “making Kei fall in love with Yamaguchi?”“That’s an impossible scenario.” Disgust quickly  replied. “there’s no way that any of what happened today is connected to romantic feelings, it wouldn’t make sense ““Hmm… if you say so”OrTsukishima Kei begins to have problems managing his emotions after an unusual meeting with yamaguchi tadashi, and his emotions don't know what do to neither.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 33
Kudos: 99





	1. Chapter 1

“So…. Can I take control for a moment?”

  
“We don’t need that for now ok?”

  
“Come on!!! Just a little moment…”

  
“I won’t repeat myself”

  
The two humanoid beings were discussing, both behind a white massive control panel with hundreds of bottons, switches and levers, and at the sides of the room they were present in, a series of tall shelves lined all the surroundings, containing orbs of different colors, specially green orbs, and at the front, a big circular screen projected an image of the outside, at first glance the whole scenario could be described as an alien spaceship piloted by advanced beings with infinite knowledge, but the reality was completely different.

  
The green orbs contained inside them recordings of certain blond teenager, and the image that was being projected in the circular screen wasn’t about some distant planet, it was rather, a classroom?  
In reality this spacious room wasn’t a spaceship at all, instead the space was rather the representation of the mind of certain blonde teenager, and that teenager was non other than Tsukishima Kei, first year of Karasuno high school, and the apparent aliens from before were in reality a humanized representation of his emotions.

  
Tsukishima was taking notes while listening to his teacher, in a manner similar to paying attention but at the same time feeling spaced out, meanwhile inside his head, grey orbs containing fragments of his memory rolled and accommodated in their respective shelves, as the two emotions were still discussing about something.

  
“Don’t you think that you should give me more control?” a short yellow being with messy electric blue hair, wearing a volleyball jersey with the number 11 in it said. “classes are already too slow and boring, I really think Kei could use a little push up, we can give it a try, right disgust?”

  
“I already told you more than enough, joy..” the tall emotion with green skin and purple sweater, accompanied by a pair of glasses said. “ classes are supposed to be as less distracting as possible, if you make him happy for no reason whatsoever right now, you’ll break his concentration, and we really need to save this memories.”

  
“For the finals you say?” Joy asked, as he looked to the side, observing as more memories that would probably be forgotten in 1 month kept arriving. “now you are getting it, now, make me a little favor and go to the back or something? I’m busy right now so I don’t need much distraction, thank you.” Disgust said, with a slightly annoyed look in his face as he turned back in to the control panel.

  
But joy decided to ignore disgust’s request, frowning at him. “do you think there’s a reason for him to be disgusted by something right now?” the little emotion said, clearly questioned disgust’s way of dealing with things. “not for now, but I need to be near to the controls incase anything annoying happens to Kei” disgust said, looking down at joy, putting his hands in his hips.

“what type of annoying thing I wonder” Joy sighted, as they heard the bell ring from outside, indicating their freedom, Kei soon took all his stuff and put them in his bag, only leaving his lunch in his desk, today wasn’t really a different day from the others, just passing classes, and staying in that club for some hours, quite a boring routine he thought, but his thoughts were cut when he heard someone running towards the classroom, catching the emotion’s attention.

  
“TSUKISHIMAAAAA” a small orange haired boy appeared in the screen, making disgust roll his eyes. “that kind of annoying thing” he said, as he pressed a button in the controls, making Tsukishima roll his eyes too.

  
“can you help me to do some blocking, Kageyama is still busy studying for his English test, so are you up for a match, pleeease?” Hinata asked the taller one, which apparently had no reaction. “Kageyama studying? That is out of character for him” he thought. 

  
“I don’t get it, can’t he just ask someone else to help him?, he has like, 7 or more people to ask to,” disgust commented, wondering what button next to press, but joy had other opposing ideas. “but that extra training could really be helpful for Kei!! We are missing a chance disgust!!” The yellow emotion said, as he tried to reach for the controls, but disgust grabbed his arm, forbidding this action.

  
“If Kei cared for volleyball, we could consider it, but the reality is other you know?” the tall emotion said. “if he’s so fired up about a sport, he should search other freaks like him…” the green being groaned as he pulled a lever, making Kei sigh with displeasure. “can’t you just wait till we have training in…a few hours?” Tsukishima mentioned, as he pulled on his headphones to try and block the shrimp’ shrieks, but the effort proofed pointless.

  
“But we can’t loss time now, if we want to reach nationals, we need to train harder!!! We are all doing our best Tsukishima!!!” Hinata said, jumping a little in his position.

  
“Hmm.. his insistence reminds me of you quite a bit.” Disgust said, looking at joy, whose eyes lighted up, foolishly thinking it was a compliment “really!! You think I am like Hinata?” the little emotion said, smiling a little to wide for disgust’ liking .

  
“Yeah… that’s why you are so annoying too” disgust smirked, as he pulled a lever labelled as “sass level” and set it to medium, while joy’s smile faded, outside, Tsukishima smirked too, looking out at the window. “I could do that, but I wouldn’t be able to see what I have to block specifically” making Hinata’s smile disappear too. “come on stingyshima!!! Just 5 minutes!”

  
“I mean, 5 minutes won’t hurt Ke-“  
“He already has his answer” disgust said, looking at the screen with an already pissed off expression . “if you don’t need to lose your precious time, you can still consider to ask the second years, they are more used to people like you. “ Kei said, as he got up, towering over the little decoy. “hopefully they can deal with your kind of freak”

  
Hinata sighted, hugging his volley ball. “you win… but I won’t go soft on you in training!!!” he said, as he left the classroom, closing the door, Tsukishima and disgust exhaled with relief as they heard the thud of the door. “one problem less” the blonde teen thought, inside his head, joy was slightly displeased with the result.

  
“You make Kei a little to stingy in my opining disgust” joy said, as he saw a green memory roll in the shelves “it was what had to be done, now the classroom is more peaceful right? Disgust said, as he scratched the back of his neck. “I guess…” joy replied, but still acting displeased.

Suddenly Tsukishima heard the door opening, revealing a freckled boy at the other said, who had a bento box in his hands.

  
“Tsukki!!! Sorry I was late” the green haired boy said, as he ran inside the classroom to met his best friend. Tsukishima looked at him, quickly glancing the boy’ freckles, they were quite interesting to Kei, just looking at them for his emotions to figure out constellations in his friend’s cheeks was a good way to make time pass, meanwhile disgust slowly dragged the sass lever to low as it once was. “Where were you? You look like you just ran a 10k marathon” Tsukishima said, looking as droplets of sweat fell off the other’s body, disgust felt the urge to do something, but since it was Yamaguchi, he didn’t felt the need to intervene for now for some reason, it wasn’t a logical reasoning, but at the end, they were emotions, logic wasn’t part of their department. “I left the classroom to talk with a teacher, but at the end he asked me to help him take a pile of notebooks to his office… sorry Tsukki..” Yamaguchi said, as he looked down, a little guilty about being late to meet up with his friend.

Tsukishima nodded to the story and took a breath. “don’t worry about that; it was only 5 minutes anyways” Tsukishima said, as he looked in his bag to find a little bento box, and quietly gave it to Yamaguchi, the green haired boy smiled at the package and took another little bento box from his bag, and handed it to Tsukishima, “thanks Tsukki! Now we can go to eat “ 

  
Joy remembered that some years ago he had the idea to make Kei bring an extra bento box with some dessert, for Yamaguchi’s birthday, but the freckled boy did the same for Tsukishima, and the day after, Tsukishima felt guilty about Yamaguchi spending money after his birthday (thanks to certain blue emotion) so Kei bought another bento box for Yamaguchi, and Yamaguchi did the same, now it’s almost an unbreakable tradition for the both of them. Being honest, that was one of his favorite memories, he liked to recall the yellow orb at the most inconvenient times, to disgust’s dismay worth to say.

“can I do something?” the yellow emotion asked, as he flipped his arms up and down, disgust thought for a moment, and then took a step back from the controls. “fine… but proceed with caution” joy’s eyes lit up, as he quickly pressed a button in the panel, making it turn a bright yellow, and making Tsukishima give an almost undetectable (except for Yamaguchi) smile. “thank you Yamaguchi” Tsukishima said, to which Yamaguchi nodded.

  
“Now we can go, what did you bought for me this time I wonder?”

  
“It’s a surprise, don’t ruin it now…”

  
“Sorry Tsukki!!”

  
The two boys began walking towards the roof, their favorite eating location, Yamaguchi taking the lead.  
A yellow memory orb was created, rolling in with the other memories, joy looked at the side, the contrast between the yellow orb and the ocean of green in the shelves was quite disturbing, but he felt pleased, he always loved to make Kei happy, when their human laughed and had a good time, the emotion felt complete, it was his job at the end of the day, to keep Kei happy, but in the last years; this job that used to be very important grew less needed in Tsukishima’s head.

  
“ You really have a soft spot for him huh” joy said, as he fell in his chair, watching their boy and Yamaguchi walk through the halls” disgust stopped looking at the screen to look at joy with a slight frown. “Not really, he is just the one less annoying from the rest of the team, no need to make Kei feel disgusted towards Yamaguchi..” the green emotion said, as he yawned and also sit in his chair slowly closing his eyes, to which joy stood up and walked towards disgust. “A little tired, huh disgust?” joy said, as he tried to take disgust’s body far from the controls of Kei’s mood. “ that extra stress from the finals is really scarring you, but nothing a quick nap can’t repair” but disgust opened his eyes again.

  
“just admit that you want me down so that you can make Kei do something stupid in front of bystanders, stupid” disgust said, looking determined to not have other problem. 

  
But the emotion stopped for a moment, as he reconsidered what he had said 

Yeah… y’know, I might consider giving you more control of Kei, “ that statement from disgust made joy almost jump to hit his head against the ceiling of HQ, “really!!! Disgust thanks!!!

  
“Never thought you would give me another chance!!!”

  
“Now you could have complete control of Kei during rem sleep.” Disgust said, trying not to laugh to keep his persona, the hopeful look in joy’s face breaking apart was priceless and it was a memory he would protect till the day Kei dies.

  
“You little-“ joy was going to say, but Yamaguchi asking Tsukki about a movie they had seen last night changed the topic.

The balls kept impacting the floor, as all the members of the volleyball team kept practicing and preparing for their next tournament, under the careful watch of coach Ukai, Tsukishima was trying to practice with the other second years, worth to say trying because unsurprisingly, he hasn’t putting a lot of effort into it, his legs were already cramped after a few hours, at least it was already late, so hopefully they could eventually go home, he grabbed his water bottle to take a break until he heard a pair of sneakers approaching him at full speed.

“not again” disgust said, already preparing the curse word library, they used the wide library of buttons labelled with horrific words rarely, but they could come useful.

  
“Hey stingyshima!!!” Hinata called, as he stood near Tsukishima, the blonde guy only rolled his eyes, while disgust quietly searched for ideas in the shelves of how to escape the situation. “what do you need now shrimp?”

  
Hinata seemed oblivious (as almost always) to the tall one’s discomfort, disgust sometimes wondered if the joy inside Hinata’s head had done something to the others to make the little shrimp act so upbeat at any given time. “remember our little talk during lunch? We still need to practice some blocking!! Are you ready?” the shrimp asked.

  
“What do you say disgust? We can do this!!” said joy as he tried to push a button in the controls, but disgust quickly grabbed him from the shirt from one hand and used his free hand to press another button. “not really” Tsukishima said, he was so tired that he didn’t mind to filter out what his emotions influenced him to say, and it was Hinata, so no real need to filter out anything mean or sarcastic neither.

  
“but I need a tall guy to help me with this!!! Asahi is doing some receivings with Noya, and you are the only one with a good height!!” Hinata yelled, as he tried to jump to reach Tsukishima’s height. “if doing this blocking thing will keep your mouth shut, I’ll do it” Tsukishima groaned. To which Hinata smiled.

Disgust couldn’t keep up with this shrimp anymore.  
So they did 10, no, 20, no, 30, no 40, disgust had ran out of ink in his pen to write down the number of blockings, and Hinata almost failing all of them made it all even worse. “isn’t he satisfied already? A red emotion with short hair in bangs commented as he got up from a couch. “if he says one more one more time, I’ll let you take over anger…” disgust said, as he moved to the left to make space for the new emotion, pushing joy to the side of the controls. He kept quiet, he was rather focused in the outside world right now.

  
“One more!!!” Hinata screamed, swiping of some of his sweat, and Tsukishima wasn’t pleased about any of this, “did this guy ate AAA batteries for breakfast?” he wondered.

“We need to make him stop” disgust said, opening the panel that contained the curse word library. Anger cracked his knuckles   
“Leave it to me!!!” the red emotion said, as he took over, grabbing two levers and pulling them to the top, making Tsukishima pissed off to Hinata’s resilience. “We can see if he has enough energy to keep going once we bury him behind the school!!!” he screeched, as flames began to form in his head   
“What are you saying? That’s a bad idea.” Said disgust, as he tried to make anger stop his little act. “yeah!!! We can’t just bury our teammate!!!” joy protested. “disgust thinks the same right?” disgust only frowned for a moment.  
“Not really, the problem is that there would be way too many witnesses here to pursue that goal, maybe other day anger” disgust added, to which anger sighted, without stopping to hold the controls.

  
For a moment the idea of burying Hinata behind the school resonated inside Tsukishima’s brain, but he decided that it was simply a stupid idea and it wasn’t worth it, he just silently kept preparing the next block, and with anger in the lead, we wanted to latch off against Hinata in his own game.

  
“Why can’t he just take a goddamn break, we are all covered in sweat!!!” disgust complained, as the strong scent reached HQ, he wanted to intervene, but anger was still in complete control. “just wait for it” the red emotion said  
The ball was falling at an uneven speed, and Hinata managed to receive it to make a finishing shot, but Tsukishima’s hands quickly formed a slim wall that could possibly stop the attack 

  
“I hate this” the green emotion said.

  
The ball bounced in Tsukishima’s arms, before coming back at Hinata, hitting him straight in the face, screaming in pain for a moment before falling to the ground.

  
“Never mind I love it” disgust chuckled, by some reason seeing Hinata hurting himself for his stupidity was really amusing. “anger bring some popcorn and my camera” to which anger nodded, leaving to search for the elements. “why do you need a camera, don’t we have enough with the memories?” joy said, pointing at the red memory that had formed a moment ago.

“Memories fade, but photos can’t fade as much, and I want to immortalize this moments” he said, with a grin, to which joy only left put a nervous chuckle.

Meanwhile Hinata stood up once again, and said “one more” time, even if his face was red from the impact. Tsukishima couldn’t believe his eyes. “this guys isn’t human” he thought.

  
“don’t you think you could give me more control of Kei during volleyball at least” joy questioned, putting a hand in disgust’ shoulder. “aren’t you happy with having control of Kei’s sleeping state?” disgust said with a mocking accent. “yeaaaa” joy said ironically, rolling his eyes. “but I am the emotion of determination!!! KeI could really use me right now, and I also know a lot of volleyball!”

  
“You?, volleyball?” disgust questioned, as he scratched the back of his head. “Yeah, remember that time some years ago when Kei blocked some sixth graders? I WAS IN COTROL THAT MOMENT!! It was like woosh!!” joy cried out, trying to proof his importance for volleyball.

  
“hm… I don’t quite remember that moment being honest, but I do remember that one day in third grade you wanted to practice by yourself a floating serve Kei saw a dew days before on TV” disgust teased.  
“Yeahh, don’t go there” joy pleaded; disgust loved to bring back the incident when volleyball was in the topic.

  
“And you decided to use a memory orb as a ball because we didn’t had volleyballs in HQ?

  
“We were young ok? I didn’t know better” the yellow emotion tried to justify his past actions.

  
“And to top it all, you practiced the float serve with a memory containing the most important answer for an exam Kei would do the day later?”

  
“I already apologized!!!”

  
“After your first serve, you somehow managed to break the screen and shatter that memory orb, making Kei fail his exam, and almost caused him a breakdown, and you called your attempt a win?  
“To clarify, that math class was boring as hell, so Kei never focused enough like to make strong memories.” Joy frowned, at least he thought he had a fair point.

  
“Or maybe he never focused because someone insisted of projecting daydreams in Kei’s brain about living in Jurassic park instead of paying attention, just sayin.”

  
The two emotions looked at each other with sharp eyes, ever since a few years before, their relationship wasn’t in the best conditions, and it was hard to deal with all that.

  
“They are having a moment….” Said a female emotion that had purple skin and her hair done in a little ponytail in the left side of her head, “should we do something sadness?” fear asked.

  
“Just let them burn themselves ,no need to intervene right now” sadness said, as he put his blue hands inside his hoodie. While he and fear were seated in a sofa, playing poker.

  
“you don’t really know much about volleyball, Kei doesn’t even like volleyball anymore!!!” disgust groaned, as he got back to his workplace. just let the adults finish this can you?”

  
“Adults???” joy raised his voice as he stared back at his coworker “no one here is an adult”

  
“Actually, I was the first emotion to be created, so I am the adult here” disgust commented, with a cocky green on his face. “also I am the tallest”

“We are all a bunch of 16 year olds trying to help a bigger 16 year old with his life!!! Stop saying nonsense to put you on top!!!, joy complained  
“I feel that I need an adult here…” fear said.

  
“you just have to wait two years…” said sadness, looking at his poker cards. Already sighting ‘so that Kei can graduate, go to college, enter in a bad career, get old and eventually di-

  
“Just stop” the green emotion ordered, as everyone in HQ stopped talking, he took a deep breath and looked at joy, who had froze after disgust’s call.  
“You just aren’t fit to help Kei anymore, he is no longer a kid, so for now he will need me the most, I can just call you wherever we need something from you” disgust said, looking judgmentally at joy, still fixed in his site, joy only nodded, he didn’t really know what to say to disgust to convince him of having more time with Kei.

The yellow emotion slowly backed down, as the other looked at him, but soon changed their view to the screen to see what Kei was observing from the outside.

  
Joy reached the back of headquarters , passing near the container of core memories, until he stood before a big series of windows, that offered the emotions the possibility too see the rest of Kei’s mind from afar, joy saw the millions of shelves that covered most of the landscape, each shelf containing memories that they have been collecting for 16 years, as he looked down, he could also see the memory dump, where all the useless memories ended up, but the feature that most contrasted in the landscape were a series of islands that floated over the memory dump, being supported by a series of pipes that connected them to the core memories, the personality islands, they basically defined Kei’s personality, each powered by a core memory in it’s respective container.

  
the first island in the setup contained two statues of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi holding hands, surrounded by two columns covered of stars and paintings of dinosaurs, friendship island, it had formed a few days after Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had met, Tsukishima’ first (and only?) Friend.

  
The next island in the setup was an island that consisted of what seemed to be a representation of Kei’ house, also containing statues of Kei and his brother and mother, joy wasn’t sure if there ever was a fourth statue, and the most noticeable feature of that island was a massive crack that appeared a long time ago, threatening to separate the island in half, this fragile island was family island.

  
The next one was joy’s favorite, that island consisted of a theme park that reassembled certain movie, disgust could tell that some massive creatures moved between the trees, maybe the dinosaurs had died millions of years ago, but dinosaur island kept a faithful representation of them.

  
The next island consisted mainly on what seemed to be a military base, that had lots of weapons and ammunitions, that island was powered by a green core memory created by non other than disgust, the island didn’t had a specific name, it basically made Kei a very salty and mean person, mocking the other people quite a lot, joy decided to call it sass island (joy had considered to call it French fry island but it didn’t sound as good)

  
Passing other minor island such as the insecurity Caribbean and the music island, joy managed to see an island that had stopped working long ago, the island seemed to have an empty court, and in the center it had a net, with metal pillars holding rusty decorations, but at the end the island was only a death remain, “volleyball island” joy thought with a sad expression, as he saw the island that was once colorful and always working, and that now was a piece of deformed metal that added nothing to Kei’s personality, since the core memory of that island had disappeared under confusing circumstances, the island had began to fall down, bit by bit, joy feared that if the island collapsed entirely, Kei would completely give up on volleyball, if only they had a replacement memory to power the island again, then, the yellow emotion had an idea, if disgust wasn’t going to let him use the controls, he could still do something.

  
He quickly disappeared into his rooms, searching in a pile of memories for a specific orb, it took him a while, but he finally found it, and he stood up again and rushed to the back of the main area, joy then as silently as he could got near the core memory container, and as he pressed a button that opened the container, fear glanced at what he was doing and immediately dropped her cards, rushing towards the yellow emotion.

  
“What are you doing joy?” the purple emotion said, as she tried to stop joy from messing with the core memories, the yellow emotion still looked determined to do something.

  
“I’ll reactivate volleyball island.”

Dn  
Fear gasped, as panic rushed through her, why trying to reactivate that island?, and how. “but… how are you going to do that!!! We lost that island’s core memory years ago!!!” while joy glanced at the core memories inside the container, each of them saved in a slot that connected it to it’s specific island, except and empty slot that corresponded to volleyball island.

“the thing is that a found a memory of a few years ago of Kei blocking Akiteru for the first time, it never got to become a core memory, but I think this one can replace the former one” the yellow emotion said with a confident glance, as he placed the yellow memory in the empty slot. “wait joy!!!” fear screamed, calling everyone’s attention, but joy had already pressed the button once again, closing the memory container. “it’s done” he quietly said.

  
Suddenly a loud sound was heard from the outside of headquarters, as the old island began to turn on, disgust immediately dropped what he was doing to see what was going on. “what are you doing!!!” the green emotion gasped as he saw volleyball island active once again.

  
“I restored volleyball island!” said joy, with a prideful look in his face, now Kei would hopefully put 100% of himself into Volleyball, joy thought that it would be a good idea.

  
Outside, Tsukishima began to feel a strange feeling, maybe it was annoyance from helping Hinata with his serves, or just straight anger, but it could be summarized with a word.

  
Determination.

  
The blonde boy clenched his eyes, as he grabbed the ball once again, while Hinata waited in the other side, maybe it was a last resort to get Hinata to shut up, he didn’t quite understood, but by some reason, whatever this new feeling was, it reminded him of the first times he got into volleyball, the wonder and passion that once existed were back for a short period. “let’s end this.” said Tsukishima.

  
Hinata chuckled. While Yamaguchi looked from afar, working with his float serve, Tsukishima looked, determined in volleyball? That was something Yamaguchi hadn’t seen for a while, and so the blocking kept going, but this time it was way stronger, Hinata was quite surprised seeing Tsukishima this determined, and it was quite scary, it was like if victory had gotten into his head, Tsukishima kept blocking the spikes for a long time, he was beginning to enjoy this for some reason, he was enjoying this sudden spark of motivation way too much, that he even began to forgot to take care of the position of his fingers.

  
The island began to produce a series of deep noises, as it began to collapse, fear pleaded for joy to stop this, but the yellow emotion was practically hugging the core memory container, avoiding anyone from interfering. “don’t fail on me this time” joy thought, referring to Kei.

  
The last block was supposed to be normal, but Tsukishima didn’t measure how to put his fingers in a good position, the ball ended up impacting his fingers, instead of being blocked with the palm mostly as usual, causing a small tear in the soft skin, and as that happened, the memory was expelled from the container, hitting joy in the head, making the island shut down again.

  
“You idiot!!!” disgust screamed as joy quickly stood up, massaging the spot that he was hit with the memory. “you made him go overdrive!!!,stupid!” he said, as they saw through the screen that blood was beginning to clot the injury. “We are bleeding out!!!” fear screamed, trying to push s button to freak Kei out about the injury, but disgust stood between the purple emotion and the controls. “just calm down can you!!! Is only a little injury, Kei isn’t gonna die from this.” But disgust quickly glanced to the yellow emotion, with a lot more disappointment in his eyes than usual.“still would have been nice if someone hadn’t tempered with the core memories.

The yellow emotion couldn’t do much other than to look down.

  
Hinata quickly noticed that Kei had stopped his sudden outburst of energy, and tried to check him. “ Tsukishima… I think I did it to hard, sorry” the short guy said, but Tsukishima only gave an annoyed tsk in response (disgust had configured the autopilot to say tsk when activated for some reason).

Yamaguchi also arrived at the scene, to see what had just happened. “Tsukki are you- OHMYGOD TSUKKI YOUR HAND!” the freckled boy freaked out, seeing blood in trainings wasn’t a common thing for him, he then took a deep breath and slowly grabbed Tsukishima’s hand to see if it was a serious injury.

“shut up Yamaguchi” said Kei between his teeth, but not exactly in an insulting tone, it was more like his unique way to say “calm down Yamaguchi” and the freckled boy gave a small nervous chuckle. “sorry tsukki.”

  
After making sure that the injury was only superficial, Yamaguchi asked the coach if they could take Tsukishima to the infirmary (he negated at first cause a certain green emotion despised hospitals and anything that resembled one) but the nurse and the assistants of the team weren’t nearby, so Yamaguchi offered to cure Tsukishima’s injury, luckily Yamaguchi already had experience to deal with this type of misfortunes, so the coach allowed it.

  
When they reached the infirmary, Yamaguchi told Tsukishima to sit down in a chair, while he washed his hands and searched in the cabinets for what he needed. Yamaguchi then grabbed some disinfectant and a bandage, and slowly closed the cabinet, then he kneeled down to Tsukishima’ level and grabbed the injured finger, the freckled boy applied the disinfectant after cleaning the injury, their fingers tenderly touching, Yamaguchi’ delicate but strong fingers caressing his, Tsukishima hated being taken care of, maybe he hated feeling weak, but with Yamaguchi, it was quite different for some weird reason he failed to understand. 

Inside his head, a small alarm with a light source began to shine, but Joy was the only one who noticed it, because the others were busy looking at the screen, and he still felt quite guilty for the disaster he had caused, so he decided to rather ignore it to not cause more commotion.

“Sorry about that Tsukki… I freak out a little when I see blood.” Yamaguchi said, as he stood up and grabbed the bandage. “I wonder how you are doing this without throwing up in the floor” Tsukishima grinned, to which Yamaguchi frowned.

“hey!! I am tougher than what I look like!!!” he said as he laughed a little, but Tsukishima didn’t laugh, mainly because joy wasn’t there to cheer him up. Yamaguchi picked up that Tsukishima apparently wasn’t in the mood to laugh right now, so he tried to change the theme of their conversation.

  
“I wonder what got into you by the way, you usually don’t get that fired up to end up hurting yourself, I expect that from Hinata, but not you being honest” Tsukishima looked down, and sighted, still a little embarrassed from what had just happened.

“I don’t know myself, something stupid in my brain made me act reckless” and as he said that, his emotions glanced at joy, who was sitting at a chair at the other side of the room. “I wonder what stupid thing could do something like this…” disgust groaned, while looking at the yellow emotion, the other emotions doing the same with worried eyes.

  
“We could use that stupid thing you say that got into you when we are in a match, it can come in handy you know” Yamaguchi said, with a smile in his face, as he wrapped up Tsukishima’s finger in the bandage, applying pressure to stop the bleeding.”  
“I don’t thing that stupid thing will happen again, hopefully for the best” said Tsukishima, as he complained a little about the pressure Yamaguchi was putting in his finger.

  
“I see… and we are done” said Yamaguchi as he released Tsukishima’s fingers from his grasp. “does it feel better now?” Tsukishima moved his finger, and it no longer hurt, at least this could take him through the rest of practice, he then glanced the green haired boy, he carefully examined all of Yamaguchi’s features, he was the perfect combination of someone strong but tender, when he remembered how Yamaguchi was before, it was hard to admit the two were the same person, by some reason his heart started to beat faster than usual and an insignificant blush appeared in his cheeks, he felt like if the room temperature had increased a few degrees, he couldn’t understand this weird sensation, that somehow activated the same alarm in Tsukishima’ brain, an alarm that joy once again noticed, but didn’t bother to tell the others out of shame.

  
“Yeah” was the only word Tsukishima managed to say, before he quickly tried to ignore what had just happened, he stood up and tried to stretch a little. As Yamaguchi returned the unused materials to their respective places.

  
“And Tsukki, I wonder, are you planning to do something today?” Yamaguchi asked with a glimpse of curiosity, as he got near Tsukishima, taking a hand to his pocket. Tsukishima stood silent, trying to recall his schedule for today, and inside his head, fear grabbed a paper from a desk that had their basic routine. “So at 8 we have dinner in our house, at 9 we search for a documental about dinosaurs or something. “ the purple emotion said, reviewing each segment of the list. “or we could watch Jurassic world again!” joy tried to say, sounding a little insecure, but no one tried to look at him, only disgust turned his head giving him a deadly stare.

“I thought we had agreed that the original movie is superior in any way to any sequel or spinoff, didn’t we?” the green emotion said, to which joy nervously gulped. “yeah… forget it.”

  
“And at 11 we have staring at the ceiling for a couple of hours, and between 1am and 3am we go to sleep” fear finished, as she folded the paper and left it again in the desk. “that’s more or less what Kei does everyday….” Sadness sighted.

“Not really” the blond teenager said, scratching the back of his neck, there was nothing exceptional right now in his memory.

“then…. I guess that you won’t mind if I suggest to do something more interesting” said Yamaguchi as he pulled out two tickets from his pockets, Kei’s eyes widened as his emotions tried to make up the meaning of those tickets, disgust then remembered what those tickets were about, quickly typing in a keyboard in the controls to search for a certain memory, and when he pressed the enter keyboard, a tube appeared from the roof, dropping a memory inside a projector, that immediately lit up, projecting a commercial about an exposition about the dinosaur era, a limited time exhibition with a real size models of the dinosaurs of that time, Kei’s eyes lighted up to the memory.

“no way…when did you get this?” he asked in what seemed like a monotone tone that hid a massive excitement.

  
“I just remembered that the exhibition had a few discounts today for the last days, so I decided to use my saving for this tickets!!” the freckled boy said with excitement, we knew Tsukishima loved dinosaurs in secret, so it made sense to spend a few yen for the tickets, but them Kei’s face changed to one of rather worry. “but… you shouldn’t have used your savings on this…” he said, sadness managed to get to the controls, making him feel guilty of his friend’s possible bankruptcy.

  
Yamaguchi frowned as he saved the tickets in his pockets.” Yeah, I can also return this and get my money back…” he said in a teasing tone, fear Immediately reacted, pushing sadness out of the way, and began to push any button and lever like a manic. “Wait WE NEED THOSE TICKETS!!!, the exhibition is only until tomorrow!!!” this made tsukki realize that their time see that event was truly short. “no wait!!!” Tsukishima said, as he tried to search for his wallet, but he then remembered that he had left it in his bag.

“I-I can pay you later for the ticket. “ and to this Yamaguchi only laughed, seeing Tsukki freaked out over something was truly a treat. “ come on Tsukki!! You are the biggest dinosaur nerd I’ve seen!! You need to go there!!” he said, as he took out the ticket again and offered it to Tsukishima, “and I also need someone to explain me all about the details they left out about any dinosaur there, I could accept that as payment if you want!!”

  
Tsukishima responded with an usual tsk from his side (sadness and fear kept fighting for control while everyone watched, disgust recording the little fight of course with his camera, leaving no one to control what Kei was saying) as he grabbed the ticket from Yamaguchi’s hand and put it in his pocket.  
“So… 6 is ok?” Tsukishima finally said, for some reason outside his control he didn’t find a lot of words to talk to Yamaguchi.

  
“Yeah, I think it’s a good time to go, Daichi also would let us go a little sooner today, so everything lines up.” Said the green haired boy, as he opened the infirmary’s door. “we need to just finish today’s training and we get to clean the gym.”

  
Disgust debated if joy should be in control later on, by one part, he knew Tsukishima liked dinosaurs, he even had an entire island dedicated to them, so it would be awkward for Kei to not enjoy something he usually was fascinated with, but by the other side, joy made Kei act like an idiot and tried to temper with the core memories, this was a difficult decision, but joy’s pleading eyes made the green emotion change his mind.

  
“Fine, you can have control, but don’t mess up…” he said as he opened up a space for joy to install, the yellow emotion celebrated at his new chance. ”I won’t.” said, as he pressed a button in the control panel, giving it a yellowish hue, a small smile parted between Tsukishima’s pale lips. “seems fine to me.” The two left the infirmary as a yellow memory rolled in to be saved with the others, disgust prayed for any entity out there that this whole thing didn’t end in any embarrassing disaster, but with joy at the head… he began to rethink his decision.

  
After they finished their last rounds, Daichi told everyone to reunite and to clean up the gym, which only took them around twenty minutes, and so everyone finally said their goodbyes to each other and parted their ways, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were slowly walking, not saying anything in particular, watching the sun hiding, which gave the whole environment a reddish hue, quite fitting for the exposition they were going to, while listening to a soft pop song with Yamaguchi’s headphones, which were smaller than Kei’s and more accessible, even if they liked to talk about the events they saw during the day.

it was still nice to just have moments with the two of them enjoying each other’s company, disgust kept looking at the screen, he was quite grateful with whatever entity rules the world for giving Kei his best (and maybe only) friend, at least it made their jobs a lot easier. “we are almost there” said fear, as she pulled a lever in the control panel, alerting Kei that they were only a few meters from the exposition.

  
They finally reached the part where the exposition was taking place, showing their tickets, they were given a map of the exposition, crossing the gates of the park, Kei’s eyes lighted up, as well as Yamaguchi’s, they saw as lots of models of dinosaurs that stood several feet upon them, with realistic sizes to add, with each model engraved with a description in the base. “woah!!!” Yamaguchi gasped as he looked around, there were way too many areas to cover up in the short time they had. “they look so real tsukki!!!”

  
Meanwhile kei looked at the map, as he looked at the open space they were in, he imagined himself for a moment surrounded by live dinosaurs, and imagining this ended up distorting the emotion’s view of the outside world. “Why are the statues moving!!!” fear screamed, but as soon as she was about to press a big red button, disgust grabbed her arms to stop her. “don’t worry, Kei is only imagining the models move, nothing is happening in the real world” with this statement, fear managed to calm down.

while this was happening, joy was looking at the environment like a kid in a candy store, a prehistoric candy store, as he kept pressing a button in the panel, making Kei feel amused and surprised for the dimensions of the models, for so long he had only seen skeletons glued together, this was much better.

  
“Let’s go” kei said, as he began to walk toward the plastic reptiles.

“yes tsukki!!!” Yamaguchi replied, as he took out his camera from his school bag, the two students began to walk around, making sure to check all the different statues and descriptions of the dinosaurs, then Yamaguchi insisted on taking a selfie with Tsukishima, to which he negated at first, but with joy in the control, meaning a nicer mood for him, he gave in, standing with Yamaguchi, as the freckled boy took a precious picture of the both of them, his eyes widened as he saw that Tsukishima had a small grin in his face In the photo, this was basically unprecedented, it formed a yellow memory in Yamaguchi’s head, a memory that had to be saved, a work that certain yellow emotion in the freckled boy’s head would gladly accept.

They quickly made it to another sculpture, of a dinosaur that stood a few feet upon them, said dinosaur standing in 4 legs, with various plaques and spikes in his back.

  
“How was this one called again Tsukki?” asked Yamaguchi, as he took another photo of the model of the reptile.

“This one was a stegosaurus.” Said Tsukishima, as joy quickly recalled a yellow memory using the console that had some basic information about the beast.

  
“This ones used to be herbivores that lived around 144 million years ago, they always had that weird posture to eat grass and other plants from the ground, and those plaques that they had on their backs were useful for their defense against carnivores, and they also used them for thermoregulation and-“ Tsukishima kept info dumping about one of his favorite dinosaurs, to which Yamaguchi listened without fail, even if Tsukishima often used scientific language that he often couldn’t understand, he still felt a fluffy sensation is his heart wherever Kei started talking so freely about dinosaurs, it was nice to have someone like him.

“I can’t believe that this beasts are related to crows or any kind of bird” Yamaguchi chuckled.

  
“Actually” Tsukishima interrupted. “some scientists don’t deny the possibility that some dinosaurs had feathers like birds from nowadays” he completed.  
“So all this dinosaurs could just be fluffy bird clouds and we would never know about this?” Yamaguchi grinned at the thought of a tyrannosaurus covered in feathers like an oversized bird.

  
“Is a possibility.” Kei said, before both began to giggle at the thought. Meanwhile in Tsukishima’s head, joy thought that everything was going according to plan, Tsukishima was having a good day with his best friend, he proudly looked at the shelves of memories, seeing a great number of recently created yellow memories, this was a weird view, but a welcomed one to joy “just don’t try to make Kei sound way too nerdy…” said disgust as he looked at the screen, it was a good idea, but with joy In the head like how it once was a couple of years ago, it reminded disgust about some unpleasant experiences.

“just don’t mess up this time please.”

  
The two boys kept walking around the expositions, Tsukishima was basically Yamaguchi’s guide now, and the freckled guy didn’t complain about it, they finally reached one of the last sculptures, this one was about a bipedal dinosaur that seemed to have some kind of helmet of spikes and horns in it’s head.  
“Wow, this one’s interesting Tsukki!!” Yamaguchi said to his friend, as he pointed at the statue. Tsukishima quickly recalled by himself the memory that had the name of the dinosaur

  
"This one was a stygimoloch.” He said, as he glanced down with curiosity at the statue that had only about 90 centimeters of height. “this one looks like a carnivore, judging by the horns in the head” Yamaguchi said, as he took his camera again to take a photo.

“well, they were herbivores in reality.” Tsukishima corrected. “they were probably so short that they just ate the grass from the ground.” He commented, as his disgust kept looking at the screen, waiting for something to happen. “so, why did they had those horns in their head?” Yamaguchi asked, as he checked the photos he had taken.

“well, some theories say that they used their heads to head-butt each other as a defense and as a show of their rivalry against other members of their species.” Tsukishima answered, this one was one of his favorite dinosaurs too, being honest, all dinosaurs were cool, he sometimes wishes to one day go back in time or something similar so that he won’t have to deal with other people. (Apart from Yamaguchi).

  
While Yamaguchi was trying to keep as much information as he could, he liked the topic about dinosaurs, but he sometimes didn’t understand what Tsukishima said, so he tried to keep as much facts about dinosaurs as possible so that one day he could discuss about them with Tsukishima.

Is a shame that all dinosaurs are dead now” said Yamaguchi, with a slight sadness in him. “apart from birds” corrected Tsukishima, to which Yamaguchi giggled. “at least the meteor probably killed them without much pain.”

  
“I would doubt that” teased Tsukishima, as he looked around all the different dinosaurs in the exhibition, “that meteor was about 10 kilometers wide, and it impacted in Mexico apparently, the impact released millions of tones of dirt to the air, making the atmosphere dark and dirty, and hard to breathe of course.” He kept ranting, Yamaguchi felt that he was in a pet talk, but it was a better pet talk than the ones his mother gave about doing the dishes in time.

  
The only one who wasn’t enjoying the moment was disgust, he felt that Tsukishima was talking way too much about nerdy stuff, and something had to be done, joy kept pushing Kei to talk more about the things he loved, without taking the fact that it would probably make Yamaguchi uncomfortable.

  
“And without solar light, the plants never managed to grow, and without plants, the herbivores couldn’t eat and they died, and the carnivores eventually ran out of herbivores to hunt, so they eventually starved to-“ Tsukishima stopped talking, for some reason, we had now noticed that he was probably talking way too much to Yamaguchi’s liking, wherever he was slightly happy about any situation whatsoever, he felt that he loosed self control, now that he recalled nerding out about dinosaurs so much in front of Yamaguchi, his face began to turn red from embarrassment, as his smile faded. “Tssuki?” Yamaguchi asked, after noticing that his friend suddenly stopped talking. ”are you ok?”

  
“Disgust what are you doing!!” joy pleaded, as he had been pushed aside from the controls by the green emotion, that had currently took control. “you were making us look like nerds!!!” disgust cried out, as he made sure to stop Tsukishima from saying anything else, creating a memory of shame that joined the previously happy ones. “but Yamaguchi already knows Kei!!!” joy said, as he got up and began to struggle with disgust, grabbing a lever to try to make Tsukishima happy again, but disgust grabbed the yellow emotion’s hand, and instead using it himself, increasing the blonde teen’s shame. “why do you have to ruin it every time Kei wants to enjoy something!!”

  
Disgust’s eyes narrowed, as he pushed joy away from the control again with his long arms. “I am just doing my job!!” the green emotion said, he did wanted Kei to be happy too, but he couldn’t let him go way too soft with anyone, not even Yamaguchi, he wouldn’t let it happen again. Joy once again stood up and tackled disgust to the ground. “I am trying to do my own job too!!!” the yellow emotion yelled, as he rushed to the controls again.

  
“Guys please stop!!!” fear cried out, as she was looking the fight between the two unfold. “anger do something” she said, pointing with her finger at the confrontation.

  
“I don’t think anything will make them stop” anger growled as he looked to the window instead. “I don’t feel like stopping them from beating each other’s asses every day.”

  
“They will never stop arguing over who should take care of Kei…” sadness said, while just sitting down in a sofa, waiting for the inconvenient to end.

Tsukishima’s cheeks flared up as he remembered talking about dinosaurs for so long, we felt himself dying of embarrassment, he looked at anything that wasn’t Yamaguchi in the spot, just being himself around anyone, even with Yamaguchi felt wrong, he preferred to play as the uninterested person to avoid problems, the memory of shame began to infect the other happy memories, making them become green, Yamaguchi wasn’t sure why Tsukishima was acting like this. “Tsukii?” Yamaguchi asked again.

  
“I’m sorry..” Tsukishima replied, turning again towards Yamaguchi, but trying to avoid eye contact. “I was talking way too much about nonsense, I thought I was annoying you.” He looked down, he was too ashamed about himself to look at his friend in the eyes, Yamaguchi nodded at the explanation, but when Tsukii said that he was being annoying, he couldn’t stop himself from laughing, as he clenched his stomach.”

  
“hahahahah- you say that you are being annoying right now?” Yamaguchi chuckled, as Kei and his emotions looked confused, a dimple appeared in Yamaguchi’s cheek, a detail that Tsukishima wasn’t used too. “I really like it when you begin to talk about the things you like, it makes me feel that you trust me enough to be yourself around me.” The freckled boy said, as he stopped laughing, and got close to the taller one. “I don’t think that talking about what you like would be lame or annoying.” The smallest boy put a hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder.

  
The wind began to blow, as it moved Yamaguchi’s bangs in the air, Tsukishima kept looking at Yamaguchi, his bright brown eyes, his skin that was bathed in starts and constellations, his lips that were shaped in a reassuring smile, his sharp jawline… Tsukishima suddenly felt that the room temperature was raising, his shoulder that had Yamaguchi’s hand was burning, as his heart began to bang against his ribcage, making his blush even stronger, “why is the room so hot?” he thought, what was this feeling?  
Tsukishima’s emotions had their sight glued to the screen, by some reason Yamaguchi looked so, handsome?

  
Joy’s eyes didn’t move from their position, as he tried to press a button without looking, but as he pressed one, the whole control panel began to heat up, to which joy quickly removed his hands, and as he did this, an alarm began to make noise in Tsukishima’s head, as flashing lights began to appear in HQ.

“what is this?” disgust said, as he felt the whole place burning. “joy what have you done!!!” he wanted answers, but joy raised his arms. “I did nothing!!!!” the yellow emotion insisted, trying to defend himself as the alarm got louder. “I just pressed a button and now Kei is-“

  
“BLUSHING!!!” fear screamed as she looked like her spirit had left her physical form. “Kei is blushing in front of Yamaguchi!!!” she yelled, as she ran to the controls, pushing joy out of the way. “take us out of here fear!” disgust ordered, looking at the screen, he saw Yamaguchi’s astonished face.

  
Fear quickly tried to move two levers, but they were to hot to even touch, and they suddenly weren’t moving, as the ringing grew stronger, they heard a loud constant thump sound from below. “the controls are frozen!!!” fear said, as she almost collapsed from stress .

  
“What is that sound?” joy said, as they all heard the loud thump sound growing stronger and with a faster pace. “Isn’t that the heart?” sadness remarked. “it’s beating too quickly, that shit’s gonna explode!!” anger exclaimed, searching for a fire extinguisher to prepare for the worst case.

“How do we stop it then?” sadness questioned, as he fell to the floor, victim to the heat. “anyone got any ideas?” disgust frenetically asked the others, as Tsukki remained in a bliss of confusion and a weird tightness in his heart”

  
“Panic!!!” fear suggested, as she pulled her hair, feeling lightheaded from all the commotion. “for once I’m with fear.” Anger said, as everyone inside Kei’s brain began to lose their mind, disgust was left between Tsukishima’s heart beating at an uneven space and the screams of his fellow emotions, blankly staring at the screen. “I regret this” he said as he curled himself in a ball on the floor.

  
Tsukishima was left in an uncomfortable moment, he felt like if his brain had suddenly stopped working for some reason, it was like a combination of many emotions, that he never understood, he felt disoriented, everything in his vision disappeared apart from Yamaguchi, the blonde teen was increasingly confused, and also quite sick as he felt that his heart was about to burst out of his chest, his whole face was left in a bright red flush, Yamaguchi immediately noticed that something was wrong, but taking into account what kei had said earlier, this seemed to be caused by Tsukishima’s embarrassment, that was the only explanation, right?

“do you feel ok Tsukki?” the freckled boy asked.  
“Yamaguchi…” Tsukishima whispered, as he kept looking mindlessly at his friend, why was he looking so good out of the blue?, he quickly picked himself up, shaking his head to clear his head of any weird thought. “can we go now?” he asked, as he tried to hide the blush with his scarf, Yamaguchi was confused, he wanted to see the rest of the dinosaurs, specially the tyrannosaurus, but Tsukishima looked uncomfortable, and he wanted his friend to be ok, so he just nodded.

“,ok Tsukki, do you want me to go to your house?” Yamaguchi asked with concern in his gaze, but Tsukishima shacked his head from one side to the other, it was odd, but he felt that this weird reaction had something to do with Yamaguchi, so he would prefer to avoid him for today at least.

“I don’t need you to come today…” he asked, as he put his headphones on, and sticking out his phone, trying to search for a chill song to relax too. “ok, let’s go home Tsukki.”

  
The two boys exited the park towards their homes, they didn’t talk in this occasion neither, but this time it was more out of Tsukishima’s shame, he kept wondering what had just happened, finally the two arrived to the street that separated their ways, Yamaguchi weaved his hands to say goodbye, and the blonde one did the same, as Yamaguchi left to his own house, Tsukishima sighted, at least his heart didn’t felt like if it was having an arrest, but he still felt hot for some reason, he could still feel the flush in his face, this sensation was new to him. “what was that” he kept saying to himself.

  
A yellow with purple memory rolled in to join with the others, as the emotion finally managed to calm down, they were still impacted for what had just happened. Disgust looked at the yellow and purple memory, those two emotions combined in one orb. “disgust…” fear questioned, as she looked at the newly formed memory, disgust clenched his fists, they would find the one responsible for this crisis.  
“This calls for an emergency meeting.”

\-------------------------------

  
The blonde teen had finally arrived to his house, as he took off his shoes, he could smell from their living room that his mother and brother were already eating yakisoba for the night, so he quietly got near to the table, greeting his family.

“How was training dear?” his mother asked as she served a portion for her youngest son.

“you look quite tired, more than usual being honest.”  
“Yeah, something’s off” Akiteru complimented, as he was already finishing his meal. “I thought you were going to that exhibition with Yamaguchi, but you came way too quick, do you feel ok?”

  
“Everything is fine” Kei said as he sat in his chair and grabbed his chopsticks. “I did go to exhibition to Yamaguchi, but I was feeling top tired to continue because of training.”

He kept digging in his food, until his mother noticed the bandage in his finger. “did you hurt your fingers?” she asked in a worried tone as she grabbed her son’s finger. “yeah,it was a small injury, but someone put me this bandage and now I am ok.” The blonde teen said, he preferred to avoid talking about certain green haired boy, so he resumed to eat his meal, his family knew that they would never get many answers from him, so for now they preferred to not interfere in the topic any further.

  
Inside Tsukishima’s head, the 5 emotions were sitting in a big couch at the back of headquarters, usually for now they had no need to interfere, so they left Kei without Much surveillance, disgust was the first one to get up, “so, I called this emergency meeting to figure out what everyone was doing before the incident, we can start with fear.” The green emotion said, as he grabbed paper and a pencil.

  
“Well, I was-“ the purple emotion played with her fingers, trying to find the right words. “I was busy organizing some documents, when I heard the alarm, I tried to get Kei out, but nothing was working.”  
“me and sadness were just at the back sitting down, we never even touched the controls!!!” anger growled, as he crossed his arms and looked away. “we have nothing to do with this sudden collapse.” Sadness added, as he sighted, letting himself collapse in his seat. “maybe it was something that not even us emotions can control.”

  
“Nah, I think the answer is pretty obvious” disgust said, as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “this is joy’s fault obviously” he said, pointing with his finger at the yellow emotion. “Wait, why me.” The yellow emotion questioned, as he narrowed his eyes.

  
“You were in the controls when the alarms began to activate, whatever happened probably triggered because you pressed something you were not supposed to press.” Disgust exclaimed, as he walked in circles. “so we can all agree that joy should avoid to use the controls at any cost for the moment right?”

  
“But Kei can’t be happy without me!!” joy said as he stood up, with a fearful gaze in his eyes, worried that they others might end up pushing him away more “you can’t push me out, he needs me!!!” but disgust wouldn’t change his stand. “we can’t afford another weird episode of… whatever that was, and is not like there is anything he needs to be happy about now, so it would be best if you don’t press anything.” The green emotion softly said, as he looked to his coworkers searching for approbation, but the 3 emotions sitting in the couch weren’t sure what to say.

  
“Ok, so first of all, that alarm had activated before, but not as loud, without me touching anything.” The yellow being said, as he pointed to the alarm that was inserted in the control panel.

“and second, when that thing happened you were also struggling with me in the controls!!.”

“I was just trying to avoid any problems, you were making him act way to nerdy around Yamaguchi.”

  
“And…there’s a problem with that?” joy rolled his eyes as he crossed his arms.

  
“The problem is that wherever you are in control, apparently Kei loses half of his IQ, you just…make him act like a kid!!” disgust complained, as he walked closer to the yellow emotion. “and I always have to fix YOUR mistakes.”

  
Joy’s eyes narrowed as his face formed an unpleasant frown, clearly not pleased with his coworker’s attitude. “at least I don’ make Kei act like an old man that hasn’t taken his pills”

  
Disgust sighted, as he turned his back to ignore joy, but the yellow being wasn’t done. “you keep making him act all annoyed and distant, for no reason at all!!!”

  
“That is my job, I just keep Kei out of reach of anything unpleasant”

  
“or you rather make him act so distant of others that he has only 1 friend!!!” Joy yelled, he looked like if he wanted to strangle disgust, but the green emotion just ignored him.

“Hm guys…” fear said, as she got up, placing a hand in joy’s back to calm him down. “we shouldn’t be fighting like this, maybe if we see the memory to recall what happened, we can see really who’s at fault.”

  
the yellow emotion sighted, as he began to move to one of the memory shelves that housed the memory, but as he was about to grab it, disgust quickly turned around, with a sudden feeling of dread in his insides. “wait!!! Maybe making Kei recall the memory isn’t a good idea!!” he said, but joy had already touched the memory that housed the embarrassing moment, making it glow with a strong light, to which joy’s eyes widened.

“hmm?” he said, before the memory suddenly fired from the shelf, flying through the air, before landing In the projector, after this, the said machine began to project the memory of Tsukishima Kei suddenly becoming flustered, with his heart about to explode while watching Yamaguchi, inside the teen’s brain.  
Kei all of a sudden remembered what had happened, he remembered how his face was burning red, how he felt lightheaded, “Yamaguchi…” he thought before he accidently almost chocked on his food, his eyes almost popping out of his eye sockets.

“what happened?” Akiteru asked with a slight worry in his tone, to which Kei quickly grabbed a glass of water in the table, taking the liquid in his mouth to try to pass the food that he almost chocked on.

“nothing” he quickly said after swallowing, trying to sound confident with his voice ignoring that his face was turning red once again in front of his family, to which his brother and mother gave each other confused looks.

  
Inside his head, everyone began to freak out once again. “he almost chocked!!!” screamed fear, as she searched in a cabinet for a bag to help her breath. “I’m sorry!!!! I just touched the memory and it suddenly flew to the projector!!!” joy exclaimed, as he tried to escape anger’s constrictive grasp. “you almost killed us!!!” the red emotion yelled, shaking joy’s shoulders, while sadness looked like he was done with life.

  
Disgust quickly shut down the projector, and then extracted the yellow and purple memory, as he looked at the orb, he sighted and turned around. “this has gone to far” he said with a notorious annoyance in his voice, he quickly moved to a cabinet to search for something, until he found a hammer, and as he closed said cabinet, he exclaimed. “we have to get rid of this problematic memory first!!”

  
Joy’s eyes widened, purposely destroying a memory was quite illegal in his book, he tried to grab disgust’s arms to stop him. “I don’t think this is a good idea” he said, but disgust pushed him away, holding the memory with one hand and the hammer with his other arm.

  
“Drastic time always require drastic measures. “ he said as he breathed in, preparing to smash the memory, closing his eyes. He then lifted his arm holding the hammer and in a matter of milliseconds lowered it again, hitting the memory.

  
All the emotions heard a shattering noise, joy only shut his eyes at the noise, trying to no longer look at the situation, but when the green and the yellow emotions opened their eyes, their jaws dropped seeing that the orb was intact.

“what the-“ disgust grunted, before he loudly gasped after seeing that what had actually broken in hundreds of shards was the head of the hammer, only leaving the lower half of the instrument intact, normal memories shouldn’t be able to survive such an impact.

  
Anger’s look sharpened, gritting his teeth before he let out a discontent growl, quickly pushing joy of the way and taking the orb off disgust’s hands. “let me do it!!!” the red emotion said, as he lifted the memory up in his hands, before smashing it against the floor, and unsurprisingly, the memory was intact, leaving a little crater in the surface.

  
Anger’s hair turned on in a spectacle of flames, as he began to shake. “DAMN IT!!!!” he yelled as he threw the memory against a memory shelf, knocking all the memories to the ground, but the problematic memory was still intact.

“JUST SHATTET FOR ONCE!!!” he said as he grabbed the memory once again, throwing it against another shelf, but in his rage he accidently hit joy in the head, knocking him down.

  
“Anger stop!!!” disgust screamed, as he rushed to stop anger, before being knocked out by the memory too, only leaving fear and sadness standing, both immobile, watching as anger basically demolished headquarters throwing the memory against the walls, this was hell.

  
“Sadness stop him please!!!” fear said, as she was breathing in and out of her bag, trying to calm herself down, but it wasn’t working.

  
“Nah, too tired for that” sadness softly replied, as he collapsed in the floor, before passing out.

  
“Sadness no!!!!”

\----------------------------------

  
Kei’s head pounded, he felt that someone has throwing around his brain the memory that for some reason he had flushed around Yamaguchi, this weird feeling characterized by a high temperature wasn’t going to left him at all, and he began to develop a headache, he decided that it was enough for today, he left some leftover in his plate as he thanked his mother for the meal, and stood up from his seat. “Kei dear, do you feel ok?” his mother asked with concern in her eyes, but he had already put his earphones in his ears, heading to his room.

  
Kei was already in his bedroom, trying to sleep, he didn’t want to think about what had happened earlier, the worst part was that he didn’t know what it was, it felt, kind of good, but at the same time it was a confusing sensation, he wanted something, but he wasn’t sure why, and his brain apparently hated him. Because he kept remembering the embarrassing moment from time to time, at least his headache had calmed down a little, but apparently he still couldn’t sleep.

Suddenly, he heard a notification from his phone, he already knew who it was, he opened the contacts, looking at the photo of a green haired boy.

  
Yamaguchi- hey tsukki!!! Today was so fun!!! It was a good evening, and I got a lot of photos!!! I am sending you some of my favorite moments. ;)-send 2:36 am

  
Then a series of photos began to appear in the notifications, to which Kei scrolled down, Yamaguchi knew how to take his photos, he had a good pulse, only if he wasn’t so nervous during a match, he then glanced at the photo of both of them smiling, they both looked happy, even himself, he wasn’t used to smiling, non in photos non in normal moments.

but something in his head made him smile, around Yamaguchi… he couldn’t avoid to grin at the selfie, but suddenly the memory came back, making his face blush again, and he felt his heart skip a beat.

  
Yamaguchi- I hope you have a good night tsukki!!! :3 and take care of your finger.-sent 2:38am

  
Tsukishima- yeah. -sent 2:39am

  
He didn’t think of anything else, for now, maybe avoiding to think about Yamaguchi was the best for him, he could wait to imagine his soft cheeks and freckles, and his- he preferred to cut the thought. “What is wrong with me” he wondered, removing his glasses, and turning off the lights, leaving his phone in the table nearby, it took him quite a while, but he finally managed to drift to deep sleep.

  
Inside his head, disgust sighted as he saw the screen that had Kei’s vision turn black, meaning that he was no longer conscious, he yawned walking around, checking that all the memories where in their place, it took them quite a while to put them back together, after anger’s little act. (Fear had somehow managed to knock down anger with a baseball bat, they still had no idea where did fear get a bat through)

he also looked at the purple and yellow memory, no matter what they did, the memory wouldn’t disappear, he sighted, as he pressed a button on the floor, making a tube appear out of the ceiling, beginning to suck all the memories out of HQ, sending them to long term memory for later use.  
“Now we pray that Kei forgets this event eventually and the memory fades inside long term” disgust said, looking out of the window, seeing as the different parts of the mind shut down for maintenance.  
“I doubt that happens” joy said, sitting in a chair, holding a bag of ice in his head, to treat the impact of 2 memories hitting his head.

  
“You still won’t touch the console until we figure out what happened” disgust added, as he looked at the buttons and levers at the console, at least that way they wouldn’t have to deal with any other event.  
“what do you think I am going to do” chuckled joy, looking at the window too. “making Kei fall in love with Yamaguchi?”

  
“That’s an impossible scenario.” Disgust quickly replied. “there’s no way that any of what happened today is connected to romantic feelings, it wouldn’t make sense “

  
“Hmm… if you say so”

  
Disgust sighted as he headed to his room, leaving joy in the room, the thought of this being connected to romantic feelings was just ridiculous, it was probably an organic dysfunction of the brain, nothing that a night of sleep could solve.

  
“There’s no way this is love”


	2. Memory review

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kei's emotions decide to make a review of tsukishima's life alongside yamaguchi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hello everyone!!  
> I know I took a while to update, in fact, this chapter was supposed to be longer, but I had to edit a lot, I think I will update every 2 to 3 weeks.
> 
> Also I wanted to mention that this chapters has mentions of a wet dream at the beggining, but we never reach an explicit territory 
> 
> Also I needed to add that this chapter deviates from chap 1, I needed this chapter to set up the future plot points, so in chap 3 we go back to kei's pov
> 
> Good reading!!!

Chap 2. Memory review.

There’s no way this is love.

  
That was the statement that disgust had made a few hours ago, after talking with joy, he had reached the conclussion that what had happened between kei and yamaguchi before was probably product of some error in the brain, maybe not enough sleep?  
Is not like if kei was a heavy sleeper, he often stood a lot of days doing extra homework, studying, or watching some movie until unholy hours, and this was already affecting disgust’s job, none of his fellow emotions got enough rest for the next day (probably explaining kei’s grumptyness)  
And lack of sleep even affected the memory recollection and organization in the long term memory, so maybe… today was an accident produced by a lack of sleep? Disgust was no longer sure, the panel overheating, all those alarms, that unbreakable memory, none of this was normal, he suddenly considered what joy had said, while he laid in his bed, trying to fall asleep.

  
“what do you think I am going to do, making Kei fall in love with Yamaguchi”

  
No

  
It can’t be  
He couldn’t stand it anymore, he knew that this incident can’t be related to love, or something as cheesy as that, is not like love could even made sense, specially between two boys? He had a lot of questions, disgust only knew one thing, even if it wasn’t love, he had to find out what had happened today, what if this was some kind of medical condition that affected the brain?.

What if Kei had caught some weird disease, that somehow manifested when he was near his best friend?

  
The green emotion tried to ignore the question he had in his head, and got out of his bed, still wearing his sweater from before, he then grabbed his chair and sat in front of his desk, reaching for a book in one of the shelves. “Which one is it?” disgust thought, as he looked at all the volumes of mind manuals, texts that taught the emotions how to perform their job, as well as containing basic information of how the mind worked, disgust thought that it was the best idea to read this manuals to find if one of them talked about today’s events, he then remembered something, he recalled a little alarm shaped like a heart, placed in the control panel, that alarm had activated before the whole debacle started, so maybe searching on info of what that alarm indicated was would be the best option.

  
The first volumes talked about the functions of the 5 main emotions on their host, and on what they were supposed to do, disgust quickly passed over those pages, he knew that joy was basically annoying, anger kept things fair for Kei, fear kept him safe, and sadness… he wasn’t sure about what was the purpose of the blue emotion, but he didn’t bother to search, sadness never touched the panel during the crisis, so it probably wasn’t related to him. So he kept scrolling through the pages of the manual.

  
He reached a volume that was mostly about problems with the mind and how to deal with them, the possibility of this being a mental disorder was quite frightening to disgust, “Kei is maybe a little too young to have some kind of mental problem, right? “ he wondered, as he began to study each disorder.  
he passed through chapters that talked about disorders like ADHD or autism, and other chapters that talked about how to deal with diseases like Parkinson or Alzheimer, as he reviewed the symptoms, it was clear that it wasn’t a disease, by one point this made disgust exhale in relieve, but he still had no idea of what had happened to Kei, he quickly glanced through the last chapters that talked about how to deal with more normal, but non the less complicated problems, how to deal with anxiety, how to manage a panic attack, how to step up to an emotional shutdown, anyway, stuff that meant nothing to disgust. “nonsense” he whispered as he closed the book too.

He still hadn’t found anything, he then reached for one lf the last books in his shelf.

  
“Management of the console” was the title of the book, disgust’s eyebrows elevated, as he looked with curiosity at the book, he had probably read this one before a couple of times before, to deal with Kei’s growing and reaching puberty, but disgust also considered the possibility of it being useless info. The green emotion sighted and began to look through the pages, he quickly saw that it was about the development lf the console, and how it expanded across time to have a more diverse control of the host as it developed, disgust rolled his eyes as he was about to close the book, but he managed to see in one of the graphics an illustration of the actual console, or the fourth model as it was stared in the illustration, a detail that didn’t escape disgust’s sight, he then opened the book completely to see that the illustration had a detailed diagram of the console, with arrows pointing all directions to explain what every level or button did to Kei’s mood when he was awake, disgust quickly realized that this could be useful, so he began to scan the page to look for the little alarm that was placed in the controls, he finally found it.

  
The alarm was at the bottom left of the illustration, the arrow pointed to a text box that said. “attraction alarm”

  
attraction?” disgust’s eyes widened, as he quietly gasped, that term couldn’t be right, maybe something outside was triggering this, anyone except Yamaguchi… disgust kept reading, but in parenthesis it said that. “further explanation of the button at volume 13.

  
Volume 13… disgust thought for a moment, he looked towards the shelves to look where the book was, but between the mind manuals 12 and 14, there was a gap, the green emotion was stroked with realization as he remembered that that volume wasn’t in his room, he finally recalled that some days ago, he was so fed up of watching the practices and volleyball drills through Tsukishima’s vision that he decided to read that specific volume instead to pass time, disgust groaned, as he got up and began to walk towards the door.

“I’m supposed to be the organized one…” he thought as he opened the door, entering a hallway that connected the emotion’s dorms with the control room, he had planned to quickly sneak to the room and grab the book from a table, and go back, but just the prospect of walking made his legs cramp. “ why am I like this”

  
he finally made it to the control room, naturally, since Kei was sleeping, there was no light source to see clearly in the darkness of the inactive mind, at least disgust had a basic idea of where the book was, but as he slowly walked with little step, he slipped with a memory that was lying on the floor, making him collapse, falling head first of course, disgust just closed his eyes, his head already hurt from the day before, and now this, and as he recovered his balance, he heard a faint voice coming from somewhere in the room.

  
As he got a better understanding of his surroundings, he could see that there were lots of memory orbs scattered across the room, disgust rolled his eyes, he had made sure that all the memories were organized before sending them to long term, so this disorder had no explanation, unless.

  
“Disgust?” the yellow emotion asked, as he cut through the darkness, getting near his green crewmate. “why are you up this late?” the green emotion tried to adjust his vision to see joy more clearly, but his eyes still didn’t work quite a bit. “I- I couldn’t sleep…. Wait, why are you up so late too?” the green emotion asked in a demanding tone, to which joy only chuckled.

  
“Don’t you remember? You said I had full control over Kei during REM sleep, and here I am!!” he jokingly said, as he sat in a chair near the control panel, to which disgust only tsked in response, apparently Kei had gotten this habit of him. “what I said earlier was a joke genius.” Disgust groaned, buy joy didn’t change his bright expression.

  
“You should try to make better jokes then disgust.” The yellow emotion said, to which disgust only cringed in the inside considering the possibility that his jokes were truly worse than joy’s. “what I was really doing at first was dream duty.” Joy said, this job was fairly simple, they monitored the dream, and if it got way too realistic, they could end the dream or directly wake up Kei from the inside.

  
Disgust looked up to the screen that was supposed to be projecting the dream at this hour, but there was nothing in said screen, he then glanced down at joy once again. “but… there’s nothing at the screen.” He questioned, to which joy sighted. “Yea… I had to disconnect the dream.”

  
disgust looked surprised, but his expression quickly morphed into one of confusion and anger. “why would you do that, did Kei had a nightmare again about… I don’t know, being abandoned in a dinosaur park or something?” But joy only shook his head, in a sign of negation. “I wouldn’t call it a nightmare, it was more like an.. exotic dream.”

  
disgust only managed to twist his face. “e-xotic?” what had joy done this time he wondered.  
“yea, it all was normal, it started with Yamaguchi and Kei watching a movie in our house, everything normal.” joy began to rant, to which disgust only nodded, the world “exotic” was still quite weird. “But then Yamaguchi began to turn quite red, and he said something else, and Kei got all flustered and all.”  
“And…..” disgust asked, he really stopped the dream only for that? Maybe to avoid Kei from reliving what happened today?, but he doubted it, he just grabbed a cup of coffee from the sink and began to drink some of the leftover

  
“And then they began to kiss”

  
Disgust almost drowned in the coffee when he heard the word kiss, letting his mug fall to the ground, breaking in a lot of fragments. “WHAT??” he almost screamed, still containing himself cause it was about 3am in the morning.

  
“Yeah, and then Yamaguchi began to kiss kei’s neck, and they began to cuddle and” joy kept describing in vivid detail every blasphemy that Kei’s brain had created to make a dream, someone from dream production was getting fired for sure, disgust’s eyes only grew bigger with how graphic joy made the thing to be.

  
“And then Yamaguchi reached Kei’s pant-“ joy almost said, but disgust just covered the yellow being’s mouth, at the Berge of a collapse. “what… the hell was that dream” disgust cried out, he then let go of joy and began to walk in circles, beginning to overthink any reasoning behind this dream. “why would Kei even dream about this kind of stuff? Is the brain really that wired off from lack of sleep? Maybe a fever?” disgust began to think of every scenario, tending to the worse, to which joy only glanced, trying not to laugh

  
“What if Kei caught meningitis..” disgust said, making joy lose it, breaking into an uncontrolled laughter. “my god!!! You sound like mom right now!!!” he kept laughing, leaving disgust in a confused state. “don’t worry, I shut down that dream before it got.. explicit, so we’ll never know how it ended, I wonder if they would have-“ a hand once again got placed in his mouth.

  
“No” disgust softly said, trying to keep his derailing thoughts together. “just no” he said, before he let go of joy and began to overthink once again. “what does this kind of dream even mean? Why would he even be dreaming about… kissing and… cuddling his best friend.” The green emotion was now the one ranting, as joy listened.

  
“well, I wonder” the yellow emotion said, as he looked at the heart shaped alarm in the control panel. “what if Kei is in love with Yamaguchi?”  
Love

  
Disgust couldn’t grasp that concept, it just didn’t made sense in his book, nothing in his 16 years of existence helping Kei would prepare him for such a scenario. “no… it can’t be, is probably something else.” Disgust said, looking away, trying to avoid any eye contact with joy. “Something more…normal”  
Joy’s cocky smile disappeared, as he looked at his crewmate. “does it bug you that they are both guys?” he asked, expecting an answer, but disgust kept looking away. “or because they are best friends?”  
Still no response. Joy only scratched his head, trying to find good words. “ I mean, that is just my theory, I do remember through that this alarm activates from time to time when Yamaguchi is nearby. The yellow emotion pointed to the heart shaped alarm in the console. “but I wanted to remember some of this said interactions, and how they started, so I was reviewing some old memories of Yamaguchi and Tsukishima.

  
“so that’s what you did after the dream.” Disgust quietly asked, to which joy nodded in agreement. “wanna see some of this memories, is also good to remember better times right?” joy said, as he remembered how things once were, when he and disgust had the same control over Kei, before that day…

  
Disgust wondered if watching memories was a good idea, by one part, he wanted to search for the volume he was looking for, but investigating other memories to see if there are any unexplained romantic tensions seemed a good course of action, and just watching good old times was nice for him time to time.

He quietly grabbed a chair and sit along joy, looking at the screen. “so, with what memory should we start?.” The yellow emotion said. “I would want to as far as possible, even the day Kei was born!!” joy yelled, but disgust rolled his eyes once again.  
“I doubt Kei can remember his birth.”

  
“But WE can” joy chuckled, as he tried to remember how it was the first time he began to exist.  
“Yea…” disgust said, smiling a little for s second before closing his eyes, remembering the day he was assigned to be part of Tsukishima Kei, to protect him.

\------------------------------------

Darkness  
That was the first thing disgust could think of, he had apparently started to exist a second ago, suddenly everything had shifted from emptiness to… more emptiness, but now he was aware of his own existence.

  
The green emotion opened his eyes, to see that he was standing in an empty space, no walls, no ceiling, no…floor? He was somehow walking in nothing. The feeling of emptiness soon filled the green emotion, where was he?, who created him?. “what is this” he quietly asked to himself.

  
Suddenly a giggle came from somewhere in this emptiness, a continuous laugh plagued disgust’s ears, to which he tried to cover them, but the laugh kept getting stronger, and as it kept growing louder, a yellow light began to manifest in front of disgust.

  
“What are you!!!” the green emotion yelled at the light, but he got no response, instead, a humanoid being jumped out of the orb of light that had formed, colliding with disgust, making them both fall in this “floor” (even through there was nothing solid, they somehow managed to stand up) disgust almost hit his head, but the yellow emotion grabbed him before that happened, before giggling again.

  
“I’m so excited to meet you!!” joy said, as he helped disgust stand up, just before the green being frowned and tried to take his posture again. “what are you supposed to be?” disgust questioned, quickly pointing at the yellow being, which only giggled even more. “I am joy!!!” said explosive emotion cheered, extending his hand to the green being. “and you must be disgust right?” but disgust didn’t offer his hand, at least the name “disgust” somehow resonated inside the green emotion.

  
“Yeah..I guess I am disgust” he said, while stuffing his hands in his pockets, looking around the surroundings, yup, still nothingness. “so… what are we supposed to do?” Disgust tried to ask, but joy apparently didn’t know neither.

“I don’t really know, I kind of just… started existing, like woosh!” the yellow emotion cheered again, flipping his hands in excitement, giggling a little while remembering how a few moments there was nothing, and now he existed, disgust only groaned, suddenly, a few moments later a light began to shine around the two emotions, forcing them to cover their eyes, disgust wasn’t sure, but somehow, he could hear a voice coming from somewhere, when the light stopped shining, disgust opened his eyes again, in the most part, they still remained in a total nothingness, but now there was a big white button in a pillar near where they were standing, and there was also a screen. Joy gasped at the new implements they had, he then rushed to see the screen more in detail.

“Hey disgust!! Look at this, isn’t it cool?” disgust slowly approached. He looked down at the big button, he had an urge to press it, but at the same time he didn’t want to risk and see what would happen.

  
After that, the screen that stood above the two beings began to glow, showing an image, disgust couldn’t make up what it was, but he managed to see a humanoid being at the other side of the screen.  
“look Mom!!! He’s opening his eyes!!” a voice called from somewhere else, and as the screen became more visible, joy could make up that they were looking up to a little boy with brown hair, with a wide smile in his face.

“what is that?” disgust pointed at the screen, terrified of the weird creature that they were seeing, but joy was only looking at it, amazed to see another weird being. “amazing” the yellow emotion said.  
“hello Kei!!!” the little boy said, joy could tell that he was holding something in his little arms. “I am Akiteru, your big brother, and I promise to take care of you!!” he said, as apparently he got closer to wherever joy and disgust where. “welcome to the world.”

  
“What is a Kei?” disgust asked to joy, but the yellow being only shook his head, showing that he had no clear answer either, both emotions unaware that they were assigned to be the emotion of the new baby, Tsukishima Kei, and that they were in his head, looking through his little eyes with the screen they had. Joy looked down again, seeing the big white button, he had the urge to press it, putting his little hands on top of it.

“what do you think this thing does?” he asked to his green new friend, but disgust quickly approached, trying to convince him not to press it. “wait!! We don’t know what it will do!!” But it was too late, joy pressed the button, turning it a bright yellow in an instant, and so, they heard a little giggle coming from somewhere.

“mom!!! Isn’t he cute!!!” the boy outside said, as he began to hold the baby he had between his hands closer, joy’s lips turned into a smile, by some reason the whole scenario was so happy, but for disgust, the sound of giggling was kind of annoying, they then heard a clank, as a yellow orb appeared from the screen, sliding through a pipe, until it stopped into a shelf, disgust quickly grabbed the orb, and when he extended his arms to touch it, the moment from before began to play inside the orb, a memory orb to say, joy also joined to see what was created, both said “woah” slowly, joy grabbed the memory quickly and began to replay the moment over and over.

  
while disgust looked over to the white button, temptation tainting his head, he slowly got near the button, and pressed it with his fragile arm, and said button changed from a bright yellow to a soft lime color, and the giggling from before was replaced with a sob, another sob, and suddenly they were both surrounded by crying, disgust panicked, removing his hand from the button.

  
“M-mom?” Akiteru nervously asked, apparently at the verge of crying with the baby he was holding. “why is Kei crying? Did I do something bad” he asked, almost panicking, the mother slowly grabbed the baby off Akiteru’s arms and wrapped him in some covers, she smiled slightly, still in the hospital bed.

“You did nothing wrong Aki.” She said, as she looked down at Kei. “he was probably cold, nothing a few covers can’t solve.” And apparently it was true, Kei stopped crying and lazily closed his eyes, leaving his emotions in darkness, at least Akiteru began to smile again, feeling relieved.

  
Inside Kei’s head, disgust was completely confused, while a memory popped out of the screen too, joy ignoring the previous situation walked to the shelf, leaving the yellow orb aside, and picking the new green orb. “disgust!! Look” the yellow emotion said, snapping disgust from his panicked state. “You can also create this weird orb thingies, and is green!! Just like you.”

  
Disgust got near, to contemplate his apparent creation, but everything was weird, a few moments ago there was absolutely nothing, and now, he existed out of a sudden, it was a lot to take in. “I don’t understand…” he softly said, squeezing the fabric of his jacket. “ I don’t understand any of this.

  
Joy’s glance stopped being a happy one for a few seconds, but he got together again, and softly smiled, to try and comfort the panicking green emotion. “I don’t understand neither, but if we cooperate, we can adapt and understand better!!!” he cheerfully said, extending his arm to give the green emotion a handshake.

“we can be friends!!”

  
The other emotion thought for a moment, before giving in, extending his hand, both handshaking each other, it was weird, everything was, but at least they weren’t alone in this emptiness. “what is the worst thing that can happen?” those were disgust’s thoughts.

\----------------------------------------

The sun was shining brightly in the sky of late fall, some leaves already falling off their respective trees, everyone moving from one store to the next one, getting ready for the oncoming weather, meanwhile, a blonde kid was walking towards his house from school, only wearing a purple hoodie and blue jeans, with his backpack in his side of course, Tsukishima Kei was mainly busy thinking on his plans for today, probably trying to pass that level of his new game, or playing with his dinosaurs, is not like if he had friends or someone to tell him not to.

  
Inside his head, joy and Disgust were still looking as their boy walked towards his home, paying attention to anything that had to be done, meanwhile in the back, 3 other emotions were talking about something completely different 

  
“Today we can do it “ said anger in a determined manner, lifting his fist up in the air. “today we will defeat the last level of Mario 64!! We already got everything planned.” 

  
“ehh..m I doubt that can work.” Sighted sadness, while he flopped to the floor once again, as always. “that last level is way too hard for us.” But anger ignored his answer for a moment. “maybe we should ask akiteru to finish the level for us…”the blue being sighted for the millionth time, but anger wouldn’t take that as a possibility.

“hell no!!!, it took us 2 weeks to pass it completely, this should be Kei’s achievement, not Akiteru’s!!!” he angrily yelled, making sadness lean against the floor harder.

“but .. Kei still has math homework to do!!!” said fear, as she interrupted the other two emotions. “he has to end his homework first before any game… I don’t want his teacher to scold him..”

  
Anger huffed. “you are no fun.”

  
Sadness only slowly nodded, to confirm anger’s statement with his head, still in the floor, joy gave a small chuckle as he looked at the occurrences of his coworkers, the mind had already expanded from the nothingness that it once was, and everyday was a good day for him, Akiteru always being there for Kei, wherever in volleyball, in math problems, even in videogames from time to time!!! Joy felt relieved that he could do his job to keep Kei happy most of the time, at least in home.

While when the blonde kid was in school, his green emotion took over, with disgust in the controls, Kei always kept his distance off weird kids, or anything annoying, at that point, joy and disgust had achieved a “healthy” accommodation of time regarding who should be controlling Kei, it had it’s weird moments, but it was a good relation non the less .

  
Joy turned around to see the screen, to witness what Kei was seeing, ever since the blonde one had developed some need for glasses, the images weren’t as high definition as they once were, but it still did ok.

  
“nothing important today?” asked disgust, as he was seating in his favorite chair, reading the volume 13 of the mind manuals, just to pass the time if he were to be honest.

“nope” joy chuckled, as he kept holding the two levers with a strong grip, leaving the console yellow, while the memory of a catchy pop song was blasting from the projector, making Kei hum to the lyrics a little, he had gotten 85 points in his quiz today, and the current topic was fairly easy, so he was happily minding his own business, no mayor worry, until he heard a group of people somewhere, apparently a group of kids of his age, making him interested.

  
“Seems that someone is fighting…” disgust said, with an uninterested tone, is not like if he was interested in mindless fighting, is not like Kei was an aggressive person, but the red emotion’s eyes fired up. “well this will get interesting!” he cheerfully said, with a grin in his face “of course the anger would be amused of seeing two kids beating up each other.” Disgust thought, as he sighted. “we should stay away from that being honest…” complemented fear, but before they could do anything, Kei was already walking to the site of the fight, but the sight they got was different from what they had originally expected.

  
In reality, Kei saw that a group of 3 kids were throwing their bags upon a smaller freckled boy, and then throwing said kid to the ground. “your body is so weak you know!!” one of the kids said, as he dropped his bag in the green haired boy, leaving a small bruise in his cheek. “for now just carry our bags can you?” but the smaller one just began to sob, with tears slowly building up in eyes.

  
“He cries to easily right?”

  
“Such a crybaby!”

  
Kei just quietly looked from afar, he wasn’t sure what to do, he expected to see some interesting fight, not a case of bullying, and inside his head, his anger’s smile disappeared, as he began to frown pointing at the screen. “The hell? This isn’t a fight, they are beating the little kid up!!” he clenched his red fists, already feeling like hitting something. “fighting and beating up isn’t the same?” questioned disgust, as he rolled his eyes, annoyed from his coworker’s attitude.  
“It’s not!!” yelled anger, as he grabbed the controls, making the blonde kid annoyed, seeing those stupid guys beat up a clearly weaker one.

“fights are supposed to be equal so that anyone can win, but this is completely unfair to the little kid there, we should stop this!!” he kept ranting, ready to use the newly installed curse word dictionary, he was dying to use those curse words they learned from Akiteru.

  
“Wait anger!!!” fear insisted, trying to separate the red emotion from the controls. “we don’t have weapons, and those kids are armed!!!” she freaked out, pressing a button, and making Kei step back for a moment to consider his actions. “but they only have a stick through.” Sadness quietly said, still squeezed in the ground.

  
“Oh well” anger passionately said, cracking his knuckles. “we can shove that stick of theirs were the sun doesn’t shine you know?” the other emotions almost gasped at such a felony. Joy was the first one to stop anger from making Kei do something stupid. “but anger… Kei is a lot taller and stronger than those 3 kids” the yellow emotion called, holding anger’s hands to pull him far from the controls. “beating them up would kind of be unfair to them in a way right?” anger huffed as he took a deep breath, what joy said was true, he would be left as an hypocrite probably, but he still wasn’t satisfied.

“fine… but those 3 kids still need to be scolded or something!!” he yelled once again, but this time on a more restrained tone.

  
The yellow emotion suggested something. “hey disgust, wanna take care of this?” at the end, disgust was basically a toned down version of anger, so he could be useful in times like this. “fine, I’ll do something.” The green emotion responded as he quickly stepped in, pulling a lever in the console, filling Kei with more annoyance, the blonde one felt that something had to be done, he walked towards the bullies, seeing more clearly as the three kids were probably preparing to beat the little one even further, he though that just hitting them would be a loss of time, maybe saying something instead to stop them would work, so he searched in his memory for a fitting insult for this situation.  
“How lame.” Kei said, with a grin in his pale face, looking judgmentally at them

  
The four kids quickly glanced at the bigger one, everyone confused at what had just happened, the emotion were also looking in the same confusion at disgust, who had a slightly proud smile, at least the smaller one had stopped crying.

  
The three kids stopped their plan on beating the freckled one up, and instead began to leave out of pure embarrassment, Kei was content with what he had done, walking away from the park, while the green haired kid looked at him with surprise, mixed with a glimpse of fascination.

  
“That seriously worked huh” joy said, still impacted at the fact that 2 words, 7 letters could stop a bullying case. “of course it worked.” The green emotion replied in a proud manner, as he pressed another button. “now we can go home” but joy quickly pressed a the same button, making Kei doubt and turn his head around, seeing that the kid was still in the ground. “but…shouldn’t we say something to him first, like… “are you ok”?” the yellow emotion mentioned, looking at disgust with worry.

“joy… we have homework and a game to finish, we can do that later if we see him again.” Disgust said, as Kei quickly stopped looking at the freckled boy in the ground, it was stupid that someone would get bullied just for having freckles in their face. “they don’t even look bad” the blonde one said to himself, but for now, he didn’t want to think of that, slowly walking to his house.

  
“Ok… we’ll leave him there I guess” joy said, with a little disappointment in his eyes, but while he looked down to see the controls, he saw that a small alarm in the shape on a heart began to shine for a second. “what?” he said for a moment, but the alarm shut down immediately after.

  
“Something happened?” fear asked.

  
“…no” joy said, as he had no proof of said alarm turning on, it was probably nothing.”

\---------------------------------

A few days later, Kei was heading for volleyball practice, after a few practice blockings with his brother, he felt quite determined to practice more, who knows, maybe one day in high school he could be a regular even? It always gave him a lot of doubts thinking of the uncertain, but at the end he tried to keep pushing forward,

meanwhile inside his head, joy was watching the islands of personality working to make sure they were in optimal conditions, for the moment Volleyball island was the most active one, the yellow motion quickly pushed a button in the memory container that saved the core memories, opening it, to reveal the said core memories that powered Kei’s personality.

joy proudly looked at the memory that powered volleyball island, the record was basically the first time that Kei managed to block his older brother, Akiteru was in a way holding himself back naturally, but for Kei it was the moment that hooked him to volleyball, creating the bright core memory, joy kept contemplating it, but he knew that it was forbidden for them to temper with the core memories, so he pressed the button again to close the container, and quickly ran to the main controls, where disgust was monitoring Kei’s day in school and practice in pair with their agreement.

  
“How is it for now? Joy asked with a calm voice, fidgeting with his fingers. “Nothing bad for now” disgust replied with a monotone voice. But as Kei entered the gym and greeted the team, he heard a little yelp from behind, catching his attention, and for his surprise, a green haired kid with freckles was nervously standing behind him, looking like if he was about to die.

  
“Who is that?” disgust questioned, the other emotions walked to the controls to see what had happened, but apparently no one remembered. “I… don’t remember” fear exclaimed, the freckled guy gave a reverence to show respect for some reason and said. “thank you for the other day!!”

  
“Who are you?” said Kei, perfectly calm, but still unable to recall who this person was, leaving the smaller one in a confused scenario, but by actually remembering the voice, joy noticed who that person was, he quickly typed the location of said memory in a search bar in the console, and when he hit enter, a memory appeared in headquarters from long term, projecting in the screen what had happened that day. “oh yeah!! I remember him.” Said anger, who apparently hadn’t recovered from the last hours of playing that last level.

  
“Oh yea… you, I remember now” Tsukishima said, as Yamaguchi calmed down a little knowing that someone hadn’t forgotten about him at least. “and why are you here?” The blonde one asked.

  
“Well…I- what happened is that..” the little one began to mumble, his nerves while he was trying to communicate with his savior were crushing his brain, so only gibberish came out of his mouth, Kei only waited for a normal understandable response. “He’s taking kind of long..” disgust said, also waiting for a statement. “I wanted to participate in a sport, but… there are lots of scary people there, so I thought volleyball was a safe option.”

  
Kei thought for a moment what to say, we in a way wanted to make the little one feel better, but he didn’t want to sound corny or weird. “should we say something?” mumbled fear, insecure as always of the outcome. “maybe… ask his name first?” disgust sighted, as everyone realized that they didn’t know the kid’s name.

  
“And your name is….” Tsukishima said, as he stuffed his hands in his pockets. The freckled child freaked out for a moment, but when he thought for a moment, he realized that it was only a normal question. “I-I am Yamaguchi Tadashi!!, but… what is your name too?” the green haired boy asked nervously, he kind of wished that he had friends to practice basic social interaction, but that was only a fantasy.

  
“I am Tsukishima Kei” the blonde one answered with apparent indifference, but that only caused Yamaguchi to gasp.

“you.. you are a Tsukishima, that means you are brother of Akiteru!!! He was an ace in his school a few years ago!!!” Yamaguchi cheered, moving his hands up and down embedded with excitement, causing Tsukishima to feel confused and flustered, is not like he received compliments that much, wherever towards him or his brother.

  
“Maybe we can mention him more…” joy said, as he pressed a button in the console to help Kei speak more, the others just watched frozen in their places, insecure of the little one’s proximity. “well- he still plays in Karasuno as an ace through” Kei awkwardly said, scratching the back of his head, but with a slight smile in his face. Yamaguchi’s eyes filled with light and amusement, he thought that Kei would probably be as good as his brother.

“that’s amazing!!!” he cheered. “I- can you teach me a few things about volleyball then?” he wanted to ask in a confident tone, but what came out was a insecure question, “god he was a disaster” Yamaguchi thought thought, as he looked down after the question.

  
Joy quickly tried to press the button, as well as disgust, the yellow one wanted Kei to teach Yamaguchi all about volleyball, but the green one was insecure, if Kei had enough talent to be able to teach others, and since the two pressed the button at the same time, Kei received both emotion’s input, making him more indecisive, and even embarrassed, as his cheeks turned red up with both pride and shame, but he finally took a decision.

“of course… I can teach you a few things, so enter if you feel like it”  
Yamaguchi almost exploded from cheer, as he rushed inside the gym, excited of course for having a sempai. (even if they were the same age.) So he also bowed towards the tallest one.

“thank you so much Tsukki”

  
“Don’t call me like that”

  
“I’m sorry… Tsukishima” Yamaguchi said, he preferred Tsukki, but if the big one didn’t agree on such, no point on calling him like that, but personally, Kei’s joy kinda liked that name, weirdly enough, the same alarm for before turned on, but everyone seemed to ignore it.

  
“Are you sure about this joy?” disgust questioned, as he removed his hand from the controls, “ Kei never had someone that followed him” but joy chuckled. “I think it will” he said, as he grabbed the levers in the console, making Kei smile a little. “Imagine if they become friends!!”

\------------------------

A few weeks had gone by, Tsukishima’s days were pretty much normal, except for one thing, apparently he had developed some kind of weird tumor perhaps, or a curse perhaps, in the form of a kid named Yamaguchi Tadashi, the smaller one began to follow Tsukishima almost everywhere, after that encounter in the gym , Yamaguchi would follow him in lunch breaks, between classes, in practice, in his way home, hell, maybe one day Yamaguchi would follow Tsukishima to the bathroom, a thought that hunted the green emotion, currently watching the screen, holding the controls, while Tsukishima slowly walked in the halls towards his next class, disgust kept simply looking for something in the outside world.

  
“What are ya looking for?” joy asked, as he got near the green emotion, noticing that disgust’s eyes kept scanning the outside world. “I’m just looking for that living strawberry that keeps following us.” Disgust groaned, is not that Yamaguchi was annoying, it was just, weird for Kei , and so for disgust, to have someone following them around. “he almost doesn’t speak at all, he is sometimes…creepy”

  
“Maybe he wants protection.” Fear suggested, as she was looking through some memories from the last few days, grabbing the one that had Tsukishima and Yamaguchi’s fist encounter, and she proceeded to place the memory in the projector, exposing the memory in the screen for everyone to see, and by doing so, making their human remember too. “since we met, Kei has protected Yamaguchi in a few occasions, maybe he feels safe around us?” she said, looking a little sad.

“maybe he feels scared of others, so he searches for someone to protect him” since she was the physical representation of fear, it was understandable for her, disgust sighted, maybe it was right, he hoped that one day he would get used to this.

  
“Tsukishima!!” a voice was heard from outside headquarters, Kei quickly looked around, but he didn’t find anything, until he looked down, seeing Yamaguchi trying to catch his breath. “Something wrong?” Kei asked in a worried but a little annoyed tone.

  
“Tsuki-shima, I.” the freckled one said, as he tried to search something in his little pocket. “I wanted to give you something” he was trying to smile, but it was obvious that anxiety had taken over his brain again, so his hands kept sweating, but Tsukishima’s expression kept being the same, wherever for the best or for the worst, he finally found it, a blue paper that had some gibberish written in it.

“H-ere”

  
Tsukishima took the paper and examined it, maybe the writing wasn’t the best, but it was still understandable.  
……….

-you are invited to my virthday party!!!  
-we’l have strawberry short cake  
-let’s have fun!!  
Direction: street xxxxx cx x  
Number 30 xxx xx xx  
………..  
“A party?” Tsukishima asked, as he reread the invitation, still no change in his expression, Yamaguchi was frozen, he never thought he would be able to give the invitation in the first place, but something in his brain reminded him to breath. (Probably his fear/ anxiety did this) so he took a deep breath, and took a nervous gulp “yeah… I wanted to invite some people to my birthday party- no actually… m-my mother told me that I could invite my classmates, and I wanted to invite…you, yeah” he nervously chuckled, expecting an answer, but Tsukishima kept an oath of silence. he felt like if he was about to die. “do you want to go?”

  
“No” disgust said, as he moved his arm to pull a lever, but joy quickly stopped him. “but disgust, it will be fun!!!”

  
“But there will be loud music, and annoying people, and stupid games… that’s lame” disgust added, as he tried harder to release his hands from joy’s grasp, but this proofed to be pointless.

  
“They have strawberry shortcake!!!”

  
The thought of such a delightful dessert made Tsukishima’s stomach twist, his sweet tooth was showing, disgust thought for a moment, if they went for a slice, gave their cheers and leave, it would be ok, but he did something first, when joy was distracted, he quickly pushed a button in the controls, making Tsukishima break his silence.  
Kei said what first came into hid head   
“Sorry… I am busy for today.”

  
Yamaguchi’s eyes dropped, why did he even think of doing this, is not like someone as cool as Tsukki would come to his lame party, maybe someone else would. “I- I understand… still thanks Tsukishima.” He nervously said, slowly leaving, little tears threatening to start falling. Tsukishima didn’t had the chance to say goodbye.

  
“What was that!!!” joy almost screamed, everyone else confused to the green one’s actions. “I thought you liked strawberry shortcake too!!”

  
Disgust rolled his eyes, displeased with the other one’s comment. “but birthday parties are secret!!! So I suggested Kei to lie, so that when we arrive, Yamaguchi will be surprised, makes sense right?”  
everyone inside Tsukishima’s head face slapped, at least disgust had the spirit, and apparently Kei shared disgust’s train of thought, he would go to the party, greet everyone, give his present-

  
Present

  
“Fuck” the blonde kid said, how could dare he to go to a party for the cake, and not to leave a present, his fear was in shock. “we need a gift”

\---------------------

Kei was sitting in a bench, thinking of a possible gift for Yamaguchi, but there was a problem, he didn’t know Yamaguchi so well, inside his head, his emotions were seated in a circle, with a bunch of idea bulbs in the center, everyone quietly searched for a good idea, until anger took one. “look at this one!!!” he cheerfully said, proudly holding the memory bulb. “we can give him a baseball bat.”  
“Why a baseball bat?, he only plays Volleyball” joy asked, obviously confused. “Well, he could use it to beat up those bullies from some days before!!!” he chuckled, cracking his knuckles.

  
“You’ve gotten quite protecting of him, right anger?” the green emotion teased, to which anger only looked at another way in embarrassment. “besides… I doubt he has enough force to hold such a weapon” the green emotion added, making anger drop out the idea.

  
“Maybe a cream for freckles” fear suggested

  
“Maybe a letter that says. “congrats on surviving” sadness said.

  
But none of those seemed like good ideas, joy meanwhile also kept looking for a good idea, until he found it, buried deep inside the pile of idea bulbs. “I got it!!!” he cheerfully said. “what if we give him a bento box!!! Everyone likes a good balanced meal right?”

  
Everyone agreed on that idea, and since they were in a budget of 0, it was a good deal, even disgust agreed on it, so joy stood up and walked towards the console with the idea bulb, he then inserted the idea in a slot, giving Kei said idea.

“a bento box…” Tsukishima thought, easy to make, delicious and cheap, for his time, it seemed like a good plan, so the idea bulb began to shine, proof of Kei accepting the plan, just thinking of Yamaguchi’s reaction fired up the alarm from some days ago for a second but as he got up, he an his emotions realized something.

  
“I don’t know how to cook.”

\-------------------------------------

“so… why do you need a bento box?” Akiteru asked, as he prepared the ingredients for the food, both him and Kei in the kitchen, but Tsukishima didn’t answer for some time, until he took a deep breath.

“I can’t tell you…” he said, trying to remain calm. (Even if fear was currently panicking in the control to no one’s surprise.) Akiteru chuckled, he was 99% sure that Kei wanted to give it to a friend, but as Kei was, he would be ashamed to admit it, the older brother finished cooking the rice and meat, and the other elements as well, Kei just sat in the table, as the minutes passed, the ambience was becoming kind of heavy for the younger brother, almost no sound was driving him crazy, he wanted to ask Akiteru something, but nothing came to his brain, until joy had an idea, “should we ask him about his final match right?” the yellow emotion suggested, and disgust agreed, Akiteru often avoided this topic, for some reason he didn’t talk as much, so to break the silence, joy pressed a button, giving Kei a suggestion to talk.

“so…can I go to your last game” Kei asked, as he laid in the kitchen’s table, Akiteru froze, to kei’s surprise, a drop of sweat slid in his chin, trying to avoid eye contact with his brother.

“I- you know that I get nervous Kei… sorry but it would be better if you-“

  
“But there are many people there apart from me, why would you be nervous with only me?” Kei questioned, as he looked a little annoyed at his brother’s answer, always the same answer. Inside his head, disgust had taken control naturally, pressing a big button, making the whole control panel green.

“Isn’t it…suspicious that he always avoids that topic??” the green emotion asked, as everyone else looked each other. “I mean- Kei is his brother, so maybe that is extra pressure.” Joy said, as he tried to push disgust out of the way, the green emotion frowned too. “I feel like he’s hiding something…”  
I Just get nervous with my family watching this matches… and… they need their ace in the best condition, right Kei?” Akiteru gave a nervous chuckle, as he finished to pack the bento box for his little brother, Kei then grabbed the bento box from the counter, still feeling doubtful of his brother.

“see? He only gets nervous disgust!! Nothing to make Kei worry about!!!” joy said, as he slowly replaced disgust, taking control of the blonde one once again, making the younger brother cheerfully say goodbye to his brother, who still looked worried about something, disgust just sighted. “joy is right.. I am probably overanalyzing” he thought, fear’s hands shook a little, she also felt that something was wrong, awfully wrong about Akiteru. “I hope he’s ok…” she said, as sadness patted her back.

\----------------------

Kei slowly walked towards Yamaguchi’s house, he was kinda worried naturally, he expected a lot of people in the house, everyone having fun, or something weird like that, everyone sharing their germs… disgust wasn’t pleased, but there would be a strawberry shortcake at the end of the celebration, so he had to remain strong, but weirdly enough, as they got near the freckled boy’s house, there was no music, or laughter, or any sign of someone’s birthday .

“maybe we got the direction wrong!!!” fear freaked out, making Kei carefully take out the invitation to check, but the direction was the same, “this is weird.” The blonde one thought

  
He finally reached his final destination, the Yamaguchi household, it looked like any other house, but it was, awfully quiet, he knocked on the door, one, two times, until a little freckled boy opened the door, his eyes widened seeing Tsukishima in his doorframe.

  
“Tsukishima?” the little one said, Kei noticed that something was wrong, the little one’s usual smile seemed more forced than usual, his eyes didn’t shine like usual, but he seemed to be hiding it, “something’s wrong…” sadness softly said, as an emotion based on empathy, he could detect some stuff that other couldn’t 

  
But Kei tried to ignore this. “can I enter?” he asked, as he tried to hide the bag he had in his hands. Yamaguchi just kept looking at Tsukki for a moment, before he snapped out of whatever he was in, opening the door completely.

“yeah… please enter.”

  
Tsukishima slowly enters the Yamaguchi residence, it was a pretty small house, with the living room decorated with some balloons that had stars drawn in them, and the table at the center had around 9 seats, everything placed for a birthday party, but, there was no one apart from the two boys. “well… this is kinda depressing.” Said disgust, as he looked through Kei’s eyes, absolutely no one here, Kei just stood there awkwardly, and Yamaguchi did the same.

“so… when would the others arrive?” Tsukishima said, trying to break the ice, but Yamaguchi lowered his head, in shame maybe, “I don’t know… I invited over 10 people, but… they haven’t arrived.” He said, trying to avoid eye contact with the blond one, Yamaguchi wanted to disappear from there, but he took a deep breath to try to calm his nerves, and nervously began to search for something to do with Kei, anything to distract his own emotions from making him… do something childish or lame, he had to remain cool around Tsukk-Tsukishima.

  
“Hey um-… you want to play videogames….” The freckled boy said, as he pointed to the sofa, Kei nodded in response, there was something wrong, but none of them wanted to acknowledge it, so Kei left the bag in the kitchen, and sat in the sofa too.

“I wonder what games does he have?” asked joy at the others, he wanted Kei to act more happy around Yamaguchi, but something was off about the atmosphere, did seriously none of the 10 kids show up? What if they just ignored the freckled boy’s party?

  
“Maybe he has earthbound?” anger asked, trying to keep this topic going, but fear flinched at the name. “not that game!!! That was not PG at all, maybe a zelda game could do better?” she suggested, hopefully Yamaguchi had something more chill to play.

  
“Remember that Zelda game where the moon falls and everyone dies?” sadness asked, looking quite active since they arrived. “don’t remind me…” fear responded, still having flashbacks, but their small talk was interrupted when Yamaguchi made a grumpy sound, as he tried to open the battery container of the console controllers placed in a nearby table, since they weren’t working.

“so the batteries ran out of battery?” Kei asked, as he remained seated In the couch, looking a little annoyed. (Disgust had taken control of course) “hahah… yes they did…. “ Yamaguchi said, as he buried his face in his shirt as he sat down again, and none of them wanted to go to the store, so.. no videogames neither.

  
Disgust groaned, he hadn’t signed on for this, no videogames, no books, no chill music (the speakers in Yamaguchi’s house had broken down too) this was a failed birthday party.

“at least we still have the strawberry shortcake!!!” joy said, as he pressed a small button in the console. Making Kei crave for that sweet treat right now. “so…. At least you have a cake right?” the blonde one asked, at least cake was still an option , but Yamaguchi didn’t nod in response.

  
“I don’t know what happened, the guys at the bakery are late… so…no cake neither” Yamaguchi said, trying to sound cheerful, and even funny, but none of them laughed, god he was so stupid, they then just sat there in silence, as the minutes passed, no one else came.

  
“This is just sad right?” Yamaguchi asked, as he looked away, no eye contact, no eye contact, no eye contact, just keep calm, inside Kei’s head, disgust agreed. “Yeah… this is sooo boring, we could have just stayed in our home.” He said as he proceeded to press a button? Filling Kei with boredom, not even strawberry shortcake?.

“Yes it is.” Kei said, while giving a little teasing grin, oblivious of the other’s eyes begging to water  
“Do you- how could this birthday party be better?” Yamaguchi asked, as he stuffed his face in his shirt again, trying to avoid any tears. “I guess… if you had more friends?” Kei said in a monotone voice.

Yamaguchi couldn’t keep a smile anymore; why was he so miserable, a muffled sob escaped from his little mouth, catching Tsukishima’s attention. “you-u you are right.” Yamaguchi cried out, as he couldn’t keep his tears from falling. “no one -likes me at-at all…” just knowing that no one basically cared for his special day, and the only one who came was apparently annoyed by him, he was so miserable. “I’m so -bad for others. I”

  
Kei was frozen, he knew that he had messed up, it was never his intention to make Yamaguchi cry, god he was awful. “look at what you’ve done!!!” anger yelled, pointing at the screen, everyone seeing that Yamaguchi was hugging his legs, as his sobs and hiccups turned into crying.

“but … what Kei said is true.” Disgust said, but he soon realized that what Kei said was not a good thing to say, specially in this moment, and since he had been controlling that moment, it was in a way his fault, joy wanted to take control, but he didn’t know how to cheer Yamaguchi up, maybe he was really in a bad situation right now.

  
“Can I try?” the blue emotion said, sadness looked more determined than before, everyone was in shock, this was new, but being honest, no one knew what to do, so they let the blue emotion take complete control over Kei, so sadness slowly approached the console. He knew what he was doing, he placed his little index finger against one of the smallest button, and softly pressed it, filling the console with a blue light.

  
Sadness’s actions made Tsukishima feel something else, guilt, how could he say something like that? He often forgot about other people’s feelings, always ending up in this kind of scenarios, he felt a tightness in his heart, but he wasn’t sure what to do, just ignoring as Yamaguchi kept crying.

  
“Do-do you think I’m ugly?” Yamaguchi tried to say between sobs, maybe that was the reason why no one wanted to be with him, apart from his lame interests, and his insecurity, and his weakness, and his breakdowns and his-

  
“Do you talk about…. What happened the other day in the park?” said Kei, trying to understand better the situation, and the freckled boy just nodded in response.

“they say- I- that my freckles are ugly too-… I guess that that is one of- the reasons w-why no one lik-likes me… right?” Yamaguchi mourned, but also trying to laugh at the situation to make himself feel better, but this wasn’t working, Tsukishima only frowned.

“lame.” He softly said, shocking Yamaguchi.

  
“W-what” Yamaguchi asked, as he tried to wipe away his tears, while Tsukishima crossed his arms, as he made a tsk sound. “those people I mean, I guess they need glasses more than me.” The blond one chuckled, making Yamaguchi more confused, at least that distracted him from his crying, that slowly declined.

  
“What do you- do you mean?”

  
“There’s nothing wrong with your face Yamaguchi, those people just don’t like cool things, so they are lame, right.” The blonde kid said, trying to support the freckled boy. “do you think my freckles are cool??” Yamaguchi asked surprised, pointing at his own face.

“of course, is like… if you had a lot of constellations in your face.” Tsukishima awkwardly said, now that he examined the other’s face, that was still kind lf wet thanks to the crying, he could even identify some real constellations, this was either a big coincidence, or Yamaguchi was an incarnation of a star god, wait, that’s way too much.

  
“For example, here.” The blonde one put his finger in the smaller one’s left cheek, pointing at a group of markings in his skin. “this one reminds me of Orion’s belt, Alnitak, Alnilam and Mintaka, And here you have the saint Pleiades…. And here you have the Scorpio, and Hyades cluster too” Tsukishima said, as he pointed at every constellation, and also using his finger to wipe Yamaguchi’s tears off his skin.

“you are really interesting Yamaguchi, not lame at all.” He finally said, as he made sure that all the tears were gone, finally Yamaguchi had stopped crying. “don’t listen to those people.”

  
Yamaguchi’s eyes were now bright once again, as he proceeded to hug Tsukishima, the blonde one remained frozen as he could feel the other one’s little arms holding to him.

“thank you Tsukki..” Yamaguchi said, as he buried his face in Tsukishima’s hoddie, Kei thought for a moment what to do, he then began to give reassuring pats in the other’s back, this wasn’t a great birthday party, but at least he made Yamaguchi a little happy. “I’m sorry.” He softy said, as he still felt the guilt in his heart for saying hurtful things to Yamaguchi.

  
Inside his head, sadness still held the controls, with a slight smile in his face. “how did you…” joy murmured, as disgust stared blankly at the screen, they didn’t knew sadness’s purpose that well, but with whatever sadness did, Yamaguchi was now fine. “I don’t know.” The blue emotion said, now looking at disgust and the others. “I just thought that he needed some comfort. Joy then remembered something else, he quickly ran to one of the memory shelves, retrieving a memory from a few hours ago, and then placed the memory in the projector, making Kei remember that thing.

  
“Wait, Yamaguchi.” He said, looking at the kitchen counter for a moment. “I need to give you something.” Yamaguchi then remembered something too. “Tsukki, I also need to give you something!!” the freckled one said, the two kids let go of each other, the tallest one went to the kitchen, and the smaller one to hid bedroom. Disgust had noticed that Yamaguchi started to use “tsukki” instead of Tsukishima, but being honest… that didn’t annoy him at all, Yamaguchi was a weird exception to the rules.

  
The two finally returned to the living room, both holding a bag in their hands. “this is for you.” The both said at the same time, then they took the other’s bag, and as they opened them in the floor, now the blond one and the freckled one seated, they found 2 bento boxes inside, Yamaguchi’s eyes widened at the gift, while Kei just gave a surprised “huh”

  
“How did you know I would give you a bento box, so that you would buy one too?” Yamaguchi asked, but the blonde kid just huffed in response. “why are you giving gifts in your birthday, is supposed to be the other way dummy.” The freckled boy chuckled, as he looked at the bento box from Tsukishima. “Sorry Tsukki, I just wanted to give you something for saving me from those bullies.” He nervously said, now finally making eye contact. 

  
“Well I just thought that a bento box would make you happy.” Kei responded, with a slight smile appearing in his face, now joy was in the controls besides sadness, suddenly, a bright light shined in headquarters, and everyone inside looked to the right, when the light finally disappeared, fear’s eyes widened, and joy’s jaw dropped. “a core memory.” Anger said, as he examined the new orb, this one was painted with blue and yellow, and it was bigger and brighter than any usual memory, said orb began to roll down a special pipe in the floor, as it finally reached the core memory container in the back, a bright line of light appeared in the floor, and said line began to extend outside headquarters, then the light transformed and took the shape of an island, once the process was finished, everyone ran to the window to see their new creation, this island had a statue of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi holding hands, with a lot lf columns around them, decorated with stars and dinosaurs, they would later realize that said island was friendship island, the first on it’s kind.

“cool!” joy said, as he turned around to see Yamaguchi in the screen, this was better than expected, even if Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were the only ones there. 

  
“Do you want to go to my brother’s match?.”

Tsukishima asked, as he stood up to stretch a little.

“is his last match, so it would be good to go right?”  
the little boy also stood up excited. “I’ll go with you tsukki!!” he cheered up, he was beginning to like volleyball, so going to a match would be exciting. “and for the moment, we can see if We find a good online game In my computer, are you coming?” he pointed to the stairs heading to his room.

“Tsukishima began to smile again, with joy in the controls. “sure” the blonde kid said, both lf them began to walk toward the freckled one’s room.  
Joy was smiling like a stupid crackhead right now, he never imagined that Kei would ever get a friend, but here they were, he also noticed that the same alarm from a few days activated for a moment, but it shut down again after 5 seconds, so he ignored it again.  
“are you sure we should go to that match through?” disgust said, as his smile disappeared again, with doubts filling his head, but joy dismissed the other’s worries.

“come on disgust!!! What’s the worse that can happen!!!” joy cheerfully said as he looked at the screen again.

  
Disgust sighted, he was probably worrying again way too much, he said to himself.

  
None of them knew what was to come.

\-------------------

Kei was petrified  
Just a few moments ago he and Yamaguchi had managed to sneak in the gym to see his brother play, since the morning, he had noticed that Akiteru was acting weirder than usual, trying to pack everything in hid bag as quick as possible, and he didn’t talk as much, but now, the blonde kid couldn’t see where his brother was in the court.

  
“Where is he?” fear asked, as she tried to scan the screen for Akiteru, but he was nowhere to be seen. “What if something happened to him!!”

  
“Where the hell is he?” anger commented too, already firing up, but sadness managed to contain him. Meanwhile disgust just looked at the screen, he always had a bad feeling about this match, but he decided to ignore it so many times, and now it was as strong as ever, he just managed to stand there, as everyone else rushed to the controls to try to make Kei do something, according to each of their input, but all this different inputs were beginning to make kei’s head hurt, at this point he was panicking?

Where was his brother? What if something happened, but why wouldn’t his brother be here, he HAD to be there, but maybe he just gave up….  
Joy also managed to only stare, in the center of the room, he for some reason also had a terrible feeling, but he didn’t know what to do, meanwhile Kei’s hearing began to muffle, this was so much, he just wanted to see his brother, but he was only here, watching from the bleachers, he then tried to distract himself from the match, the tall kid looked up, only to find his big brother, standing in the other side of the stadium, apparently cheering in the Karasuno team, when their glances met, Akiteru became paralyzed with fear, Yamaguchi also froze at the sight.

  
“No way…” disgust slowly said, no, Akiteru wasn’t lying to them, Akiteru didn’t simulate to be playing all this time, there was no way this was happening, even if everyone began to panic inside Kei’s head, it couldn’t be happening, just no

  
It can’t be  
It can’t be…  
It- can’t

  
Kei’s breathing turned erratic as a Memory of sadness mixed with disgust, with dots of anger and fear was created, no single emotion could summarize what Kei was experiencing, Yamaguchi couldn’t tell what was happening inside his friend’s head, the freckled boy only managed to pat the other’s back, trying to comfort him, but it wasn’t working.

  
“Lame…” Kei said, there was no other word to describe this. He shut his eyes as strong as he could.

  
Wake up  
Wake up

  
Wake up

  
Please wake up

  
If this was only a dream…

\------------------------

A few days had passed since that event, for Kei, it felt like if his entire world had collapsed, he always had his brother in a pedestal, the ace of Karasuno he always thought, the ace that was one of the best, but often got nervous, but still an ace that could save any game, he recalled that he considered his brother a hero, but the truth was everything but heroic, in reality,

his brother has… a benchwarmer, nothing else, nothing more, all those stories, all that joy was nothing but an illusion, and the so called hero was still in his room, probably crying or cursing at the world for his own weakness, throwing all his past trophies to the ground, even threatening to hurt himself, the big brother he had looked up to all his life was a mess and Kei had enough of seeing that, or hearing that, so here he was, walking towards the gym for volleyball practice, at least if he tried hard enough, he could do what his brother couldn’t, right?,

what if he wasn’t good enough for this, his palms were getting sweaty from those thoughts, it was like if nothing made sense for him anymore, he just felt sick, it was like maybe, something had disappeared inside of him, or more like, if someone had ripped something out of his heart.

  
And it was true, inside his head, joy was frantically searching for something very important, the core memory of volleyball island had gone missing, when everyone woke up, the memory inside the container simply, disappeared, and so the island had become a dead piece of metal with no purpose, this was only a sign that Kei’s passion for volleyball was weakening, threatening to go extinct, like if it was a dying dinosaur so many years ago, but this was way worse.  
“Where- where is it?” fear asked, as she also joined the search for the memory, this only added up to the past days of tensions inside headquarters.

  
“Who cares about that memory!!!” anger yelled, as he was simply seating in a sofa, ignoring the whole situation. “we need that memory!!” joy yelled back with impeding worry in his voice, “that island might collapse if we don’t do anything!”

  
“BUT EVERYTHING WAS A LIE!!!” anger screamed, as he flipped the table next to him, making an horrible noise that attracted everyone’s attention. “what is even true anymore?” the red emotion said, as his eyes began to puff, unsure if he was about to explode or cry.

“please- control yourself anger” fear said, as she was trying to be the only one collected enough, and so anger just stood up and went to his room, everyone could hear from the main hall that he was breaking everything inside there. “god, he always loses it like that.” Joy sighted as he began to search in the cabinets for the memory.

  
“He wouldn’t be like this if it wasn’t for you.” Disgust groaned, as he grabbed the controls, putting Kei in an irritated mood. “why me??? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!!” joy yelled in response, he seemed ready to flip a table too, why was disgust blaming him for Akiteru’s actions that ended up affecting Kei.

  
“I knew that something was wrong, but you always dismissed that thing as nothing, and I believed you…” disgust said, with a cold look in his eyes. “if you had let me take control, if you hadn’t made Kei act like a fool…believing Akiteru’s lies, we wouldn’t be like this.”  
The green emotion looked that Kei was now at the door of the gym, Yamaguchi was behind them too, but none of the boys talked that day, the atmosphere was too tense for that. “being honest…” disgust said, as he looked in the screen how everyone inside the gym was already practicing.

“does it really matter how much we try? Kei at the end will end up losing…. Will he become a liar too?” He softly said,his face frozen in disappointment, or maybe despair?

  
“It would be better if Kei quits volleyball”

  
Joy suddenly tackled disgust to the ground, making fear scream in surprise. “DON’T YOU DARE SAY THAT DISGUST!!!!” joy raged, as he was threatening to punch disgust in the face, any kind of logic in him was gone. (is not like emotions were logical anyways.) “Kei will never quit volleyball. It won’t happen!.” The yellow emotion yelled, volleyball was one of the only things that make Kei happy, apart from maybe dinosaurs and… Yamaguchi, he couldn’t let that all go to waste.

“do you really want him to quit?? I wonder if you were the one who stole the memory then!” he said, as he tried to keep disgust out of reach of the console. Disgust didn’t respond.

  
“Tsukki? Are you ok?” Yamaguchi asked, since the last few days his friend was acting strange, he no longer smiled that much, and he dropped in Yamaguchi’s house a lot more often than before, but even there, his gaze was frozen in something cold, it was like if Kei had lost something important to him, what happened to Akiteru was probably affecting him, even Yamaguchi’s own emotions were getting worried about what the hell was happening inside Kei’s head. So the freckled boy just stood there beside his friend, looking him in a sad manner, hoping that his friend would say anything.

  
“Guys stop fighting…” fear softly said, with unease in her voice, at least she was the most calmed one right now, so then joy slowly let go of disgust, both of them stood up, the green emotion only looked away, to avoid seeing what stupidity joy was about to do. “I can fix this.. I can make Kei happy again.” The yellow emotion pleaded, as he got near the control panel, and he pulled forward two levers with all his force… but nothing happened. Joy’s eyes widened, he tried again, nothing, again, still nothing, Kei just stood there, like a rock glued to the ground.

“what…” joy said in disbelief, why were the controls failing him, he tried again, but the control panel remained intact, and Kei’s face remained clean of any emotion. “what is this? Why isn’t he being happy?” joy said, as his eyes filled with dread, this wasn’t happening.

  
“I think he is ignoring you joy…” sadness said, making joy fall to the ground, landing in his knees. “he can’t just bottle me up…” he said, this was not happening, this was not the real world.

  
“I will try…” sadness said, as he stood up and took control of the console, making it turn a bright blue, apparently Kei only managed to ignore joy for now (for how long through) , but sadness created in him a sense of… hopelessness, everything was a lie… he just felt betrayed by his brother, he had believed in him so much, why did he lie? Did Akiteru thought that Kei was weak enough to not understand the truth, was he really so weak for anything, the blonde one’s face remained unchanged, but Yamaguchi immediately noticed that Kei’s eyes were beginning to water, Kei just looked, miserable. 

  
“Tsukki…” the smaller one patted the other’s arm, trying to make him react. “please tell me if something is wrong… I can help you!” Yamaguchi tried to say in a confident way, to reach out to him, in a similar way of what had happened in his birthday party, but deep inside he was scared to know what had happened.

  
“I-“ Kei mumbled, his lips started to tremble and his breathing was agitated, he felt that he was about to cry again, just like his brother, he let out the first sob, making Yamaguchi’s heart break.” 

  
“Tsukki...”

  
Meanwhile disgust just stood there, for a moment he stopped registering the passage of time, he could hear that, Tsukishima was beginning to cry apparently, and that reminded him awfully of a few days ago, seeing Akiteru breaking down in the floor, so miserable, being overtaken by his own emotions fighting for control, he didn’t want Kei to end up in the same way…he didn’t want Kei to be burdened with his other emotions.

  
So the green emotion in a moment of despair rushed to the controls and pushed sadness, making him fall to the ground, this action made Kei stop crying, the blonde kid felt that something else was ripped from his heart, soon the tears stopped purring from his eyes, while Yamaguchi only watched, even more confused than before, he wanted to say something, having the feeling that what happened in the match a few days ago was making Kei way too uncomfortable, but, Yamaguchi had no idea what to say, to comfort him, he maybe wasn’t that good for that neither.

  
“D-disgust?” sadness asked, chocked about being witness of the green emotion apparently losing it.

“Why did you-“

  
“Is this how we will end up? Making Kei just suffer while we try to cope?” disgust asked, with a loud tone, but in a more calmed manner, basically taking the lead of everyone. “we can’t just lose it completely and go crazy in here… just letting all feelings out, like what happened to Akiteru first..” the green emotion began to rant, catching everyone’s attention, except joy, who was still in the ground, not being able to react to anything else, he was stuck in denial.

“do you all want joy to just make Kei a clueless and stupid person?”

  
“Do you all want sadness to make Kei breakdown for days stuck inside his house?”

  
“Do you all want fear to make Kei someone vulnerable and scared of everything? Or anyone?”

  
“Do you all want anger to make Kei go violent against anyone or anything that happens?”

  
The green emotion kept talking, as his voice grew more firm, sadness and fear began to look at each other lost in shame, they all knew that if they kept fighting like this… Kei would begin to lose control of himself too.

  
“If we don’t begin to…bottle things up for Kei, he will begin to act irrationally, making him do uncaring deeds, we might end up like Akiteru… we need someone to take over and keep Kei safe, and the rest of us should stay in line” disgust said, he was convinced that this, as drastic as it was, would help Kei in the long term.

  
“Maybe…” fear stood upfront the rest, her pupils were shacking from her nerves, but she had something to say at least. “you should be the “leader” disgust…” the green emotion’s eyes widened a little, surprised that fear agreed in this change so quickly, oddly enough. “you are the one who keeps cool most of the time, and you can also keep Kei safe from danger… I just think you should be our leader.”

  
The blue emotion in the floor stood up, after disgust’s speech, he began to think his own actions, why did he even made Kei cry? Why did he make him feel gloomy or something in those lines, he wondered that it just was his instinct as an emotion, to make their host sad under some event for no reason, and if they needed a leader, he wouldn’t be a good option. “You should also be our leader disgust…” he muttered a little. “you are more confident and secure than any of us, and since Kei is beginning to ignore joy… and anger is out of commission. You should take over… for Kei.”

  
disgust nooded, he felt a little guilty that the others quickly decided to make him the leader in Kei’s head, he was the one who proposed a leader to be chosen, but, it felt bad for some reason, making such a shift in power would change Kei’s way of being in a 360 degree.

  
But at the end, the world around them was changing too. Akiteru was no longer trustworthy, volleyball island had lost it’s core memory, and Yamaguchi apparently depended on Kei right now, so he had to make Kei strong one way or another, and maybe he was the best option, even if he had done some mistakes in the past, he would help Kei in his own way.

  
He gave a quick glance at joy, the yellow emotion was still frozen, like an empty shell, with no purpose apparently, but he had no time for that, he reached the control panel as everyone else looked in expectation, he then took a deep breath, pressing a button in the control panel.

  
Kei suddenly began to feel something different, deeper than shame, deeper than regrets, he felt.

  
Disgusted with himself

  
Why was he suddenly crying?

  
Why was he so weak?

  
Why did he try to stick to a sport that won’t reward you at the end?

  
Why did he felt so vulnerable?

  
Why try to succeed where his brother failed too?

  
He finished to wipe up his tears and began to walk to the opposite Direction from the gym, beginning to set up the first bricks of his infinite walls. “Tsukki..” Yamaguchi said, as he began to follow him, just before he grabbed Tsukishima’s sleeves. “where are you going!!”

  
“I don’t need to keep working so hard for volleyball anymore.” The blonde one said, in a cold manner, stuffing hid hands in his pockets. “I don’t need it.”  
“But” Yamaguchi tried to say, before Tsukishima annoyingly turned around.

“shut up Yamaguchi.”  
The little one flinched at the sudden rise of tone, finally letting go of his friend, just following him now a few centimeters from behind.

  
“Sorry Tsukki…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I wanted to note that each segment is one of kei's memories, all in chronological order, so next chapter we wil go back with the slow burn so, stay tuned!!


	3. Safety precautions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of yesterday's storm, tsukishima now struggles to look at yamaguchi at the eye, and his emotion now have to deal with it.
> 
> Meanwhile disgust is still in denial.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!! This is the longest chapter up to date... so I took a long time writing it, hopefully you all like it!!!
> 
> (Also , I had made a concept comic for this fic, that you can find at the end, even if it doesn't really happen in the fic, it is a good reference for how the characters look)

Chap 3. Safety precautions.

The last memory stopped playing, for the last few hours the green and yellow emotions had been reviewing some of Tsukishima’s most important memories, it had started as a heartwarming tale, for joy, seeing into a window connecting into the past, seeing Kei so happy made him feel a peace that had been lost so many years ago, but as the memories progressed, they reached the part that started everything, since that fateful day that disgust took control, Kei began to ignore him more and more, a lot of ideas were rejected, he refused to meet new people, everything had gone downhill since that day.

  
At the end he was left with a taste of bitter sweetness in his mouth, meanwhile disgust looked slightly sad, is not like if he wanted Kei to be an asshole kind of person, being honest, he liked when Kei used to be a more happy person, seeing how joy managed to make Kei content and enjoy his life…

meanwhile he only made sure that Kei didn’t eat more than necessary, or making him picky, for a long time he had felt envy infest his body, jealously could be called.

  
So the moment that disgust took control, he felt quite excited, he could finally be important for Kei, but at what price, seeing that their original kid had grown into a salty gloomy teenager, he felt quite guilty for that, but the green being shook his head, he had to make Kei act this way, so that he wouldn’t be weak, or to break…. it was cruel, but it was true.

  
So….I wonder what happened to the core memory…” asked joy, as he grabbed the last memory from the projector, leaving Tsukishima’s dream in darkens. “what do you mean?” replied disgust, brushing aside his melancholy. “aren’t you implying that I-“  
“Memories don’t disappear like that… specially not core memories.” Interrupted joy, with a little trace of anger in his tone. “I really doubt a core memory can disappear like that…. I feel that among us…. Someone stole that memory.

  
Disgust groaned, even if the yellow emotion didn’t state it, it was obvious for him that joy was putting the guilt in him. “I didn’t do it…. I myself know that messing with core memories can seriously damage Kei’s mental health, I am not as stupid as you…” this last part made joy really annoyed, but he was to tired to make a comeback, so he remained as silent as their surrounding.

  
They awkwardly stood in place while their Kei peacefully slept in the outside, completely oblivious of the constant fight that has been happening inside his head for years.

  
Joy then remembered something, the original reason as to why they were checking this old memories, a little grin formed in his lips, so he stood up, and began to recollect the memories that stood in the ground, disgust as the neat freak he was, immediately began to help joy clean up, putting the memories In a little pile next to them.

  
“So… after today I can finally confirm it.” The yellow emotion said, as he pressed a button in the ground, making a recall tube appear in the ceiling, to retrieve the memories, disgust looked at joy with certain curiosity. “confirm what?” the green emotion said, as he introduced the memories in the recall tube, sending them to long term memory once again.  
“I can confirm that Kei is in love with Yamaguchi.” Joy said, with a bigger smile in his face.

  
Disgust for a moment thought that he was going deaf, “what!!” he said, hopefully waiting that he misheard what joy had said, but he was soon proven wrong. “yeah, everything makes sense now, the alarms, the blushing, the attraction. Everything connects!!” the yellow emotion cheerfully said, as he turned around to see disgust’s astonished face, he quietly enjoyed it.

  
“What- no- I- it can’t be” disgust tried to say, but the concept of love was still way to figurative for him, something quite mysterious, he would prefer to deny it’s existence. “I need the manual. The 13th volume” he said, remembering the reason of why he had woken up. “I need to see what is that alarm’s purpose.”

  
“You mean the attraction alarm?” the yellow emotion giggled, as disgust’s mind short-circuited, how did joy know about that. ”how did you-“ disgust quickly said, but he then saw as joy slowly took the 13th volume from under a shelf near the console. “I was doing my homework too disgust.” Joy said, while opening the book, that contained a lot of extra information, he then cleared his throat and began to read out loud.

  
“Attraction alarm: this specific alarm in the control panel activates when the host experiences romantic attraction towards another human, the louder and brighter the alarm gets, it indicates how strong that connection can get, there is no safe way to shut it down.” Joy finished reading with eloquence, while disgust looked pale, apparently the worst possibility had become true.

  
“So yeah, after I read it, I wanted to check Kei’s memories, to refresh my own memories from those moments, and now I can confirm, this alarm activates only and exclusively when Yamaguchi is around, this is definitely a case of lov-DISGUST NO-“ he was saying, when disgust loosed power in his legs, almost collapsing from passing out, but joy caught him, the green emotion quickly opened his eyes, love, love, it can’t be, even if he couldn’t pinpoint what, the simple concept of love gave him a bad omen, why did it felt, so bad?

. “disgust?. What happened.” The yellow emotion asked, holding disgust in his arms, sure, he sometimes hated disgust, but he still cared about him a lot, he cared about all emotions, they were more or less like a (dysfunctional) family, and he liked it or not, Kei needed disgust so that he wouldn’t end up poisoned by eating something rotten .

  
Disgust quickly picked himself up, he hated being taken care of naturally, “nothing, I am fine…” he said, as he tried to turn his thoughts into words understandable for the other emotion, but this proved to be a complicated task “but…aren’t you sure that Kei has something more normal like… meningitis?” at least that would explain the sudden raise of temperature. Joy was left with a confused look, maybe disgust had totally lost it?

  
“I- so you would prefer Kei to have an illness rather than to be in love with his friend, sure you didn’t hurt your head earlier?” joy asked, making reference to the tantrum anger took a few hours ago, disgust just looked away, “you can treat meningitis at least, love has no cure….” The green emotion said, he quickly noticed that what he had just said made no sense, but, the concept of love made no sense for him neither. “Also meningitis is more normal than love”.

  
Joy was done with this being honest, he was sure that Kei was in love with Yamaguchi, why did disgust denied the obvious, he just wanted to go to his bed and rest, the dream was done, and he wanted to close his tired eyes, at least before Kei woke up. “Anyways, keep trying to deny the obvious disgust.” He said between a yawn, already heading to his personal room again.

“there’s no denying, all those times together with Yamaguchi, each time his love appeared and got stronger, just now does he notice how big it has turned into, there’s no change to it.” The yellow emotion quietly said as he disappeared in the hall hiding his room.

  
disgust stood there for a moment, he then took a deep breath. “something is going on between Kei and Yamaguchi huh.” He said to himself, finally accepting the obvious, he looked at the last memory going to long term memory. “I have to do something"

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kei slowly opened his eyes, what hour was it? What day? He was often confused for a few seconds each time he woke up, something natural by now, he stretched a little and looked at the digital clock in his nightstand, 5:00 am, weird, he always woke up at around 6:00 am, his biological and digital clock where almost synchronized all the time, so it was off to him, he rubbed his eyes a little to clear away any leftover dust, he then tried to recall his dream, is not like he cared about dreams. (He often forgot them 5 minutes later) but this time, it felt like if he had relieved some moments from years ago, again something quite weird for his kind of usual dreams,

at least his head no longer hurt, and so he made it to the bathroom to try and activate his body for the day.  
Inside his head, joy had woken up just a few seconds ago, he had only managed to sleep for an hour, at least he managed to had time to sleep at all, at least he had half an hour before Kei finished his usual morning care routine, before they would have to begin to help him in his day,

so he quickly changed from his blue pajamas to an orange T shirt, grooming his hair while doing so, he also couldn’t stop thinking about yesterday, Kei was really in love? He was quite excited, he always wanted his human to eventually fall in love.

  
In movies and stuff they always pictured love to be something fluffy, perfect, the culmination of a relationship, and being friends turned to lovers, this was guaranteed success for Yamaguchi and Kei, or at least he thought, is not like if he does the big decisions now, but he still would do his best to help Kei.

  
the yellow emotion finally made it to the hall, while walking to the main room, he spotted a red emotion rubbing the back his head. “oi anger!” joy called, waving his hand to give his greetings, anger just got a little near. “what…happened yesterday?.” The red emotion asked, still rubbing the lump that had formed behind his head. “it feels like if someone hit me with a baseball bat in the back of my head…” 

  
joy just gave a nervous chuckle in response, is not like if he wanted anger to remember that certain purple emotion knocked him down to avoid mayor damage the day before.” yeah… that is weird anger.” He said, trying to sound ignorant, anger only groaned still complaining a little about the pain “anyways, we should go check on Kei now”

  
joy nodded, it was about time; they took a few steps forward, and when they reached the control room, they were surprised to find sadness and fear seated in a round table, with disgust standing near his seat, with a set of black sunglasses in his eyes, apparently trying to look remotely professional, but failing. “joy, anger, take a seat please.” The green emotion commanded, pointing to two empty seats at the other side of the table, the last two emotions followed said command, joy thought that disgust often took things too far, but he didn’t had the will to fight back anyway, apparently they were now holding a meeting for some reason, joy quickly looked at the screen near them, seeing Kei brushing his teeth.

they probably had some minutes before they had to start their usual work. “hey… don’t you guys feel that we aren’t forgetting something?” fear said, looking insecure as always, but everyone looked at each other, they hadn’t forgotten anything important, right?  
“So everyone, I wanted to call thus meeting to discuss about…Kei’s relation with Yamaguchi – they are in love!!!” disgust tried to say, finally taking his seat, but joy interrupted him, leaving everyone in slight chock. “what?” anger shoute

  
“Why love??” fear clenched her fists with sudden anxiety

  
“Called it” said sadness, disgust began to look annoyed once again.

“this is not love.” Their leader claimed. “I do recognize that there have been certain… events going around, and well, apparently that attraction alarm activated around Yamaguchi, but… come on!, Yamaguchi is attractive anyways, even the straightest dude would fall for him right?” disgust tried to justify their host’s odd behavior around certain freckled teen, but he only received an awkward silence, that sounded anything but straight, fear finally broke the ice of silence.

“I hope it’s not love or something like that.” She whispered, trying to play with her fingers around, to calm herself down. “ love can just…. End In bad ways.”

  
“Oh please. Don’t remind me of that old hack.” Anger scolded, raising his fists in the air, clearly making reference to a long lost parental figure, joy frowned a little. “but Kei and Yamaguchi are best friends, it will go better than their relationship!!” he sounded sincerely hopeful, but disgust cleared his throat, catching everyone’s attention. “We don’t have enough proof of this being “love” for now” 

  
Joy knew this was wrong.

  
“So for now, we just need some safety precautions to stop Kei from having another.. “episode”” disgust said, as he slowly took the problematic memory from the day before out of his pocket, Tsukishima’s heart almost exploding on Yamaguchi’s presence.

“everyone stay back!!!” the green emotion commanded, apparently the memory had no reaction when he touched it, so it was good, and so everyone stood in their seats, while disgust took a security box from a shelf, and carefully saved the memory inside, inserting a secret password . (The password was YAMS for no apparent reason whatsoever)   
“For now we will have to repress that memory, he won’t recall it while we figure out exactly what is going on” disgust commented, while he took the heavy box and began to walk towards the back of headquarters.

“so you will just bottle up a memory now? Isn’t that, dangerous?” joy questioned, disgust could truly go against all odds to prove a point, but fear softly grabbed the yellow being’s arms. “is the best for Kei…. We don’t want that memory to be recalled during class, or in practice…” she softly said, trying to calm down joy, the yellow emotion began to understood where disgust was coming from, just remembering how his cheeks flared up, how hiss brain not working properly, that would possibly disturb Kei, at least for today it was best to leave him a quiet day.

“ok…” the yellow emotion softly said, as disgust nodded in response, while he left the box containing the possibly romantic memory inside a closet inside Tsukishima’s head, the green emotion also accommodated a pair of chains around to offer more repression, that memory was now out of Kei’s reach.

For now

  
Kei had finally finished to groom his own hair, he looked at the mirror, and frowned as he tried to form his usual hair style, it took him almost 5 minutes, he finally sighted, he was quite hungry right now, he crabbed, breakfast, in this cold morning of September, he needed something sweet to start off his day, he felt that he was forgetting something, September, probably nothing important, is not like if he forgot important things.

  
He emerged from his room and took down the stairs, and when he reached the first floor, his bigger brother noticed him, Akiteru almost jumped into him, but he rather rapidly gave him a bear hug.  
“Happy birthday number 16th Kei!!!” Akiteru cheerfully said, as he kept crush-hugging his not so little brother. “mom was going to wake you up, but she had to leave for work.”

  
Kei blinked a few times, birthday, number 16th, his birthday? It can’t be, unless… he looked at the calendar they had settled near the counter, September 27th , yup, it was his birthday, he had forgotten, probably the stress of exams? Or something else… or because of someone else….  
“The hell?” gasped anger, apparently in all the confusion they had forgotten about Kei’s birthday. “how could I have forgotten!” freaked fear too, trying to find in the calendar they had for the date, but they had forgotten to mark said day.

“another thing for today huh” disgust said, as he took control over the console, turning it green, at least Akiteru should understand the basic concept of “personal space”.

  
Outside, Kei felt imprisoned by hid brother’s firm grasp while cheering on him for his birthday. “I won’t have a 17th birthday if you crush me to death Akiteru.” Scolded the youngest brother, trying to use his arms to liberate himself, but this had proven to be useless, Akiteru then thought about his brother’s claim, he remembered that Kei didn’t like physical contact that much, so he quickly let go of him after the realization. “sorry… I forgot yo didn’t like that.” He said, to disgust’s relief, and so a green memory formed, rolling to the memory shelves.

“nice” huffed joy, what a way to start Kei’s birthday, with a flood of green memories, is not like if disgust allowed him to throw some kind of party nowadays, and now this started the day in a worse light.

  
Kei finally catched his breath, and as he took deep breaths to fill his crushed lungs with the so needed air, he smelled from the kitchen something rather delicious, apparently they were, pancakes?. He turned his head around towards the kitchen, now that he smelled more clearly… they were starting to burn. “shit!!!” cursed Akiteru, racing to the stove to turn off the heat, at least only part of the crust had burned down.” sorry about that” the older brother nervously said, trying to remove the burned parts of the pancake with a fork, a complicated task worth to say. “I just wanted to cook you your favorite for your day, but, I didn’t inherit dad’s skill y’know.”

  
At least that was a nice gesture from his brother, Kei thought, is not like if he always had the chance to eat this kinds of things for breakfast, so once in a while it was good, regardless if it was his birthday or not, in his mind, joy’s lips formed into a little smile, touching a little button in the console. “isn’t he nice? Doing this little details for Kei.” The yellow emotion said, but disgust quickly entered the scene, and pressed a button in the contrary side of the control panel. “if that pancake doesn’t intoxicate us…” his face twisted in revulsion, making joy’s smile wear off too.

  
Kei didn’t smile or anything, he just got closed his brother and said. “thanks.” This wasn’t much, but for Akiteru any word coming from his brother will do. “anyways, you can seat over there.” He pointed to the table in their living room. “I’ll bring out the breakfast in a few minutes.” Kei followed the directions, he sat in his usual chair and laid back against it, while taking out his small pair of headphones, searching for a song to put in his phone, but 2 minutes later, a plate filled with pancakes, with a topping of maple syrup, and whipped cream, with a little strawberry on top was placed upon him. “I hope you like it!!” said Akiteru in a cheerful tone. “bon appetit.”

  
Kei just nodded, taking a spoonful of the pancakes, and biting into it, surprisingly, it was quite good, he had expected something that would cause his taste buds to scream with revulsion, but the sugary taste balanced with the other ingredients was enough to make a yellow memory appear in his mind, even if he didn’t express it often, he could still feel joy non the less, it just wasn’t obvious, or that common.

  
AKiteru was meanwhile cooking his own breakfast in the kitchen, he also craved pancakes right now, but he also wanted to talk with his little brother, what topic connected them?

  
“So…how is volleyball going.” Akiteru asked.  
“Good.” Kei said in a monotone voice, of course, the blonde one used a lot of monosyllable words when he isn’t roasting someone, there was no point talking about volleyball with him, he then tried to recall something else, any reason event to talk with Kei, Akiteru then remembered.

  
“So… at the end are you ok after that visit to the exhibition with Yamaguchi?” Akiteru asked, as he placed a cup of coffee alongside Kei, the little brother’s heart contracted violently, in response of the name. “Yamaguchi.”

  
Inside his head, a white memory was suddenly recalled, this particular memory had disintegrated for the most part, but it was still recognizable. Disgust let out a soft . “Oh fuck” he knew what that memory was, the memory of the dream.

  
Everyone in headquarters managed to see the memory of how Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were preparing to do something…inappropriate worth to say, leaving everyone speechless, and outside, Tsukishima wasn’t doing any better, how did he managed to dream something like that? And the worst part was, he managed to recall how real it had felt, Yamaguchi’s soft fingers caressing his chest, his sweet lips kissing his neck, his- no this wasn’t normal, a violent red flush appeared in his face, as his heart rate spiked for the first time of the day, he had suddenly turned so stiff, his hand still holding the mug of coffee up to his lips. “it’s happening again!!!” screamed fear in agony, as the attraction sensor activated again, with flashy lights blinding headquarters. “how do we make him stop!!!!” demanded anger, but no one knew what to do anymore neither.

  
“Kei?” Akiteru asked in a worried manner, this was the second time Kei apparently freaked out about something, making his face red. Something weird for the usual expressionless boy ”do you feel ok?” he tried to ask his little brother, but no answer, Kei was silently screaming inside, how did his beloved brain have decided that it would be an amazing idea to make a dream of Tsukishima doing. ( almost doing to be more precise) something only grown ups should understand, WITH HIS BEST FRIEND, he felt disgusted at himself for imagining that fired up situation in his dream, he knew that he was brighter than a tomato, but he needed an excuse for that, sure, explaining your brother that apparently you had an unfinished wet dream with your BEST FRIEND ended up making you flustered at the freckled boy’s mention would be easy, right? He needed an excuse rather than explaining this.

“I-“ he mumbled, as he removed the mug from his lips, goddammit, his brain had apparently stopped responding, so the explanation the blonde one gave was not brilliant at all. “the coffee is just too hot… it made me burn my mouth…”

  
Wait, that, kind of made sense, even if Akiteru was an university students, he still wasn’t an expert on regulating the temperature on stuff he cooked, but, somehow, it felt that this wasn’t it, he wanted to ask more, but he witnessed as Kei almost inhaled what was left of the pancakes, obviously Kei wanted to escape the house to not give explanation.

” Thank you for the meal.” Kei said, trying to remain in calm, obviously not working, as he placed the plate in the sink, and almost immediately rushing to his room to retrieve his bag, Akiteru felt that something was wrong, but it was obvious that his little brother would try to shut all those questions right now; maybe he could try later perhaps, “bye.” Kei said, as he made it back to the living room, with his school bag already in his back, also with a scarf included to try and hide his bush. “take care…” softly said Akiteru, but his brother had already shut the door, he prayed that nothing would happen.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Kei had finally made it outside, taking deep breaths to try to calm himself down, but the mental image of that dream, it would still haunt him, and the worst part for him was, he somehow liked part of it… he had become a big mass of confusion, he luckily saw at the other site of the street a bench, he quickly made it to the other side and sat down, he needed to think, what would he do? It kind of felt like if he was still dreaming, this feelings were something completely alien to him, he closed his eyes to just concentrate in himself, to focus on a way to deal with this.

  
“What. Did I just. Watch?” anger said, empathizing in the pauses, if What had happened yesterday was bad, this one surpassed completely the limit. “I think I need bleach to clean my eyes…” mourned sadness, still kind of traumatized for what he had just seen, is not like if it was explicit, but the whole scenario, their Kei about to do stuff with Yamaguchi, this was a fever dream definitely.

“ HOW IS KEI SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT YAMAGUCHI AT THE EYE EVER AGAIN!!!” screamed fear, as she covered her face to hide her second hand embarrassment, when she was created, she never agreed to end up in this situation, why Yamaguchi? Is this even love? What? Why? How? This just didn’t made sense, it was too much. “Kei should stay in his room all day for the rest of the day!!” she yelled, quickly reaching the controls, making Kei feel more insecure than ever, he felt that the whole Karasuno high school, no, the whole stadium for the nationals were watching him, the rational part of his brain told him that it was literally first hour of the morning, no one would see him, but for now he felt tempted to follow his right brain’s advice, he just felt ashamed, why were this feelings suddenly appearing? And why with his MALE best friend. He just wanted to go home already. 

  
“Wait fear…” joy mumbled, but his pleas were almost unheard off while everyone was almost screaming on top of each other.” Is.. kind of normal for teenagers to have this kind of dreams… it was not even explicit!!!” the yellow emotion added, trying to remove fear from the controls. “they were just kissing in that dream.”

  
“Kissing with Yamaguchi!!!” replied fear, as she gripped the hold she had on the controls, making Kei even more concerned with himself. “this isn’t normal… I can’t just see Yamaguchi after this.” Kei thought, as he buried his red face between his legs, still trying to reduce his blush. “but we can’t dare to try missing classes, finals are coming.” Interrupted disgust, trying to retake control of the situation. “if we miss classes, who would we have to ask for school notes?”

  
“…Yamaguchi.” Fear finally admitted, letting go of the controls, finally understanding that they would eventually have to see Yamaguchi, one way or another , but she still felt petrified. “we still need to do something about all of this!!!: she said, Yamaguchi and Kei’s relationship could eventually be in the line.

  
“I have an idea.” Said disgust, as he took from his side pocket a literal idea bulb, catching everyone’s attention, specially joy’s “so.. what is your big idea sir?” he said mockingly, but disgust frowned in response, before he cleared his throat. “so, I propose that Kei ignores Yamaguchi for today.”

  
“Everyone inside Kei’s head gasped, joy being the most vocal one. “,isn’t that a little too much”? Joy exclaimed, with insecurity spilling in his voice. “we need to do this.” The green emotion contradicted, yes, it was something extreme, but there was no other option apparently. “Kei is really beginning to experience some weird feelings, and we can’t even comprehend them, and if this weird feeling starts when Yamaguchi is mentioned, we have the cut the problem from it’s origin point.” The green emotion finished explaining his plan, basically limit Kei’s interaction with Yamaguchi to 0, or near cero, this was drastic, but it would be better to avoid the freckled boy.

“so… who’s with me?” disgust asked, sadness, anger and fear stood in silence, they all knew that this would be a big change, but there was no mayor option, fear was the first one to raise her hand, then sadness and anger did the same, Kei needed time alone.

  
Joy was the last one to accept, he knew that limiting the relationship with Yamaguchi could also end bad, but the pressure he had from the others was increasing, it sometimes felt for him that no matter how much he fought, suggested new ideas, no matter what, Kei always ended up repressing him, he sometimes had days when the yellow emotion just followed the other’s current, so he finally raised his hand. “good then.” The green emotion said relieved, he then got near the control panel, and slowly placed the idea bulb he had in an idea slot, he had created this idea as a plan B a few hours ago, and now it was time to use it. “we’ll see if Kei accepts this idea then.” He said, because at the end, they didn’t took the decisions, Kei was the one who would take the lead.

  
The blonde teen blinked with surprise, he suddenly wondered that maybe, he should ignore Yamaguchi. His heart began to race at the thought, he had gotten so used to being with Yamaguchi, so being one day without him, it was not fatal nor anything, but still an uncomfortable situation.

  
Yamaguchi was basically Kei’s pillar, he needed someone that would stick with him, someone that understood his dark sense of humor, someone that cared for him, someone that reminded him that he was not a disappointment or embarrassment, it was shameful for him to say, but he had grown dependent of Yamaguchi.

  
He took a deep breath, it was true that being completely alone, even for a day would be upsetting, but he then remembered, those gentle touches, Yamaguchi saying his name, that damn dream, a little outlook that something definitively messed up was going on inside his head, how could he talk to Yamaguchi, after he had a dream were they almost did it, he imagined Yamaguchi’s innocent eyes breaking, as the freckled boy discovered that the person he had always looked up to…was a freak, Kei felt repulsion for himself, or maybe something deeper than that, but he didn’t had any fancy name for said sensation, he only knew, that he needed to take some time off Tadashi, maybe ignoring him would make this unholy thoughts eventually leave him alone, and then they would be together like if nothing had happened.

  
he stood up, another deep breath, in and out, in and out, bottle it up, don’t look down, he said to himself, he was in control of his stupid emotions at least, he would just ignore them, including those weird feelings for Tadashi… he took out his phone and searched for Yamaguchi’s contact.

Tsukishima- hey. I am going early today, don’t wait for me.

  
Kei saved his phone and turned on his music, he had expected a response fairly quickly, but he remembered that it was around 6:05 am, so Yamaguchi was probably still sleeping. “Good” he thought, as he focused on his music, just listening to the rhythm and lyrics, the composition needed to orchestrate such sounds,

it made Kei’s heart slow down, the thoughts about Yamaguchi were finally settling down, his music was calming, but having Yamaguchi was even more calming, wait…. But he is so stressed put and embarrassed because of Yamaguchi, Tsukishima cringed at his own logic, his thoughts no longer made sense, he felt hot around him, but cool at the same time, he couldn’t stop giving quick glances to him, but when Yamaguchi turned around, Kei was facing another direction, if you look in the dictionary the word “contradiction.” You will probably find the photo of a tall skinny teenager with glasses losing it over his best friend, the blush from before slowly resurfacing, but this time more controlled than the last time, he accommodated his scarf to hide it again, hide it, don’t let it affect you, ignore Yamaguchi for today, don’t let this feelings dominate you, be strong, in his little monologue, he was half way through the way to Karasuno.

  
Inside his head, the idea bulb began to shine, meaning that Kei finally accepted the idea, disgust sighted in relief, one problem less for today. “you know it won’t work right?” joy asked in a teasing tone, crossing his arms. “those two won’t survive a day separated, not if Kei is mad in love with Yamaguchi.”  
disgust groaned, not this love talk again… “just shut up, this is not love!!!” he said in a restrained voice, he knew that love was…complicated to say the least, and the worst part is, both people need to love each other for it to work. “also I doubt Yamaguchi is even in love or something.”

  
joy sighted again, quietly walking to the back, seeing that friendship island was temporally offline, just one day right? Or two? Or three? Or maybe 4 more, or a week? How long could their Kei repress his new found love feelings for? He prayed in silence that their teen would be alright, but with disgust’s interference… “I hope we are over this tomorrow.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Yamaguchi was late, he had a bad habit of oversleeping, this time, he had stayed up late yesterday, completing some unfinished homework he had pending, and also looking at the photos of his short visit to the exhibition with Tsukishima, it was a fun time with him, and he also at the end got a nice dream with Tsukishima in it too, but what he got in return, when he woke up, it was pass 7 :00am, he quickly prepared for school, damning himself for not sleeping enough, at least he had managed to reach their usual spot

  
But he remembered that he was late, maybe Tsukki had already left? He took out his phone, to find out that his blonde friend was actually too long gone, after reading the message, so he began to run to the school once again, he had something to say to Tsukishima, so he needed to be there.

  
He finally exhaled in relief when he saw that Tsukishima was already in the classroom, waiting for the teacher to arrive, Yamaguchi widely smiled and got near his friend. “good morning Tsukki!!” he cheerfully said, expecting a “shut up Yamaguchi” in response, but Tsukishima’s eyes did not move from the board, with his expression intact, Yamaguchi then examined Tsukishima more in detail, he finally saw the obvious, taukki had his headphones on, and the biggest ones, this was proof that his best friend did not want to talk, so the freckled boy’s smile disappeared, but he understood, Tsukishima had “good days” where he would roast anyone, and mock a lot of people, but some days he just preferred to stay quiet, so Yamaguchi probably thought that his friend was having a bad day today, he kind of felt guilty, maybe what happened yesterday was still haunting his friend.

  
“I see… sorry Tsukki.” Spoke Yamaguchi, as he headed to his own desk, behind his taller friend, Tsukishima would talk with him when he felt like it. It was better that day, maybe just give him a few hours alone? He wasn’t fan of that, but it was what had to be done.

  
Finally after a long wait, classes finally started, and Tsukishima’s emotions decided to abandon the console for now, well, everyone except disgust, he had now the job to oversee Kei’s day more than ever, the idea bulb was still in the console, so the whole trigonometry class was just spent with Tsukishima looking at the board, trying to form memories for the next exams, and it was working quite well, the green emotion proudly saw as white, emotionless memories began to accumulate in the memory shelves, trigonometry was a topic that Kei already understood, so it was quite easy, trough, it still felt weird, way to quiet….. Yamaguchi would always whisper either s compliment for Tsukki for getting a good answer , or a question for a difficult equation, or a snarky comment about one of their classmates, but the death silence of the room was rather unfitting, apart from the teacher explaining, nothing else.

  
Tsukishima wanted to see what Yamaguchi was up to, he for a moment thought that Yamaguchi had died or something, to explain the silence, so he silently turned around to check on his friend, only for a second .

the plan to ignore Yamaguchi did not last for long, he finally saw Tadashi, the sunlight was passing through his brownish hair, creating a reunion of colors that varied from the dark greens to the golds in his head, it was like if Yamaguchi’s freckles were brighter thanks to the morning sunlight, his long disorganized bangs looming near his neat face, disgust quickly noticed that the alarm inside Tsukishima’s head had fired up, so he quickly pressed a button to make Kei pay attention to class instead, but Tsukishima did not respond to the command, he was obliviously lost in Yamaguchi’s looks, it was like if his brain stopped working property around his best friend, the thought of being even more nearer to Yamaguchi was tempting, the blonde teen completely ignored his work in the desk, at least until he heard the voice of the teacher calling for him,

“ Tsukishima.” The tutor said, making Kei snap out of his “enlightened” state, quickly turning around, he began to feel in shame to see that everyone began to stare at him, their looks simulated daggers stabbing the insides of his pride, “did I just-“ he said in his head, for how long had he been staring at Yamaguchi, contemplating his friend.

  
“They are into us!!!” yelled fear, putting disgust out of the way, pressing all the buttons possible in the controls, social shame was the worst scenario right now, Tsukishima just managed to look up to the teacher, the older one’s gaze penetrating his ego, when he talked with Yamaguchi normally during class, he was less obvious. “sorry for that sensei.” He managed to say, bowing to his teacher, even if his exterior expressions remained unchanged, he was dying inside, he didn’t notice that Yamaguchi was now looking at him, his brown chocolate eyes wondering why his friend had been called out, being honest, Tsukishima did felt those 2 eyes staring at him from behind, but he decided to ignore them.

“don’t deviate from the topics now, we don’t need to separate you and Yamaguchi right?” his teacher scolded, followed by the other students trying to hold their chuckles, Yamaguchi almost freaked out instantly when the teacher called out their names, great, now Tsukishima also felt guilty about framing Yamaguchi in his own twisted antics, great job Tsukishima.

  
“This idea was supposed to make Kei ignore Yamaguchi!!!” anger said, disappointed that their plain had failed. “Now it’s just making things worse!!!” he wanted to take control, for no reason really, so fear and sadness had to hold down his little body from reaching the controls. “this is such a good plan right?” said joy, with notorious sarcasm in his voice, while he remained seated in the sofa, seeing as a purple and green colored memory rolled to join the other white ones. “this is only a little…. Occurrence.” Replied disgust, trying to keep his composure. “it won’t happen again.”

  
And so everyone slowly returned to their previous activities, Kei managed to pick himself up emotionally to keep on with his classes, he had again that stupid blush….

  
It won’t happen again.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

It happened again.

  
After the classes ended, Yamaguchi noticed that Tsukishima was ignoring him way more than normal, when their eyes met during lunch, the blonde one immediately parted ways, leaving to the opposite hall, Yamaguchi was beginning to get worried, it was like… Tsukki was ignoring HIM, why? It was for the thing of the day before?.

  
“Maybe he already found out…” a voice inside his head replied, forming a terrifying thought in Yamaguchi, but the freckled teen decided to ignore it, nah… he was probably still flustered for talking way too much nonsense in the exhibition, not that Yamaguchi considered Tsukki’s speech as “nonsense” worth to say. He only needed space for today, just that.

  
Practice had finally arrived, Tsukishima focused on hid blocking, and Yamaguchi was busy practicing with Nishinoya his float serve, everything was going alright, Asahi and Tanaka were getting better with their spikes, even the orange tangerine was improving, now Tsukishima himself… not so much, but is not like if that concerned him too much, so he kept jumping and blocking, while his disgust still tried to keep control, but while Tsukishima was in middle of a jump to block Asahi, the blond teen heard a pair of snickers preparing to serve, he knew those sneakers.

  
It wasn’t logical, focus on the block, the tall teen told himself, but his eyes no longer listened to him, he saw as the ball wobbled in the air, before falling in the opposite court, their libero failing to catch it, Yamaguchi’s eyes lighted up, his lips formed a proud smile, clenching his own fists, those nights in Yamada mart finally paid off, Tsukishima saw that the sweat was dropping off Yamaguchi’s face, with a slight flush from the rise of blood in the freckled boy’s face, his freckles looked a little more red than usual too, Tsukishima once again forgot his tasks, trapped in admiration, not noticing that Asahi’s spike was getting near to his face, fear tried everything to correct the direction at which the eyes pointed to, but it was too late.

  
Yamaguchi’s eyes couldn’t stop from looking at his friend for approbation, the green haired boy saw that Tsukishima was also looking at him… at the worst moment “That’s kinda hot.” Tsukishima thought, referring to his… best friend?, he felt once again, that blood rushed to his pale skin and cheeks for two reasons,

reason A, Yamaguchi had triggered something in Tsukishima’s primal brain, something forbidden and nameless, and reason B, the ball had hit Kei’s face with so much force, that his glasses fell off, unfortunately, he didn’t acknowledge that he was falling until he heard a high pitched Tsuuuki!!!!, yup, he has fallen,

his face now hurt, now more red from the slight inflammation the spike had caused, Asahi looked petrified in guilt after this happened (Perhaps the fear inside Asahi had suffered a heart attack?) While Yamaguchi rushed to see if his friend was ok, luckily enough, this time, no blood, but Tsukishima tsched to himself, as he stood up, he wanted to ignore Yamaguchi, but the more he did, the more he wanted to look at him, another contradiction to add to the list.

\----------------------------------------------

Tsukishima was sitting outside the gym, nervously tapping his feet against the floor, trying to search comfort in the bench he was sitting on, practices was done, and now they were free for the weekend, but Tsukishima was not free from his own mind, he cursed himself and his brain for making him act so reckless, 2 times already of messing up, his extremities were stiff, and his mouth was dry, he hated this, what the hell are these… sensations supposed to mean.. is this feeling…

  
Inside his head, joy and disgust were fighting again, anger held joy down, while fear grabbed disgust’s arm, to stop a physical fight from happening. “this isn’t working at all!!” joy yelled, disappointed that they basically spend the whole day trying to keep Kei away from Yamaguchi, and failing to do so, at the start the idea itself was too much for him, but now it was just useless, for him the answer to this feelings was clear, no need to hide them!!!. “we don’t know what else to do!!!” replied disgust, it was true, today was a bad day, but what else should he do? Leave Kei alone, so that he would get flustered every time being with his friend? He could be doing something else, but he doesn’t know what.

  
“Please stop fighting!!!” yelled fear too, holding disgust’s sleeve harder, expecting both to be hitting each other at any given moment, sadness just layer on the floor, defeated on doing nothing. “this is going worse each day…” he whispered.

  
Tsukishima’s heart was beating steadily and strongly, with his fingers twitching a little, even if the inflammation from the hit had gone by, after Yachi gave him some ice packages, his face was still a filled canvas with a pink background with two big lumps of red in the sides, even if he didn’t want to, his mind travelled back to Yamaguchi, from the shock, he couldn’t remember what had happened yesterday in the exhibition, maybe this experiences had happened before, but now they were manifesting in his body, just thinking of his best friend made his heart skip a beat.

“he is quite handsome…”Tsukishima admitted to himself, maybe for girls, Yamaguchi was ugly, but for him, the freckled boy was the universe given human form, every constellation, every centimeter, carefully crafted in the celestial vault splattered across his soft skin, his chocolate eyes reminded him of alpha centauri A and B, two stars that orbited together around each other, like two eyes surrounding Tsukishima, his green spiky hair reminded him of the pillars of creation, a cloud of dust and gas, that gave birth to thousands of stars…. The universe that gave heat to a wandering desolated moon travelling across the wide galaxy….”The hell am I thinking” he said to himself, comparing his friend to the universe was…controversial to say the least, he needed to block that weird desire inside his heart,but now that he thought about it, he shouldn’t be ignoring Yamaguchi, he should be ignoring his emotions instead, if he just let his feelings take control,

he would be accepting that something was indeed wrong, and he wanted to avoid that possibility, he also did wanted to be with Yamaguchi, so…if he began to go out more with his friend, this weird feeling of passion would go away, right? For now he would just go with Yamaguchi, if he managed to make a normal conversation with the freckled boy, it would be proof that Tsukishima Kei is not ….”lovesick.” please don’t mention love, he stood up, and began to walk to another bench near the school, Yamaguchi’s favorite alone spot.

  
Fear quickly noticed that Kei was walking towards Yamaguchi, so she grabbed the levers in the console to stop him, while disgust and joy looked confused at the screen. She pulled the levers to her own body as hard as she could, but nothing happened, Tsukishima was scared of course, how would he talk to Yamaguchi after, having a weird dream about him, making him suffer a calling from the teacher, and making him worried for his face… all in the same day, his legs trembled for an instant, but he had to be strong. “just talk to him like a normal person.” the blonde teen said to himself ,no, you are not gay, you are just confused that’s all, he said to himself in to search some comfort, he kept walking towards his best friend in the wide universe… ”not again with the space metaphors dammit” he reprimanded himself.

  
“what is this??” fear exclaimed, trying to move the controls, but it no longer had effect. “why isn’t he scared?” she said, with dread in her face, “he is scared…” disgust replied, still managing to hear Tsukishima’s heart beat like crazy from somewhere. ”he is just ignoring his fear… at the end, he is the one who takes the decisions, not us.” He explained, and the situation was true, at the end of the day, they were only his emotions, they acted more like guides to their human, but Kei was the one who drove his own life, so if he decided that he wanted to talk with Yamaguchi, there was no helping it.

  
Tsukishima finally made it to Yamaguchi, the smaller boy still sitting in the bench, drinking a juice box, not really focused on anything in particular, until he heard the footsteps of his friends, immediately turning around, Tsukishima no longer had his headphones in his head, and he didn’t had his mp3 player anywhere else neither, a possible evidence that he was now feeling better. “tsukii!!!” he quickly said, having at him from the distance, while he made space for his friend in the bench, the blonde one hesitated for a moment, with all that had happened, he wasn’t sure if being that close to Yamaguchi would be ok, but him standing while Yamaguchi was sitting… maybe he proffered to sit and hold inside his feelings, and so he carefully took a seat in the bench, stretching his tired legs to gain comfort, Yamaguchi smiled for a moment now that he had time to talk with his friend, but Tsukishima felt again that weird thing, seeing that sweet smile, just ignore them.

  
“So… how has your day been?” the green haired boy asked to break the ice, in this case, disgust decided to take control for now, this day was far from good. “well. I think my nose is way flatter now.” He said ironically, it still kind of hurt, but the most hurtful thing was the fact that it was his fault, Yamaguchi giggled for a moment, but he suddenly stopped, looking a little concerned, but still preserving his pristine smile. “I wonder if you hit your head recently, you’ve been acting weird lately…” Yamaguchi said, while taking a sip from his juice.

  
Tsukishima’s heart dropped and his eyes widened, shit, he noticed, he said to himself, he could feel his body raising it’s core temperature. “he’s unto us!!!” fear screamed, extending her hand to grab a lever, but disgust stopped her, trying to remain in control. “not yet.” The green emotion replied as he typed in certain code in the console. “Kei can still pretend.”  
So strategy 1. Deceive .

  
“What are you talking about?” The tallest teen tried to argue, his logical said said it wouldn’t work, but he still went with it, his palms were getting sweaty, shit. “well, Hinata is our professional face receiver, not you.” Yamaguchi chuckled again, but this time in a lower tone. “and, you have been avoiding me too.”  
Fear was about to pass out, now they would have to tell Yamaguchi that Kei was developing questionable feelings for his best friend , she managed to free herself from disgust, taking control of the console, even if Kei’s expression didn’t change, hid back became stiff and his breathing was turning more erratic, “control yourself” the blonde one told himself, he then remembered part if what had happened yesterday, the closet that held the memory began to rumble, but disgust and anger quickly rushed to it, to try and hold the memory in, with this, Tsukishima still couldn’t remember the exact moment, but the feeling was still there, the day where it started, the day that his weird feelings for Yamaguchi appeared.

“tsc” he said, looking at another direction, just ignoring how his emotions always fought for control was tiring, but if he just told half of the truth, maybe things wouldn’t go down. “I was just feeling embarrassed for what happened yesterday “ he said, hopefully it was enough, suddenly Yamaguchi gave him a small playful hit in his arm. “I told you that you shouldn’t be ashamed of that.” The green haired boy sighted, he maybe was the only being in this world able to coexist with a living mine of salts and defaults. “you can sometimes get stubborn Tsukki!!”   
but Tsukishima didn’t respond at all, yes, he was stubborn, but he didn’t need Yamaguchi to remind him.

“shut up Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima softly said, symbol of his wish to finish the little argument there, so Yamaguchi responded with the usual. “sorry Tsukki.” At least the freckled boy now knew that his friend was just ashamed of yesterday’s incident, so he was relieved, Tsukishima was still oblivious of Yamaguchi’s secret, for now… Good.

  
“And what is the deal with staring at me in class?” questioned Yamaguchi, he had heard from his classmates that Tsukishima was looking at him before the teacher called them, the guy with glasses nervously gulped, the memory from a few hours ago magically levitated until it reached the projector, projecting the embarrassing moment in Tsukishima’s mind once again, and since the emotions (except fear, who was holding to the controls like if her life depended on it) were busy trying to avoid the memory from yesterday to be released, god, Tsukishima grew more ashamed every second, but he quickly developed other defense mechanism.  
Strategy 2. Black humor.

  
“Not much being honest.” He said, now turning around to see his friends in the other side of the bench. “you just had an insect in your head.” This sentence made Yamaguchi’s face twist and curl with disgust, as he passed a hand through his greenish hair, god, not his hair. “you could have slapped it out of my head instead of staring at it for who knows how long!!!!.” Yamaguchi reprimanded, maybe Tsukishima was just mocking him.

“I couldn’t, too many witnesses would see me hitting your face.” Tsukishima replied, Yamaguchi gave him another small harmless hit in his shoulder, at least with his tone of voice, it was obvious that Tsukishima was just teasing, so there was no real anger. “you little.” Yamaguchi said, while Tsukki had a small smug grin in his face, the bastard was enjoying this, mainly because disgust ordered joy to take control, to hopefully distract Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, at least the blonde one did not look ashamed or insecure right now, maybe Tsukki only needed some time together, and today was the perfect day. even if the question of “why were you staring at me in class” was never answered.   
“So… can I drop in your house. “ the green haired boy asked, he already had plans for this.

  
Tsukishima already knew more or less what Yamaguchi meant by dropping into his house thus specific day, but at the end, as long as he ignored his heart going weird places, nothing would go wrong, just simulate that everything was fine. “sure, and my mom and brother are working, so it will be better “he commented, stretching his arms, to try and wake them up, since they had grown as stiff as wood. “that’s good Tsukii.” Yamaguchi cheerfully said, he was still a bit doubtful of what was going on with Tsukki, but today it was his best friend’s day, no need for interviews, not today. “I’ll drop at 9.” 

  
Tsukishima nodded, no need to ignore Yamaguchi, just ignore your weird emotions, inside his head, the idea bulb of ignoring Yamaguchi dislodged from it’s slot, meaning that Tsukishima didn’t want to ignore his friend anymore, said idea bulb almost fell to the ground, but fear catched it on time. 

  
“This will be exciting-“

  
“This will be painful-“

  
the yellow and green emotion said respectively at the same time, just before sending deadly glares against each other, joy thought that giving Kei a moment to clear his head would be good. But disgust thought that having a mind clearing space beside the person who started all the problems, it would be problematic, but sadly, Kei didn’t had any near friends apart from Yamaguchi, now that the memory inside the closet had stabilized, they could focus in the important stuff, while the two boys seated in the bench, their respective emotion began to plan how the events would play.

  
Meanwhile, fear held the ides bulb, maybe they could destroy it, negated ideas should be discarded, that is what the manual says, but she felt something.. wrong with all of this, they didn’t even knew if this was “love” but fear felt, that it would end up badly. “maybe I can use this idea bulb later…” She thought, while hiding the idea bulb inside her dress, while no one was seeing her. The idea of ignoring Yamaguchi Tadashi had been disconnected, but it was still intact, and it could come back if needed. “this will come in handy.”

\--------------------------------------------------

Tsukishima Kei waited in the sofa, playing with his fingers, while “watching” the news, but in reality he just wanted some kind of background noise, to forget that he was alone in his house, it was off for him, he sometimes craved for loneliness, specially in his house, the blonde one would prefer to keep on living in his bedroom without having to talk much with his brother, but now that his brother and mother were working, the silence was… off putting, he felt so small, and confused to an ignorant universe, he sighted, he didn’t understand this emptiness without Yamaguchi, and he didn’t had anyone to talk about it, except Yamaguchi, but that would carry on other problems 

  
“So, may I use the console at least for the rest of the day?” asked joy, while they all waited in their own sofa for Yamaguchi to arrive. “is his birthday…”  
Disgust thought for a moment, it was true that joy had certain effect on the console, that was somehow related to this weird, hot reaction, so repressing him made sense, but, if Kei wasn’t happy in his birthday, Yamaguchi would pick up on something being wrong, and soon would interrogate the hell out of Kei, so, maybe just keeping joy in check while in the console would be enough.

“ok, you may.” Said the green emotion, crossing his arms in a monotone voice. “but don’t do anything way too weird.” Disgust knew that joy could really mess things up, but for Kei, they had to risk it, is not like their teenager followed his fear’s advice as much anymore, so no running away from this one. And there’s no way to fight this neither

  
The yellow emotion nodded, with a slight smile in his face. “I hope everything goes well.” He said, while looking at a yellow orb, containing the memory of last year’s birthday, it was a quiet but fun reunion for Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, hopefully for disgust, it would go like this too, no love, no weird emotion, just two guys enjoying a moment together.

  
“He is late now…” anger complained, tapping his shoe against the floor, Yamaguchi wasn’t known for being a late guy, well…maybe only In the mornings… but only the mornings when he woke up late like today “I wonder if he is in a car wreck now.” Sighted sadness, already picturing the worst possible scenario, for disgust, sadness’s prediction were an annoyance worth to say. “don’t start with your stuff sadness.” Disgust said firmly, while thinking of a more hopeful explanation. “he is probably buying the cake or something “

  
Finally around 9:30 pm, Tsukishima heard the door being knocked, so he quickly stood up, turning off the TV, putting a jacket on himself to protect him of the cold night, the blonde one finally made to the door, he hesitated in opening the door, maybe letting Yamaguchi in would be a big regret later, but he then remembered that the climate was freezing, so he had to let Yamaguchi enter, if he didn’t want the freckled boy to freeze to death.

  
“Hello Tsukki!!!” said Yamaguchi after his tall friend opened the door, it was obvious that he was freezing outside, rubbing his hands together, Tsukki felt guilty now for considering leaving Yamaguchi outside like a dog a few moments ago, god he was a disaster….“hello.” Said the tallest one, while he retrieved a large hoodie from the porch, handling it to Yamaguchi, who didn’t had any thick clothing for this cold night. “take this please “ at least Tsukishima’s heart hadn’t exploded yet.

  
“Thanks Tsukki!.” Yamaguchi said, while he putted on the hoodie, it was baggie in his arms, an indicator that Tsukishima was the owner of it, but Yamaguchi was used to use Tsukki’s clothes sometimes, like in unplanned sleepovers. 

  
The two finally removed their shoes, sitting now in the couch “I have something for you!.” He said excited, but with a gram of insecurity, this statement couldn’t be more obvious, the shortest of the two had a bag in his hands, Kei’s hands began to sweat a little, and his stomach churned, he had almost skipped his dinner worrying about Yamaguchi, so he almost recognized the smell instantly, “is that cake?” joy wondered, pressing a button in the controls, making Kei more interested in the contents of the box.

  
Tsukishima waited a few seconds, before saying “can I have a look?” in a polite way, trying not to sound so craving of the sweet, god this would take a toll on him eventually, “s-are you sure?” Yamaguchi asked, with his smile trembling a bit, to which Tsukishima nodded, the green haired boy then took a deep breath, before opening the box. Disgust gasped, dropping his jaw 

  
The cake had suffered some kind of horrifying surgery, the toping had crumbled down a little, and the top of the cake, that had the drawing of a volleyball on it, being honest looked more like an American football ball, the baker really messed up this one’s shape. Tsukishima even wondered if the possibility of a car crash would explain the deformation of the cake “the hell is this?” yelled disgust, pulling a lever in the console, making Tsukishima feel disappointed. “how much money did Yamaguchi spent on this?” he wondered.

  
There was an awkward silence, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima stared in awe at the deformed cake, no one was sure about breaking the silence that protected their pride, until Tsukishima tried to crack a joke.” Are you sure that baker didn’t had a stroke doing this cake, I mean, it smells nice but they should give your money back.” Tsukishima mockingly said, he appreciated that Yamaguchi had bought him something for his birthday, but maybe the freckled boy should have looked inside the box before leaving the bakery, Yamaguchi’s eyes reflected shame and regret, as he lowered his head. “I actually wanted to do something new…” he said, he always had a feeling that it had gone bad, but now he had confirmation. “I baked it for you Tsukki.”

  
disgust immediately removed his hands from the console, realizing that the victims of the roasts and acid jokes was Yamaguchi all along, Tsukishima was left in an even more uncomfortable silence, a soft blush coming in his face, god, “Yamaguchi looking ashamed looked.. kind of cute? What the hell is wrong with me today?” Tsukishima wondered, then he tried to clear his throat, he had really fucked up.  
“So… happy birthday!!!! Tsukki….”

  
Tsukishima felt awful for a moment, he often said anything that was on his head, sometimes without measuring consequences, he proceeded to clench his fists and looked away for a second, inside his head, sadness tried to pick himself up, but disgust stood between the blue emotion and the console, with a cold gaze, it was enough from disgust to say that they did not need sadness right now, they almost didn’t need someone like him at all, instead, joy slowly pressed a button instead, making Tsukishima focus again in the real world, the blonde guy breathed in, he just had to play it cool.

“so…can I take a bite?” Tsukishima said, now looking at Yamaguchi again, with hid hands stuffed inside his hoodie, this made Yamaguchi’s mood improve, since it had dropped into a spiral of insecurity the moment Tsukki opened the box, Tsukishima not saying sorry would seem something off, but since they had grown quite close (not romantically Tsukishima wanted to think) that the green haired boy knew that his friend in a way said sorry by giving a chance to eat his creation, proving that he wanted to retract himself from the last statement, so the freckled boy gave a warm smile. “sure thing Tsukki!!!.” He said, while he got up from the couch, searching for two plates and forks. “is your birthday after all.”

  
Tsukishima’s face was painted with a little smile, that had passed unnoticed to the blonde teen until he felt his cheeks getting hotter, quickly turned around from watching Yamaguchi to watching the TV, but being honest, Yamaguchi was more interesting that watching a political debate, but he preferred to ignore his feeling, just be with Yamaguchi, but don’t get too near neither.

  
inside his head, the alarm had activated again… so joy quickly removed his hands from the console, he had somehow done ut again? Or it was a coincidence, nonetheless, the worry and disappointment in disgust’s eyes was pretty much obvious, so the yellow emotion backed off, but not completely, he still had to keep Kei happy in his birthday, even if it deepened him in a love affair with Yamaguchi, is not like joy could stop this so…. Better flow with the flow.

\-------------------------------------------------

The cake was finally no more, and Tsukishima was satisfied, inside him, joy almost had to fight with disgust to have another chance to control, since disgust was scared that the cake may have been poisoned, but after thinking more clearly, he realized that the chances of it being the case were low, so he let go of the console, keeping an eye on the yellow emotion instead.

  
The cake’s flavor was quite good really, in comparison with it’s outer messy decorations, creating several yellow memories inside Tsukishima, even if it didn’t show in the blonde one’s face, Yamaguchi knew that Tsukki was pleased, so he was also satisfied that his hard work had paid off, but under disgust’s control, who had reassumed power shorty after, Kei offered some constructive criticism, for example, the cake’s inside was a little dry, and the sweetness was quite overwhelming in some bites, he said things like that, still sitting in the couch, with Yamaguchi at his side, still finishing his own piece, while taking mental notes, comparing Tsukki’s advice with the flavor in his mouth, and surprise, it was true, but he knew that Tsukishima told him that so that he would get even better, so Yamaguchi just said. “sowy Tsukki.” With the last piece of cake still in his mouth, “I’ll make a better one next year!!!” the freckled guy said, after swallowing what was left.

  
“But it was still good.” Tsukishima added, with a slight smile in his face, but Yamaguchi frowned in an exaggerated, even comedic manner. “someone’s been pretty soft lately.” Yamaguchi teased, while crossing his arms, Tsukishima felt his heart being set on fire, it was like if Yamaguchi being more secure of himself… attracted his attention even more… but no time for that, the alarm inside his head activated again, but disgust quickly took control of the console to make Kei focus more in other things, like teasing back. “the one who isn’t soft at all here is the cake… want me to be more harsh in my critique?”

  
Yamaguchi chuckled, Tsukishima’s voice now sounded slightly melodramatic, the blonde one was quite a dork deep inside, in his own twisted but lovely way.

  
Disgust silently watched, that the alarm had settled down for now…   
after that, the two had gotten inside Tsukishima’s bedroom, the pale walls would usually look lame and dull to anyone, but this was Tsukishima and Yamaguchi’s normal, they had two bean bags In the floor, next to a console, they both sat there and quickly turned on the console, searching one of their classic favorites, a zombie shooting name, it was quite simple and even repetitive, but it had certain charm into it, unfortunately for Tsukishima, Yamaguchi had gotten quite good at it, so he was getting quite closer to his own score, so anger was ordered by disgust to take the controls, making Kei even more desperate, and slightly passionate at defeating Yamaguchi in this game of life and death. Joy looked behind to the window, and to his relief, friendship island had reconnected once again.

  
“I’ve gotten quite good haven’t I Tsukii? The green haired boy asked excited, to which Tsukishima frowned. (Disgust decided that anger’s time to motivate Kei was done, after the blonde one was killed more than 5 times, so he took control again ) why was he getting so fired up at a game? Both himself and Yamaguchi, it was weird, but with Yamaguchi he wanted to try harder, maybe not volleyball as much, but at other stuff, he likes to compete, with simple little things like videogames, or who remembers more names of stars, those moments also made him quite happy, joy managed to slip in at the side of the console, while disgust and anger were still discussing over who should have been more in control, and pressed a small button, Kei felt serotonin rushing through him in little moments like this. And another happy memory was created.

  
But he soon realized that maybe, those moments of little joy and appreciation were a big, but not the only, cause of his weird feelings towards Yamaguchi, so he preferred to save those sensations for himself, so he didn’t smile that time.

  
“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

  
“Sorry Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, while he prepared to start another round, meanwhile, joy was a little disappointed, with Kei, it was quite a hit or miss, he knew that Kei could feel happiness, he knew that deep inside he needed the yellow emotion, but sometimes he preferred to keep joy shut down, for his own safety, so only 1 yellow orb rolled down… comparing it to the other hundreds of green orbs.. it was kind of sad, “other time maybe…” joy whispered at himself, slowly leaving the proximities of the controls to not interrupt anger’s and disgust’s discussion, he would really like it if Kei was more open with his feelings towards Yamaguchi.

  
The two teenagers had gotten so trapped in the game they were tearing down, that they hadn’t realized that their hands and bodies were beginning to get near… way too near, after a frustrating game over, they both sighted in defeat, and as they laid back, their hands touched… just one touch, this wasn’t supposed to be weird, they as best friends have shared a lot of proximity, so why was Kei suddenly feeling himself getting lighter, being able to feel the other one’s soft, tender freckled skin, a hot surface compared to most of his house, under that oversized hoodie, but he also felt himself getting hotter… it was happening again. 

  
Fear had quickly noticed this, making her way to the main controls, before the alarms had the chance to activate, the purple emotion pulled two levers as hard as she could, bringing Kei back to his senses, and when he realized that their hands had remained together for 1 minute… without talking… he and Yamaguchi pulled away almost at the same time, an awkward silence rising between them. “not again…” disgust softly said, this time… it had been an accident, but that didn’t make it any better.

  
Kei just looked at the wall, yes, the wall, just ignore the weird sensation in his heart, for a few minutes, or forever, he felt his lips trembling, and his lungs ached a little, just don’t look at Yamaguchi, he could imagine his friends’ confusion and even revulsion seeing Kei like this… it was obvious it would happen.  
“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi said, his voice sounded monotone, like trying to contain and negative emotion he had against Tsukishima, or that’s what the blonde one thought, but he still negated to look at his friend. “it’s getting kind of hot in here… we should go to the living room.” Said Yamaguchi finally, yeah it made sense for Tsukishima, even if they were in almost winter, even if the freckled boy still had Tsukki’s hoodie, anyways, the blonde one craved space, so he nodded and got up, walking behind Yamaguchi, not eye contact under any circumstance.

  
They finally managed to reach the living room, Tsukishima decided to stretch, a little part of the pressure that had built in his chest was gone, so breathing was a little easier, but he still needed to figure out something to do with Yamaguchi, something to distract his disturbed mind, after a part of debating from Yamaguchi and him, they finally decided to watch a movie.

\-------------------------------------------

“Hmm…” Yamaguchi hummed, as he looked through the shelf of movies that lied next to the tv, until he found one that caught his eye, it had some dust in it, but it still looked interesting. “what about Jurassic world.” 

  
Tsukishima froze for a moment, while he waited at the microwave for the caramel popcorns he had settled in, god that movie, he had some divisive opinions on it to be honest. “can’t we just watch the original?” disgust said, pulling a lever towards him, making Kei’s face slightly frown, but this action was cancelled quickly by joy, who moved the lever away from disgust. “but we have already seen the original way too much, we have half the script already memorized!!” the yellow emotion yelled, with both of them arguing once again, that only added more fire to Tsukki’s confusion, what movie to watch, at least he had forgotten for a moment about his weird feelings towards Yamaguchi, even if fear tried to separate those two from the controls, it proved pointless.

  
“Are you… sure?” asked the blonde boy, with a slightly annoyed voice, as he served the popcorn in two matching blue bowls with stripes in them, Yamaguchi on the other side pouted. “but I haven’t seen it yet!!” he wanted to argue, to spend a little time with his friend, to forget those awkward moments… but Yamaguchi thought, this was Tsukishima’s birthday, the only reason why he hadn’t interrogated Tsukki for his weird behavior today was because he wanted his friend to be calm, so, maybe watching tsukki’s favorite would be better? “or… watch whatever movie you want Tsukki… it’s your birthday after all!!” the freckled boy quickly corrected himself, nervously scratching the back of his head.  
Tsukishima finally decided, he wanted Yamaguchi to be happy today too, and at the end, he could laugh off any stupid plot point or cheesy dialogue, so, just turn down your brain and enjoy the show.

“let’s watch Jurassic world then.” Tsukishima said, as he sat down the couch, giving a bowl of popcorn to Yamaguchi, and he received it with a slight smile in his face, at the end he would manage to see the movie he wanted… even if Tsukki didn’t seem to like it, Yamaguchi doubted for a moment, maybe he was just burdening his friend…. But he saw Tsukki’s determined gaze as he introduced the cd in the record player, maybe he did wanted to see the movie in the inside? At the end, not even Yamaguchi Tadashi himself could understand how Tsukishima Kei’s brain worked completely, maybe for the best?  
Tsukishima finally pressed start, this would be good hopefully, just laugh off the bad parts, and ignore the rest…ignore, yes ignore it, just let his joy take over for now… nothing bad can happen right now? Right?.

\--------------------------

“Wow, this movie is horrible.” Disgust complained, while he pressed a button, making Tsukishima even more bored, and creating even more green memory, that rolled to the shelves, but In between the greenish hues, some yellow memories were made, must of them were caused when joy made Kei smile or mock certain movie scene, but one of those memories, was when Yamaguchi was also laughing at a corny joke said by Tsukki, Yamaguchi’s laugh… that brought bad memories to disgust, he quickly looked behind to make sure that the memory of that fateful day was safely in place, buried in a closet, and there it was, perfectly sealed away from the rest of the mind.

  
“Hey!!!.” Joy said with a slight hope in his voice, rushing towards his green crewmate. “at least Yamaguchi wanted to see it tight?” but disgust rolled his eyes, pointing with his left hand at the screen that showed Tsukishima’s vision. “not really” disgust answered, then the yellow emotion looked up to see the screen more clearly, and Yamaguchi was… asleep.

  
Tsukishima awkwardly laid near Yamaguchi in the couch, the smaller boy had grown so tired… Kei looked around to see the clock. 11 pm, it was quite late, he turned back to see his friend, he was peacefully sleeping, his soft eyelids over his chocolate eyes, with his legs folded near his chest, as he took soft breaths, a slight snoring came and go, Yamaguchi looked so peaceful while he was asleep, so… cute, joy couldn’t hold himself, he against disgust’s command pressed a button, Making kei smile a little, no longer paying attention to the movie, just the two of then, without any annoying people around, just themselves… it was quite perfect, ignoring the movie playing aside, a new yellow memory orb was created, joining with the other green memories. but this emotion wouldn’t last, Tsukishima could feel himself getting hotter, dammit not again.

  
“joy don’t!!!” demanded disgust, as he looked down at the attraction alarm with terror, oh shit not now he thought, the yellow emotion quickly stopped holding the controls, for now… the alarm hadn’t activated. “well.. at least he looks kind of cute while sleeping-hah.. “ fear chuckled nervously, trying to dissipate the tense environment around them right now, something kind of contradictory with herself since she was supposed to represent Kei’s insecurities   
Then, the rest would make Kei’s world give a 180  
Yamaguchi began to lay more against his friend, until in his, deep slumber, he somehow managed to lazily pull his right arm around Tsukishima’s neck, and he got nearer and nearer to the taller one, beginning to cuddle in Tsukishima’s lap,

the green haired boy completely oblivious in his dreamy state about what was happening to his friend, and to say the least, he was petrified, and his heart was about to explode again, but this time even worse, teukki’s thoughts had suddenly derailed the moment Yamaguchi pulled his arm around his neck, electricity rushing through his spine, as well as his blood, in danger of boiling now, his face passed through various phases of red and pink, the boy with glasses felt frozen, and in fire at the same time, his arms had turned into stone and his chest was boiling, he hated this feeling and somehow loved it.., how soft Yamaguchi’s skin felt with his, own… his mind was reaping apart.

  
inside his head, chaos ensued, the attraction alarm activated with the moat abrupt sound possible, and the lights began to flicker, and everyone inside was in shock, naturally, disgust and fear were the first to respond, pressing a big red button in the center of the controls, activating the alarm state, flashing lines and sirens roaring everywhere inside Tsukishima’s head. “WHY IS HE CUDDLING WITH KEI!!!” fear screamed, as she kept hitting the button over and over again, so that their human would respond, but the blonde boy kept laying in the sofa, frozen in time, while Yamaguchi was having some kind of dream, while Kei was petrified, and paralyzed by fear and awkwardness, and even.. he was so flustered right now, “why isn’t he responding?” asked joy, as he laid in the side, not knowing what to do neither, normally, with this new situation, he wanted to use this chance of contact to make Kei happy while Yamaguchi cuddled with him, but now only panic flooded the mind.

  
And to make matters worse, they all heard the sound of chains breaking, disgust knew what it was, he turned around, to see that 1 second later, the memory that they had decided to suppress… that day at the exhibition, that specific memory orb, colored with both yellow and purple had opened a big hole in the wood of the closet, being fired towards the memory projector, no one managed to stop it, before the orb landed on the device with a thud, and then, projector began to project the memory, “no!!!” disgust and fear said at the same time.

  
Tsukishima finally remembered now, from the sudden flush of emotions, he now remembered clearly his experience with Yamaguchi in the exhibition, he recalled how his heart tingled, how his legs trembled that day, and today, with Yamaguchi literally laying peacefully in his lap, this feelings… it was deeper than any despair or hope, sinking all the way to his guts and heart, he wanted… to keep Yamaguchi like this, the two closely laying around each other, in a more closer way than “normal”   
His hands shacked like if he was in an earthquake, how could Yamaguchi be sleeping peacefully while his taller “friend” was having millions of joules of energy going through him, for Tsukishima, he felt that his heart had been stabbed by am arrow, and not those kind of arrows made for war… this one was deeper.

“no.. it can’t be, I don’t like him!!!” Tsukishima said to himself in denial, turn between fear for this new emotion and, something else, as he tried to accommodate his glasses. “no… I am not in love!!” he kept telling himself in his head, and his emotions were all over the place, his brain was at the bridge of a 404 error, and he knew it.

  
“WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO!!!” screamed anger, as he brought a fire extinguisher to stop the flames that began to expand around headquarters, the heat threatening to destroy the mind. “we have to snap him out of this state…somehow…” said sadness in a monotone voice, as he laid next to the whole mind manual collection now in fire, but the blue emotion was indifferent. “maybe if we stimulate Kei with even more emotion…he will snap out of..m this.” Suggested disgust, Yamaguchi’s presence was soothing and chaotic for Kei, and he wouldn’t survive more of this.

  
“Are you sure disgust?.” Asked joy, as he helped anger take down the flames that grew hotter each second. “wouldn’t that be unproductive?”  
“Yeah… but we have nothing else to do..” followed disgust, as he got near to the control panel, insecurity sculpturing his face, but now Kei needed them, he had no idea of what he was doing as the leader anymore sadly “if everyone presses this button at the same time, maybe we can snap him out of this”

  
Everyone quickly agreed, it was that, or being consumed by the fire of lower desires spreading, sadness even stood up, surprising achievement to be honest, so when anger dropped the extinguisher, the five emotion of Tsukishima Kei quickly grouped together, and finally pressed a red button in the center of the controls, at the same time.  
Taukishima felt every emotion possible in the lapse of 1 second, shame, fear, revulsion, lust? Admiration, anger? 

  
His heart skipped a beat

  
He couldn’t keep with this any longer.

  
He quickly stood up from the sofa at the speed of light, almost dropping Yamaguchi to the floor, the freckled boy immediately woke up to the sudden jerk he received. “ts-tsukki?” he asked, as he rubbed his eyes, he had just gotten such a good dream with-  
“what the hell Yamaguchi!!!” Tsukishima said annoyed and rather pissed, now his anger had taken over, how did Yamaguchi dare to use him for.. cuddles, and why did it feel good??, what are this weird sensations. “why were you hugging me while you were sleeping ?“

  
Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, almost collapsing inside his eye sockets. As his heart also skipped a beat for a second, no way…what he was dreaming… no no no, it can’t be, I didn’t just cuddle up with Tsukki while I was asleep, it can’t- Yamaguchi’s thoughts flew inside his skulls, hitting all angles in his head, as his skin filled with dark freckles began to glow a vibrant shade of red.

  
“I -UM well… um, the think is… well, I” the freckled boy tried to say, but his brain had stopped working too, as well as his vocal cords, he looked at Tsukishima’s eyes, for the first time; he didn’t knew at all what was Tsukki feeling, fear? Anger? Shook?  
What is it?

  
He wanted to be swallowed by the earth.

  
“Well… tsukki..” Yamaguchi finally spilled out, while he took a deep breath, just say something, don’t let him know… “I was…. Dreaming that I was with a girl y’know …. It wasn’t dirty or anything, really!!!” he tried to justify, meanwhile Tsukishima listened, his heart settled a little now, but by a little, it just meant that it no longer was about to explode, maybe slowly combust into ash would be a better description now, while he looked at another direction, trying to ignore Yamaguchi himself, only being capable of hearing Yamaguchi’s timid and trembling voice, that soft melody that put him to sleep and chased him a lot of nights. “so… that girl and I were just… cuddling, hugging, y’know… normal stuff!!!” he said, moving his hands around to emphasize his story.

“but while I was…dreaming and stuff, I guess I was moving my body.. as if you were that girl… god I am sorry tsukki.” Yamaguchi bowed towards his friend, doing something that shameless… even if he had no control over it. No surprise that that dream felt so real, the person he was hugging, at the end his body played a fool game on him, making him cuddle and hug his friend… “something might be wrong with me..” Yamaguchi thought

  
Tsukishima was astonished, now that he had calmed down, he could think clearly, he recalled some other moments… being with Yamaguchi, as more time they spent together passed, more strong that feeling grew…. A feeling telling him to protect Yamaguchi’s caramel eyes, now closed as a sign of apology and submission, his freckles that somehow seemed to have disappeared under his red sweaty skin, but still soft non the less, he wanted to be with Yamaguchi, protect Yamaguchi, live with Yamaguchi, protect his happiness his only and best…. “Friend.”

  
suddenly, in his head, a light began to glow, a light so strong that it blinded everyone for a moment, then, when it passed, disgust took a step closer, and gasped, in the memory shelves, a new memory rested, one that was brighter and more brilliant than usual, one that had the five colors… red, yellow, green, blue, purple, each colors having a straight wide line, “a rainbow core memory?” anger asked completely confused, this was new.. the memory began to roll down a tube, reaching the core memory container, now inside said container, a trail of light appeared, fired towards the site that contained the islands of personality, now, in between friendship island and the forgotten volleyball island, a bright island, that had the statues of Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, hugging each other, under a sakura tree, it’s branches forming a heart, but without leaves, instead, little stars and a little moon were hanging from the said branches… it was the most beautiful island that was ever created… everyone looking both impressed and horrified, for the new addition in Kei’s personality.

“What is this…” disgust said… the proof was there, the truth was physically there, the ugly truth he had tried to ignore and refuse, and now it was here, a manifestation of that feeling, taking the physical form of an island of personality to mock him for his stupidity… meanwhile joy looked from the back, this islands was legitimate proof… of the reality of their situation.

  
Outside, the two boys stared at each other, both their faces a shade of pink, no words were needed for Kei… he finally understood, a part of it at least.  
“Sorry tsukii. I-I have to go” Said Yamaguchi, as he took off Tsukki’s sweater, leaving it in the chair beside them, it was cold inside, but the heat coming from his heart would be enough, he just.. couldn’t look up at Tsukishima right now, he slowly walked towards the door, putting his shoes on, trying not to look at his friend, who laid petrified in the living room “I am sorry Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said, waving his hand nervously before closing the door.

  
Tsukishima laid there, finally falling to the ground, now with his back against the cold floor, n but, it wasn’t cold for his body… as the credits for the movie they never managed to see rolled, yeah, this feeling… it felt quite good, but the implications of who was the other person, and how it could affect him, it terrified him, but there was no doubt now… from all those cheesy novels Yamaguchi read before, novels that he would glance a little out of boredom, the descriptions were weird and cliché, but they were faithful, how his heart was beating so strongly, feeling invincible, and at the same time weak and defenseless, the emotion known as the living contradiction.

  
“I am in love with Yamaguchi” he quietly said defeated, drowning in the realization, lying in the floor… he was officially in love with his only friend, both a blessing, and a curse.  
And right now it felt more like a curse….

\-----------------

Bonus comic!:

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I hoped you liked it, also, the next chapter will ne focused on yamaguchi's pov, and it will be more like an extra, so it will ne shorter, hopefully I cam update it quicker (yep, I headcannon that joy looks like hinata, disgust looks like...tsukishima, sadness looks like akiteru, anger looks like kageyama and fear looks like yachi)
> 
> Also the comic is kinda old so the art isn't the best, but I will make some other complemet drawings for this fic in the future!!


	4. The mind of Yamaguchi Tadashi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima is not the only one of the two who is struggling with his emotions.
> 
> Yamaguchi also has his own problems to deal with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone!!!!  
> I am a little late, so sorry for the delay, the chapter ended up being larger than expected.
> 
> But anyways, this chapter basically changes P.O.V to yamaguchi.
> 
> I should say that here the angst and the internalized homophobia begin, so be ready for this ones
> 
> And don't wory about tsukishima, next chapter will be again about him.

Chap 3.5  
A different point of view.

  
Yamaguchi couldn’t sleep at all, he only managed to stay in his bed, still with the clothes of yesterday, looking at the ceiling, holding in his left hand the present that was never given to Tsukki, he felt… ridiculous, the memory of a few hours ago, that moment when he accidentally began to cuddle with Tsukki, it kept repeating on loop in his head, and it felt so real. Each time.

  
When he arrived home a few hours ago, he was still shacking, by one part, it was freezing outside, but in the other, the tension that he held back inside of him had finally escaped in the form of spasms and shacking, he softly sighted , as he brought the little present wrapped in green paper closer to his chest, somehow expecting his heart to feel less heavy, filled with embarrassment and shame, even if he had been unconscious that time, it just made it worse, he basically had showed his true desires to his friend… and that was even more shameful, “at least no one can see me right now.” Yamaguchi said to himself, as he rubbed his face with his right hand, to try to hide his increasingly red blush from nobody in special, is not like if anyone could check on him, in the darkness of his room.

  
Nobody could, except for his own emotions.

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“Please…fear.” A yellow emotion with messy hair and blue freckles said, while he was trying to calm down another emotion painted in purple and pink, with a noticeable and long strand of hair in it’s head, looking like a nerve. “please calm down.. this isn’t- as bad as it looks like!!” Yamaguchi’s joy tried to reassure fear, putting his hand in the purple emotion’s back, but the fearsome being quickly turned around, while he grabbed his own pink hair in stress. “don’t tell me to calm down joy!!!” fear yelled, constantly walking in circles inside headquarters, as panic invaded his being.

  
“This is literally the worst outcome I had overseen!!!.” The purple emotion kept mumbling, looking more desperate as time kept going. “why did we go to that party???” he said, now swinging between his usual nervous demeanor and a sudden rage. Directed at joy.

  
“I- we didn’t know it would go like that!!!!!!” joy pleaded, while he stood in the center, while looking at the memory of a few hours ago playing in the screen, he now recalled Tadashi’s horror, suddenly waking up to see Tsukki standing with a face of disgust. And the realization that he was basically acting up his dream with Tsukki in the real life.

  
“I mean… maybe tsukki was just…shocked right, seeing Tadashi suddenly so close?” joy tried to say, getting a little closer to the purple crewmate, it was…complicated, this was almost the first time that they couldn’t make up what was happening in Tsukki’s head, which made everything more distressful. “,don’t you see it joy!!!” the purple emotion said angrily, pointing at the screen, still playing the memory over and over again. “that face is pure, unprecedented disgust!!! He is so disgusted by us!!” 

  
“that face…” joy tried to search for an argument to calm fear down, it was weird, the leader was supposed to be the one to bring the other emotions together, but fear only added extra layers of anxiety to tadashi, how did fear even raised to power inside the green haired boy’s head? “he makes that face with literally anyone else…specially with Hinata, maybe a little less exaggerated through...” Joy finally said, and it was true, Tsukki did that kind of faces a lot, so, no different… right?

  
“Yeah but, -he-he had never done it with Tadashi!!!” fear said before snapping, quickly rushing the control panel, pressing all buttons and moving all levers possible in a violent way, beginning to fill Yamaguchi’s head with insecure thoughts once again, making their human’s heart beat even quicker.

“this is it…. He is never gonna look at Tadashi in the eye ever again, he’ll simulate that we never existed, and he’ll abandon us!!! This is it!!! We are dead!!! So so dead….but if we act a little bit and pretend it never happened…maybe it won’t be so bad…“ the purple emotion kept rambling his twisted ideas of what would happen.

outside, Yamaguchi was at the verge of panic now, his thoughts made no sense, but his brain still interpreted them as the truth, he knew that Tsukki would never leave, or at least he wanted to believe so, but with each loop of the memory reproducing in his head, it just made him ache more, what if Tsukki already knows? What if he hates me now? He hates me now, he will ignore me, all those thoughts kept appearing in his brain, but, he knew some stuff to cope a little bit, he remembered some ways to calm down his nerves that Tsukki had thought him, close your eyes, listen to your heart, take deep breaths, repeat, as his lungs filled with air once again, his limbs started to become relaxed, at least it was working, now he just wanted to sleep more, just, stop thinking, maybe having a nice dream about…. Maybe he didn’t want to sleep neither, remembering the embarrassment his dream had caused him, and how it affected Tsukki.

  
“You always make Tadashi overreact to everything…” a red emotion said in a low pitch voice, sitting in the sofa, watching the screen replaying the memory for the 100th time, fear violently turned around to face anger. “I AM NOT OVERREACTING!!!” the purple emotion said overreacting again, which made anger roll his eyes, almost half the time, fear was in control of Tadashi’s head, messing his thought process, and just making him anxious sometimes, like that time against sejioh, that was fear’s fault, that time with the bullies, fear’s fault, maybe that sometimes could be replaced with "a lot of times”. anger just wished that fear disappeared out of their boy’s head for one second.

  
“That’s it!!!” fear screamed, still moving the controls, not letting Yamaguchi rest in peace at all, it was his job to keep tadashi alert and away from danger, at least fear was good with his duty…way too good. “we could make Tadashi take the next flight to Norway, and we’ll hide in a mountain for the rest of time!!!” fear suggested, of course, since he was an emotion, his ideas were often, lacking in the reason department worth to say.

  
Quickly joy made his best to calm down fear, slowly separating his hands from the console, fleeing to another country was excessive, and quite expensive too. “Ok fear…. We can think of other ways too… deal with this.”

  
“Being honest, It wasn’t that bad….” Said disgust, while he was doing his nails, and habit he had formed to calm himself down, the green emotion was quite tired of all of this, and in his eyes, it wasn’t that big of a deal, or it shouldn't be. “I guess Tadashi enjoyed part of it…” disgust complemented, rising his eyebrow a little bit with a cocky grin, but this didn’t aid at all to stop fear’s downward spiral.

“yeah if it had been a normal dream, nothing would have happened, yeah yeah.” The purple emotion commented trying to contain his nerves for a moment, but this proved as pointless. “If HE hadn’t started to HUG Tsukki in the middle of the dream!!!!!” he quickly snapped again, pulling his hair next to disgust, at this point disgust was used to fear’s “breakdowns”, so he just rolled his eyes to the left, just ignore him.

  
Yamaguchi was still laying in his bed, he wasn’t even sure of the passage of time anymore, is not like if he could sleep like this anyways, with the same memory repeating in loop inside his head, over and over, the combined anxiety he felt added to this would probably led him to a headache. “I hate this.” The freckled boy said under his breath, why did he had to fall in love with….him.

  
His eyes still couldn’t register any sign of light from outside, so he had to move a little to be at the level of the digital clock at his counter. “Just 5am” he said to himself, he had been awake for 5 hours straight after that “incident”, he wondered what could he do to pass the time.

  
“what about…doing a morning jog?” suggested joy, Hinata and Kageyama always did those, maybe it would help them to clear the mind, and to make the memory stop playing on loop, so joy began to walk to the control panel, but fear stood between him and his destination. “wait!!! But it is too cold outside!!!” the purple emotion stated, still remembering the climate of before. “Tadashi could catch a cold, or g-get frostbite….or get hypothermia!!!” fear ranted of all the possible cons of going outside, and the list was quite large, that said list also somehow involved a car crash and being attacked by a bear….in the middle of a city in japan?

  
“Then what do any of you suggest to make the time pass?” Joy asked, he was getting desperate, the memory was still replaying in the screen, each loop bringing Tadashi deeper in his spiral of incomprehensible thoughts, making him clench to his bed sheets, wondering. “Why did I did that?” over and over again, filling his heart with more shame, “I mean, it’s just Saturday anyway.” Disgust interrupted, as he stood up, “Tadashi could just check his phone while we are here in the confines of his bed, instead of the… coldness outside!.” He said, shaking a little in revulsion thinking about the low temperature outside.

  
“Yeah…I guess it is a good idea” joy completed, turning around fear, who had stayed glued to the ground still ranting about the list of what could go wrong beneath his breath. “and we can go for a jog when the climate is better!!!” the yellow emotion said, while he pressed a button in the console, turning it yellow.

  
Yamaguchi finally decided to just use his phone for a moment while the sun appeared between the distant mountains, so he lazily reached over to his counter, searching with his hand for the device, and he finally found it, he wasn’t really in the mood for watching any videos, he just needed something relaxing to forget about the event, so after a few second he decided to check on his gallery, maybe remembering other moments would help him to stop thinking about Tsukki…

  
Most of his photos consisted mostly of landscapes and interesting places that he found in the city, pretty mountains and beautiful landscapes, he was used to taking this kind of photos, is not like if Tsukki liked photos that much, so most photos that the freckled boy took were random, finally he got to the photo of an adorable shiba inu.

  
“Ohhh.” Joy sighted in delight, the yellow emotion knew that Tadashi loved dogs, so it was natural that a good chunk of the freckled boy’s photos were of cute little dogs. “aren’t shiba inus great!!!” said joy, pointing at the screen while pressing a button, making Yamaguchi break a small smile, just little balls of fluff and love, that’s what shiba inus are.

  
“Yeah…… re-member that the dog tried to bite Tadashi?” fear said contradicting joy’s statement. inside Yamaguchi’s head, joy and fear were in a constant battle for dominance, so naturally they were polar opposites who contradicted each other. The purple emotion quickly pressed a series of buttons, making a purple memory appear from the ceiling, displacing the other terrible memory for a moment, falling in the projector, making Tadashi remember the moments of the dog attack. “yeah… that dog seemed to have rabies or something… if it wasn’t for Tsukki, Tadashi could have gotten rabies too!!!” fear cried out as he remembered the moments of horror as the little beast tried to bite off Tadashi’s arm, and outside, Yamaguchi grew uncomfortable looking at the image of the dog, so he clenched his eyes and stopped looking at that photo, going back to scrolling to find something interesting to look at.

  
“Hey!!! Look at that!!!” yelled joy as he excitedly pointed at the screen, in the phone, there was a photo of the clear night sky, revealing thousands of stars shooting across the darkness. “remember that Tadashi went stargazing with Tsukki!!! It was so cool!.” Joy said, taking a firmer grasp of a lever he was holding, trying to keep their Tadashi happy, the freckled boy recalled the beautiful stars, and he also recalled when Tsukki began to talk about said stars, their names, their sizes, their constellations.Yamaguchi had a feeling that Tsukki was a sucker for stars and stuff like that; since his failed birthday party he had a feeling of it, but now he knew it was true, Tsukki was truly a lot of stuff, a diamond hidden behind layers of dirt, and apparently only Yamaguchi could dig deeper inside to see the gem that was the genuine Tsukki, not that dick everyone though he was. (He is a dick, yeah, but he is more than that Yamaguchi thought.)

  
It was weird, it was like if Tsukki one day had suddenly began to build walls around himself, pushing everyone away with snarky comments and meanness, but Tsukki was really; a kind person, someone strong, kind of a nerd, but he kept hiding that, Yamaguchi always had wondered why did Tsukki began to build that great castle of loneliness for himself only, he could only stare at him, sometimes from afar, sometimes a little closer….  
“also remember that that day, Tadashi had been staring at Tsukki the whole day!!! It had gotten so bad that he almost fell down the mountain twice!!!” fear panicked, grabbing the same lever joy was still holding, and he moved it towards himself, painting the console of a bright purple, making Yamaguchi recall the feeling of falling in the dark multiple times… at least Tsukki had helped him get up… Tsukki, “no” the freckled boy said to himself, shacking his head, don’t think about Tsukki!!! Only for 1 hour please….

  
Joy frowned, fear kept making tadashi flustered, over and over, would there ever be a settlement to their little war?

  
So…. Hey look!!! Remember that?” joy said, trying to mask his annoyance at fear, pointing with more force to the phone, that had a photo of some western meal in a plate. “this was a restaurant that Tadashi and Tsukki went to celebrate Tsukki’s birthday last year!!!, it was nice…. RIGHT?” the yellow emotion said in a soft voice, but remarking the last word, trying to move the lever he and fear were holding, but fear moved it down again.  
“Isn-wasn’t that the restaurant were they found the head of a chicken inside the nuggets? Why did we even went there?” fear cried out, holding the controls tighter, and making Yamaguchi even more uncomfortable looking at the photo, by every happy moment he had, something in his brain would recall the bad part of that happy moment, the freckled boy hated that broken, anxious part of his brain, how much would he pay to stop feeling …. Feeling fear more specifically.

so Yamaguchi sighted again, his thoughts came back once again to Tsukki, over and over, like the broken record he was. He just kept scrolling through the mess of his photo gallery.

  
“Why do you kept brining up the negative side to everything fear???” joy questioned, removing his hand from the control, the annoyance on his face deformed the shapes of his freckles. “any time Tadashi has a good time. … you come and… you know.. fill his head with negative thoughts!!” joy snapped a little, but still restraining his voice.  
“Do-do I really do it that much?” fear exclaimed, removing his hand from the control panel, quickly stepping away from it, he was quite terrified of hurting Tadashi, it was the opposite of what he was supposed to do, but… he would one way or another be Tadashi’s fear, forever, you can’t stop feeling all together, right?

  
“Quite a lot I would say.” Disgust said as he got up from a sofa, slowly walking to met up with the rest, with his hands around his hips. “for example, while we were with those bullies, oh!, or when the whole team went to an attraction, and you almost made Tadashi throw up because of his nerves… ugh.” The green emotion’s face deformed in revulsion, remembering Yamaguchi almost vomiting on someone… all because of certain purple emotion.

  
“Or …when you made Tadashi mess up his float serve in the sejioh match, you kind of made a fool of him in front of everyone, god, he cried his eyes out in the restaurant later.” The green emotion kept recalling a lot of moments in Tadashi’s life that were somehow ruined by certain purple emotion, joy stood there, not saying anything, but almost in a way agreeing with disgust, but he would have tried to be more discrete about telling fear all of this.

  
“W-ell I- you see… “ fear tried to say, it was true, even if he wanted to or not, he had probably hurt Tadashi in a lot of ways, making him miserable, specially when Tsukki wasn’t around, he wanted Tadashi to feel safe… to be happy, but he can’t stop being fear, he was made for this.. “well, first of all…. I…I didn’t made Tadashi cry that day!!! Sadness did!, at least everyone else was crying too I guess.” Fear declared, trying to deflect his guilt for someone else.

  
“I just felt like crying that day ok, don’t blame me.” The blue emotion huffed, crossing his arms, looking to the opposite direction, by one part to look cool in front of the others, and also because he wanted to hide the tears that were already filling up in his eyes.  
“And second….” The purple emotion said before taking a deep breath in, with joy waiting impatiently for an answer. “it is my job to protect Tadashi from danger!!!! I always make him think about the worst case scenarios, so that he will be ready to face them off!!!!, it is for his own good” fear finally let out, what else could he do? If he just stopped to make Yamaguchi feel fear, what would his new purpose inside their boy’s head be?

  
Joy sighted, while his expression softened a bit, fear was right, all emotions had a purpose after all, joy kept Tadashi happy, anger kept things fair, disgust kept Tadashi from ending up poisoned, and fear… even if it was annoying, they still needed him, to protect Tadashi from real dangers to his life, in paper, fear’s job made sense, but ever since joy had memory, fear had always made their Tadashi a fearsome kid, always scared of dangers that… were simply not there.

  
joy slowly walked to the window, the big glass walls that separated headquarters from the rest of the mind, and outside, the countless shelves that formed long term memory laid neatly organized, those shelves emitted a purple hue, product of the thousands of purple, fear-filled memories that had been created, exposing the great influence of fear in Tadashi’s life, it was no use, fear was needed at this point for Tadashi to function “normally”

  
It was quite depressing for him, knowing that Tadashi’s life could be slightly better without fear, he would have more friends, be more confident in himself, who knows, maybe without fear, Tadashi could become a good captain, joy laughed a little bit at this last thought, there’s no way Tadashi can become a captain… or have more friends, or…be proud of himself, the fact that Tadashi had an insecurity island of personality in his head was already a bad sign.

  
But….getting rid of fear, it was hard to admit, but they were also close friends in a way, when Tadashi was born, they were the first two emotions to appear, and they had developed quite a close relationship, when Tadashi was asleep, when the other emotions were out of commission, the two would leave headquarters, and walk for hours through the green haired boy’s long term memory, recalling in nostalgia some of Tadashi’s happy memories, even one day, they accidentally sneaked in dream productions, accidentally appearing in Tadashi’s dream too… at least their human doesn’t usually remember dreams.

  
In a nutshell, fear ironically, not always followed the rules, he was quite goofy on his own, the yellow and purple emotions had quite a strong bond around themselves and Tadashi, after all, fear and joy had always been Yamaguchi’s dominant emotions almost all his life.

  
But recently, fear had become more, and more insecure, they had stopped their usual nightly walks around Tadashi’s head, and day by day, fear took gradually more control of the freckled boy, slowly, but not stopping, and now they didn’t even talked much in between work hours, specially today, at least joy had a slight idea of why was this happening, the cause: Tsukishima Kei.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
A few hours ago

  
The sun was slowly hiding in the mountains, and the shadows were growing larger, a cold night of September engulfted Miyagi, at least Yamaguchi was in his house, but instead of playing videogames, or polishing his float serve in the backyard, he was polishing his nonexistent culinary qualities, hopefully he wouldn’t burn down his house.

  
He had already mixed the strawberries with the 4 teaspoons of sugar. (They were supposed to be 3 teaspoons, but it was to late) and the oven was now hot enough, now it was time to prepare Tsukishima’s favorite plate, a strawberry shortcake, the freckled boy was confident in himself today, he had his apron, a cooking book he had gotten from the library, and he had bought everything else he needed, it was going quite well. Even if he sucked at it, he liked to bake, he had tried numerous times to do it, apparently this time was coming along, Tadashi had a warm smile in his face, he had planned this for Tsukishima’s birthday, and not for that only….

  
“Ugh… we couldn’t have just, bought a cake and be done with it?” disgust complained, specially because Tadashi had somehow gotten some flour in his face. “this is SO… against basic hygiene, can we take a bath later?”.

  
Meanwhile joy and fear were busy in the console, making sure that the baking process was coming along, joy kept the freckled guy’s confidence up, while fear made sure to keep Tadashi alert, so that he doesn’t mess up, the shelves inside headquarters had filled with an equal ratio of purple and yellow memories, meaning that today was a particularly good day, sure, the teacher had called them before, and Tsukki got hit with a ball in the face, but apart from that, everything was going smoothly.

  
“We do this because it is a special occasion disgust!” the yellow emotion said, turning around to glance at his green coworker. “and to clean ourselves, well, he can lick off the sugar you kno-“ joy said with a teasing smile, before disgust hit him in the arm with his firm fists.

“you are SO gross!!!” the green emotion yelled in repulsion, just imagining all the sweat, dead skin cells, bacteria, and sugar mixing up in Tadashi’s mouth. It made his non existent stomach turn around. “don’t worry don’t worry!! I was kidding, we’ll make sure Tadashi takes a bath before going to Tsukki’s house” the yellow emotion said, while rubbing his hurt arm, clenching a little his eyes, damn, disgust was quite strong in deed. “everything is under control.”

  
Outside, Yamaguchi was now mixing the baking powder, the flour, the sugar, and the other stuff, in a small bowl, it was a cake for the two of them, so it wasn’t that bad at all, he had to wait for an hour in the line to buy everything, but, it was ok, today was the day, no, not only the day of Tsukki’s birthday, that was the most important thing of course, but also this day, it was the day, the day where he would come out to Tsukki.

  
Yup, Yamaguchi was gay, it had been quite a difficult discovery, sure, there had been times were he saw cute girls that made him flustered, but… it was quite different with boys, something deeper, much stronger.

  
For already quite a long time, he had thought that maybe he liked both, but after he began to pass more time with Tsukki, everything began to change, it wasn’t love at first sigh of course, but as Tsukki slowly deconstructed some of his walls, letting him in his little world, as the distance between them began to shrink more and more, Yamaguchi began to feel warm in the inside when he was alongside his friend, it sometimes felt like if the world around them disappeared to make a space for the two, and the green haired boy wanted to be closer and closer, closer to Tsukki’s hidden kindness, to his intelligence, to his secure posture, it was weird, they two were so different, Tsukishima was everything, meanwhile Yamaguchi was….normal, or mediocre to be more acurrate.

  
This probably added to the attraction that the freckled boy felt day by day, when Tsukishima wasn’t watching, Yamaguchi’s eyes couldn’t help but turn around to see his bigger “best friend”  
His honey colored eyes, his defined jawline, there were lots of stuff that made Tsukki, so… attractive? But there were many problems with this.

  
Being honest, Yamaguchi wasn’t comfortable with this feelings at all, it may have looked so trivial to anyone else, but, it felt like if his feelings for Tsukki were… bad, wrong, is not that someone specifically told him that guys couldn’t love guys, it wasn’t that, but, it still felt wrong to him, for so long, in his home, in his school, he heard people talking, people would keep making jokes about liking guys, associating liking the same gender with something, wrong, unnatural, funny, silly, and the list kept going on, as Yamaguchi grew older, this little commentary began to grow inside him too.

  
He began to think that, those jokes began to grow into a law inside his head, being… like that was bad, they would make fun of him if he said “I am going out with my boyfriend” or “that guy looks so handsome”   
it was weird, if he said instead. “I am going out with my girlfriend” or “that girl looks so hot.” No one would disagree with him, they would even support him and complement it, but in the case he liked boys, people would probably take it as a joke, think that he is kidding around, or just tell him to man up, to be a real man.

  
Of course, they were only comments, little jokes, nothing hurtful, but inside his head, fear began to take this comments as the truth, the purple emotion began to be more active, trying to keep Yamaguchi’s sight away from guys, to try to make him act “normal”

  
Is not like if Yamaguchi was way too gay or anything, fear thought that it was just better to, don’t act in a similar way. How can you even tell the difference between a gay person and a “normal” person? Yamaguchi’s rational part arrived to the conclusion that gay people were only, normal people, that just liked to like the same gender, every person a little different, but nothing out of this world, but, it still felt wrong to him, sadly.

  
at first he didn’t thought that it was his problem, until he began to… like Tsukki, in a way more closer than a friend, it was like a bomb exploding in his face, all those bad things he had heard suddenly fell in his head, now that he was one of the subjects of this comments.

  
Yamaguchi did what he could do best when he found out that he liked Tsukki, hide it, yeah, he didn’t want to burden the blonde one with his weird feelings, so Yamaguchi just, tried to act as usual, trying to repress his emotions, just two normal friends, but this shield that he formed had began to fall down.

for example, the night they had gone to the dinosaur exhibition, that day where Tsukki had talked way more than usual, Yamaguchi landed in his bed, and looked at the photo of the two of them, that selfie, that unique photo were Tsukishima was smiling, an unique moment, Yamaguchi kept contemplating that smile, little but genuine, Tsukki’s soft eyes, all of him, the green haired boy could feel how his inner temperature skyrocketed, and how his face turned red, from the fire inside his heart, this moments, when this reaction was the strongest, he was alone, he had to be alone to enjoy his feelings, no one to judge anything, no one…not even Tsukki,.

this was the most painful part, Yamaguchi cursed having to like Tsukki, he was afraid, with this thought, fear always took control, he always thought that the taller guy was… normal, the girls always talked to him, sure, he turned them off almost immediately, but Yamaguchi was convinced that Tsukki just wanted someone more beautiful, not someone with, freckles, and, skinny, no, definitely not, he felt that Tsukki would just make fun of him, tell him a snarky comment about his sexuality if he ever came out, maybe to Tsukki, it would only be a joke, but for Yamaguchi, that single comment would just rip his heart in half, being told by the person you love that you are weird, that would break him….forever.

  
So Yamaguchi thought for a long time, that he would just, enjoy himself alone, with the memories he had with Tsukki, a miserable relationship, still being friends, but keeping his deeper feelings private, the freckled boy felt that it had to be done, but… he was getting tired of hiding, that’s why, he would unravel everything…today.

  
In Tsukki’s birthday? Yes, rationally it wouldn’t make sense, but he felt that he couldn’t hold it in any longer, naturally he would make sure to enjoy his friend’s birthday as much as he could, but once everything was done, he would come out, of course, the worst outcome could happen…. But he was tired of pretending. At the end, he would just casually tell Tsukki that he was…gay, it still sounded wrong to him, that was his reality, and is not like if he had anyone else to tell this….not his family, or his teammates… only Tsukki, and being in love with him…. This could go wrong in so many ways, but the freckled boy really needed to take out this feelings he had… or part of them at least.

  
Yamaguchi was still overthinking once again all of the above, while baking the cake in the oven, but since he had ended up in such a loophole of thoughts, he forgot for a moment about the cake, until he smelled it burn.

  
naturally fear immediately noticed this, and screamed, this was a hazard to the entire house, so the purple emotion quickly rushed to the controls in peril, and pressed all possible buttons to alert Tadashi, since Yamaguchi had gotten lost in his own train of thought, the screen had gone white for a moment, but the smell was enough to notice the burning dessert, and so, Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, as he turned off the oven, he prayed that the cake was ok… but apparently his prayers weren’t enough, as he took the dessert out, he only saw the blackness of the solidified crust, he gagged a little as some burned fumes entered his lungs, yep, baking was not his thing.

“damn it…” he said under his breath, how did he even got the idea anyway?  
“Is… ruined!!!” fear yelled, pointing at the burned creation. “god it is so…horrible!!!” he said, still pushing buttons by instinct, making Yamaguchi worried, the time was running out and he had no cake, what now that the cake was… like this? Was this even worth trying? Why did he even want to come out, during tsukki’s day, why today? What was he thinking?.

  
At least Yamaguchi’s worry wouldn’t last forever, joy eventually tried to remove fear out of the console, again, in hopes that Tadashi would snap out of his frozen state . “hey come on fear!!! We’ve talked about this.” The yellow emotion said, finally managing to pull fear’s hand away from the control panel. “But joy!!! This will just go wrong!!” fear responded back, trying to retake control, but joy wouldn’t let him.

“the burned cake is god’s sign that we have to stop!!!!”

  
“Don’t worry!!!” joy tried to brush fear’s concern off him, this had a simple solution, they just needed more time. “there’s a solution to this, believe me fear. “the yellow emotion said, as he took fear’s place, pushing a lever to the top. “what is Tadashi going to do? Bake another cake with this time?” disgust asked groaning, they could just give Tsukki his gift and be gone with it, why complicate themselves so much.

“yes he will!.” The yellow emotion said, overflowing with confidence, outside, Yamaguchi took a deep breath, and looked at the clock, he still had time, he just needed to repeat the process, and go with Tsukki, sure, this could end up bad, but, it could also go better than expected, yeah, he could do this, he thought, he quickly threw the burned cake to the garbage and started again, a yellow memory of confidence rolled to join the other orbs in Yamaguchi’s memory shelves.

  
“I- I still don’t know about this one joy…” fear said, his voice cracking a bit, as he played with his fingers, trying to calm himself down, but, it was pointless. “this can still go too bad!!!”

  
Joy sighted, it sometimes pained him to see fear so… scared, as ironic as it was, of course he was used to see fear freaked out, a lot, but this last days had been a roller coaster for the purple emotion, and the yellow one wanted to do something. “fear.. Tadashi doesn’t need to confess his feelings for Tsukki right now, I mean, the romantic ones.” The yellow emotion said, as he got up and went to a special shelf they had in headquarters, this one had important memories from the last few days that needed to be remembered quickly, they were more important than the regular memories, but less vital than the core memories.

the yellow being then took a yellow orb, a bright memory of the day Tsukki smiled in the exhibition, joy smiled at the memory too as he sat alongside fear, the purple emotion sat down too. 

  
“He just.. needs to know first what Tsukki would think about this kind of feelings.” Joy said, looking at the screen, seeing that Tadashi was already mixing the strawberries with 5 teaspoons of sugar, they still had time, the green haired boy was determined to make this little reunion a good one, just…casually mention his sexual identity as casual as he could, and see Tsukki’s response, nothing big for Tsukki, but it would mean the world for the freckled boy.

  
“That way… Tadashi can know if he can ever get a chance with Tsukki, step by step.” The yellow emotion said, putting a hand in fear’s cold shoulder, trying to calm him down, while he looked down at the yellow memory he had created, and smiled at it, a nice memory indeed.

  
Joy then looked behind his back, seeing the window that separated them from the rest of the mind, seeing between the green clouds a dark island, that emitted a dim light that couldn’t really be seen easily, love island, the island that Yamaguchi had tried to hide for so long, it’s fate would be soon to be decided, joy’s smile faded for a moment, but he quickly picked himself up. “imagine if Tsukki likes him back, our Tadashi would be…so happy!!! If that ever were to happen.” The yellow emotion said, with a growing confident smile, but fear didn’t agree completely still.

  
“But what about dad… and mom..? You… you know they wouldn’t really, feel “comfortable” with this relationship, if it ever happened..” fear whispered, his voice trembling too, a valid point, is not that they had directly told Tadashi that liking the same gender is bad, but, from the casual talk they had in the dinner table, and with moments as such, Yamaguchi knew that they didn’t really support that kind of people… and his parents being disappointed on their own son, that would be another deadly blow for Tadashi’s self worth

  
“They won’t find out.” Joy said, as he began to search for something in his pocket with a more determined and serious expression. “how’s that?” fear asked in shock and confusion, what was joy planning to do? But soon his doubts got clear, when joy took out an idea bulb, that in it’s side had labeled the word. “lie”  
this apparently was nothing to big, but fear quickly understood what joy’s plan would be, in case one day Tadashi’s feelings got corresponded, in order to deal with his parents later or, or with other people in general.

  
“They’ll never find out” said joy, as he saved the idea bulb in his pocket again.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So this is the cake huh?” the green emotion commented, as he looked at the screen showing Tadashi’s most recent creation, the cake… at least this time it wasn’t burned, it was now peacefully lying in the kitchen counter, the interior was hopefully ok, Yamaguchi was kind of proud of this one, his second cake ever…. The bad thing is that he isn’t good decorating, at all “it looks like trash “ disgust added, looking in a dismissive way at their host’s poor trial of baking,.

“hey come on… it doesn’t look that… bad..” joy said, trying to interrupt disgust, but as he looked more carefully at the screen, his eyes narrowed, yeah… disgust was sadly, slightly right, the whipped cream was everywhere, the distribution of the strawberries was asymmetrical, and the little volleyball Tadashi had tried to make out of whipped cream….it looked more like an American football ball, disgust almost gagged at the horrible sight, he even lost his balance for a moment, his chest slammed against the control panel, painting it a bright green, causing Yamaguchi’s confidence to flatten as well, yep, he had messed up, it looked so….unprofessional.

but, why was he surprised? He wanted to slap himself so hard, how had he come out with this weird idea?, presenting himself to his best friend’s birthday party, and maybe even considering coming out to him… and he didn’t bother to buy a good cake? , he had over appreciated his baking skills, by a lot, He now regretted everything, the cake… the plan to come out today… even his own existence!!!

  
But Yamaguchi looked at the clock, he was now… pretty much late, shit, burning a cake and having to do a mediocre replacement had really burned down his good measured spare time, he quickly introduced the cake in a small box he had in the counter, without trying to look at it, with a slight repulsion, hopefully Tsukki would value taste more than presentation… the freckled teen was almost ready to go out, he had made sure to bring with him a thick green jacket with him, it was the beginning of winter after all, and in the night, it was freezing outside, coming out in shorts would just be an hypothermia sentence, so he was now prepared.

Yamaguchi was about to put up his shoes in the entrance, but he felt… sticky, he tried to roll up his sleeves, and looked to see where this sticky feeling was coming from, and he found it, he still had stains of sugary mix in his arms… gross, but he could just… keep his jacket up all the time, yeah, it was about right, or maybe try to go to the bathroom and wash it off quickly? The freckled teen thought, yeah… just wash his hands for little time, and be done with it, he rushed to his bathroom to clean up that mess, leaving the cake in the counter again, but as he entered the small room, he let out a high pitch gasp, as his jaw dropped.

looking himself at the mirror, his hair was now practically white from all the flour that had somehow gotten there while baking, and his face was so bright, from the sugary mix in his already oily skin …. And now he was feeling even more dirty… he had gotten so entangled in the baking, that he had forgotten to clean himself after, Yamaguchi really wanted to scream, but, he had no time for that. But he needed to take a bath to look approachable and presentable, of course Tadashi, come to Tsukki’s house all dirty and with a sad excuse of a cake, marvelous, but…he had no time to bath, he was so late… he- he needed to go out, but he was so, sticky and gross.

  
Yamaguchi ruffled his hair and tried to squish his face with his hands, trying to regain control, it was like if two entities were fighting for control in his head, telling him to do completely different, contradictory actions, the freckled, confused guy looked himself at the mirror, he was utterly messed up now, his thoughts tangled inside his skull, and in his confusion, more time was running out, he was now unsure of what to do anymore.

  
And of course, those two “entities” fighting inside his head were non other than disgust and fear, pushing each other away from the control panel, as they had their arms firmly holding a lever, fear trying to push forward, while disgust tried to push backwards  
“Don’t you see??? We are running out of time!!” fear screamed, almost hugging the controls, panic exposing in his facial features, what would the blonde one think of this?? “I know that if Tadashi ends up taking way too much time, Tsukki will think that he died, or got lost, or got kidnapped, or-“  
“Kidnapped or not, Tadashi needs a bath, he literally looks like if he just murdered a birthday cake!” Disgust replied back, using all his weight to pull back the lever, putting his two feet over the purple and green console to sustain his weight more, but fear wouldn’t let go.

  
“Let me do this for Tsukki!!!

  
“But Tadashi stinks!!!”

  
Yamaguchi felt that his heart was now separating in 2 over something so… trivial…. Pathetic, he often felt that he lost control over his emotions so easily, over a lot of stuff, if he was just like Tsukki…, but not much could be done about it, that’s how his brain had been wired, he would probably be the insecure one, the indecisive one, for a long time. right?

  
But he still sometimes could hold it together, he tried to ignore the (hopefully not real) screaming in his head, and thought, he was already so late …. Maybe taking a Bathroom wouldn’t take more than 5 minutes. he was already late anyway, so the freckled boy quickly began to take out his clothes, leaving them all scattered in the floor, a mess that will be mandatory to deal with later.

  
Inside him, his fear gave up, now that he saw through the screen that Tadashi had finally given out to his disgust’s demands, now quickly entering in the shower, the purple emotion fell to the ground in defeat. “why didn’t he listen to me? He usually does!!!” fear yelled, his voice slightly breaking again, trembling for the momentary fight. “because he has actual brain cells? Probably because of that” disgust said in a calm matter, still holding the controls, making sure that Tadashi would eliminate any stain of sweetness from his failed cooking experiment using the warm water and soap, covering every inch of his slim figure.

  
“Aren’t we technically his last 5 brain cells?” fear asked, off topic, he sometimes wondered about the reason of their existence, were Tadashi’s emotions even real? or were they just clever visual metaphors to explain the intrinsic process of human thought? The purple emotion surely had more than 1 existential crisis over this, of course, when he wasn’t freaking out when Tsukki was looking kind of hot, or when Tsukki stared into Yamaguchi’s innocent (or apparently innocent worth to say) eyes.

  
“Well… I.” disgust tried to answer, but he himself began to wonder what are even emotions, but he quickly shook his head, he had no time for this existential dread. “don’t think about it” the green emotion sighted.

  
Joy looked nervously from behind, he hadn’t gotten a chance to do anything… but being honest, he didn’t had any plan to make anything neither, regarding Yamaguchi going to the shower or not so, he hadn’t really lost anything, but, the yellow emotion was beginning to have doubts of his little plan for Tadashi’s confession, his crewmates were…unstable, to say the least, any alteration to the already discussed plan could turn them against each other way too quickly, maybe they would end up making their freckled boy feel way too uncomfortable, and that was the opposite of what joy wanted.

  
“Do you think this thing of. “coming out” will work?” sadness asked, sitting in a sofa next to the yellow emotion, looking as demotivated as ever.

  
“I-don’t know…” joy said, looking at the love island, behind the windows lf headquarters, behind all those clouds…. He had doubts, but he needed to let Tadashi free his feelings… for their human to be happy, the yellow emotion needed strength, he clenched his fists slightly . “but I will do what I can…”

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

  
“So-so-cold…” fear shivered, trying to hug himself to conserve any residual heat stored in himself, this had definitely been a bad idea, Yamaguchi finally managed to clean himself on, and quickly changed himself again, except that in his own race to reach Tsukki’s house, he had forgotten his big overcoat, he now only had a thin jacket, that offered no protection whatsoever to his body from the destructive weather, the wind blew against Yamaguchi’s fluffy hair, making it dance in the coldness of that evening, and the cold air also made the freckled boy’s lungs ache, he begged for something warm… like Tsukki’s broad back… he shook his head, he hadn’t even said hi to Tsukki, and now he was already thinking questionable things about his friend, why did they have to be friends to lovers? What kind of cruel trope was this?

  
Always yearning for the other one’s love, but fearing rejection and disgust from his friend seeing how the freckled boy really was…. But, he didn’t want to be a coward today, At least today, Tadashi really intended to come out to Tsukki.. step by step, maybe even to one day confess his love, but he had to reach Tsukki’s house first, and he was so late… now he was running in the street, in the cold weather, holding a bag containing the failed cake, and something else….. sadly, his lungs weren’t keeping up with him, the coldness plus the sudden effort made them almost collapse inside him, so the green haired guy had to slow down… great.

  
“He should’ve brought a jacket…. Really” fear said, while he laid in a pillow, in a circle with the other 4 emotions, surrounding a fire that they had managed to make, to avoid headquarters from freezing over.

“you say it now? You were the one who wanted to go to Tsukki’s house as FAST as possible.” Complained disgust, pointing at the purple emotion with his finger, still salty of their little fight, but fear wouldn’t let go that easily.

“yeah… but if you hadn’t forced Tadashi to take a full body bath, maybe Tadashi could have gone out when it was warmer outside!.”

  
“oh really? Are you saying that the temperature can vary this much in 5 minutes?” the green emotion hit back, almost at the Berge of getting physical, but luckily, joy stopped them.

“guys, guys, is fine.” The yellow emotion said, while he was busy roasting a marshmallow using the fire they had made, he was at least the most collected one inside Yamaguchi’s head right now…for now. “Tadashi’s muscle mass will probably keep his organs from suffering severe hypothermia and turning into popsicles, he is running after all, so, extra heat!!!” joy complemented, causing the green and purple emotion to stop looking at each other, instead they both turned around and looked in opposite directions, with annoyed expressions in their faces, crossing their arms firmly, joy sighted, he was beginning to feel that this could go terribly wrong, but they had made it this far… why bother going back?

  
“Also, anger did this generous favor for us, letting us use his body flames as a power source!!" joy also added, while he looked at the flame. “yeah…whatever.” The red emotion said, with a neutral expression, while he laid down in the ground, in the center of the circle, in fetal position, creating flames off his body to simulate a real fire. “I know I could trust you!!!” joy said, while he stuffed the golden marshmallow in his mouth, is not like if Tadashi was an irritable kid, so they almost never used anger, hey, at least the red emotion was a good air conditioner.

  
Yamaguchi gasped for air, this was it, he had managed to arrive to Tsukki’s house, he used his arms to support himself using the door, he had probably burned down half of his body fat by now… at least he wasn’t as cold as he thought he would be, that until a current of air whooshed near him, stripping him from any heat left, now he was really freezing…. At least his heart was still somehow…burning, sending hot blood all the way up to his pale freckled cheeks, this was it…. He would finally tell someone part of his deepest feelings, right at the doorstep, he finally knocked.

  
Nothing… no one was coming, what if Tsukki had forgotten about his own birthday… wait no, Tsukki isn’t stupid, he would never forget his own birthday, right? it had been around a minute, and still no one, fear was about to touch the controls, but joy stopped him. “ wait fear, we are finally here!!! We don’t need to blow it up right?” the yellow emotion said, while he firmly held fear’s hand, with a determined expression. “sorry…force of habit…” fear responded, he was quite uncomfortable…. But, he wanted to be strong, at least for once…. Hopefully it wouldn’t blow up in his face later.

  
Joy was confident in Tadashi now, he just needed to support their boy the best way they can. “I’ll take him from here.” He indicated, letting go from fear’s hand, the purple emotion nodded, and slowly stepped away, leaving the control panel all to the yellow emotion.

  
Finally, after two minutes, they heard the door open, and, there he was, a 190 cm blonde teen, dressed in thick overcoats to protect himself from the cold, with slightly fogged glasses, an indicative of the horrible cold.

  
Joy took a deep breath and pressed a button in the console, turning it bright yellow, feeling Yamaguchi with the energy he needed to keep this night going.

“hello Tsukki!!!” the freckled boy said, with a bright smile in his face, ignoring the cold as good as he could, and what did he got, Tsukki’s cold gaze piercing his soul, a good gift of course…but being honest, for Tadashi, he could make up that something was going on inside his friend’s head….but he couldn’t make out what it was…

  
“Hello.” Tsukishima said in his usual monotone voice, as he grabbed an oversized hoodie for Yamaguchi, at least Tsukki wasn’t suffering a stroke or something, thought fear, but there was something so, stiff about Tsukki’s expression, like if he wanted to hide something, but what? 

  
“take this please” the blonde teen said. As he offered the oversized clothing article to his friend.

  
“Thanks Tsukki!!” said Yamaguchi, while he was putting on Tsukishima’s hoodie, it wasn’t perfect, but, it was acceptable, and it smelled just like Tsukishima… strawberry soap, and mint, Yamaguchi’s favorite smell, apart from the smell of soggy French fries. 

  
Now with Tsukki’s hoddie in his body, Yamaguchi was relieved, the coldness that could have killed him was no more, now locked away behind the Tsukishima household door, that household was quite amazing, always hot and welcoming, it felt like, home… 

  
“Ok I think you don’t need me anymore.” Said anger as he got up from the ground, taking with him the flames he had created from his body. “I’ll be in my room, call me if Tsukki gets stubborn or something kinda like it” the red emotion said, cracking his knuckles, slowly disappearing in the hallway, but the other emotions were now focused on the screen, projecting Tadashi’s vision for their display. Totally ignoring the red emotion's whereabouts.

  
The smaller teen then remembered what he had brought to Tsukki, “I have something for you!!!” the freckled boy said with excitement, thanks to joy still being in control, but Tsukki remained silent…too silent, even for usual tsukki standards, it was like if the blonde teen was thinking of something else, and this ringed the alarms in fear, the purple emotion grabbed the controls and tried to pull a lever, but thankfully joy stopped him, grabbing him from the sweater the nervous emotion was wearing.

“hold on fear. He hasn’t even seen it yet!!!” the yellow emotion said, dismissing fear’s concerns, this helped fear to calm down a little, slowly letting go of the lever, but his hand was still in the controls, which made Yamaguchi a little nervous.

  
“Can I have a look?” The taller one finally spilled out, with his usual monotone voice, glancing over to the bag. “are you ..sure?” asked Yamaguchi back, now fear’s arms were stuck to the controls, making joy sigh, fear really had no stopping right now. At least they didn’t had to wait so long for an answer, since Tsukishima lightly nodded, the freckled boy gulped, as a cold drop of sweat spilled in his face

keep yourself together Tadashi, said to himself inside his head, just show Tsukki your hard work!!! And so, the green haired teen slowly searched for the box in the bag, and after a deep breath, he opened it in front of his best friend, joy waited in awe, hopefully Tsukki could see more than the messy exterior… but when Yamaguchi opened the box, there was no answer .

  
They waited 10, 15, 20 seconds, and Tsukishima said absolutely nothing at all, he just kept staring at the cake, Yamaguchi’s heart was seriously about to implode, he couldn’t wait any longer… this would be a long night.

  
“I can’t tell what is Tsukki thinking about!!!” fear said in alarm, scanning the taller teen’s facial features, hoping to find any sign of emotion, they had become used to have a light idea of what happened inside Tsukki’s head, but this time. “I think…he likes it!!!: joy tried to sheer one, believing that the blonde guy was just holding back his wave of happiness, Tsukki will definitively love this!!.

“Are you sure that baker didn’t had a stroke doing this cake, I mean, it smells nice but they should give your money back.” Tsukki finally spilled out, with a mischievous smirk in his face, making joy’s jaw drop… yep, Tsukki hated the cake.

  
“Called it.” Said disgust, while he laid in a sofa, organizing his nails, not looking at the screen, but listening instead, he knew that the cake was unpleasant to look at, so no mayor surprise that someone like Tsukki would be so meticulous with this kind of treat.

  
Meanwhile fear collapsed in the controls, resting his chest and arms in the buttons of the control panel, sending hundreds of direct hits to Yamaguchi’s almost extinct security, for the freckled boy, it felt like if Tsukki’s judgmental words were like spears, piercing his overworked heart, that was trying to send blood to his confused young brain to kick some sense into him…. But it wasn’t working, the shorter boy felt that he was failing now, if he almost collapsed because of some commentary about a cake, how would Tadashi react if Tsukii rejected him after finding out his deepest preferences…

.  
“I Actually wanted to make something different… I baked it for you Tsukki…” Yamaguchi finally said, confessing his heinous acts that went against gastronomy itself, he lowered his head in shame, avoiding eye contact at all.

"Happy birthday tsukki!......."

  
Yamaguchi was now ignoring that Tsukki had tried to do the same thing, trying to avoid eye contact, but the green haired boy heard a voice finally. “can I take a bite?” Tsukishima asked, now looking at the shorter one again, with an serious expression in his face. But.. there was a difference between monotone and whatever emotion Tsukki was trying to convey, Yamaguchi knew this, but, he didn’t felt brave enough yet to ask what was really happening inside Tsukki’s thoughts right now… at least joy recognized a trace of regret in the blonde one’s voice, so, a good sign maybe? The yellow emotion thought, regardless, he pressed a big button in the console, to bust Yamaguchi’s confidence a little bit more.

  
Yamaguchi felt relief, by saying that, Tsukki was basically saying, “sorry” or at least that was what the green haired boy wanted to believe, at least with this new trust, he managed to look Tsukki in the eye again. “Sure thing Tsukii!!!” the smaller teen said, while he got up to searched for two plates and forks. ”it’s your birthday after all”

  
Meanwhile, Tsukki’s face remained the same as today, it felt for Yamaguchi that something was awfully wrong. At least, Inside his head, a yellow memory was created, the joyful orb rolled until it reached one of the shelves, to join the other purple memories that made up Yamaguchi’s memory.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

  
An hour later.

  
“I-think Tsukki was right.” Disgust said, laying in the control panel, currently pressing some buttons, causing in Tadashi an increasing boredom, after an awkward moment in Tsukki’s room, the two teens had decided to watch a movie instead, and Yamaguchi had foolishly decided to watch Jurassic world, joy had thought that it would be a good idea, but the reality was different, the movie was so boring.

  
The freckled boy laid in the sofa, now late in the night, he was physically fighting to keep his eyes open, but gravity was winning, he was no longer paying attention to the movie, he was just trying to keep awake, he looked up to Tsukki, the smaller one of the two was now practically laying right next to Tsukki’s shoulder, but the blonde teen had his eyes glued to the screen, apparently… ignoring Yamaguchi? It was weird, they had began to see the movie as usual, but as Yamaguchi had tried to close the distance between them; Tsukki had gone quiet, more than usual, it was like if, Tsukki was ignoring the other one’s presence? The freckled boy couldn’t fight to get this thoughts off his head, just like his sleep.

  
The green haired boy lost his battle with sleep, slowly closing his eyes for good, inside his head, everyone saw as the screen drifted to black, and all the lights inside headquarters shut down. “finally, we won’t have to watch that horrible movie anymore!!!” said disgust in relief, he wanted to make Yamaguchi cringe at every scene to be honest so bad, as a form to dissipate the pain he was in because of that film, but he was way too tired to keep that up

“I guess that since this will only be a nap, we won’t need to send this ones to long term yet, right?.” Joy asked as he looked at the memories of the day, lined up in the memory shelves. “nah, we can leave them.” Said sadness, as he collapsed in the couch to take a power nap, just a quick break for everyone, including Tadashi himself. “yeah… we need some sleep for the big confession, right Fear?” asked joy, while he waited in a chair for Tadashi’s dream to start playing, but fear didn’t respond, only silence aided Tadashi’s slumber.

  
“Fear? Everything ok?” asked joy, turning around in a worried manner, the purple emotion was currently looking outside the window, looking over love island, that island that was almost impossible to see, hidden in all those clouds and mist, the purple being only looked, slightly shaking, this catched joy’s attention, so the yellow emotion got up and walked towards fear, while disgust made sure to oversee the dream.

  
Joy finally made it to the back of headquarters, were fear remained, his gaze petrified looking outside, and so, joy put his hand in the purple emotion’s back, trying to comfort him. “I-the thing is.” Fear mumbled, still refusing to make eye contact, lowering his head as much as he could, he just wanted to let some worries out, but he didn’t want to face joy neither.

  
“Tsukki is acting very weird today…” the purple emotion commented, nervously tapping the glass, trying to dissipate the growing anxiety inside him. “maybe we should avoid this confession thing.” 

  
Joy thought for a moment, he understood quite well the situation, it was natural for fear to act like this, but the yellow emotion knew that if he just left fear to take more control of Tadashi, it would probably all go for the worse, after all, if 1 emotion took control for too long, things inside the mind could begin to derail.

“do you…think that he now hates Tadashi or something?” joy asked, with a but of concern in his eyes, still patting fear’s back, now in a slower matter.  
fear sighted, just before slowly sitting on the ground, his back against the glass wall, while covering his face, joy did the same a few moments later, sitting alongside him.

the purple emotion despised this, why did he had to be fear? He knew that he made Tadashi miserable. A coward, but no matter what the purple emotion did, his thoughts would always return to the worst case scenario…he hated his job. “yeah… ever since that travel to the museum, h-he’s been acting… more distant, do you think Tadashi did something wrong?” fear asked, after removing his hands from his now red face, yeah, try to rationalize your fear, fear, there was probably an explanation to Tsukki’s odd behavior, but being honest, the purple one also dreaded what kind of explanation would it be.

  
“I don’t think so… I made Tadashi act happy that day, nothing different.” Joy responded, while scratching the back of his head in confusion, he was dying to know why was their best friend acting like that. “I think he noticed that Tadashi likes him.” Fear finally said, clenching his fists, and looking back again to see love island, that island would slowly disappear if Yamaguchi’s feelings weren’t required. “and that’s why he is ignoring us…” the purple emotion said, trying to sound secure, but his voice cracked Anyway. 

  
“Do you have proof of that?” joy asked, with a more serious look in his usually carefree face, he was really curious to know fear’s arguments, personally, he knew that fear often picked up details that passed unnoticed by him, so, maybe there would be an explanation to Tsukki’s odd behavior after all.

  
“well, when Tadashi and Tsukki were playing videogames an hour ago…” fear began to rant, searching for the right words to express his concern, this was only 1 example of the many times Tsukki had began to drift away. “they ended up touching hands, but when Tsukki noticed, he just ignored tadashi, looking at a wall instead!!” the purple emotion said, burying his face in his hands again, muffling a little his voice, but it was still understandable at least.

  
Joy agreed to certain degree, that moment, Tadashi had been lost in the sensation of Tsukki’s skin against his, this closeness had been quite usual for them, but now it felt, more deeper, Tadashi for some reason just wanted to fall in tsukki’s lap, enjoying the warm of the taller one’s body, maybe this was only a manifestation of the love he felt for his friend?. but this thrilling thought only lasted for a moment, when he noticed that the blonde guy removed his hand at light speed, and looked away in total silence, this kind of behavior was little by little affecting Tadashi, it was like every time he thought about Tsukki in a way deeper than friendship, he was rewarded with the tall one’s rejection.

  
“Or remember today… Tsukki likes to take some time alone, but it is never this long.. or severe” fear whined, it felt like if the worst case scenario was coming true, slowly, but destined to end up in the so hated rejection. “I think he knows Tadashi loves him… and he’s probably disgusted by it!!!”  
The purple emotion sighted, while he crossed his arms, closing his eyes in defeat, trying to contain any tear inside of him. “who am I kidding, this is never going to work…."

  
Joy thought for a moment, he to certain part agreed, he saw by himself that the tallest teen was beginning to act way more distant than usual, he also wondered sometimes what the tall one’s emotions were up to, hopefully they were having a better time that Tadashi’s 

  
but at the same time, joy didn’t believe that Tsukki now hated Tadashi, he remembered so well, that the blonde guy was probably the only person who could stand Tadashi’s insecurity, Tsukki always was there, maybe sometimes a few steps forward than Tadashi, but he always stood with the freckled one, in the best and worst moments, it was weird for joy, to see such a sudden change of behavior.

  
“I don’t think that he hates Tadashi…” the yellow emotion said, as he stood up, heading up to the controls, his voice confident enough to catch fear’s attention.

  
The yellow emotion finally reached the control panel, he saw in the screen that the dream had finally began to project into Tadashi’s mind, to top it all off, that dream was about Tsukki… they were just cuddling under a big blanket, in a cold night of December, watching a documentary, it wasn’t that of a weird dream, it was almost like real life.

naturally there were some distortions, there was no door, or no windows in the room they were sitting, and most of the action wasn’t in the documentary of course, because Tadashi was still clinging to Tsukki’s back and upper body in a tight hug, and they had an occasional kiss, while they talked a little about the program they were watching, the details weren’t clear enough, since it wasn’t reality, but that was what Tadashi had always wanted, a casual domestic life with Tsukki, nothing extraordinary, just a relationship that he could enjoy, without anyone looking at them, no one to see them, to judge them, maybe that was the reason as to why there were no doors in the room, no one could enter except them..

  
Joy slightly smiled at the dream, while he pressed a button in the controls, meanwhile, fear slowly stood up too, and began to walk towards the control panel too, the purple emotion wasn’t sure what joy was doing, but he was interested regardless, being honest, he needed a distraction from his own worries. “what are you doing?” the purple emotion finally asked, as he saw joy moving some levers in the controls.

  
“I just want Tadashi to remember this dream!” the yellow emotion said with confidence and a little smile, as he pulled another lever, fear didn’t understood much, making a confused expression as he saw the dream evolving more and more, joy saw that fear didn’t understood, so he took a deep breath.

  
“You see, they say that if in a dream the person experiences strong emotions, that way is more probable that said dream won’t be forgotten.” The yellow emotion said slowly, to make sure that fear understood, and he smiled as fear nodded to the explanation. “So… you are making Tadashi happy in his dream, so that he may remember this when he wakes up?”

  
The yellow emotion nodded.

  
Fear began to look at the dream, inside, deep inside, he also wanted to make Tadashi happy, he wanted their kid to finally find love on someone else, and he had done it, but the problem was that said love, had been implanted for someone aa stubborn as Tsukki.  
in an ideal world, being in love with Tsukki would be good actually, and that was because in said world, the guy with glasses would reciprocate said feelings, so the two could be together, share each other’s worries, being there for each other even more, but at the end of the day, it was a dream.

  
“Tadashi really dreams with Tsukki a lot doesn’t he?” fear said with a little smile in his usual contracted face, joy really liked it when the usually doubtful emotion could express some form of happiness, it was good that fear was ignoring the possible bad parts. “yeah he does!!! Tsukki has been in almost all of Tadashi’s dreams one way or another this past week!!” joy responded back, now with his usual big smile again in his face.

  
But fear’s smile didn’t last for, the slight hope in his eyes didn’t survive, as well as his smile, devolving into a frown again .” wish this was more than a dream through, they say the impossible only happens in dreams right?”

  
Joy silently stood while he was doing his work, being honest, he didn’t know anymore what would convince fear that this could work, for now everything was going according to plan, Tadashi would eventually wake up, and at the end of the night, the green haired boy would come out to his best friend, there was hopefully no way that this plan could be ruined, right?

  
The dream had gone on for about a few moments by now, a pleasant dream at least, the two young souls now watching the night sky, in that same dream, the smaller teen was now cuddling with Tsukki, caressing the larger one’s pale but soft skin, enjoying the other’s warm, that warm, that force, the hidden intensity of Tsukki, that was one of the hundreds pf things that Yamaguchi loved about his friend, cold in the outside, but with a bright flame in the lowest core, naturally, he had faults, like any other person. maybe some days, like today, that flame turned more invisible than usual, but regardless, that flame would never extinguish, not in the dream, not in the real life.

  
Yamaguchi kept laying dormant, while his emotions were watching the movie-like dream he was having, and none of them knew that something out of the normal was happening outside.

  
in the dream, Yamaguchi had crossed his arm across Tsukki’s neck, just before laying in the blonde one’s lap, a pleasant experience, the bigger guy one looked so happy and, free… joy really wished that what they were watching; that dream of the two guys being madly in love, he wished that it was real, the yellow emotion would give away anything to get a happy ending for Yadashi.

  
little did he knew that he would really get part of his wish, for this dream to be real, granted, in the worst way possible.

  
“what is..that?” disgust asked as he narrowed his expression, as he slowly got up, raising his fist so that everyone would stop talking, as everyone’s voice died down, they could hear something, it was like if someone was trying to wake up Yamaguchi, or at least it seemed like it, a constant little jerking, like if someone was trying to stand up, but they couldn’t tell who. “it might be Tsukki?” the purple emotion asked, wondering if their tall blonde friend would be up to something, maybe something bad?

  
“Calm down everyone…. I am sure that Tsukii is just accommodating himself.” Said joy, as he tried to look around to hear where the sounds came from,he wanted to rationalize this, but, as hard as he tried, that constant sound, it made him catch a weird feeling, it felt like if, there was something awfully wrong, but what?

  
They momentarily assumed that the noises were nothing weird, maybe just the movements of a sleepy tall blonde, yeah, it made sense, until suddenly, Tadashi was pushed from the sofa, falling in his back against the hard floor, immediately waking up from his slumber, this naturally alerted everyone inside his own head.

  
“Tsukki?” the freckled boy asked, while he rubbed his eyes, trying to focus on his friend, while Tadashi himself was now at the floor, and as his vision adjusted, his thin eyebrows suddenly elevated, and his eyes widened, Tsukki was standing, and he looked, angry?

  
He was taking deep quickly breaths so quickly, his usual expressionless face had turned into one of pure discomfort, as his face had gone completely red. “what is this?” fear asked, as he rubbed his hands, why was Tsukki so mad? Why was he acting like that? He now feared the worst, again.

  
“What the hell Yamaguchi!!"the blonde teen yelled at his friend that rested frightened in the ground, his face was twisted with both rage and annoyance, it was the first time that Tadashi had seen Tsukki so displeased, but he didn’t understood why the taller laid there, so, stiff. why was he screaming at him?

  
“why were you hugging me while you were sleeping ?“ Tsukki asked, as his face blushed intensely, probably from anger and second hand embarrassment, and with this, Tadashi’s eyes widened even more, and his mind stopped working all together,….hugging Tsukki, but that only happened in the dream, no, it can’t be, unless…

  
Tadashi’s body began to race, his heart began to beat faster, now ringing in his ears, preparing to run, he had just showed way too much affection at Tsukki while he was sleeping, and tsukki hated it so much….the blonde one usually didn’t appreciate close contact, so this, this probably made him so upset, so trivial, yet problematic.

  
Everyone in headquarters laid silently in shock, they had never heard Tsukki scream like that, he looked so…disgusted and disappointed on Tadashi, it hurt them, with this action of the blonde one, fear’s predictions ended up being true apparently  
“I KNEW IT!!” the purple emotion said, as he pulled his hair, his voice almost cracking, of course Tsukki would be disgusted because of Tadashi’s feelings, of course he would hate the fact that Tadashi showed this kind of affection to men like him, of course he would hate that his best friend was in love with him, the purple emotion was right all along. “I knew this would happen…he-he is disgusted by us!!! By Tadashi…”

  
Joy just stood there, eyes locked in the screen, with a shocked, frozen look in his face, all this time, he had been confident most of the time that Tsukki would be understanding with them, once Tadashi told his friend that he liked men, the blonde one would be ok, but, Tsukki looked so, angry, and hurt, and now it felt like, Tadashi was the reason of this, those weird feelings, this weird, sometimes accidental interactions the taller one wouldn’t appreciate, joy had some times considered the possibility predicted by fear, but he had always denied it, until now, maybe Tsukki is truly disgusted by them; that he is now distancing himself more and more, maybe fear was right.

  
“What do we do… fear? Joy? Anyone?” disgust asked, with genuine fear in his eyes, he always had acted as if he didn’t care about the whole situation, but, inside his annoyed face and being, he cared so much,about tsukki’s opinion, basically a lot of the things tsukki hated, disgust made sure that Tadashi hated them too, like if they were trying to imitate tsukki, but if the blonde one now hated Tadashi.. or was disgusted by the freckled boy’s true feelings? the green emotion had been one of the reasons as to why Tadashi was insecure of his sexual identity, making the green haired boy feel that he was wrong, broken, weird. aggravated by the fact that he had fallen in love with his best, only childhood friend. it had to be him…if Tsukki began to hate Tadashi, the smaller boy would be. Alone

  
Joy had convinced disgust some time ago that being gay wasn’t anything wrong at all, and he had believed it for a moment, that maybe their human wasn’t weird for that…but now that Tsukki had reacted so badly at any show of affection of his friend, it felt like if the one with glasses had rejected any love, and at some level, rejection of Tadashi himself. it made disgust doubt of joy’s convincing words, yeah.. maybe yamaguchi was indeed broken.

  
Yamaguchi’s head hurt, his heart hurt, everything hurt and burned inside of him, all his insecurity, the thoughts of him being broken, misfit, incomplete, weird, all those thoughts, products of him falling in love with his best friend, they turned into spines that stabbed his heart multiple times, tangling in his head and bones, Yamaguchi’s face was as white as his mind, any drop of blood gone… it all felt so, **cold**.  
Maybe it didn’t made sense, but he really felt that Tsukki was so disgusted by him, loving a guy, even worse.. loving his best friend, all those times he thought that he was broken, it was all true, he was disgusting. “I -UM well… um, the thing is… well, I” he tried to say, but it felt that if he said anything, he would throw up, his body ached, Tsukki was truly pissed at him, at least he thought of it that way. The shortest one was beginning to feel dizzy, his heart failing to beat as usual, with Tsukki’s judgmental, deep stare threatening him.

  
Alarms began to turn on inside Tadashi’s head, the buzzling of them made the emotion’s own heads hurt, as the sirens made it hard to see, to hear, fear was at the verge of throwing Tadashi in a full fledge panic attack, the purple emotion was trying to get their human out of there, pressing every button combination possible, but Tadashi laid frozen, with purple memories forming left and right, fear wondered if they would make it alive out of this for this.

  
Then he remembered.

  
**“They won’t find out”.**

  
Fear remembered that joy had an idea bulb that would make Tadashi lie, in case his parents began to interrupt in Tsukki and Tadashi’s hypothetical relationship…lying might be the key.

  
The purple emotion quickly got over to where joy was, and slipped his hand inside joy’s pocket searching for the idea bulb, this made the yellow emotion awaken from his frozen state, and when he regained focus, he saw that fear was beside him, searching for something, in his pocket, joy realized what fear was searching for. “wait no!!!” joy yelled, trying to push fear away, but the purple emotion had just taken the idea bulb, he now had it.

  
“Wait stop, fear!!!” yelled the yellow emotion, as he chased fear in the race to the overheated control panel, but joy was slower, with less stamina, so he didn’t made it in time, the purple emotion’s feet trembled, this whole situation seemed like a nightmare, but…if they can mask it a little more, if they act like if Tadashi wasn’t in love, maybe everything would be ok, Tsukki wouldn’t hate them. “I have to do this for Tadashi!!!” the purple emotion said, as he inserted the idea bulb inside the slot… making it glow instantly.

  
Lie… that idea was tempting to Tadashi, he usually didn’t lie, not even to his best friend, not directly lying, maybe he sometimes didn’t mention stuff, but completely lying, he wasn’t used to it, but now, it felt like if that was needed, so that Tsukki would stop looking at him with those angry, hurt eyes.  
“Well…Tsukki.” The freckled teen began to invent an excuse, a fantasy that could explain his awful behavior, say something to mask himself, to seem like a normal guy….

  
“I was…. Dreaming that I was with a girl y’know …. It wasn’t dirty or anything, really!!!” a lie spilled from Yamaguchi’s mouth, it hurt to say it, to pretend something false, that wasn’t him, but if he was broken, maybe he didn’t had any option left.  
“so… that girl and I were just… cuddling, hugging, y’know… normal stuff!!!” he said, with a nervous laugh coming from his hand, moving his hands around to emphasize his story., a lie, a pathetic lie, all of it, Tadashi hated it, but…it was working, Tsukki’s deadly gaze had calmed down, softened, he was probably glad that his friend wasn’t some kind of distorted weirdo, he wasn’t sure, this day it felt that he couldn’t make up what was happening inside Tsukki’s head, Tadashi could only imagine that it was bad.

  
“but while I was…dreaming and stuff, I guess I was moving my body.. as if you were that girl… god I am sorry Tsukki...” Yamaguchi kept lying… visibly shacking from all the pressure building up inside of him, it was enough that it made sadness wake up from his slumber, it was a matter of time until Tadashi would begin to cry, everything was hurting joy, every lie that came from their Tadashi’s mouth felt like a knife, slicing through the yellow emotion’s body, sure, lying to any classmate, or even to his family would be complicated…but lying to Tsukki himself in such a way. It was the worst pain the yellow emotion had ever felt.

  
“Sorry Tsukii. I-I have to go” the freckled boy said, while he took off Tsukishima’s hoddie, he then began walking to the entrance, don’t look at Tsukii, he said to himself, ignore Tsukki’s look, he said to himself, as he put his shoes again, it was cold outside, but it did not matter, not anymore.

  
“I am sorry Tsukki.” Said Yamaguchi, as he waved his hand nervously from the door, Tsukki did not wave back, he just stood there, in the living room, Yamaguchi finally closed the door; the cold wind welcomed him. The gift he wanted to give to his friend still in his pocket.

  
He ran, he escaped, that was all he could do… coward, lying, running away, shutting down, Yamaguchi felt so little, so, miserable, disappointed that he crumbled at his own emotions, again.  
Everyone inside of him was petrified, no idea what to do but to look as their human ran as fast as he could, the only one who moved was sadness, who finally walked to the console, he took a deep breath, and pressed a button, turning it all blue, it was natural, wherever a lot of emotional pressure accumulated, sadness would make Tadashi release said pain, in one way or another.

  
This action, made Yamaguchi break, all that desperation, all the pain, began to condensate in tears, his breathing became more erratic, as his tears began to fall, he tried to close his eyes to make them stop, he tried to stop a sob from escaping his throat, but it was no use, he couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He never could.

  
His face was red, from embarrassment, from crying, from running, everything ached, he wanted to scream, the first whines were finally released, while he was running in the dark. “I-I, I am stupid …so stupid…” he said to himself in a broken voice, while his lips trembled, and his whole being contracted violently, and his heart burned to ashes.  
His emotions couldn’t do anything, just seeing Tadashi cry to himself quietly in the streets while running in the darkness and cold of the night, no one to comfort him. Not his parents, not Tsukki.

  
No one was there

  
Joy just managed to look at a blue memory roll to join the other purple orbs.

\---------------------------------------------------------

  
That had happened yesterday, for the freckled boy, it felt that it was a dream, or a nightmare that he couldn’t wake up from, even if he was now preparing himself breakfast, something lighter and easy, something that could be done with simple muscle memory, with no need to think at all, he didn’t want to think of anything, at all.

  
Yamaguchi yawned as he prepared the rice and cooked the fish, his dad would usually cook for him in this days, but they were out for business, being honest, it was for the best… he didn’t want to see anyone, not his family, not the team, not Tsukki, more specifically his best friend, he wouldn’t be able to look at him at the eye as he uaee to, after this.

  
That name still made his being contract, feeling the injury in his heart still pounding, being honest he didn’t even felt like jogging anymore, just…stay in home all day, hopefully he could just avoid thinking all together, maybe cooking this soy beans would distract him from Tsukki, then he remembered that soy beans were one of Tsukki’s favorite..

  
Just stop depending on your friend so much!!!!” he wanted to say to himself

\-------------------------------------

  
“no, you won’t remove this idea bulb!” said fear, as he stood with his arms crossed, between the yellow emotion and the control panel, that still had the idea bulb inserted in it. “I knew something would go off… but this!!! I can’t let you remove this idea from Tadashi’s head, is for his own safety” The purple emotion said, as he stood firmly, with a strong voice, something that was normally never seen by anyone in headquarters.

  
“You don’t get it!!! You are hurting Tadashi, this wasn’t part of the plan!!!” the yellow emotion said, as he quickly approached the controls, with a resented look in his face, but fear stopped him, grabbing him by the back, keeping the yellow emotion away, but joy was fighting back, trying to liberate himself, while everyone else observed, too tired from last night’s panic to do anything to stop the fight, and they were also confused, the yellow and purple had never fought this hard..

  
“What do you mean-thi- this is to preserve Tadashi’s friendship with Tsukki!!!” The purple emotion yelled back, while he firmly held joy back, his feet glued to the ground… he had fallen for joy’s words enough, but not today. “it is my job to protect Tadashi, even from his erratic feelings, like love… or like you!!!” the purple emotion screamed, they should just keep lying, forever if needed, anything so that Tsukki wasn’t annoyed by the freckled boy’s feelings.

  
“You are just making him a coward!!!!!” joy answered back, as he tried to release himself again, but there was no use for it, at least not now, fear had been growing stronger this last few days, quite ironic. “what will you make Tadashi do next huh? Ignore Tsukki like a coward? Forget that anything ever happened?, make him act like if his love isn’t real!?” Joy demanded to know, from the impact of last night, his judgment had been off; but he saw clearly now, this could end up in such a disaster.

  
“Maybe I will do that if needed!!” answered fear; obviously not thinking straight anymore, both disgust and sadness saw from behind, both to scared to even think of intervening, this had been one of their worst days.

  
“And then what, who will Tadashi go to when you push Tsukii away?” The yellow emotion yelled back, as he took a few steps behind, making fear slightly lose his balance.

  
“I-I will…. I” dear tried to say, but, there was no answer to that question.

  
“THAT’S RIGHT!!!! WITHOUT TSUKKI, TADASHI IS ALONE!!!” joy snapped; as he basically tackled fear to the ground, he was completely pissed at fear’s reasoning, he was tired, as well as everyone else. “we don’t have no one else to support Tadashi, if we push Tsukki away with constantly lying…. He will notice, and he might leave for good!!!” joy said still mad, as he made sure to keep fear attached to the ground. “Lying isn’t going to get us out of this, not at all.”

  
Meanwhile fear looked in horror, as realization invaded his being, even if he wanted to deny it, it was true… no matter how many lies they did, Tsukki would notice, and one day leave, and if Tadashi was left alone like that, he would probably end up in misery. this was probably a pointless fight after all, the purple emotion gave up.

  
Joy’s eyes softened, as he saw that the dim light in fear’s eyes had gone missing, fear himself had, given up.

  
“Fear…” joy said, as he realized that he himself had gone a little far, heck, he had been about to beat the purple emotion as hard as he could, this was getting out of control, him, fear, Tadashi, they were losing control. “I know that you want to protect Tadashi, we all do!.... we were made to take care of him after all.” The yellow emotion said, as he got up, now sitting in front of fear, who still laid in the ground, regreting hs sudeen outburst.

  
“But this think about lying, it is hurting Tadashi… so much, we are supposed to protect him, but this is just making him miserable. And it will hurt him more if we keep up with this” The yellow emotion said, his voice now more calmed that before, but he still had some irritation in his tone, he quickly gave a hand to help fear get up, and the purple emotion slowly extended his own hand to grab the yellow hand offering support.

  
“They have calmed down it seems…” said sadness, looking from behind a sofas, still tired from yesterday.

  
“Hopefully.” Replied disgust with a concerned look in his face.

  
Joy sighted, all this days, he had always talked like if he always had the absolute right, he acted as if he was completely different from fear, he regretted thinking that way. “you are not the only one in the wrong, I shouldn’t have created that idea bulb in the first place….” The yellow emotion confessed, yeah, deep inside, he had been scared of what would the others say, so he had that idea bulb, but just as a last resort, but now that he understood what could happen, he now saw that that was a mistake.

“no matter who, if Tadashi feels like if he needs to lie, to not being himself to survive… he will start to hate being himaelf, wherever lying to the team, dad, or Tsukki, all of this will, and is hurting Tadashi.” The yellow emotion explained to his crewmate, all this thing about hiding himself, about not being himself, it was really making Tadashi feel, like something broken, useless, ugly. 

  
“But… Tsukki already hates Tadashi!!!” fear nervously said, the face that the blonde one had; it was proof of his anger, his disgust. “don’t you remember that face he did? He hates us now probably!!!”

  
“We don’t know that!!!” said joy in a determined tone, grabbing fear’s anxious hand again, maybe joy had already figured out the right thing to do.

  
“those two have been playing this game of … pretending and not using words to communicate, assuming that the other one already knows and how he feels so much, that Tadashi and Tsukki have forgotten… to talk.” Joy said, talking… yeah, something so easy and yet, so scary… according to fear.

“we can’t let Tadashi continue to guess what the other is feeling, simply based on a facial expression, they need to talk; to understand if Tsukii really is disgusted of him…. Or not.”

  
“And to do that, we have to stop lying altogether.” Joy said, as he looked at the idea bulb that laid deep inside the console. “let’s help Tadashi for once!!!”

  
fear was, frozen.., what joy said was true, both Tadashi and Tsukki had grown so used to guess the other's needs based on small acts and facial expressions, now that this simple system of communication was failing, their whole friendship was in danger, and it had to be fixed, maybe to remain as friends, or even lovers if they got sincere enough?

  
At least they needed closure to this hell.

  
“also…sorry for getting so angry” said joy, as his eyes dropped a little, they also needed to start communicating between the emotions even more, if they wanted Tadashi to function.

  
The purple emotion nodded, he had also lost controls, today, and a lot of other times, just listening to his own insecurity and instinct, not thinking about how this could affect Tadashi, the human he was supposed to protect, or not thinking of what the other emotions had to say. ”yeah…sorry for not listening to you more.” The purple emotion said, joy let out a relieved breath.

  
Fear finally stood up straight, beginning to walk alongside joy towards the control panel. While disgust and sadness looked from afar, the purple and yellow emotions finally made it, they saw in the screen that the freckled boy was now slowly eating his breakfast alone… it was now or never, to help Tadashi.

  
“Are you scared?” Asked joy as he put his hand firmly upon the idea bulb.

  
“a little, but…but we have to do this!!! For… tadashi?” said fear, with a little smile in his face, he still had doubts, but his mind was more, peaceful now. He lifted his hand, forming a little fist; offering it to joy   
The yellow emotion chuckled, as he also formed a fist and slowly lifted it up. “for Tadashi.” Joy said, as he and fear fist bumped, now they were ready… to release Yamaguchi from this, to remove the idea of lying, hiding himself from Tadashi’s head once and for all.

  
“At the count of three.” Said fear, firmly holding the idea, preparing to pull, this was it

  
“1….2…..3!!” the two emotions said at the same time, as they pulled from the idea.

The idea did not dislodge.

Joy’s and fear’s eyes widened, this was supposed to be easy, they usually pulled ideas from Tadashi’s head without effort, they tried again, and again, and again, with more force each time, but the memory had gotten stuck, the two emotion looked at each other in disbelief, what was going on?

  
“What is…happening?” asked disgust to check on the other two emotions, quick enough, the green emotion’s expression also grew worried, as he saw that the other two couldn’t disconnect the idea. “we can’t get this idea out of his head…” joy said; turning back to face disgust, this was bad.

Tadashi looked his phone while he was finishing his meal, he was tired of thinking of Tsukki in a romantic way, either in private. Or with Tsukki, he was so tired of all of this, feeling that he was wrong, having to hide himself from his best friend, he just wanted, to do what Tsukki would do, ignore his stupid emotions for once.

  
He scrolled through his gallery, until he found it, the photo of both of them together in the exhibition, it was weird, but Yamaguchi had the feeling that the photo had been the moment when all problems began.

  
He frowned, he had enough of falling for Tsukki in this way, of fantasizing of him, of living in a dream, he had already convinced himself, with the way Tsukki saw him, those judgmental eyes, he understood, Tsukki would never appreciate this kind of affection, of course he wouldn’t, he was probably ashamed of having such a lame friend.

  
But the freckled boy wondered, if he bottles up his feelings for Tsukki, they could forget that any of this ever happened, they could be normal friends again, they could be happy… and hopefully the green haired boy would eventually get over his miserable love feelings, maybe one day he would like girls like any normal guy, maybe one day, he would be….

  
**normal**.

  
He took a deep breath, and opened the settings of the photo. He didn’t want to see Tsukki…for today at least, or seeing himself along his best friend, being happy if he couldn’t be completely happy around his friend, he didn’t want a photo to remind him that he wasn’t good enough, to make the blonde one smile, not anymore.

  
he needed to forget.

Delete photo?

  
YES NO

“WHAT IS THIS!!!” fear screamed, they all saw as Tadashi was preparing to delete the photo, this may be the beginning of something bad, something was wrong, fear immediately took control pressing all button combinations possible, feeling Yamaguchi’s head with doubts.

  
Was it really worth it, was it really needed to go this far?? Tadashi stopped for a moment, but he clenched his left fist; as he laid in the chair, he would no longer be fooled by his feelings, he had enough of that, he was the one in control now.

  
What….why isn’t he listening to us?” asked joy, obviously concerned about this, even if he was trying to control himself, but his legs were trembling, and fear had totally lost control.

  
Disgust took a deep breath, he understood it, what was going on. “Joy…we never had total control, we are not Tadashi, he has the freedom to listen to us.. or not, if he decides that he wants to keep lying to Tsukki about his true finals.” The green emotion pointed at the incrusted idea bulb with a pained expression. “there’s nothing we can do as his emotions… just wait and see.”

  
Joy’s world began to collapse, for one moment it felt like if everything was going ok, but now…it was going downhill.

.”Tadashi stop!!!” he screamed, as if their human could hear them…but it was no use, emotions can only simply suggest stuff, ideas, sensations to their human…the freckled boy was at the end the only one capable to take a decision. Tadashi’s thumb was getting nearer to the screen.

  
His eyes narrowed more, this was the start; of him being free from his emotions, he would go back to being friends with Tsukii, forgetting his twisted love. He waited so long.

  
For this.

  
Delete photo?

Yes x no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this chapter probably had more angst than usual...someone save yamaguchi and his emotions please.
> 
> Anyway, I am on vacation now, so hopefully updates will be more common.
> 
> Also, you probably noticed that this was supposed to be 10 chapters, it will be 9 now, I didn't cut the story, I just replanned some stuff to fit better in the narrative.
> 
> Anyway... I hope you all enjoyed this


	5. Trying to connect- part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the revelation from last night, tsukishima struggles to understand his emotional state a littoe more.
> 
> And he finds out that apart from love, something else is broken inside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, well, chap 5 was supposed to be longer, but I decided to split it in half for an easier reading.
> 
> Since this happened, we will have 10 chapters again!
> 
> So I hope you like it

Chapter 5. Trying to connect.

  
It was already Saturday, or at least it seemed to be Saturday, it didn’t really matter to the blonde teen through.

  
Tsukishima was used to not sleeping well, he needed to relax completely to even think about closing his honey eyes, he even sometimes used visors if necessary, but this time, there was no way for the blonde guy to relax, not after yesterday, not after such a sudden realization.

  
“I am in love with Yamaguchi.” he kept repeating to himself with a mildly shocked face, over and over. As he clenched the covers in his bed, it was…too hot.

  
Tsukishima felt his thoughts flying inside his head in a downward spiral, this weird feeling that he had gotten, now he understood better, this quiet wish that grew larger over the ages, this desire, it was romantic feelings for his only friend all along.

  
He sighted as he stared at the ceiling, he just couldn’t believe how stupid he had been all this time, how emotionally constipated he was that he never understood and recognized his own twisted feelings?.

  
Now that he had understood better, he was currently trying to relive all his memories with Yamaguchi trying to remember since when did those feelings started. 

  
Yellow memory orbs kept arriving to headquarters, projecting in the screen, and with every new memory, he realized more and more that since that day at the exhibition….no, way before, from the way he looked at his freckled friend, how his heart skipped a beat. (Or had a mini heart attack, the difference wasn’t clear to be honest) each time he looked at the green hair boy’s smile, yeah, it had been so obvious, and yet, something in his brain had tried to tell him to ignore this feeling, to act like if it wasn’t there, but now there was no doubts, what could he do? 

  
He closed his eyes, trying to think of something else, that part of him still wanted to doubt, he tried to think of something different, maybe the assignments he had to do, the games he needed to be in, to not think of Yamaguchi, he thought of the matches that would decide who would represent Miyagi specifically, is not like if he was overly excited about it, for so long volleyball had been just a club.

  
But since those guys from gym 3 appeared in his life… they apparently triggered something in his mind. That something was joy. being determined to gain control, but naturally disgust and fear kept filling the blonde one’s brain with doubts and second thoughts, it still felt like if his mind was divided in half most of the time, and it was annoying as hell.

  
At least now he looked up a little more to the next match, being honest, with the extra training with his brother, his brother’s annoying friends, and with the others, he felt a little confident of what would happen, but he would still remain cautious nonetheless.

  
The blonde teen imagined a little how an hypothetic match would play out, Hinata would probably pull a weird move out of nowhere, the king would be as loud as ever, who knew, even he himself could block one of Ushijima’s spikes….

  
he chuckled a little at the idea, no way he has the power to stop such a destructive attack, the blonde one’s fingers twitched at the thought too, they would definitely break in the moment of impact.

  
At the end. Is not like if they need him that much, they have baldie’s spikes’ Daichi’s good receives, and Yamaguchi’s serves…. Tsukishima wanted to slap himself again, he had said to himself a minute ago not to think about his friend, and here he was, his thoughts flowing back to the freckled one’s tender fingers holding the ball, he still felt ashamed about it, hot chills flowed through his spine but at the same time it was… enticing.

  
He doubted for a moment, but since he was alone in his room, For the first time in forever, the guy with glasses decided to let himself feel freely. Apparently there was no way to not think of Yamaguchi, so it would be better to flow with the current, right?

  
he focused on the sensation he got while imagining his freckled friend, he visualized the final set against Shiratorizawa, everyone waiting for the match point, and him and the green haired boy manage to perform a serve and block combo, fooling the defenses of the eagle’s school, winning the game.

  
They both would run towards each other and hug as hard as they could, almost breaking their ribs, with the other one’s firm embrace, their red faces both from the game and their closeness looking at each other, and to finish it off, they would kiss while everyone celebrated…

  
Hugs, that kind of physical contact, for such a long time he didn’t receive hugs, probably his family were the only ones who dared to hug him, when he hurt his knee, his mom would hug him, when he used to score an amazing point, his brother would embrace him in his arms, and after a long day at work, his dad would… memories from the past anyways, he didn’t really like the closeness, his brother sometimes still did that, but it was ridiculous, and it felt embarrassing.

  
But with Yamaguchi… An orb appeared inside headquarters, projecting a memory from so long ago, when Tsukishima had gone to the failed birthday party of Yamaguchi, the freckled one was so sad, but after a little encouragement, Yamaguchi hugged him so hard, and yet, it felt so soft.

  
At this moment Tsukishima realized that he was touch starved, he really wanted to feel that again, or something similar at least. So with his bare feet he reached for a big pillow Yamaguchi had given him for one of his birthdays that laid at the side of his bed, usually he would never do this kind of stuff, but today was different. He took it to his chest and wrapped his thin arms around the pillow as hard as he could.

  
It was so soft and gentle, the blonde one remembered that Yamaguchi had bought it to make him relax, the pillow, that had a shape reminiscent of a dinosaur, and it was almost like Yamaguchi, soft and tender on the outside, but still able to maintain his shape, without collapsing to extra pressure.

  
But Tsukishima needed more, the pillow was a lot of things, except hot. Even if Yamaguchi already has some hot aspects, it lacked more like the warm that naturally radiated from the freckled one’s body, that kind of warm that made the blonde one’s heart flustered.

  
But the pillow was cold, cold as himself, but it had solution. 

  
his imagination.

  
Tsukishima went back to that day, Yamaguchi’s small frame around the same size of the pillow, both their bodies together, sharing occasional kisses and cuddles, making the tall one’s heart to beat faster, around the same pace the freckled one’s heart did, both synchronized. Imagining the hypothetic scenario.

  
He smiled with his eyes closed as hard as possible, a small, but dorky, genuine smile, something so weird, but how could he not enjoy himself at least a moment, for any outsider, him hugging a pillow while smiling would be weird, but for him, this was a little representation of his personal heaven.

  
The blonde one’s cheeks flared up, growing hotter around his smile, this was so unexpected for him, but it felt so good. His love island was throwing fireworks left and right inside his head, filling him with endorphins and other stuff.

  
For so long he had bottled up this kind of feeling, but right now, no one could see his smile and weird actions, he was alone. And also there was a thing Tsukishima himself was oblivious of, inside his brain, disgust was still out of commission.

  
“Is he still in his room?” the red emotion asked in annoyance, while he was sitting in one of the various sofas, trying to ignore the extreme warm the emotions were experimenting inside the blonde one’s head, in just one night, everything had changed, and no one was sure if it was for the best, or the worst.

  
“I guess he is still processing…. I guess” the purple emotion replied, while her body trembled a little, still impacted from yesterday. Also there was the fact that Tsukishima never managed to sleep that night, so all the memory orbs from the day before still laid scattered across the floor, filing it with glowing reds, greens and purples, an image that hurt fear’s eyes a bit.

  
their Kei being in love was, the least expected scenario they had seen, and being honest fear did not like it.

  
“I guess he is still in denial.” Joy added, as he had his hands in the console, the piece of equipment glowing yellow, as Kei’s daydream played in the screen. “I mean, for a lot of time he was the only one who thought this wasn’t love, but look!!! Kei has even acknowledge it himself!!” joy said, pointing at the screen, the image that was projected was the one of the bedroom, but instead of Kei hugging the pillow, the image had the freckled guy being hugged by his bigger friend.

clearly a daydream, but enjoyable nonetheless. “it was about time disgust would have to accept it too.”

  
Anger and sadness nodded to the explanation, for them, there was no denying anymore, since love island had formed, they were now sure of Kei’s intentions with Yamaguchi, the island was just as active as volleyball island once had been, before the incident worth to say.

the Sakura tree still remained planted in the island's ground, it’s colorful branches moving from left to right, but it still remained naked, with no flowers to cover itself up with, maybe this was another symbol that things were not complete yet.

  
“I guess there is no stopping to this…” fear whispered, there was still something problematic about this, being in love, this type of relationships, it brought unpleasant memories to the purple emotion.

“why would we want to stop this?” joy said, now that disgust wasn’t here no one would oppose to this new normal in Kei’s life, at least today. Maybe it was cruel, to try to exclude the green emotion from all of this, but he had already caused enough problems for Kei, joy thought.

  
making him disgusted and annoyed all the time, disgust did all of that, all the time. now, at least for a moment, even if the blonde teen was in a day dream, joy could take control, like he used to do. “Kei is happy for once!!! This is the best.” The yellow emotion said as he saw that yellow memories began to pill up in the shelves. Fear didn’t respond, is not like if she didn’t want Kei to be happy, but not like this, she still had a bad feeling with this, but the purple emotion only managed to look away.

  
A moment later, sadness got a little bit near the control panel, with a memory from yesterday in his hands, making joy look down at the shorter emotion in curiosity. “something wrong sadness?” Asked the yellow emotion.

  
“Well…I think we made Kei act way too… erratic yesterday.” The blue emotion said, as he inserted said memory in the projector, making the daydream stop for a moment, the screen began to project the said memory from yesterday.

  
**“What the hell Yamaguchi”**

  
Joy remembered, it was true, they had made Kei so confused and overwhelmed last night with the sudden surge of emotions, that the blonde one wasn’t sure how to process such feeling that set his heart his flames.

  
so he ended up raising his voice, something unusual for the tall teen. now with sadness near the controls, Tsukishima felt ashamed of himself.

  
He stopped hugging the pillow as hard as before, he now remembered Yamaguchi’s face, filled with fear and shame, his blush grew even bigger, now with shame added in the mix, the blonde one wondered if maybe he had hurt his best friend’s feelings.

  
Tsukishima himself was conscious that he wasn’t the best managing his emotions, with disgust usually in charge, he sometimes hurt people’s feelings, or just annoyed them, but since those “people” weren’t important to him, he didn’t mind that much, but hurting his best and only friend, he didn’t had the heart to do it, maybe a snarky comment there to tease him a little, but Kei made sure to never cross the line.

But remembering Yamaguchi’s expression, the freckled boy’s body slightly shacking, the blonde teen felt that by raising his voice like that, almost insulting his friend thanks to his confusion, he had crossed said line.

  
“ maybe Kei should apologize.” Said sadness, as he pulled a lever, turning the whole control panel blue as his skin, filling Tsukishima with even more shame, he should text Yamaguchi to clear things up…. He was about to let go of the pillow, to grab his phone, but he suddenly began to have second thoughts about apologizing.

  
“Wait we can’t apologize!!!” said fear, as she grabbed the lever sadness was holding, turning the console purple, another purple orb formed, of course fear would go against the current, joy thought, the yellow emotion sided with sadness for once, and fear would obviously stop them.

  
“why can’t Kei apologize fear?” joy asked, with slight annoyance in his voice, the yellow one strangely enough sometimes sounded like disgust. Sadness also looked at fear with intrigue, they just had to apologize and that would make Yamaguchi feel better.

  
“if we apologize, Yamaguchi will begin to ask questions, even if we lie, he will find out, I don’t even think he would like Kei romantically even” the purple emotion argued, he didn’t want Yamaguchi, or no one in the whole universe to find out about Kei’s romantic feelings, being honest, fear didn’t want those feelings to exist after all.

  
“What is so bad about Yamaguchi finding out about Kei’s romantic feelings anyway?” sadness asked with curiosity, but his blue hand pulled the lever even harder. Feat knew what could go bad, if those two end up in such a relationship, it would probably happen again, just like Kei’s parents, they would eventually…. 

  
Also there was the fact that those two were their best and almost only friends, in case Yamaguchi found out, fear did not want Kei to push Yamaguchi away with his romantic nonsense.

  
even if Yamaguchi never said it, the freckled teen sometimes got a little flustered with girls around, so he would probably find it weird that Kei liked men.

  
The blue and purple emotion kept trying to take control, making the console switch from purple to blue every few seconds, flooding the memory shelves with more orbs. Tsukishima’s mind felt like if it was broken in half again, the blonde teen was no longer enjoying his day dream, he had so many doubts and regrets now, what if he had made Yamaguchi feel bad?, what if Yamaguchi doesn’t like him back, what if he had pushed the freckled boy away?

  
It was like this, specially this week, his heart and brain told him different stuff to do, and he didn’t know what to do at all, he was just a little confused teen suffering with this feelings.

  
he wish he had someone to talk with about his feelings, someone more experienced, to clear some doubts about himself that had built through the years, anyone, that wasn’t the team, or his classmates, or Yamaguchi of course, or his parents, or Akiteru.

  
And to make matters worse, when the blonde one thought about his brother’s name, he heard the door quickly opening, only one person would dear to enter at this hour.

  
“Hey Kei!” Akiteru said, busting through the door, making the younger brother almost jump out of the bed, at the sound of the door opening, fear had taken control of the console, making Kei throw the pillow he was holding to the ground as fast as possible, hopefully akiteru didn’t notice.

  
“Isn’t disgust the one in control when Akiteru is present?” asked sadness, while looking at the screen from afar, disgust was usually there, being honest, all of headquarters felt so empty without the green emotion complaining, but for now, fear was in control.

  
At least for Kei, the blonde teenager had taken a good control of his face muscles across the years thanks to emotional suppression, even if he felt his heart drumming against his ribcage, and his fingers were trembling a bit, he managed to mask it, instead he acted like if he was annoyed, narrowing his eyes like usual, even if today he felt weird, he did not want to discuss it, not with his brother.

  
“What have I told you about busting in my room if the door is closed without knocking” the guy with glasses said while raising an eyebrow, a long time ago, he and Yamaguchi would stay in his room for hours playing games, study and other stuff, so he preferred to have no interruptions, like his brother, so closing the door and telling him not to interfere was the best.

  
“Ah yeah-“ Akiteru replied, but there was a little detail that hadn’t been mentioned.

  
“But the door was half closed, so I thought it would be ok to enter” said the older brother, Tsukishima wanted to slap himself harder, and in a way, it did happen, it was fear who slapped herself in disappointment. 

  
“we forgot to close the door!!” said the purple emotion, in the craziness of last night, the blonde teen had forgotten to close it.

  
Tsukishima wasn’t sure how to proceed anymore, he would usually just dismiss Akiteru’s actions with a sarcastic comment as always, but today, it felt like if something was missing, even if the guy with glasses was unaware of his emotions being conscious beings too, he could feel the green being’s absence, it was odd.

  
“Oh yeah…. What do you need?” Tsukishima finally said, it was hard to talk today for some reason, he just wanted to wrap things up with his brother as fast as possible, “well, I just wanted to know how was yesterday, birthday boy” Akiteru asked, it was a shame that he had to work that day, hopefully his little brother’s birthday went well, just him and his friend, what would have gone wrong anyway?

  
“What do we do now?” asked fear, while still holding the controls, all of the other emotions had gotten so used to disgust’s leadership, that without him, everything was a pain to process.

Joy wanted to take control. without disgust’s interference, it would be just like before, but thinking more clearly, making Kei act way too happy would raise suspicion, and he did not want to deal with fear freaking out over anything today, so the yellow emotion remained silent.

  
“Not sure, just try to make Kei act like if disgust was here” sadness said, at the end, fear and disgust did pretty much very similar tasks, keeping Kei safe, so maybe the purple emotion could somehow mimic the green one’s input. “ok… I’ll try” said fear as she pressed a small button in the console, a button used often by disgust, the purple being wasn’t sure what that button did, but if disgust used it, it would be fine, right?

  
The blonde teen felt pressured to say something, something quick to get rid of his brother, so he just said the first thing he could think of. “it went fine…m nothing out of usual.” He said calmly, with a neutral expression.

  
He knew that it was a blatant lie, but what could he do, confess his love feelings for tadashi to Akiteru? He would die first rather than having to explain that.

  
“yeah sure, I guess it went so good that you forgot to take off your clothes.” Akiteru chuckled, making the younger one look down, and it was true, he still had the same clothing from the other day, the same clothes Yamaguchi had fallen asleep in.

  
He felt his skin boiling from shame, he still hadn’t had time to process his own newfound emotions, he had been so stressed that basic functions he did almost by instinct were failing on him.

  
“Yeah, at least I have clothes on… go put something on could you?” the blonde teen said, immediately turning away, Akiteru’s face changed hue to a more red tone, he had just got out of the shower, only with the towel over his waist, and he had just entered his brother’s room like this. 

  
“haha…sorry about that, we both should get something to wear, mom’s still busy in the hospital through.” Said akiteru, beginning to close the door, as Kei kept looking at the wall to not see his brother’s clothe less being.

  
“so I made breakfast too, come down when you feel like it.” The bigger brother said, finally closing the door. The blonde teen finally sighted, at least his brother isn’t suspicious of anything weird, for now.

  
That didn’t go half bad.” Said the yellow emotion, with his arms crossed around his chest, he kind of wished to be the one in control, but fear still did a good job, not making Kei act in a erratic way, or to be more specific, at least the purple emotion hadn’t caused a panic attack or something like such.

“good job fear!” joy cheered, moving near the purple being still holding the controls, and patted her back.  
“Yeah…. I have no idea what I did.” Fear confessed, she had just pressed random buttons in the console and praying that whatever she did, it was similar to disgust’s doing. And apparently it did, Kei was “normal” for now, even if the green emotion was nowhere to be seen.

  
Tsukishima fell back into the cushion of his bed, he wanted to rest a little bit more, or to simply do something to distract himself, the blonde teen wasn’t sure if he wanted to deal with this new romantic feelings he had with Yamaguchi, but… he felt enticed to grab the pillow again, he wanted to go back and imagine being with his “best friend”…..

  
the guy with glasses began to question if his mind was working property, here it went again, his mind divided in half, between ignoring this feelings, and exploiting them, he finally decided to stretch his arms to get the pillow lying in the floor.

  
“I guess I can take control for a moment.” The yellow emotion asked, making the purple emotion thought for a second, being honest, there was not much stuff for Kei to be scared of, well, there were, but they couldn’t harm him here in his room. 

  
“well… only for a moment.” The purple emotion gave in, taking a few steps back for joy to work. The yellow emotion took a deep breath, at least he could make Kei enjoy himself with the daydream a little, even without Yamaguchi being there, the yellow being pulled a lever.

  
Tsukishima also took a deep breath, and smashed his head against the pillow, it still felt cold, but not as before, it had probably absorbed some of his own heat. The blonde teen took a deep breath, that pillow, it mainly smelled like cream and strawberries, Tsukishima blamed this for once dropping a strawberry ice-cream accidentally in that pillow, the smell was quite strong.

  
But between the sweet of the smell that registered in his head, there was also the smell of citrus, that smell that some fruits made, fruits like orange, one of Tadashi’s favorites. In fact, the scent of citrus reminded him of the freckled boy, it was usually a soft taste, but could hit hard too, it smelled so, good.

  
This was the same smell he had felt coming from his friend yesterday, he usually did not register such trivial stuff, but this was different, one of the memories from yesterday began to levitate from the ground, and then placed itself in the projector, forcing in another moment of the past.

  
Yesterday, when Tsukishima was struggling while Yamaguchi was napping in his lap, the blonde one could now remember that scent, unnoticed at first, but now it was so visible. He kept smelling the nice scent from the pillow, this definitely looked weird, but today, he wasn’t disgusted with himself… it was good.

  
A yellow emotion was formed to register important data: citrus is a good smell, Yamaguchi smells like citrus, Yamaguchi is good.

  
Such little details, insignificant at first, but now for Tsukishima, he wanted to enjoy at least for a little moment the amount of possibilities that had opened in his eyes, of course, what else could he do? Ask Yamaguchi out?

  
The small moment did not last for long, since the teen with glasses heard something, he looked around, until he saw the doorknob moving again, it took fear less than a second to notice this and push joy out of the controls.

  
“not again!!!” fear cried out, pressing a big red button, making Tsukishima freak out again, tossing the pillow aside and getting up from the position he was in, now just sitting in the bed, the blonde just wanted to be left alone with his feelings, it was too much to ask?

  
“Oh yeah, I forgot something!” Akiteru said, slighly opening the door, this time with a proper shirt in his body, but according to Tsukishima, still rude by him to pass without knocking again, first time it had been his fault, but now it was his brother’s fault.

  
“some friends from college want to have volleyball practice today, so I wondered if you wanted to show up.” The bigger brother suggested , being honest he expected a no as a response, but how much would it hurt to receive it.

  
Joy’s eyes widened, he really enjoyed this little moments of practice with Akiteru’s friends, they were mean sure, but it was still something good.

at least, according to disgust, they were nothing compared to the king and the shrimp, so something good?

  
Also, since disgust was still locked up in his room, no one would step between him and making Kei enjoy volleyball now, in fact, if he was lucky enough, he could make a core memory to make volleyball island active again.

  
Are you sure about this joy?” asked the purple emotion, while she tried to reach for the controls again, but joy remained determined to make Kei happy, not regarding Yamaguchi this time.  
“I think Kei needs a lil’ time to think about something instead of Yamaguchi.” The yellow emotion said, with a wide grin slamming the same red button from before.

  
Kei felt a strike of determination rise within him, maybe jut to distract himself from all of this mess? Maybe, it was to soon in the morning and his brain had rotten thanks to certain freckled boy, so why bother thinking straight? (Pun intended he thought).

  
“Why not?” Kei said as he slightly closed his eyes, falling to the side, resting his head in the pillow without knowing, the tiredness might have taken town his sudden determination. Akiteru dramatically gasped, mainly to annoy his little brother a bit, but he was also quite surprised seeing his brother so determined…even if it was for a second, before his little brother almost fell asleep in that pillow.

  
“very well sleeping beauty, tell me when you want to get up, you seem to have fallen in love with that pillow, am I right?” Akiteru grinned while he saw his little brother’s eyes widened in shock, immediately waking him up from his almost sleepy state, for the blonde teen, this was the most embarrassing moment in his short life (yet).

  
in a way he was in love with a pillow… because it represented Yamaguchi… But still shameful nonetheless, he tried to hide his face, trying to look as unaffected as possible, but obviously fear had gotten control again, for joy, it felt sometimes that fear was the real mastermind behind Kei’s way of being, but it was probably a coincidence. “you remind me of when you used to sleep like that besides dad.” Akiteru said, laughing a little at that memory from so long ago.

  
everyone remained silent inside headquarters, they knew that Kei’s dad was a tabbu topic inside the boy’s head, so for Akiteru to mention it just like that.

  
“dad…” anger said, as flames began to build up on top of his head, heading towards the control, “anger wait” fear tried to say, but the flames were too strong, she had to take steps back, leaving the console to the red emotion.

  
Anger pushed a lever in annoyance, he didn’t take control often, but when he did, it was bad, too bad. “Akiteru, I don’t want to get naked in front of you to be ready. Please, a little bit of space.” The blonde teen said, now with a neutral face, but with his eyebrows slightly pointing down, with more saltiness than usual.

  
he sometimes catched bad mood when his dad was mentioned, but he was a grown up anyway, he could control his anger, unlike certain dictatorial king.

  
“Fine fine, I’ll leave you alone.” Akiteru frowned, he would usually tease his brother a little bit more, but he realized that mentioning their father was still a touchy issue for his little brother, it would be complicated to tell him then.

  
At least Kei had now calmed down, his face was still a little red, because of anger right?  
Tsukishima nodded to his brother, he just needed some time alone, before going to practice. Finally the door closed, and the tall one collapsed on the mattress again, and rubbed his eyes, he was tired, but he needed to go to the training, he could go back to the Yamaguchi appreciation moment a little bit later.

\-----------------------------------------

A few hours later

  
“Chance ball!!!” one of Akiteru’s college friends yelled, as the ball began to fall in Tsukishima’s team court, the blonde teen began to run to try to catch it, but he was currently at the left side of the court, while the ball was falling to the right side.

  
“Can’t he run quicker!?” Anger yelled, holding the controls as tightly as he could, moving the lever upwards, hoping to make Kei go faster, but it obviously did not work, the ball kept falling, Akiteru was about to catch it, but again, they were to slow.

  
The ball fell, now team B was from 1 point to win the third set, the brothers looked annoyed, specially Akiteru, as they heard cheering from the other side of the net, both teams now needed 1 point.

  
“what should we do now?” asked fear, searching in a wooden box for new ideas for plays, but most bulbs had already burned, or failed previously. “we just keep the ball in the air…” said anger, with a determined gaze in his face, as he kept the controls hot and red. 

  
From behind, joy looked at how the game evolved, it had been quite an exciting one, akiteru’s teammates were good, of course they were, they were in college, meanwhile Kei was still in high school.

  
The yellow emotion looked behind to see the windows that covered the back of HQ, with them, joy could see kei’s islands of personality, sass island was active as usual, while the most recent island, the love island, was currently resting, joy thought that it was for the best, yeah, being in love with Yamaguchi was good, but thinking of the freckled boy’s slim figure wouldn’t help them in a game, only 1 island would help them.

  
Volleyball island, that island that was slowly crumbling down, if one day they managed to bring it back to it’s past glory, Kei would be definitely more determined to play volleyball, but just playing the sport at base of anger and frustration, like now, it wouldn’t do well. Joy sighted as he tuned around again, seeing the screen.

  
currently Kei was taking deep breaths, trying to bring the so needed oxygen for his body, looking a little desperate, thanks to anger’s actions. The yellow being had hoped to be in control this time, since disgust was still in his room, but among the chaos, anger had taken over. Sometimes, joy wished that anger wasn’t so explosive.

  
“Hey Kei!!” Akiteru said, with a serious look in his face, picking everyone’s attention, including Kei’s. “I have an idea” the bigger brother whispered, as he lowered his body to be at his brother’s level, who had his hands in his knees. “let’s make a serve and block combo.”

  
Kei’s eyes opened more, he hadn’t really thought of that type of play for this occasion, in fact, he had never done it before, not in a match. “you know I have no training in those things right?” the brother with glasses explained, as he got up again, looking at his brother in the eye. 

  
“you want our last move to be a Russian bullet thing?” he teased, it was too risky.

  
“I know this isn’t much your thing, but haven’t you been taking some days off to practice it with Yamaguchi” Akiteru raised an eyebrow with a big grin in his face, not that name again.

  
the blonde teen remembered that they sometimes tried to practice it, wherever in the usual practices, or when they practiced with Kageyama and Hinata, when Yamaguchi pleaded of course, at the end, they had done it quite a lot, but mistakes were as likely as effective strategies.

  
“yeah… when I blocked the ball it somehow hit Yamaguchi right in the face, he had to go to the infirmary.” Kei said, he remembered that later that day, he had brought orange juice to his friend trying to make him feel better.

  
Tsukishima himself recognized that he wasn’t as good with affection as he used to, but he could still show that he cared in other ways. The freckled boy’s face brightly shined when he saw the juice box that kei had bought for him. “thanks tsukki!!!” he said with a big grin before beginning to drink.

  
That moment Kei’s lips slightly turned into a small smile, all credit to joy of course, as he saw that he made Yamaguchi happy for once, those beautiful freckles shined with the sunset reflecting light on them, that day he had felt something weird in his heart, something thrilling, maybe citrus.

  
The blonde teen chook his head, he had somehow derailed his train of thought from remembering their practice, to flustering over a memory of both of them having a peaceful moment.

actually, inside his head, fear freaked out when they saw that Kei’s train of thought literally almost crashed in love island, that had activated for a moment. At least no one got hurt in the end.

Kei felt his face become hotter for a second, as the attraction alarm was also at the limit of activating, but the blonde teen quickly stopped thinking about Yamaguchi.

  
“I still think we could pull it off, if you can do it with me, you will be able to do it with Yamaguchi too.” Akiteru complimented, as he stretched a little, he knew that his little brother could use that practice.

  
But Kei wasn’t as sure, he liked to be secure about stuff, he liked recurring stuff, but this was too sudden for him, maybe if Yamaguchi was here, he would be more willing to do it, but he also felt that he couldn’t depend on his best friend to develop as a volleyball player, even if he wasn’t that passionate about it.

  
He clicked his tongue with slight annoyance, while his brother waited for a response.

  
“So… what if I take control for this one” said joy, standing up from his seat, to join the other emotions, he wanted to fill Kei’s memory with a happy moment today with his brother at least.

  
“really? Why now?” the red emotion asked, he didn’t really felt like giving up in his plan, of not having a plan at all.

  
“Well… I think that this would actually be a good chance to try and create a core memory about volleyball, to activate volleyball island again!.” Joy said with a smile, it was kind of cruel, he thought, things could go so well without disgust, just like now, that everyone was actually listening him, instead of listening to the green mine of salt.

  
“you want to make a…. Core memory with just one serve and block?” asked fear, with a nervous chuckle, she wasn’t sure if she wanted a core memory right now. “please tell me you are joking.”

  
“I am not” joy said, as he got close to the control panel.

“remember what Bokuto said?” he commented, while he pressed some buttons, summoning a memory from a few weeks ago.

  
“he said that people can get attached to volleyball with just one move, one moment!! We can try to do this for Kei too.” The yellow emotion said, as the memory of Kei talking with Bokuto, after his “fight” with Yamaguchi played in the background.

  
“You can’t-“ fear said, but she cut herself before saying anything else, she rather tried to look at her coworkers to see their reaction, expecting rejection to the idea, but her jaw almost dropped when she saw the opposite.

  
“Actually ... it is not that of a bad idea” sadness said with a rare small grin in his usually depressed face.  
“You convinced me joy.” The red emotion’s face softened, giving friendly pats to joy’s pat, who chuckled in response. “go make a core memory for Kei then!!”

  
Fear sighted, she expected that the others would listen to her as usual, but apparently everything was changing so quickly, that their actions were no longer the same as some days ago, the purple emotion wanted to speak up, but she was not confident enough in situations like this when she was not supported by anyone.

  
“Ok, here goes everything.” Said the yellow emotion, pressing a red button in the console, turning it bright yellow, this gave Tsukishima a dose of confidence to decide what play to do.

  
“So you serve and I block then, right?” the blonde teenager said, his face remained neutral, but his voice somehow sounded more confident, Tsukishima felt by some reason that he wanted to try with his own skill, maybe this could be the “moment” those 3rd gym guys were talking about?

  
“Let’s do it then” Akiteru said, also with a determined gaze in his face.

  
A few moments later, everyone began to take on their positions to fulfill the final point.  
Tsukishima then took his position in the court, near the net at least, everyone in the other side of the net looked determined, and at a certain part scary, like beast waiting to tear him apart and feast on the remains.

  
Fear wanted to intervene, she was not sure of this at all, but sadness and anger decided to stand between her and the console, to let joy do his thing. This plan to reactivate volleyball island was worth a try.

  
Akiteru was now in his spot too, the blow whistled, indicating the start of the final play, the bigger brother took a deep breath, as he began to run forward, he really wanted this to work, he wished more than anything to increase Kei’s confidence in himself, that was one of the things big brothers had to do after all.

  
He threw the ball in the air and then jumped as best as he could, everything felt in slow motion, finally, the older brother served the ball to the other side of the court.

  
The sphere flew at a great speed all across the field, Tsukishima carefully watched as the ball went to the other side of the net. “wait for it…” joy said, holding the controls as hard as he could, seeing through Kei’s eyes that the other team’s wing spiker was preparing to receive the ball.

  
the good thing was that their human could be considered to be in the “intelligent side” so this little calculations to predict the other’s movements weren’t a pain to make, all of the emotions being honest were grateful that they weren’t assigned to work inside kageyama or hinata’s, or bokuto’s heads , that would be hell on earth.

  
Finally, the opposite wing spiker as expected took a receiving positions, and the ball impacted in his arms, stopping for a second before going back up once again, this was the moment that the blonde teen was waiting, his legs began to run in command towards the net, and as the ball began to lose altitude, he and other two blockers jumped in response.

  
A Memory of a few months ago was summoned from the recall tube, quickly projecting in the screen, that memory after his fight with Yamaguchi back in training camp, were Kuroo and the other ones showed him a better way to block.

  
“Throw your arms forward over the net, accommodate your hands, cover as much area as possible.” Tsukishima said to himself, he believed for once that maybe he could pull something bigger than usual, in what felt like hours inside his head, only a fraction of a second passed, before he felt the rubber of the ball impacting his fingers.

  
“Now!” the yellow emotion said, pressing a button in the console, sending the input the tall teen needed to pull the stunt off, Tsukishima saw the ball moving to the space of his right, this was the moment.  
He placed both his arms, in the impact spot, the ball hit in his palm. it was strong, as expected from a much older and experienced spiker, but he had this one covered.

  
The ball was propelled away from his hands, for a few centimeters it almost fell on Kei’s side of the net, but not today, the ball fell in the other side, slowly losing high, in an instant, the opposing players tried to catch up, throwing themselves to the ground, all that effort to save the ball, wasted when the spherical object touched solid ground.

  
It was over, Tsukishima heard the guys in his team screaming, his eyes were filled with bewilderment and amazement, he didn’t believe what he had just done, it was just one block, just the last play, but it felt that something inside his head turned on.

  
“KEIIIIIIII!!!” the blonde one heard one voice that boomed over the others, as rapid excited steps followed behind him, of course no one else but his brother would be so excited for that kind of play, the play that won the match, maybe just a practice one, but everything was so real.

“YOU DID AMAZING!!!” Akiteru said as he threw himself into his brother, the smaller one tried to dodge, but it was no use, Kei felt the crushing force of his brother’s arms, he pledged that he saw little tears of excitement fall from Akiteru’s glassy but proud eyes. “I told you, you could!!! You are really something else!!!” the older one laughed, hopefully moments like this would help Kei enjoy volleyball a little more.

  
Deep inside, he knew that Kei disliking volleyball was his fault, his sadness would make him remember everyday, but by doing this actions, by supporting his younger brother as much as possible, maybe one day he could heal what he broke inside Kei’s mind.

  
The sensation inside Kei was so weird, it felt like a million candles starting a fire inside of him, he felt proud of himself? It was just supposed to be a block, it was just a combo attack, but it felt like something much bigger than that.

  
He couldn’t help but form a small smile in his face, and it wasn’t a cracked, sloppy smile he did when he thought of Yamaguchi or a cocky smile when he roasted the hell out of Hinata, a genuine smile was there instead.

  
Inside headquarters, a yellow light began to shine, and everyone knew what that light mean, it was a warm color that flooded everything.

  
“we did it!!” the yellow emotion said, as he looked behind, to see that volleyball island was shacking, trying to activate once again, and as the light grew stronger, a yellow orb began to form in the memory creator. 

  
“a core memory...” sadness said in disbelief, he thought that maybe that block could have been fun, but he had his doubts, he doubted about the moment being strong enough to create a core memory, but he was glad it happened, even if the blue emotion’s purpose wasn’t to be happy, he couldn’t hide a little grin in his face.

  
Everyone looked amazed and pleased, except fear, even if the moment of a birth of a core memory was supposed to be happy for everyone, this just bought terrible memories in her head. Kei being so determined about volleyball, loving the sport, and then, many years ago, in that court, Akiteru broke it…

  
At least Kei was truly happy for once, the blonde one thought that with this, he would make his friend proud, Yamaguchi would be so happy once he heard what he did today.

  
Tsukishima felt a tingling sensation in his fast besting heart, it was so weird, something not usual to him at all.  
Tsukishima hoped that after this, he would be able to pull this kind of attacks with his friend, maybe they could grow even closer after this, there’s no way Yamaguchi will want to leave him now that he was stronger.

  
even if his personality was horrible.

and even if he sometimes snapped and made his friend feel bad.

even if… he himself didn’t felt like a good person at all, Yamaguchi wouldn’t leave right?

  
Yamaguchi wouldn’t just betray him like what Akiteru did? He wouldn’t get tired and leave, no matter if Kei changed being such an ass to everyone else?

  
The sensation of happiness was quickly shut down, he began to feel anger, sadness, fear, disgust? Where were all of this feelings coming from?

  
Everyone inside Tsukishima’s head heard a sound, it sounded like, a Crack? 

  
“What is that?” asked anger, as everyone looked to the ceiling, where the sound was coming from, even if the core memory was still forming, the sound was becoming stronger.

  
Suddenly, a recall tube appeared, dropping a red, purple, blue and green memory inside the projector, everyone gasped, they knew what memory it was, joy quickly ran off to try to stop the memory from playing.

  
“No no no no stop” the yellow emotion screamed as he tried to reopen the projector, but it was no use, the memory began to play.

  
In the screen, the orb projected, Kei was in the middle of his brother’s game, but the big brother wasn’t there, Kei was searching for him in a despaired state, until he found him in the benches.  
After remembering that moment, the blonde one’s smile disappeared, turning into a frown, just from remembering that moment, he began to feel a little lightheaded, it was like if everything was spinning, Tsukishima immediately pushed away from his brother, breaking the hug he had taken part of.

  
Akiteru’s eyes suddenly opened, and when he saw that his brother’s expression changed from a happy and relaxed one, to one filled with discomfort and pressure.

  
“…kei?” Akiteru asked, putting a hand over his younger brother’s shoulder, but he didn’t respond, the brother with glasses was looking down, frozen a few centimeters away from Akiteru.

  
Tsukishima felt. Betrayed, it didn’t make sense, it happened so long ago, why was he feeling the same way so suddenly? It felt so real in a bad manner, what if he isn’t good enough to pull this kind of plays with Yamaguchi, what if his best friend gets tired of him failing and not working enough.

  
What if Yamaguchi just replaced him, what if he had replaced him already…..

  
**“I was dreaming with a girl.”**

  
He remembered that Yamaguchi said that, it was just a dream, only a dream, but it felt like if maybe Yamaguchi wanted to be with a girl, someone else, all this thoughts flooded his brain, even if they did not require much rationalization, they were so strong.

  
The warm light inside his head began to grow cold, the yellows were absorbed by green, red, blue and purple lights. “what is going on?” sadness asked, meanwhile joy ran to the memory creator in the right of headquarters, but when he reached it, the light from before disappeared.

  
“no….” the yellow emotion said in defeat, dropping to his knees, they were so close to replace the missing volleyball core memory, but now, they weren’t sure what had happened with the new memory.

  
A few seconds later, the memory creator released a normal memory, colored with the 5 colors of the emotions, it was mostly made out of fear, with spots of anger, disgust and sadness, with some small dots of joy.  
It was similar to the memory that created love island, but this one had almost no happiness at all, and it wasn’t even a core memory.

  
The yellow emotion slowly walked towards the shelf that contained the memory, and then grabbed it, he couldn’t help bout sigh, they were so close to making an actual core memory. “what just happened…. We were this close.” He said, rising two of his fingers and putting them almost together, trying to represent the distance they had that almost got them a core memory .

  
“This recalled memory somehow messed up the core memory production process…” groaned anger, as he finally forced open the projector, almost breaking it. The red emotion extracted the memory that had caused the problem and examined it, it looked just the same as that day, it did not even present signs of fading at all.

  
“But how did it got here? No one recalled it!!” joy argued, Kei’s memories were mostly recalled by his emotions, and when the teen recalled one himself, it was usually one of the newer memories, so for joy it was a mystery of how did this old memory made it’s way to HQ. “unless disgust somehow recalled it.” The yellow being said, frowning.

  
“But he’s still in his room!!!” yelled fear nervously, She did not want any blame on the green emotion, if disgust stopped working all together, it would be a problem for the purple emotion.

  
“we emotions can only recall memories by using the console, if we don’t, there’s simply no way to recall them for us.” She said, while she took the memory joy was holding from his hand, and put it back in it’s respective memory shelf. Joy didn’t really appreciate people taking stuff away from him, but he had other stuff to worry about.

  
“so… I guess that Kei recalled this memory himself then. But isn’t it all a bit weird?” answered joy, with a slightly worried face, last night was chaotic enough to make the yellow one slightly tired, so stuff like this became hard to deal with.

“ maybe….this is some kind of trauma..” said sadness under his breath, he had read something about this in the mind manuals.

  
“Trauma!? How? “ asked anger in confusion, why would their human be traumatized by anything? He had an ok life, sure, maybe their family often betrayed him, dad, Akiteru…but there was no way that such things would ever damage Kei’s mind.  
He was a strong teen, no way that such stuff would affect him. Right?

  
“I’m not sure why, but maybe by being exposed to a situation that reminded him of a damaging experience, his brain ended up recalling the memory, and stopping the core memory production as a protection mechanism.” Sadness tried to explain to everyone inside headquarters his theory, the emotions were just a part of the big extensions of the mind, so they had no control of other parts of the brain, for their dismay.

  
“but what triggered it?” joy asked, he began to walk in circles, trying to remember. since they were his emotions, they could hear the blonde teen's thoughts sometimes, specially when they were strong, from the inside, the yellow emotion then remembered that kei was thinking about.

  
**Yamaguchi wouldn’t leave right?**

  
The yellow emotion then remembered, when Tsukishima began to wonder about what would Yamaguchi eventually do, that moment was when the memory of that match from so long ago had manifested in his head, but it was weird, why would such different concepts be connected, Yamaguchi and betrayal?.

  
“do you all think Yamaguchi could be the reason?” the yellow emotion mentioned to everyone.  
Fear looked specially distressed with this statement, she always had a bad feeling about this new type of relationship, what if growing so confident of a relationship, this time a romantic one, would eventually hurt Kei again?.

  
she was scared, but decided not to say anything at all, it was better to remain silent, to preserve the unstable relative peace they had.  
anger thought for a moment about the possibility, what if Yamaguchi was really affecting Kei in a bad way, but how? It didn’t make sense, none of this make sense to him. 

  
“let’s just end this.” The red emotion said, before he pressed a button in the ground, making a recall tube appear from the roof, he then let the memory he had in his hands be taken by the tube, making it return to long term memory.

  
“We can discuss this later on” the red emotion said, it was.. just not a good time to deal with this kind of stuff.

  
Outside, Kei remained silenced for a few seconds, the temporary happiness and pride he felt after doing that combo attack had disappeared, the blonde teen remembered what had happened so long ago, in his brother’s match, maybe the thought process wasn’t as clear, but it always came back to him, the fear that he would eventually fail, that his own abilities would betray him.

  
Betrayal, maybe that was the thing that had affected him for so long, but, Tsukishima didn’t want that kind of stuff to be obvious, the blonde teen shook his head trying to clean his thoughts.

  
“I am fine.” Tsukishima said to his brother, while readjusting his glasses, he just wanted to act cool so that they could forget this weird moment, himself included. So the blonde teen began to walk towards the bags, but Akiteru stopped him.

  
“are you sure?” the older one asked, the last few days, his younger brother had began to act so weird. “is something bothering you? I mean, you were smiling and suddenly stopped…” Akiteru said, his eyes narrowed.

  
he felt that his brother was hiding something, he knew that Kei was someone who kept his feelings hidden, but, this time it felt that it was more.....troublesome.

  
Inside Kei’s head, no one was sure of what to do, disgust was still in his room doing god knows what, and now they had to decide how to respond. “I guess I can try again.” Said fear, as she slowly got closer to the control panel, she knew that talking about this kind of feelings, wherever love or betrayal, with Akiteru…. Knowing that Akiteru hurt Kei first, talking about that stuff with him could hurt the older brother too, maybe just keeping things secret was the best for now.

  
But before fear could even touch the controls, the blonde teen had decided how to respond without his emotion’s help, he just needed to act like he always did.

  
“I thought that you didn’t like when mom interrogated you, but now you are doing it too.” Kei responded, with a slightly annoyed face, even if he was acting it up to not raise suspicion.

  
Akiteru began to get partially angry, he knew that Kei was like this, maybe it was his own fault, but he wanted to help somehow, but no matter how much he tried to get near, Kei would always push him away, it made him upset, and frustrated too.

  
“kei.” the older brother said with a hard tone, his eyes looked firm, but also they were filled with concern.  
Tsukishima wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk about his complicated feelings at all,   
so without fear’s intervention, the younger one decided to move towards the door of the gym, but his older brother followed him too.

  
“you can’t keep running away” Akiteru said, maybe this seemed to come out of nowhere, but for so long he had basically let his brother wander alone with his thoughts, as an older sibling he felt the necessity to intervene.

  
Inside Kei’s head, fear finally decided to take control for once, it was the first time in a long time that they saw Akiteru so upset like this.

  
“I guess we should listen to him…” the purple emotion mumbled, while pressing a button in the console, making their teen’s legs freeze. “we don’t want to make him any angrier”

  
The guy with glasses turned around, he suddenly felt slightly intimidated by his brother, something completely out of usual, in a way he always had control of the situation, but for Kei, it felt like if he had lost control, he felt scared of something, but he wasn’t sure of what, maybe just scared of facing his problems?

  
either way, he decided not to show it, instead he just glanced back at his brother with a penetrating, but neutral expression, while holding one of the door of the gym.

  
“I …. I know that our relationship isn’t that good, but if something is upsetting you, you should talk with someone… maybe Yamaguchi?” suggested Akiteru, for a moment the older brother thought that maybe the team his brother was in could help him too, but from what he knew, Kei wasn’t really close to any of them, only Yamaguchi.

  
“Would be nice if Yamaguchi wasn’t part of this weird feelings.” Kei thought, he had no idea what do to talk to him, if he ever dared to talk to his friend about it, he imagined that it would eventually end up in him having to explain some stuff… he wanted to keep secret. 

  
“well… is not like if he was mature enough to deal with this…” the blonde one said, he wanted to pass it like any normal conversation, but he didn’t knew what to say to his friend, he felt the need to invent false excuses to not talk about his problems, wherever romantic or not.  
Yamaguchi was also mature when needed, but now, Kei didn’t had the strength to go talk to him, who was truly the mature one of the two?

  
“Oh you want someone more mature than you then.” Akiteru groaned, if his brother just wanted someone mature, maybe their mom? But Kei had never been that close to her anyway… Kei had been more close with dad.

  
“Won’t you consider talking to dad maybe?” Akiteru asked, making Kei’s eyes widened, dad…. They haven’t talked in years.

  
“He…” anger said, his gaze suddenly sharpened, as a red flame began to appear in his head, it was like if by suggesting that idea, anger’s self control stopped existing. The red emotion began to walk towards the control panel. The other emotions immediately picked up on this. “Anger… this ain’t the time.” The yellow emotion said, standing between his red crewmate and the console.

  
“Yeah, I didn’t had the time to tell you, but he is coming to town next week for business work, he told me this morning” the older brother said, meanwhile Kei’s heart began to beat faster again, it was like if his body was beginning to heat up, preparing to run, why was this happening, he felt a cold sweat break in his neck, but why?

  
“Remember when you two used to be so close? You were always with him!!!” Akiteru sligly smiled, remembering the old, better times the family had, before the divorce, Kei and their dad would spend hours talking about dinosaurs, and stars, and science stuff that were untellable and quite nerdy to Akiteru, but not for those two.

  
wherever Kei was upset, dad would be there to hear, most of the times. “Maybe when he comes, you could talk out some stuff with him, what do you think?.”

  
“Why is he suggesting to talk to that old hag?” asked anger with a big terrible frown in his face, the flame at the top of his head growing larger each second, joy got nearer to try and stop him, anger usually was more chill than this, but as the yellow emotion got near anger, the heat of the flames made joy go step out of the way, having to avoid incineration.

  
“Anger stop!!!” the yellow one yelled with a disturbed expression, what would happen to Kei if anger touched that button? “How can he say that about him, he betrayed us!!!”   
the red emotion yelled, as he slammed the red button with his fist, turning the whole console into a bright crimson, this made Kei more upset at the mention of that familiar.

  
it was as if an injury that he thought had been closed busted open in 1 second. “after all he did for us, after all of that, he just chooses any pretty woman out there, and REPLACES US?” anger kept going, turning the console more red as the seconds passed by.

  
everyone wanted to stop the red emotion, but it was no use, the flames emanating from his body were way too strong to stop them, they could only wait until he burned down. “how the hell does Akiteru expects KEI to talk to dad after he ditched him like that?” anger growled, his legs were trembling from all the emotional energy he was releasing, joy saw in horror as red memories began to form one after another.

  
Kei clenched his fists as strong as he could, while looking down, he had thought that he was over his dad and mom, divorcing, why did he even felt angry, it was just stuff that happened, couples that broke, families that collapsed, relationships that lose heat, it was normal stuff, but he still felt upset about it deep inside.

  
The blonde one’s blood boiled, he had thought of his dad back in his innocence as his safe place, the one he could be himself, the one he could tell all his secrets, and yet, he left them, Kei thought that for now he was now much more mature than any of his classmates, but he couldn’t help but to compare himself to that poor little kid who didn’t stop crying when he saw the moving van taking away his dad’s belongings.

  
Once again, that old feeling of betrayal waved at him from afar, in the distance, but slowly coming for him, even if now he had a new safe space with Yamaguchi, not as deep as his dad’s, but still important.

  
what if no matter what he did, what if with his complicated emotions he ended up pushing Yamaguchi away? Making the freckled boy betray their long lasting friendship, the blonde one wanted to scream, he began to slowly rock back and forth, trying to dissipate some of his repressed anger, but it was no point, everything felt so hot, in a bad, horrible way.

  
“He probably doesn’t even know I still play volleyball “ Kei said, another excuse, another trick to try to distract his brain from processing the flow of anger that had conquered his mind and body, he tried to smile while saying this to appear cool and indifferent, but Kei could feel as almost unnoticeable frustrated tears began to form in his eye, it was…. Too much emotion to process.

  
“That’s because you never bothered to reach him out!!!” said Akiteru, he… still wanted to defend his dad, he had always believed in him, even if they weren’t as close, dad maybe did his mistakes…but he probably had reasons, probably things to complicated to be understood by Kei.

  
“He was the one who left anyway…”

“KEI!!”

  
“STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM.”

The younger brother accidentally raised his voice, the sound was heard in all the gym, making everyone turn to where they were, looking concerned, after Kei realized that he had even lost control of his voice, ending up raising it like that, he regretted it, he only managed to shut his mouth to avoid any other thing to come out of his head.

  
“I see.” Said Akiteru, his angry face was slowly changed by one of surprise when his younger brother yelled at him. he would be angry, but he quickly understood that Kei’s relationship with dad was just as broken as their own relationship, or even more. 

  
“I guess you haven’t coped about him yet….” Akiteru said, as his eyebrows dropped, he had no words, the older brother wasn’t sure what to do to help his younger sibling anymore, they barely talk, and Kei doesn’t to talk about his problems with anyone else.  
Kei in the other hand began to feel cold, the freezing wind crashing in his back, after exploding like that to his brother, how could he have done this? He thought, the blonde one saw as Akiteru lowered his head.

  
Kei began to feel heavier regret, he was supposed to be on control of his emotions, first he accidentally falls in love with Yamaguchi and accidentally screams at him, and now, he lost control again.

  
Remembering the feeling of betrayal he thought he had gotten used to, but at the end he never managed to process it in a good way, now yelling at his brother to stop, the blonde teen began to think that maybe he wasn’t s mature as he thought he was.

  
Inside Kei’s head, the flames on top of the red emotion’s head suddenly stopped, in his blind rage, anger noticed that he was quickly wasting his energy way too quick, it only took him a few second before he felt lightheaded too.

  
He ended up collapsing, letting go off the controls, he began to fall to the ground, but luckily, joy and fear were near enough so that they could reach up to him, grabbing him by the back to stop his fall.

  
“Look what you did!!!” fear cried out, as she held anger’s limp body in her frail arms, this was the first time in a long time since anger got this, fired up.

  
But yet another worry appeared.

  
they saw that a gray spot began to appear in anger’s hand, joy’s eyes widened in surprise, they had never seen that spot of gray in anger’s hand before. 

  
“what is…” the purple emotion muttered, just before the gray spot began to expand, slowly draining the red emotion’s arm from it’s usual crimson color.

  
The gray spot grew more and more, as everyone inside began to freak out, they had never seen this. “He is losing his color…” said joy, as he slowly left anger’s body in the ground, the gray spot was now expanding all the way up to the red emotion’s head and abdomen, it reminded them of some kind of fire that devoured the former red emotion from the inside out. 

  
“how do we stop it!!” freaked out fear, looking helplessly as the gray color expanded though anger’s legs.

“I… don’t know.” Answered joy, trying to wake up his crewmate, but he just laid there, frozen as the gray infection ended up wrapping his entire body, no one in Kei’s head understood what had just happened, had he ran out of power?

  
But it made no sense, even with Kei’s tantrums as a toddler, the former red emotion’s flame would turn off eventually, but he would remain normal apart from that, but this gray spot that had taken any color, any life from anger, this was something unheard off.

  
Sadness meanwhile remained looking at the screen, seeing as Akiteru apologized for putting Kei under so much pressure so suddenly, the blue emotion wanted to do something for anger, but he also had a work to do as an emotion.

  
the blue emotion felt the need to intervene. Sadness lowered his sight to see the controls, but when he saw the lever he was about to touch, a gray spot was suddenly visible in the console, in the same place anger had touched the controls.

  
“what the…” he said, but as he was about to say something else, the gray stain disappeared, leaving the console as white as usual, the blue emotion doubted if he should use the console or not, but he still felt the urge to do something, he gave on.

  
Sadness pressed a different button, one that would cause a less extreme emotional reaction hopefully.  
The blonde teen felt disappointed with himself, he did not want to behave so, explosive with those around him, all that anger that he kept to himself most of the time, Tsukishima wanted anything else but to let it manifest.

  
Kei took a deep breath, even if he felt the urge to smash a wall with frustration, or to run away, he knew that he was better than this, he could just **ignore** that specific emotion to start off.

  
The guy with glasses sighted, he at least needed to say something to his brother, something so that he wouldn’t need to talk or acknowledge his own emotions.

  
“don’t worry, Akiteru.” Kei said with a sigh, crossing his arms around his chest, he saw that his older brother’s face irradiated defeat and sadness, this also made him feel worse, how could he made his brother so upset over nothing again? But he had to kept going.

  
“It is nothing serious, I can take care of it… really.” Kei said with a slightly determined look in his face, he didn’t need his dad, or Akiteru to deal with this feelings of both love and betrayal, he could just ignore his anger to not cause any more problems.

  
”also sorry for…raising my voice like that “ the younger brother said as he slightly closed his eyes, while he bowed to his brother in sign of respect.  
Then the teen with glasses turned his head around to not have to witness his brother’s reaction.  
Meanwhile, Akiteru began to think once again, he wanted to help, but he had no idea how, if he pushed too hard, Kei would push him away again… but if he just let it be, Kei said that his problem isn’t big…but would that be true?

  
“….. fine.” Akiteru sighted, if he knew better, he would do more, but being clueless on how to take care of the situation, maybe trusting Kei to deal with this, was the best for now. “but still.. if you need something, you know we can talk.”

  
Kei nodded, as he began to walk to where his volleyball bag was, he needed some time to think for himself ,in home. 

  
“I am going home.” the blonde one said, extending his hand to grab the bag, he quickly searched for his towel inside to clean some of the sweat away, as well as some extra minuscule, unnoticeable tears from his eyes.

  
Kei put the bag in his shoulders, and waved to his brother to say goodbye, Akiteru didn’t stop him…. If Kei knew what he was doing…. It was ok to believe him… after all, all big brothers have to trust their little ones, right?

....

Inside kei’s head, once sadness’s job was done, he stopped holding the console, the blue emotion saw as a blue memory was formed, rolling over to the shelves that contained the rest of orbs.

  
It was the least he could do, actually, he was surprised no one interrupted him, disgust had prohibited him from making Kei cry.

  
So in moments like the aftermath of the Sejioh match, even if the blue emotion wanted to touch the controls, disgust’s green eyes would be there to avoid it, for now the best thing to do was to make Kei feel a bit of regret, that was it.

  
When the console turned to white, sadness turned around, now seeing that the faded anger had been taken to a nearby sofa by joy and fear, the blue emotion approached to where all the commotion was happening. 

  
When he reached the sofa, the blue emotion saw as fear in shock tried to wake up the former red emotion, now turned to a scale of grays, while joy stood there by the side.

  
“Is he…. Alive?” murmured sadness, as he looked down at his fallen teammate, maybe anger was annoying at times, and imprudent of course, but they still cared for him.

  
without anger, Kei would possibly turn too submissive for his own good, not thinking if it’s fair for him or not.

  
“I…. don’t know.” answered joy, a cold sweat dropping off his body, he was almost frozen in place, to nervous to react, one second ago they were so near to create a core memory, and now they had to face this. The yellow emotion was genuinely scared for once, it reminded him of the time when Kei no longer reacted to his input for a while, but this was so much worse.

  
He touched anger’s left arm that laid hanging in the air with his own yellow hand, it was…cold to the touch, emotions didn’t breath, or had heartbeats, no human biology applied to them naturally, so, they couldn’t tell if their former red crewmate was still alive, or if he was too far gone.

  
Suddenly, they heard a groan, everyone looked down, and gasped. Apparently anger was beginning to wake up, trying to open his eyes. 

  
“everyone stay back!!!” fear jumped away from anger, raising her arms, trying to keep everyone away, they didn’t know if this was the same anger from before, or how would he react.

  
The now gray emotion opened his eyes, completely confused, the last thing he remembered was that he was raging in the control panel, he had totally lost control, but suddenly, he felt a sting in his hand, where he was holding the lever, and a few seconds later, everything went black.

  
Anger suddenly got up, heavily gasping for air, even without lungs, emotions still presented behavior similar to human instincts, so gasping for air, even if it wasn’t needed, was a must.

  
everyone looked surprised, anger looked pretty much ok, expect that his original color was replaced by a dark gray for some reason.

  
“Anger?” Asked fear, trying to recognize if the red emotion’s mind was still in place, but she still kept her distance, her lips slightly trembled, why was this happening, it was because of their actions? The core memories? Kei himself?. 

  
“are you ok?.” She finished her sentence, hoping for a response, but she instead heard desperate steps behind her, as joy charged to hug his red friend.

  
“Anger!!!!” shouted joy excited, as he hugged his fellow emotion, squeezing their body as hard as he could. “thank goodness you are alive, you made us worry sick!!!” the yellow emotion wined, as a little tear of relief escaped his eyes, at least the yellow emotion’s smile was back to usual.

  
But joy forgot that anger hated physical contact, just as Kei.

  
the gray emotion frowned as usual, taking his hand to push joy away. “get off me you punk!.” He yelled, making joy almost fall to the floor, at least the yellow emotion had enough force to stand still. 

  
“yea…I think that is our anger.” Said sadness in a monotone voice, at least the red emotion’s behavior was the same as usual, so for now nothing psychological had been severally broken.

  
A Few second later, anger looked down to his own hands, and it took him a moment to process what had happened to him. “What?...” he asked in a low tone filled with concern, the former red emotion saw that his red body had lost any color, it looked like an empty colorless shell of what his hue used to be. 

  
“what happened to me?” he yelled to the others, anger was completely confused, without idea of what to do, he began to shake anxiously in the sofa.  
“Calm down anger… we.” Joy said trying to calm down anger getting near the gray emotion holding his arms down, but anger immediately grabbed the yellow emotion by the shirt, getting him near his face.

  
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?” he screamed at joy, what else could he do, any kind of negative feeling in the red emption usually came out as rage. “we didn’t do anything!!!” said joy, trying to free himself from anger’s constrictive grasp.

  
“you were using the controls, and suddenly your hand began to lose color, and then the rest of you…” the yellow said, personally he was concerned, they had never seen this ever happening, he wondered if Kei somehow accidentally caused this.

  
Usually by now, anger’s hair would already be covered in flames and fire, but now, his new black hair remained cold to the touch, there was apparently no spark left inside the red emotion.

  
Instead, anger’s face softened a bit, and he finally released joy from his grasp, making the yellow one take a few steps back, then, the gray emotion got up and began to walk in circles, beginning to sweat like crazy, while pulling his hair, acting like if he was fear.

  
“I don’t.- I don’t get it.” His voice broke, as he pulled his hair harder, everyone else looked scared, fear obviously included in them, what if this happened to them next, what if disgust had already lost his color, what if he had collapsed in his room and that’s why he hadn’t showed up today.

  
”what is happening to Kei… what is happening to US!?” the red emotion screamed in dismay.

  
Suddenly, they heard a series of steps coming from the hall, and when everyone looked down, they saw disgust standing there. With a cup of coffee in his hands.

“hey everyone, why are you all up so soon?, Kei hasn’t even woken u- my god, anger why are you gray!?” disgust let the mug fall to the ground, shattering in pieces, as the green emotion pointed to the former red emotion in surprise and concern.

  
“Where, THE FUCK, where you?” asked anger, stopping to pull his hair, instead looking at his green crewmate, everyone else also looked at disgust, who usually was the most punctual one, sadness was also looking at the broken coffee mug.

  
“there goes another one.” He silently thought.

  
“What are you saying. .I was.” the green emotion groaned, but his face still looked disturbed from seeing anger so devoid from any color, he then thought that they should do something with anger first. “please explain me what happened.”

\--------------------------------------

  
A few hours later, Kei was already in his room, at least no one was in the house right now, his mother was busy working and his brother was still practicing volleyball with his friends.

  
As he sit in his chair, he turned on the music in his cellphone, even if there was no one home, he still put his earphones in, he wanted to feel some sense of normality, something lost so long ago.

  
first he developed romantic feelings for his best friend, and now he finds out that he still has some fresh wounds from the past.

  
Hopefully if he didn’t think much about it, it would be ok. The blonde one then remembered, he had some very big essays to complete, Tsukishima rolled his eyes at the thought. If he wasn’t with the team, he could easily finish his work in the week, but he had to keep going to this club, to not disappoint any further.

  
Deep down, he still liked volleyball, but he was terrified of investing in it like the other idiots, terrified of betrayal and failure, the blonde one noticed that no matter what he thought, wherever it is Yamaguchi or volleyball, he somehow ended thinking of failure.

  
“Tch.” He said, this English essays set for Monday were way more important than his feelings anyways, thinking about English would be much better, so the tall teen started his computer, as he stretched a bit.

  
Meanwhile, inside his head, the now 4 normal emotions were sitting in the sofa, while anger was sitting in a separate chair, fear suggested that maybe this “thing” was contagious, like a disease, so it was better to stay 2 feet away from the Gray emotion.

  
“What if Kei had gotten a mental disease?” the purple thought, in the rare occasions that Kei got sick, they did not feel the symptoms, well, maybe anger got more irritable, but apart from that, nothing happened to them.

  
But something bad affecting the mind, it could have consequences worse than the physical diseases, they had to find a cure, she thought, but if they didn’t even know what had happened, there was no chance of finding one.

  
“so.. you don’t feel any symptoms right?” asked disgust with a notebook and a pen, trying to recollect as much information as he could get from anger.   
“apart from this horrible color… not really.” Groaned anger, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes, for now they only knew that this “thing” took the color away from the emotion, and in anger’s case, it stopped him from making flames.

  
Disgust wanted to have more evidences oh how this event affected anger, but soon enough, the green emotion would have a moment to see for himself the consequences of this weird gray coloring.  
Kei was growing inpatient, tapping his feet against the floor, he really needed to start his work with those essays, but his computer was slower than usual.

  
He waited a few seconds, until an unauthorized update popped in the screen, Kei’s eyes widened as it said that it would take 1 hour, great, he thought, today had been bad enough, and now he had to face this, there was no way it could get worse.  
“Really, and update now?.” Disgust groaned, as he looked to the screen, as well as the others, the thing was that right now, no one was controlling Kei’ mood, until anger stood up.

  
Even if he didn’t had much context, seeing that update sign triggered him without much explanation, the gray emotion began to walk towards the console.

“anger wait!!!” yelled fear, who got up too to try and stop him from doing anything, they weren’t sure if it would happen again, but anger did not listen.

  
“We really shouldn’t have listened to Akiteru that time, about not buying a new computer!!!” anger groaned, as he got near the console and pulled a lever, it was an instinct of his at this point, but when he did.

Nothing happened

  
Anger’s eyebrows lifted, the console would usually be red at this point, but, nothing happened, the controls remained white, the gray emotion tried to move a lever instead, but nothing happened neither, Kei just kept looking at the screen, waiting for the update to finish someday.

  
“Why isn’t he- why doesn’t Kei feel angry?.” Anger shouted, trying to pull the levers harder, but nothing happened, once again, it was like if no one was using the controls. Everyone else got near the console too, to try to spot the problem.

  
“Come on Kei!!!” anger slammed the controls with his gray fist, maybe they had frozen or bugged, but the console remained purely white. “just be angry….” The former red emotion said, while his hands slightly trembled.

  
“Oh no…” said joy under his breath, this awfully reminded him of the time Kei had rejected his input back after finding out that Akiteru had betrayed him, but this, whatever it was, was much deeper.

  
Kei felt a particle of anger rising in him, he was slightly irritated over such a trivial thing, the blonde teen closed his eyes, last time he had felt this particle of anger, it had escalated to the point of screaming at his brother.

  
The blonde teen took a deep breath, he was better than this. Tsukishima began to wonder, if he tried to ignore his anger, it would be better.  
Not having to be irritated so much during the day, not having to hurt and scream at others without intending it, Kei thought that just shutting his anger down would be enough.

  
Just, ignoring the feeling instead of embracing it, until it was gone, he could do this, the teen with glasses thought that if he ever wished to have any good relationships, without hurting anyone, the best would be to just ignore his problems.

  
what he thought was annoying him, between other stuff. he could deal with them later anyways.  
A gray memory rolled down the memory creator, joining the other memories, this was unprecedented, anger walked towards the memory shelf, and when he reached it, he grabbed the orb and observed it with caution.

It was gray, just like his new skin, but it also had black spots scattered in the interior, containing the moment that Kei had experienced.

  
It was an emotionless memory. “anger…” said joy, he kind of understood how anger would feel, being shut down like this, kei not listening To his commands, but this… it was new and even more unfortunate.  
Everyone saw with no words to say as anger quietly saw the recording, over and over, he did not move an inch, the former red emotion was basically frozen in his confusion.

  
The only one who moved was disgust, he had to prove if this phenomenon was only happening to anger, or if Kei would ignore him too. So the green emotion walked to the console, and pressed a button, making the console turn green.

  
This action made Kei groan, being honest, being annoyed was a more tolerable emotion than being angry, so Kei didn’t try to hide it, he loudly groaned seeing the screen only saying 1%  
The blonde teen then decided he no longer had the time to deal with this, so he took out his phone, and opened google instead.

  
he preferred to use his computer for investigation, but for now he required other measures, anything to distract himself from his complicated feelings.  
A Green memory was created too. Rolling towards the other memories, at least the console still worked, for now.

“well…. It works the same for me.” He said, he checked his arms to see if any dark spot got created, but his hands were perfectly green.

  
“So… that means you have to replace me?.” Asked anger in a genuine sad expression, he knew that most of time, he messed up, but if he couldn’t make Kei angry and make him someone who fought for what was right for him, who was he now? What was anger’s purpose now?

  
Everyone turned around to see disgust, the green emotion sighted, for now, the answer was a yes. “yeah.” said disgust, finally stepping out of the console 

  
“For now I can cover for you…..” the green emotion said while scratching his head, at the end, disgust as an emotion was like a weaker version of anger, so maybe it could work.

  
“Also….. I think we need to talk about Yamaguchi…” disgust said, he had wondered all the time he had spent in his room about that extra unfinished business.

  
“Yamaguchi…. Now?” asked joy, it was weird, at first disgust thought that the mind was working perfectly.  
But now they knew that it wasn’t the case  
Wherever the problem was something to do with love, or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this, it was a little angstier than usual, so you all know where the story might be going from here.
> 
> Next chapter will be out in 3 weeks or so.
> 
> (Also next chapter we will see inside other character's head, but only for a moment, so feel free to comment who do you think we will see👀)


	6. Trying to connect- part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the fight with his brother, tsukishima decides to make a risky move.

Trying to connect-part-2

  
A beeping sound began to spread around headquarters, waking everyone up in instant.  
Joy slowly opened his eyes, the yellow emotion had regained consciousness once again, this last few days had been quite a disaster inside Kei’s mind.

  
So many things were happening at once, it had been so overwhelming for joy, that he almost lost track of all the events.

  
The most important one had been that after Kei’s and Akiteru’s fight, somehow ending up with anger losing his color for unknown reasons.

  
Everyone was still freaked over this event, it had been such a scandal, that the topic about Yamaguchi hadn’t been mentioned for some time, and now, on Monday, the blonde teen and the freckled one hadn’t talked at all in the weekend.

  
At the same time, Kei slowly opened his eyes rising from slumber, he had stayed up all night trying to finish all his essays, this was unnatural to him.  
Usually he would have managed to finish his work sooner than anyone else, but now, he had other distractions, specially regarding his most recent behavior, the blonde one felt, ashamed of everything he had done.

  
After yelling to Yamaguchi, after lashing at his brother, all that anger that he had repressed had finally leaked out, regret had flooded his system completely. for him, it sometimes felt like if he poisoned all the stuff he came in contact with…

  
but his regrets had made him more tough to break at least, since the last events, the blonde teen had become more self conscious about his actions, and how they affected the others.  
Now anytime Tsukishima felt a little bit of anger, he slowly managed to stop said feeling from resurfacing, the blonde teen was even a little proud that in the last two days, he had been under control with no childish outbursts at all.

  
But even with this, the guilt from committing such actions back then still haunted him.

  
When he was supposed to be finishing the work, the memory of the discussion kept appearing randomly in headquarters, projecting the experience over and over, with each loop, writing his English essay was getting more difficult, the words didn’t flow, his brain was drowning in some form of regret wherever he tried to focus.

  
the other good thing was that apparently his brother had forgotten about it, or decided not to talk about it. Regardless, if Akiteru decided to put the problem behind, it was for the better.

  
The blonde teen then decided that he needed to get ready for school, and practice of course, so he got up from his bed to start the day, he was in the meantime too busy to think about Yamaguchi in any way right now.

  
And so, as the blonde one began to brush his teeth, inside his head, everyone else was preparing to start the day too. Joy eventually got out of his personal room, and began to walk towards the control room, where all the other emotions had already reunited.

  
“Hey everyone!!!” joy said with a cheerful, but a little forced tone, indicative of his presence today, making everyone turn around. “hey.” Sadness, fear and disgust said at the same time, they all looked tired of course.

  
“How much sleep did we get this time?” asked sadness, as he recollected some memories that laid on the ground, while yawning. “like… 4 hours, or 3 and a half? .” said fear looking at her wrist watch, that would explain why the memories from the day before were still there.

  
“God… if that memory hadn’t repeated on loop all the time, Kei would have finished his stuff earlier!!” loudly complained disgust, as he cleaned up with a tissue and Lysol the control panel, hopefully to keep any exotic dark stain away.

  
The yellow emotion stood there in the center, he immediately noticed that something was missing, an usual hot emotion hadn’t responded yet. “so.. where’s anger anyway?” asked the yellow being making everyone else point at the window with tired faces.

  
Joy turned around, and indeed, he saw that the now gray emotion remained seated in the ground, looking at the personality islands, in complete silence. The corners of the yellow one’s mouth fell down, seeing anger so, silent.

  
It was as if the former red emotion did not only lost his hue, but also his former personality, now he acted, depressed in some way, joy began to walk towards anger, to at least try to cheer him up.

  
“Hey anger!!!” said joy, seating in the same ground as the gray emotion. “how’s it going buddie!!!.” The yellow one said with a big smile in his face.  
“Do I look like if I was doing good?” asked anger, with a grimace on his gray face, it was obvious that the red emotion was passing through…. An emotional crisis? Without a job to do anymore, with disgust covering up for him, he was, useless now, lazily laying anywhere all day.

  
“Yeah…..” said joy, forcing his smile to remain, to try and cheer anger, but it did not work. “sooo, what are you watching” Said joy with an excitable voice, but again, no answer.

  
Instead, the gray emotion raised his head, looking at an island of personality, joy got near anger, but without touching him, to see what island he was seeing, and when joy focused, he saw that the focus of anger’s attention was volleyball island.

  
“Oh… volleyball huh.” Said joy, as he lowered a bit his outgoing tone, he still remembered that he had tried to create a core memory for it, and it somehow ended in disaster for the former red emotion.

  
“yeah, sorry for… everything.” the yellow emotion sighted, crossing his arms and looking down.  
“ I didn’t…I couldn’t have known this could have happened, I didn’t want this to happen to you…” said joy, he remembered that a few moments before the accident, he had wished for the red emotion to be less hot, less violent… and apparently his wish came true, in the worst way possible. 

  
“I’m so sorr- no need to apologize.” Said joy, before anger interrupted him, making the yellow one look at his crewmate. “I…was ok with creating the core memory too, this isn’t your fault.” The former red emotion said.

  
At the moment, he would usually be screaming his heart out, putting guilt over someone else, but this time, he took it better, joy wondered if anger had really admitted that this was no one’s fault, or if simply he didn’t have enough steam to scream anymore.

  
“Don’t worry!!.” Said joy with a determined look on his face. “we will try our best to fix you.” The yellow emotion said, putting a hand in anger’s shoulder, it felt, as cold as a corpse to be honest, something that made joy slightly worried, not because of the possibility of “this” to be an infectious emotional disease, but because being honest, they had no idea what was happening, and it would take some time to track it down in the mind manuals.

  
“I mean….disgust and fear think that Yamaguchi has something to do with this, so we are trying to see if we can do something about that.” Joy said with a nervous but reassuring smile.

  
“….isn’t it obvious that the one who’s broken is Kei.?” Said anger with a grimace, ever since the incident with Akiteru, everyone felt certain aura of dread, of something waiting to happen, anger was convinced that Tadashi was their least of their worries right now.

  
“Well then…” joy sighted, as he got up, anger might be right, even if they wanted to blame this on someone else, there was obviously something else going on. “take care please.” Said joy, patting anger’s back in a reassuring way, but anger did not said anything back, the gray emotion just buried his face between his legs.

After finally exciting his bathroom, the blonde teen began to walk towards the kitchen, he expected Akiteru to be there, and he wouldn’t feel that pleased if it was like it… they haven’t talked much after their little discussion after all.

  
But when he reached the kitchen, there was no one there, nor his mother or brother, he was completely alone, his eyes narrowed as the blonde teen looked around to make sure that no one was there. For a moment he sighted in relief, until he felt a little bit of anxiety afterwards.

  
“What if he left us?” asked the purple emotion, who had her hands almost glued to the control panel, first time in the morning. “maybe he is still angry at Kei for screaming like that… what if he escaped.” Said fear, who began to tremble, considering the possibility.

  
“I doubt it.” Said disgust, with his arms crossed in his usual bored expression. “he is not the type to just leave like that.” The green emotion commented, as he tried to push fear away, but the purple one remained near the control. “you don’t know that!!” said fear trying to push back.

  
For a moment Tsukishima began to wonder if his brother had somehow decided to stay away from him, being honest, it shouldn’t be a surprise. But the blonde teen quickly shook his head, “no, stop thinking ahead of yourself Kei.” The tall teen groaned to himself, as disgust accidentally pressed a button trying to push fear away.

  
He needed to focus, Tsukishima thought, or at least make something for himself, so he walked towards the curtains in the living room to open them, letting the soft light of a September morning hit his face, and the house, he would really need to wear a jacket or something, he thought.

  
Maybe using the green sweater he had given to Yamaguchi that day, Kei wondered, looking towards the hoddie laying in the sofa. Just looking at the piece of cloth reminded him of Yamaguchi, that hoodie probably smelled like citrus right now…  
this thought made love island activate out of a sudden, giving Kei a bolt of electricity running inside him, the tall teen felt the temptation to wear that hoddie.

  
“Wait…but if Yamaguchi sees Kei with this hoddie, won’t that remind him way too much of the incident.” Fear mumbled, still holding the lever firmly, the least think she wanted was a direct confrontation with the freckled boy, and using the green clothe would call more attention.

  
“You…. Have a valid point.” Said disgust, slowly letting go of his part of the control, he also had no intention of Kei having to think about that past incident, anything but that.

  
With fear in the control, the feeling of temptation subsided, replaced by the image of Yamaguchi asking him questions of some nights before, being reminded by seeing that hoddie.  
“Nope.” Tsukishima silently said to himself, he wouldn’t succumb to the desires of his heart today, maybe using the team’s jacket was enough, he didn’t need to talk about the incident with Yamaguchi… they would just forget, no hate, no weird ideas, nothing out of hand.

  
In his rambling, Tsukishima heard a groan coming from his stomach, reminding him of his priorities. “right.” He said to himself, putting a hand in his middle, he could talk and think about Yamaguchi all he wanted in the school, right now he needed to fill the hole in his being, with food obviously, what else would he need anyway.

  
Tsukishima began to walk towards the fridge to get some eggs to start his breakfast, but as he was about to open it, he saw a piece of paper adhered to it, with Akiteru’s writing on it, the blonde one accommodated his glasses to read it better.

  
**“Hey kei!!!, I had to do some extra work in the university, so I left in a hurry, I left you a bento box in the microwave, please eat all if it.” -with love: akiteru ;)”**

  
“Ugh, his sweetness is poisonous.” Declared disgust, pressing a button that made Tsukishima groan in response to the letter, he was no longer 10, he was almost 17, he didn’t need to be babied like this, true, maybe he sometimes acted immature for his supposed age, and he sometimes still liked it when his brother did little stuff like this, but it was more of a guilty pleasure.

  
“Oh come on, he just wants to be a good brother I guess.” Said joy, pressing a button in the right side of the console to try and cancel out disgust’s actions.  
This made Tsukishima’s grimace soften, he was hungry of course, after spending all night studying and skipping dinner, his insides craved for something, and he had to be grateful for once.

  
So the younger brother took a red pen that laid in the table next to him, and began to write his most sincere thanks to his brother that he could think of, Tsukishima still felt guilty of what had happened, so maybe by doing this, his brother would understand that he was really sorry for what he had done.

  
**“thanks, For the meal” -kei**

  
After joy saw that Kei had just written something as plain as that, he slapped his forehead in disappointment, he loved Kei of course, but the yellow emotion sometimes wished that tue young blonde wasn’t as emotionally blunt, he even sometimes wished to work inside Hinata’s head, excluding all the minus points and chaos that would come with such a task.

  
“yeah, I guess the response is ok as it is, let’s get to eat then.” Disgust said, letting go of the controls with a contempt smile on his face, making joy roll his eyes.

  
Tsukishima then adhered the note again in the fridge, and put the pen in his pocket, as he went towards the microwave, as he opened it, the smell of rice and fish welcomed him, something so usual to him, but the blonde one also wished for something more, refreshing.

  
Tsukishima extended his hand inside the microwave and took the bento box out, then he opened a cabinet containing some shop sticks.

  
He seated and licked his lips in expectation, Tsukishima knew that his feeding habits were far from excellent, the one who usually reminded him to finish most of the meal was no other than the green hired boy Kei had fallen for.

  
Tsukishima wanted to slap his own brain by now, for making him remember those times when Yamaguchi insisted on Kei to eat more.

  
_“Come on tsukki.” Said Yamaguchi, pointing at the taller one’s plate, that remained half full. “you need all the energy this food has to stand up against that crazy duo.” The freckled boy had said that time in training camp, with a small but soft smile, looking at Tsukki with those welcoming brown eyes._

  
Tsukishima felt shivers go through his spine, as well as a light blush appear on his face along with a timid smile, credit of joy who on second instinct touched the controls.

  
Yamaguchi always looked out for him, just like his brother. for Tsukishima, it felt that Yamaguchi was so much like his brother, always sensitive, always welcoming, always loyal,

never betraying…

  
By unknown reasons the console stopped working for a moment to joy’s surprise. “wha-“ the yellow emotion said, as the control panel switched between yellow to gray and back to yellow, this intromission had made Kei’s smile disappear, making joy confused, but the change was so sudden, that the others didn't notice it.

  
The teen then decided to rather open the box, and to his surprise, everything in the bento box remained normal, except for something new.  
Slices of orange at the side.

  
Was Akiteru playing a prank on him? This orange slices that remained there reminded him of the special food he gave Yamaguchi, the day when they went to the exhibition.

  
That day, was when everything started to happen, in the last week, Tsukishima had gone through the whole emotion spectrum, and more.

  
the blonde shock his head and grabbed a slice of orange before eating it, and wondered what would Yamaguchi be doing right now, this soon in the morning.

  
“Now that I think it, Yamaguchi hasn’t- hasn’t texted us back.” Fear mumbled, quickly grabbing a memory from the ground, and introduced it in the projector.  
The purple orb showed that the night before Tsukishima had checked on his phone, and there were no messages whatsoever, the last one had been that night after in the exhibition.

  
**Yamaguchi- I hope you have a good night tsukki!!! :3 and take care of your finger.-sent 2:38am Thursday.**

  
“it is… odd.” Remarked disgust, while looking at the screen, Yamaguchi would always at least write something in this past 2 days.

  
After remembering that memory, Tsukishima grabbed his phone inside his pocket, to check if Yamaguchi was still offline.

  
And when he opened the messaging app, he saw no replies from Yamaguchi.

  
Tsukishima frowned, as he scrolled up the chat to see if there was anything different, but there were no differences, the photos of that day were still in the chat, everything was normal, apart from Yamaguchi not writing to him.

  
The blonde one was usually the one who responded, even if it was shameful to admit, it felt too awkward sometimes for him to start a chat conversation, just the thought of writing messages for Yamaguchi was, difficult right now.

  
Apart from Japanese exams or when he was teasing someone, Tsukishima’s vocabulary wasn’t that wide always, instead Yamaguchi with his soft energy knew exactly what to say to cheer him up.

  
Even if it didn’t seem like it, Yamaguchi sometimes seemed even more confident than himself, Tsukishima thought.

  
But now there were no messages, Tsukishima kept his golden eyes glued at the screen, waiting for a response, or a hello, or at least a sign of life, but as minutes passed, it seemed that today he was busy too.

  
Tsukishima began to tap his feet against the ground, in a nervous manner, the teen with glasses wanted to rationalize this.

Probably the freckled boy was busy putting his clothes, or he was still sleeping, Tsukishima wanted to believe that, but still, he felt anxious not knowing about his friend’s whereabouts. 

  
Why was he getting so anxious over one message? He wondered, but there was no objective answer either, maybe this was a more secret, complicated facet of the “love” he was feeling towards his friend.

  
“What if Yamaguchi like… died or something.” Said sadness, as he remained seated, it was a pretty dark possibility, but sadness had no way to not mention it.  
with the mention of death, fear immediately stiffened, grabbing the controls as hard as stone, making Kei’s levels of anxiety slightly increase even more.

  
Kei wondered why his brain somehow kept predicting the worst scenarios sometimes, the blonde one didn’t notice that instead of chewing on his breakfast, Tsukishima was lighly shewing on his nails instead , thanks to the stress.

  
“I… really doubt he is dead, the team would have told us if anything bad happened.” Disgust groaned, the green being just wished to retake control as usual once fear was done with her daily freak out.

  
“Well…what if he is avoiding us then?.” Asked fear, as sweat began to fall from her face, everyone could see that the control panel grew more purple as the seconds passed. “what if he hates Kei now?.”

  
“Wow wow wait there.” Joy intervened, grabbing fear’s hands with his own, and after applying a bit of pressure, the yellow emotion got fear’s hands out of the controls.

  
“Yamaguchi would never hate Kei on anything, he is his best friend!.” Joy said, resting an arm in fear’s shoulders, looking as relaxed as possible to calm down fear, at least without the purple one in the controls, Kei’s heart was back to it’s usual rhythm.

  
“But-“

  
“He is probably busy finishing some school work, or preparing breakfast or something, you know his parents are out of city so… maybe he just has to do chores and stuff.” Said joy interrupting fear’s reply, the yellow one tried to be the rational one, and for now it was working.

  
“Well…” fear was about to say, but the purple emotion thought a little more, maybe it was true, Yamaguchi as an only child had a lot of responsibilities, and with his family away he would have to clean, cook, organize, once they got to the meeting spot, everything would be alright.

  
“yeah… I guess he can’t just ignore Kei out of a sudden huh.” fear exclaimed accompanied by a nervous chuckle while she scratched the back of her head. Joy gave the purple one a sincere smile, trying to make her more calmed.

  
Meanwhile, disgust walked towards the control panel, and as he saw that Kei was still scrolling up and down nervously through the latest conversations he had with his friend, to see if there had been signs of something bad, the green emotion sighted.

  
“This kid…” said disgust, while pressing a button in the controls to snap Kei back to reality.  
Kei’s gaze quickly made it to the top of the phone, seeing that right now it was around 6:45 am, he was getting late.

  
The blonde teen sighted, putting his phone away, and instead he began to eat the rice as quick as his stomach would let him. “I can just talk to him in school.” The blonde one thought.

  
even if he felt ashamed. seeing Yamaguchi in person was so pleasing, hearing his soothing voice and his bright freckles, now that Yamaguchi was not here these last days, Kei could now see how much he missed seeing his friend. His young heart yearned to see the green haired boy again, to hear his talk about all the stuff he did on the weekend.

  
Kei felt as he spaced out thinking about Yamaguchi once again, but he dissipated the thought, once he finishea this meal, he could see his friend as usual.

\---------------------------------

The sun weakly shined behind the grey clouds that covered Miyagi’s sky in this cold evening, everyone getting ready to go to their workplaces or schools, including Tsukishima.

  
The blonde guy was currently walking downhill towards the usual meeting spot with his freckled best friend With all his bags in his back as usual, personally, even if his face didn’t show it much, he was quite excited to talk to Yamaguchi again.

  
“We got the history assignment?”

  
“Yes we do”

  
“And the English essay”

  
“Yup”

  
Currently, the 4 emotions that remained active were busy checking to see if all the work Tsukishima had to do in the weekend was complete and in his backpack.

  
“What about the chemistry workshop?.” Disgust asked in a formal voice, while standing with a sheet of paper in his hands with a list and a pen in his ear.

  
The other emotion searched in the ground for any memory that had record of said assignment being done, to make sure that it had been finished.

  
after some searching, sadness found the memory of Kei doing that work. “got it” the blue emotion said. After that, disgust grabbed the pen and eliminated the chemistry work from the list.

  
“This one took a lot of time huh…” fear said in a worried tone as she was holding other important memories, naturally she also got anxious over small things like this.

  
“Yeah.” Joy said before he yawned as he was getting up, that one had been one of the largest works. “Yamaguchi would usually give Kei a second hand with this one, but… radio silence from his end I guess.” The yellow emotion chuckled with a bit of nervousness in his tone.

  
Tsukishima himself knew that in chemistry, he wasn’t an expert like that Kuroo guy from Nekoma, but at least he knew some stuff, so usually combined with Yamaguchi, they could solve this stuff so easily.

  
As Tsukishima remembered all those times he worked with Yamaguchi, the freckled one’s concentrated and dedicated self, explaining complicated organic reactions to him, or chucking in a “cute” way when he made a silly mistake, such small things, but still, he yearned for more of those moments.

  
the blonde one wanted to blame himself for not appreciating those moments until this last says, and now, the freckled boy was nowhere to be seen, Kei ended up frowning, thinking. “where did Yamaguchi go this weekend.”

  
the fact that they had to spend extra time on that workshop made fear even more anxious. “what if Yamaguchi forgot that work?” fear asked, feeling the urge to go to the controls. But disgust noticed this and stood up before the purple one could.

  
“Nonsense.” Disgust commanded , with both his hands in his hips, looking down at fear. “Yamaguchi would never forget those kind of things, he just probably had to do it until late hours, and so he would think that Kei was already sleeping, so he probably decided not to write us.” Disgust said, rationalizing everything that was happening.

  
“That’s right disgust.” Joy joined in to calm fear down, there were logical explanations to this. “When we met up with him, Kei and Yamaguchi can compare answers in the way!!!” joy said, as he made his way to the console. Meanwhile fear slowly nodded in agreement.

  
But as joy was about to press a button to hopefully make Kei go faster, the yellow emotion’s eyes widened, when he saw that someone was missing.  
Tsukishima began to walk faster, and as he got nearer their usual meeting place, there was no one there.

  
The blonde teen finally stopped his steps, and began to look around, the street was completely silent, apart from the natural noises of the wild, and still, Yamaguchi was nowhere to be found.

  
Tsukishima then proceeded to sit down at a bench near his spot, and took out his usual white earphones around his neck, and put them in to hear to his music, hopefully to pass the time.

  
The minutes began to pass by, as the melodies that emanated from the blonde one’s earphones began to pass, crossing from hard rock, towards pop songs recommended by Yamaguchi himself.

  
Tsukishima could feel as if every second that passed, fell down in his brain as if it was a sand clock, waiting to burst at any moment.  
The tall teen took out his phone again and decided to turn up the volume of his music, as the volume increased, Tsukishima grew more concentrated in his music, Yamaguchi will come eventually, he said to himself on repeat. As he rested his head in his hands.

  
“Where is he….” Complained disgust, while he examined the screen that had Kei’s point of view, to see if the freckled teen was around, but only the sound of breeze colliding with Kei’s jacket was present, alongside the music of course.

  
Fear meanwhile was shacking in her place, the anxiety that was building up inside her was becoming unbearable, the purple emotion began to do hundreds pf possible explanations to why Yamaguchi was nowhere to be seen.

  
“What if Yamaguchi got run over by a car?.” Fear began to ramble, grabbing the levers of the control panel, stuffing Tsukishima’s mind again with endless possibilities. “Wait fear, don’t do that again!!!.” Joy yelled with a concerned look as purple orbs began to pile up in the shelves.

  
Kei was beginning to get nervous once again, he could simply just, call Yamaguchi and ask where had he gone to, but something was stopping him from doing so. The blonde one’s heart was drumming inside his ribs in sign of distress, and his foot began to tap the floor once again.

  
Even if his face didn’t show it, the minutes passing by were breaking his mind apart.

  
Tsukishima just didn’t know how to talk to Yamaguchi, after that last night…  
The memory of that day where Tsukishima accidentally yelled at Yamaguchi had been summoned towards headquarters by no one, and it began to play.

  
**“What the hell Yamaguchi!!?.”**

  
Tsukishima nervously gulped.

  
“What if Yamaguchi is mad at me now…” the young volleyball player thought to himself in silence.

  
suddenly, Tsukishima heard a notification coming from his phone, alerting him of someone sending him something. He would usually have no idea who, but for now, he was convinced of certain someone finally answering.

  
The blonde one let out a breath of relief when he saw that Yamaguchi had sent him message. Inside his brain, fear also sighted in relief, while disgust looked at her with a disappointed gaze. “look, he did not die, now, you can let go of the controls, may you?.” The green guy said.

  
Fear finally let go of the levers she was holding, causing Tsukishima to relax, now they only needed to check something else. “now we only need to read it.” Joy said, as he pressed a button to make Tsukishima refocus after feeling that momentary relief.

  
The blonde teen accommodated his glasses to adjust his vision and entered the chat to see what had happened.

  
**Yamaguchi: hello Tsukki, I had to leave earlier for school, sorry.- 7:05 am.**

  
The tall one read the message once, twice, to make sure that everything was in order, Tsukishima finally convinced himself for a moment that Yamaguchi was just busy, nothing more than that.

  
Meanwhile, joy let out another breath of relief, as he relaxed his shoulders, thanks to all the commotion, he ended up catching some of the stress as well.  
“see? He is just busy, no need to make Kei so stiff y’know.” The yellow one said, looking down at his purple crewmate.

  
Even with this, fear didn’t seem convinced of what had really happened. “I’m not sure……” fear said, as she reread the message over and over, it was just a set of letters, and yet, for fear it felt more menacing.  
“I do get that he might be busy and all…..” the purple one mumbled, looking directly at joy in the eyes, her pupils lightly shocked as anxiety began to accumulate again.

  
“remember that time when we had to do that big math assignment that took us all week, even if he was so busy that time, he would always talk to kei, it really seems that he is… ignoring us.” Kei’s fear said, while the human they took care of carefully checked the chat once again, seeing radio silence from the freckled boy’s seemed like some type of bad omen.

  
Tsukishima remembered again the last Friday night he had with his friend, the blonde one kept recalling how he overreacted when Yamaguchi got way too close to him, how over something so simple, he just, snapped without being able to process his own emotions.

  
And that same thing happened with Akiteru too, over something so silly, so trivial, he got aggressive again, and now it seemed that both Akiteru and Yamaguchi didn’t took it well.

  
At least Akiteru had probably gotten used to this kind of stuff, specially when Kei was kid, but Yamaguchi…..

  
Kei knew that he himself could seem like someone frightening, so when the blonde one pictured himself losing control of his emotions near Yamaguchi, wherever he felt love or anger, or fear… he feared losing control of the situation, or being left behind because of that, and now it seemed like if he was losing it too.

  
“I’m the worst.” Tsukishima sighted in defeat, putting the phone away in the bench, and he began looking at the sky, now he was late, and it felt that he had discovered a new fear inside him…only if he could control this…

  
but Tsukishima remembered, this last day he had managed to slightly control his anger, true, it had been over such little things, but the blonde teen thought that if he managed to suppress his anger like this for starters, he would eventually mange to suppress all problematic emotions.

  
Meanwhile in his head, fear kept getting stressed over the thought of Yamaguchi ignoring Kei, the purple emotion wanted to take control more than anything else.

  
“Come on, just calm down already.” Commanded disgust with a serious face, as he placed his hands in fear’s shacking shoulders. “we can stress all we want when Kei sees Yamaguchi in school.” The green entity said, without breaking eye contact with fear at any moment.

  
After all of this, Kei finally manage to calm down almost completely, he still felt that something was wrong, but if he apologized for his behavior, they would probably fix whatever had happened, it would be hard to explain, but not impossible.

  
Tsukishima then wondered what hour it was, so he extended his long arms toward his cellphone to see the time, and his eyes widened as he saw that it was around 7:10.

  
“Also… we are so damn late.” Mentioned disgust, pointing towards the screen, this made the purple one’ eyes almost burst out of her eye sockets.

jumping into action, fear flew towards the console, quickly pressing countless button combinations to start pumping adrenalin into Kei’s system.

  
“We have to go, NOW!!!” fear yelled, while pulling a lever forward, making Kei get up at light speed.  
The blonde teen after seeing the time began to run towards his school in peril, he had zoned out so much, but if he managed to go faster, he may not be so late. “Damn you Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said under his breath, while he still held the phone in his right hand with the chat open.

  
Disgust sighted, he had almost made fear calm down, and now the purple emotion had taken control once again, but at least, now it was for a good reason, so the green emotion turned around to see joy and sadness standing next to him in expectation.

  
“Hopefully everything will go smoothly.” Said joy, as he looked with a hopeful but concerned face towards the screen, showing that Kei was running faster than usual to make it in time, the yellow emotion hoped that if they just talked, everything would go back to normal.

  
“I hope so.” Said sadness too, with a less hopeful and rather a pessimistic look in his face, he knew it could go wrong , but they were to deep into this anyway, better finish it off.

  
meanwhile, the former anger looked at the islands of personality with an empty look, he wasn’t really focused on what was happening with Kei, is not like if he could do anything about it anyway.

  
Kei then looked at his phone while he was running, now that he noticed it, he hadn’t answered to his friend, what could he say anyway, he had no time to think of a long answer, so he wrote something simple.

  
**You- thanks for telling me.-7:14**

**\---------------------------------**

  
Tsukishima could hear from the hall how everyone had already gathered inside the classroom, he was 3 minutes late.

  
The blonde one was breathless, he wished to go inside to not waste much time, but his lungs were struggling to gather oxygen, and his heart was about to explode.

  
Tsukishima had to lean against one of the lockers to regain his breath, he dammed himself for not practicing more resistance training as Daichi had told him to. Of course he was so slow, specially comparing himself with Hinata and the king after all.

  
But he soon stopped thinking about this, Tsukishima heard from afar as the teacher started his class, he began to wonder how would he introduce himself to the class in this ugly, sweaty state, would Yamaguchi feel guilty over this?

  
Why would he, the one who stopped and overthought everything was himself of course, better think of how to say his greetings .

  
Inside his mind, disgust had to almost force fear out of the console, to make sure to keep Kei in his usual, distant, strong state. “I’ll take control for now then.” said disgust, as he pressed a button in the console, everyone else nodded, even joy, the yellow one thought that for now disgust could buy them time to think for an apology .

  
As Kei felt disgust’s input in his emotional state, the blonde one slowly took a straight posture once again, and then accommodated his lenses, just after that he quickly grabbed a towel from his sports bag to clean off some sweat.

  
He needed to look at least presentable towards the freckled one, Tsukishima didn’t want Yamaguchi to receive a bad impression, to know that Tsukishima was beginning to be prone to overthink.

  
Tsukishima then took a deep breath, and slowly entered the classroom. Everyone looked at him with a confused gaze, he was usually of the ones who arrived first to class.

  
The blonde one quickly scanned the classroom to find his friend, and almost at the end of the room, there he was, Yamaguchi was looking at him with a worried expression in his face.

  
“There he is!!.” Joy pointed at the screen, with an excited smirk in his face. “I told you he wasn’t dead.” The yellow emotion said, as he slowly got near towards the console to make Kei happy by instinct, but disgust turned around to stop him.

  
No words were needed to understand what the green one said, to stay away from the controls, joy blushed in shame remembering that a few moments ago he had agreed to let the green one have control.” Sorry..” the yellow one said.

  
Tsukishima in the inside was quite excited seeing Yamaguchi, at least he was there, whole, and he looked normal, it was weird, but now that he saw Yamaguchi’s features, he found them even more attractive now.

  
The freckled one’s soft hair standing upright, his brown eyes looking through him, his- “Tsukishima, got any explanation for being late?.” Said the teacher, looking at the blonde one with judgmental eyes, this teacher in particular was pretty strict regarding time, with just his eyes, it was enough for Kei to snap out of his dreamy state over Yamaguchi.

  
“Shit, what now.?” Exclaimed joy, looking at disgust and the others, he expected fear to take over this time, in fact, fear was already sweating a lot, getting near the console at light speed, but disgust raised hid hand to stop her.

  
“Don’t worry, I got this one covered.” Said the green emotion, as he got an idea bulb from his pants, seeing that Kei had been running out of air, and wouldn’t make it in time, he searched for an idea of an excuse in the meantime. So disgust wasted no time, and inserted the idea, which immediately lighted up.

  
Tsukishima then adjusted his Lents and took a deep breath, looking directly at the teacher, his gaze was scary indeed, but he had control. “sorry for the interruption sensei, I had to help my family arrange some new furniture in the house, and we lost track of time. “ said the tall teen, with a serious look on his face.

  
Yamaguchi saw from afar as his friend explained why he was late, the freckled one knew that what he was saying was probably a lie, Tsukki had no plans on getting new furniture, in fact, the freckled one thought that this was partially his fault instead.

  
even if Tsukki wouldn’t admit it, he had probably waited for Yamaguchi, the green haired guy blamed himself, he should have told him earlier.

  
But Yamaguchi eventually got distracted of Tsukki’s words, and instead looked at his friend’s features too, in comparison with the teacher, Tsukki looked so big, the thought of the taller one hugging him electrified his mind and spine, but as soon as he thought about that, he looked down to his notebook instead.

“no need to focus in that” the green haired one thought, Tsukki doesn’t have to know.

  
The love island inside Yamaguchi’s head got hidden even more by thick black clouds.

  
“My apologies, sensei.” Said Kei, as he bowed to his teacher in a sign of respect, the blonde one’s lips lightly trembled, as the teacher kept his bow of silence.  
After 5 seconds of thinking, the teacher finally gave in.

  
“Very well, because this isn’t usual from you, there won’t be a punishment, but don’t let this happen again, please sit down now.” The teacher said, making Kei sigh of relief.

  
“I told you all I had this one covered.” Said disgust, as he took the idea bulb out of it’s socket ,and then he threw it out in the trash. Everyone also sighted in relief. “that was better than what I expected.” Said fear, after she had finished breathing in an out of a bag.

  
“Thank you sensei.” Said Kei in a stern way, then he looked towards his classmates, everyone was looking at him with doubts ,except Yamaguchi, the freckled one was just taking notes, looking down at his book with no interest in him apparenrly after first seeing him, he would usually be the one to be more alert about this, but now, it seemed that he did not care.

  
Tsukishima slightly grimaced as he took a seat, one seat next to Yamaguchi.

  
And so the class went by, once again, disgust had taken control to make sure that everything was going smoothly.

  
And this time, there were no incidents regarding love island for disgust’s pleasure.

  
Eventually the bell rang, signalizing the end of the class, everyone immediately began to get up, some people left the classrooms, and others stayed instead. Specifically, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stayed.

  
“Hey… Tsukki how are you!.” Said Yamaguchi with a big smile, as he seated near his friend, but in this occasion he seated a few centimeters away.

  
“I don’t really look to nice, do I?.” sighted Tsukishima, as he rubbed his eyes, that had little eye bags below them, all thanks to the lack of quality sleep.

  
“yeah…. I had to leave early anyways, and I couldn’t tell you, sorry tsuk-“ continued Yamaguchi, searching to apologized, for him the reasons to not confront Tsukki was another one, one that shouldn’t be said.  
But Yamaguchi rapidly recalled Kei’s excuse, and remembered that it was probably fake.

“wait a second… you don’t have new furniture in your hous-“ said the freckled guy, but before he could say the rest, Tsukishima covered his mouth with his broad hands to shut him off.

  
“The teacher is still here, don’t say it aloud.” Said the blonde one with a serious look in his face, turning around to see that the teacher was still packing his stuff, he hadn’t heard Yamaguchi say anything at least.

  
“Ohh… sowy twuki” the green haired guy said, while his mouth was still covered by Tsukki’s hand, feeling the blonde one’s hand against his lips, it was a weird sensation, but he threw the thought away.

  
Tsukishima then removed his hand from Yamaguchi’s mouth, fearing that he had gone a little too far to stop his friend from telling the truth. “sorry about that “ said Tsukishima, with his monotone voice, but still looking down in a sign of shame.  
“Anyway, what is the real reason why you were late.. apart from me I guess.” Said the freckled one with curiosity showing in his face, while he took little sips from his orange juice.

  
“Shit, he’s into us.” Exclaimed fear, taking immediate control of the console, making Kei a little nervous than usual. “everyone search for an idea!!.” Said the purple one, but before anyone else could move, Kei had an idea himself.

  
“I spent all night doing all those works…. And I oversleep till you messaged me ” The blonde one said, in a way, it was the truth, he only did not mention the time he spent in that bench, and he also altered some details.

  
“and what about you?.” Kei questioned, the blonde one still had his doubts of what had taken Yamaguchi all weekend, something more important than him he supposed.

  
Yamaguchi looked towards another direction. He couldn’t just, tell his friend the truth, that he had spent all those 2 days in home, wondering how to get rid pf his problematic feelings, Tsukki can’t know about this. He said to himself in his head, as his freckled arms slightly trembled in nervous spasms.

  
“Well… you know.” The freckled one said, as he slightly fidgeted with his smaller hands, Yamaguchi looked directly into Tsukki’s eyes, those golden eyes looking at him, they were so bright and beautiful, but also highly judgmental, it brought memories of that Friday night.

  
Inside Tsukki’s head, everyone picked on that something weird was happening to Yamaguchi. “he looks…nervous.” Said joy with a concerned gaze.  
“That isn’t news coming from him.” Said disgust, crossing his arms looking at the screen, while he was seated in a sofa.

  
Suddenly the memory of the birthday party popped in inside Headquarters again, falling inside the projector, making Tsukishima remember what had happened, how he had screamed at his friend.

  
Tsukki’s eyes lowered as his heart filled with shame, what if Yamaguchi was really scared of him, what if he had avoided him because of this, all those thoughts began to fly inside Tsukishima’s mind.

  
The silence reign around the two teens, both in their own world of worries, without the capacity to communicate what was happening on in their own heads to the other, lamenting in silence.

  
“We should apologize.” Said sadness, as he got near the console while everyone else was distracted, and began to press buttons. “wait sadness, not now.” said disgust, who didn’t want Kei to break his cool to soon.

  
Tsukishima then looked at his friend again, the blonde one felt guilty for his last actions, he wanted to say sorry, but unlike with Akiteru, he didn’t know what words to use, so, to solve his problem, the blonde one used a different approach.

  
“Are you ok Yamaguchi?.” Tsukishima looked up to his freckled friend, with a commanding but concerned voice, if only he could see what was going on inside Yamaguchi’s head.

  
The green haired boy stopped to tremble, no, he was everything but ok at this point, he had cried in silence, he had fallen in love with his friend, he was now fearing that any moment Tsukki would leave him..

  
He felt the urge to scream as hard as he could. He wanted to yell: “I’m not,!! please help me Tsukki.” But he couldn’t, the idea bulb that was incrusted in the control panel inside his head forbid him from doing so.

  
If Kei knew that he was so weak, so miserable, someone who crumbled so easily, he would surely leave sooner, the freckled one thought, that he had to remain strong, he had to be strong, just be strong.

  
“Yeah Tsukki, I’m fine.” Said Yamaguchi with a convincing, but fake smile, he felt his head spinning and his heart beating faster, but Yamaguchi tensed his muscles, to not move.

  
”I was busy doing the chores in my house too, you know how dust always accumulates everywhere.” The freckled one chuckled, even if he hadn’t really cleaned anything at all, it was a convincing excuse.  
“Yeah… I was just so busy doing all of that, I hope you did something more exciting than that Tsukki!.” Yamaguchi cheered.

  
Tsukishima’s eyebrow raised, for a moment it felt that Yamaguchi was a little more nervous than usual, and now he was fine, or he appeared the be fine at least.

  
“do you all think he is still bothered by what happened that day?.” Asked disgust, the green emotion wasn’t sure what was happening inside Yamaguchi’s mind anymore. “maybe we should wait and see… “said fear, getting near the control panel, and pushing a button.

  
This ordeal made Tsukishima try to ignore the instincts of something bad… the blonde one was scared of insisting to much on asking if Yamaguchi was really ok, maybe the freckled one would become more annoyed…maybe he could try to talk about something else.

  
Tsukishima then remembered what his friend had asked him before, apart from staying in his bed the next day, almost all day, he did something else.  
“Nothing big, I just… played with Akiteru’s team.” Tsukishima said, as he put his hands behind his head, and laid more lazily in his chair. In contrast, Yamaguchi’s body stiffened, and his eyes began to glow.

  
“Really Tsukki!!.” Said the freckled boy, as he got up in an excited manner, extending his body towards his blonde friend, he slammed his hands against the table in the excitement, making Tsukki slightly jump of surprise from his seat. “amazing!!! Please, tell me everything!!!.”

  
Tsukishima flinched for a second, Yamaguchi was so close to him. The blonde one could even see up-close the green haired boy’s freckles, his bright, warm, and this time genuine smile.

  
Tsukishima turned around to avoid Yamaguchi’s face for a second. “you already know that my brother’s teammates are beasts, what do you expect from mixing a highschooler with an army of college students.?.” the blonde one returned to his harsh self, obviously being controlled by disgust.

  
Tsukishima remembered clearly how the moment had gone, in fact, the memory had been recalled towards headquarters, so when it began to project, the blonde one fully remembered.

  
The rainbow memory, for strange circumstances, he remembered negative emotions, hatred, fear, by some reason he remembered those, but also relieving that moment, he could relieve the dots of joy floating in the memory

.  
Without noticing much, the blonde teen gave a smug smile, which caught Yamaguchi’s attention. “ that’s not a smile that says “we lost.” In your face Tsukki.”the smallest of the two remarked in a seemingly innocent but also smug voice, he sometimes liked to tease his friend… a lot actually.

  
“Shut up Yamaguchi.” Said Tsukishima with an embarrassed face, his smug smile soon gone as quick as it appeared.

  
“Sorry Tsukki.” Said Yamaguchi who was not sorry at all in that moment, maybe he wouldn’t enjoy those love feelings he had for his taller friend, but he still wanted to be friends, even if it had to be “from afar.”

  
“but please tell me more!!!.” Yamaguchi pleaded, as he leaned in the desk more to be at Tsukishima’s level.

  
“Should Kei tell him.?” Joy asked, that memory had good parts of course, but it had been corrupted by not so good emptions for joy’s liking.

  
“Hm… as long as we don’t include the incident.” Disgust sighted, if they could push Yamaguchi’s cute squeaky face away for a minute with an explanation, what else could go wrong?.

  
“Joy then nodded, as fear made way for the yellow emotion, everyone knew that joy had made that memory after all, so it hopefully would be easier for him to do the job. His yellow hands quickly touched the controls, turning them bright yellow.

  
Tsukishima then felt the slight need to tell Yamaguchi how it had gone, without telling the rest, he just wanted to give himself the best presentation.  
“Well…nothing special, a normal match to be honest, just practice.” The blonde one said, it was hard to admit, but the match in some parts had gotten quite good, even if they were on the risk of losing a lot of times, it had been exciting.

  
“my brother and I also did a serve and block combo at the end, we won, but…. It was still kind of lame.” Tsukishima finally spilled.

  
“Serve and block!!!???.” Gasped Yamaguchi, they had tried it so many times, and yet it had been impossible. “you did it with Akiteru?.” The freckled one asked, with light still in his eyes.

  
Tsukishima couldn’t stop looking at Yamaguchi’s eyes, they were now full of life and emotion, a big contrast compared to his own death yellow eyes, Yamaguchi was so full of life. 

  
“ yeah, he is annoying, but he has gotten quite good, even as a pinch server.” The blonde one groaned, his brother was growing stronger, and yet, the younger brother was still so weak.

  
Yamaguchi chuckled, of course. to make something like that, they need a pinch server much better than him, he thought.

  
“that’s good Tsukki!.” Yamaguchi said, as his excitement fell a bit.

  
Inside Tsukishima’s head, disgust sighted harder. “but it is just not good enough.” He said, taking control of the console, lightly pushing joy away. “wait don’t.” The yellow emotion said, but the green one had already triggered self contempt thoughts in the blonde teen’s brain, as if it was second nature.

  
“Not as good as the king or Hinata through.” Tsukishima pouted as he looked down, what else could he do, those two were always 50 steps forward, and he couldn’t take the first one.  
“Come on Tsukki!.” Said Yamaguchi, as his smirk disappeared into a more serious expression. “you don’t need to be like them.” 

  
“hm?.” Tsukishima murmured, it wasn’t usual to look at Yamaguchi off court with a serious look. One of the last times it had happened, it had been at training camp.

  
**_What do you need more than pride?_ **

  
“I might not sugarcoat it, those two are volleyball monsters, those types are usually born like that.” Yamaguchi said in a more relaxed tone, weirdly enough he was good at cheering people, only if he was better at cheering himself.

  
“But what matters is that you are better than the start of the year, even if it was a block, it means that you have already gotten better!!.” The freckled one kept talking, at this point it seemed like a pet talk, but Tsukishima in the inside enjoyed this pet talks coming from his friend.

  
“And you are the tallest one after all, practice plus that, and you can become such a good player, who knows, maybe a mvp one day!!!!.” Yamaguchi raised his smaller fists in determination.

  
Meanwhile, Tsukishima thought, it was true, he wasn’t born as a monster, but maybe, he could do more, it was a small possibility, but maybe, it wasn’t 0.

  
“also, if you became like them, it would be a little annoying sometimes.” Yamaguchi chuckled, for the freckled one, Tsukishima was in his book, a better fit for him as a friend, someone sarcastic as him, but also sweet and tender when he needed to be, only if those weird love feelings hadn’t appeared.

  
Inside Kei’s mind, disgust felt guilty, without thinking much, he had made Kei feel bad about himself again, but the green emotion couldn’t help it, he had been programed to be like that, but now with Yamaguchi’s words, he felt that he was free.

  
“Can you….” said disgust, as he got away and pointed at the console while looking at joy.

  
The yellow one’s eyes widened as big as plates, disgust willingly asking for help? It was weird.  
“I mean, Kei should at least show gratitude a little bit of course.” Disgust rolled his eyes to the other direction, trying to maintain his cool persona too.

  
Joy then nodded and pressed a button in the console. Making Kei’s lips slightly part upwards. “I guess you might be right.” The blonde one said, as he rested his head against his cold desk.  
“Might?.” Asked Yamaguchi, as he raised an eyebrow in a slightly teasing way, but behind the teasing, seeing Tsukki smile a little bit made his body slightly tremble in excitement.

  
“It could not happen of course, being an mvp.”

Tsukishima said, the idea of being the most valuable player would usually seem ridiculous in his brain, but today he felt a little more positive than usual. “but it can happen too.” The blonde one said.

  
A daydream began to play in the screen the emotions had, showing an imaginary match against Shiratorizawa, one where Tsukki himself somehow stopped Ushiwaka’s spike. “could this daydream become true?.” Asked sadness with curiosity, one block, but still so important.

  
“Yeah… maybe one day.” Joy smiled, as he pulled a lever, causing a yellow memory to form inside Tsukishima’s head.

  
The blonde teen couldn’t stop himself from smiling a little more than usual, even if it was a dream, being able to imagine such a good story, so silly, and yet, it made him happy, and having Yamaguchi at his side, it was the strawberry at the top of the shortcake..

  
Yamaguchi’s eyes widened, seeing that Tsukki was apparently seeing towards the window, not observing anything in specific, smiling with his eyes closed, this side of Kei, so secret for anyone else, but it was there, maybe 1 o 2 times a month.. or more.

  
Yamaguchi’s lips timidly trembled, slowly forming a sloppy smile in the freckled one’s face, he felt warm from his heart to the inside out, seeing Tsukki like this, so relaxed, Yamaguchi could feel his cheeks heat up.

  
This isn’t right

  
Yamaguchi stopped smiling, the sudden rush of dopamine in his brain stopped flowing, and instead, he was reminded of what had happened that day.

  
**“WHAT THE HELL YAMAGUCHI.”**

  
Tsukki had said that, the real Tsukki had said that, only a phrase, but it held so much meaning, of course, Tsukki would be disgusted by this…. Feelings.

  
Yamaguchi began to frown, looking down in shame, at least for him, Tsukki was still in his own mind.  
The freckled one swiped into negativity again. He had told himself not to feel this kind of feelings… but he couldn’t.

  
The green haired teen couldn’t stop himself from feeling, he thought it would be so easy to be normal, to not be broken, to just fix his thoughts, but it had no use. He felt ridiculous, thinking it was so easy, and there he was, feeling himself falling in dangerous love with his friend, risking his only big friendship… so lame.

  
The best for him, it was to just, disappear, hopefully once he got over this surge of emotion, he could go back to being with Tsukki.

  
As friends

  
“…..sorry Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said, as he got up from his seat, snapping Tsukishima from his imaginary world. The sudden seriousness in Yamaguchi’s voice alerted him. 

  
“Yamaguchi?” The blonde one asked

  
The freckled one was covering his face with his forearm, was he… blushing?  
“why did he got up?.” Fear yelled a bit, feeling the need to use the console right now. “maybe he got a nose bleed? The purple one suggested.

  
“I need to go to the English teacher’s office, is something important.” Yamaguchi lied, his lips tumbled in nervousness, he could feel Tsukki’s confused gaze biting his neck, in reality, he is just going somewhere else hopefully where no one will see him. “it will be long so, don’t wait for me. Alright?.”

  
Tsukki’s smile slowly dropped, the expression in Yamaguchi ‘s face, it seemed as he was simply concerned by an assignment, but at the same time, it felt something a little more deep.

  
As Yamaguchi quickly left the room without any of his belongings, the tall teen didn't have time to say anythinng, he stayed seated in his place, trying to process what had happened, the most normal explanation was that he indeed had to go to that office, Yamaguchi wasn’t that good with English after all .

  
But what if something had happened, what if Yamaguchi was still remembering about what had happened, the blond one had so many questions inside his head, but no answers, and he didn’t have the courage to ask them, he just remained in his place, frozen, no words coming out of him to be heard.

  
“what if Yamaguchi is in love with someone?.” Fear asked terrified, everyone inside Kei’s head have heard of a term that until now seemed so, useless.  
But Now that they knew that Tsukishima was in love, when they looked as Yamaguchi looked so red and blushed, it could have been caused by anything, but remembering what he had said the last Friday.

  
About having the dream with a girl, the purple one couldn’t help but to wonder if Kei had no chance with the freckled one at all..

  
“I guess noting surprises me anymore.” Disgust nodded, it was still hard to accept that in a few days, everything had derailed so much.

  
As time passed, Tsukishima began to think about said possibility, if Yamaguchi already had his heart for another special person… how much would things change,what if yamaguchi was leaving him behind to be with a girl in secret.

they had always been the two, the “couple”   
the thought of Yamaguchi beginning to pay more attention to someone else made the young blonde nervous.

  
He knew it was petty, and even selfish, but he couldn’t help it, he wanted so more than anything else to be alongside his friend, he couldn’t help that neither, the thought of Yamaguchi leaving him for someone else, so long ago… a pointless possibility, but considering how much Yamaguchi was seemingly avoiding him, how weird he was acting.. it sometimes seemed like a low, but real possibility, specially now.

  
Joy thought for a moment, now that Kei felt the need to keep Yamaguchi near him, the yellow emotion wondered, if Kei just kept all his romantic feelings secret, Yamaguchi would probably move on and get someone else to love, if in that hypothetical case the freckled one was in love with Kei of course.

  
The yellow emotion didn’t want Kei to kept living in secrecy, not with love, not with Yamaguchi.  
“Kei should confess his feelings to Yamaguchi.” said joy, making everyone gasp inside headquarters.  
Fear felt that it was a bad idea, things were already as bad as they were just now, but if Yamaguchi knew all of that, or in the case said love was required, the purple one feared that no matter the case, everything could evolve to the worse.. but before she could say anything, disgust talked first.

  
“We....we can’t do that.” Disgust yelled as he felt a green blush infest his face, this was, unprecedented, in all this time they had spent investigating the topics of love and affection, the possibility of confessing hadn’t been discussed. “you know Kei has no experienced whatsoever with… opening up with romantic feelings, we can’t just, you know… roll the dice and expect a 12!!!” Disgust tried to elaborate, but no matter how many truths he said, joy looked as determined as ever.

  
“He is not ready joy… none of us are, no one we know has ever done this…not with a man!!!.” Disgust finally snap, his eyebrows twitching with worry, they just… had no idea what to do… if Yamaguchi was really in love, and if they lost him, all those thoughts rolled in the green one’s head.

  
Joy chuckled, of course, no one in Kei’s family had done something like this, confessing to a classmate of the same gender, but the yellow one knew someone who did.

  
“You know, I do know someone who has passed though something similar too.” Joy exclaimed, as he began to walk towards an idea container with hundreds of idea bulbs.

  
“One member of the team in fact.” The yellow one commented as he searched through the ideas Kei had thought about in the past.

  
“Aren’t you talking about him are yo-“ disgust commented as his eyebrow got up, but joy interrupted him as he showed everyone an idea bulb He had found.

  
“yep. Him.”

  
“You must be kidding joy, don’t do this, that little guy doesn’t know shit.” Pleaded disgust.

  
“He is literally the only guy in this team in a relationship with other teammate.” Joy said with a teasing smile, as he got near the console, quickly inserting the idea in the console slot.

  
“If someone knows about expressing his feelings, wherever romantic or not, it is him.” Joy commented, as he looked with confidence to see if Kei accepted the idea, meanwhile disgust didn’t know how to react, in a matter of second, the day had gone an even worse path 

  
The only good thing was that disgust hadn’t been made to work inside that shrimps’ head, that would be hell on earth.

  
Tsukishima was beginning to wonder what should he do, he could just happily be watching as Yamaguchi drifted away, taking ages before he saw that he was no longer there, without him.

  
Or he could tell Yamaguchi how he felt, that he was in love, but after all the commotion and problems the blonde one had caused to his friend.. he didn’t know if the freckled one would ever like him back in the same way.

  
He needed help in this, that’s when the most weird idea connected to his brain, the blonde teen’s face grimaced, wondering how could have his gray matter come with such an idea. Something that shouldn’t be possible.

  
“What if I ask Hinata for advice.”

  
Tsukishima knew he was fucked, but, what else could he lose…

\---------------

“ Where the hell is Kageyama.” A small red being with orange hair said, as he looked judgmentally at a big screen inside some kind of facility.

  
“Ugh, he told Shoyo that he would be here by now, but nope, he disintegrated, whoosh, gone!!.” A green emotion with orange hair and braids said as she checked the pretty careful schedule for the day she had made, that was never followed of course.

  
“I imagine that he went to buy more milk for himself, you know how he always is.” A yellow emotion empathized, as he had his hand in a control panel.  
“He better have some extra milk with him then.” The red emotion groaned again, as he crossed his arms.” “Otherwise, Shoyo should hit him with a serve or something.

  
those emotions kept bickering, while they were in the mind of Hinata Shoyo.

  
the little giant in the works, and currently the small guy, was waiting for Kageyama in one of the halls, obviously with a volleyball in his hands.

  
The redhead was eager to practice, the thing he most hated was waiting still in one place, but is not like if he could just leave his boyfriend behind anyway.  
“Kageyama where are you?.” Hinata said to himself out loud as he excitedly tapped his feet against the floor. “should we… search for him maybe?.” Asked fear, who also anxiously waited for the dark haired guy to show up.

  
“but he told Shoyo to stay here before he came back!!!.” Complained the green emotion, as she hated when any other emotion broke her schedule, which happened all the time, but she kept trying to organize the day in one day or another, even if organization was slightly futile in the redhead’s head.

  
“Maybe he is practicing with Tsukishima or someone taller than Shoyo, which could be anyone.” Sighted sadness, who laid in the floor as always.

  
“Come on sadness, Kageyama is kind of an idiot, but he wouldn’t break promises.” Said the yellow emotion, with blind fate in their star setter. “besides, Tsukishima would never practice extra time with Kageyqma, he is too lazy for that, I bet that he is just sleeping in his classroom right now.” The yellow one smirked.

  
Suddenly, Hinata heard a pair of steps behind him getting nearer, expecting to see his tall companion with a box of milk hanging from his hand as always.

  
“Never mind Kageyama’s back.” Said joy with a big smile in his face, but when he turned around towards the screen, as Hinata did the same, they both were met by a looming, taller and more threatening figure.

  
“Tsukishima?.” Hinata asked in awe, as he looked at the taller teen looming over him, with his hands on his pockets.

  
“Who else do I look like huh?.” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow, looking judgmentally as always, making Hinata frown, a nice way to start the day if course.  
Anger was about to smash a big red button in the console, but joy stopped him. “Hold on anger, we can be polite this time.” Said the yellow emotion, as he took over instead.

  
“Fine, but if he gets way too arrogant, we throw the volleyball at his face at the count of 3.” Anger frowned, looking away from the screen making everyone else chuckle.

  
Hinata fell that thread of anger slip away deep in his brain. “whatever stingyshima.” Hinata pouted, before it got replaced by his usual smile. “sooooo… are you here to practice with your favorite decoy?.” The smaller one asked excited, putting the volleyball over his head.

  
“Oh please, I have more than enough from you in the court 5 days a week already.” Tsukishima smirked, a cocky smile as always.

  
“Then what do you want saltyshima.” Hinata frowned again, as his disgust took over on instinct. “we should get out of here before it gets physical.” The green emotion exclaimed.

  
With that question, the taller one’s teasing smile disappeared almost in command, tsukishima looked as if he didn’t know what to say, as silence overwhelmed them for a full 15 seconds . “Weird, Tsukishima never shuts up when he is teasing me.” The redhead thought.

  
“I needed to know….about the king.” Tsukishima said, while he tried to look unmoved in other direction, to look as cool as possible, since there were loads of students around them, they all knew how Hinata was, but no one could see him fall apart.

  
“Oh Kageyama, no idea, he’s probably buying milk for himself again.” Hinata said smirking, but it was weird that Tsukishima asked directly for him.

  
“Oh I see, he left his lover for a bag of milk, classic of the king.” Tsukishima teased as always, putting both his hands in his hips, slightly curving his posture to be on Hinata’s level.

  
“oi!!!.” Hinata yelled with a slight frown on his face, as anger totally lost it. “that’s it!!, we are throwing the ball in 3….2…1-“ he was about to say, but disgust pressed the button first. “we can be a little more civil about this. “ said disgust, with her eyes closed.

“thanks disgust.” Said joy under his breath.

  
“Kageyama is way more than volleyball and milk, after all, why would he show his other positive aspects towards someone as you.” Hinata dramatically huffed as he crossed his arms, and turned his head around.

  
Tsukishima tried not to laugh seeing Hinata acting like that, so silly, at least the phase 1 to talk to Hinata was going smoothly, according to his own disgust of course.

  
“Really, I wonder how did you even fell in love with that guy anyway?.” Tsukishima said, for the blonde one, interrogating Hinata while teasing him was the best approach, no way hinata would ever find out about his ulterior motives.

  
“Is he… interrogating us?.” Asked sadness with no amuse at all

.  
“Yeah!”

  
“Obviously”

  
“I…guess”

  
“is he even trying?.”

  
Hinata almost immediately realized that something was weird about Tsukishima, first of all, he would never willingly approach him, and it seemed that he wanted to drive the conversation somewhere, making the redhead think for a moment of what to do.

  
“Is he like, stalking us? What if he uses this information to blackmail us?. Fear said, as a cold current ran through his spine, he then ran towards the console and took control, making Hinata doubt of this weird conversation they where having.

  
“Fear…. Literally everyone in school knows Shoyo and Kageyama are dating, there’s mot much to hide anyway.” Joy sighted as he tapped his yellow fingers against the control panel. “ if he’s gonna keep teasing us, maybe just telling him what he wants to hear will make him want to leave.” The yellow emotion finished off, asserting his authority inside Shoyo’s mind, for no one’s surprise.

  
Fear stood back, is not like if he had much authority in here, not anymore. “yeah.. run the show then.” Fear nervously smiled, stepping aside. Joy then took control once again, helping Hinata decide that he would risk it and reveal his love secrets with Tsukishima for some reason.

  
“Well…..” Hinata said, as he pushed the volleyball in the air up and down, trying to find the right words, while Tsukishima eagerly waited for a response. ”it just happened.”

  
“Just happened.” Tsukishima raised an eyebrow in slight disappointment.

  
“yep, meanwhile I was training with Kageyama for some time, at first, I only saw him as a rival and no more, but then we became… kind of close y’know, like, we always played together, ate together, it was nice.” Hinata smiled fondly at the memory that was currently playing inside his head.

  
“And then I realized that I actually like… liked to be with him, and it eventually got weirder, I felt warm around him, but it also felt exciting, special, it was so… awkward.” Hinata chuckled, explaining his love story, with a little dorky smile in his already red face, and strangely enough, Kei was listening in silence, it was… awfully familiar for the blonde one.

  
“It felt like, whoosh!!! In my heart, it was so moving!.” Hinata began to loosely move his body, trying to represent his emotions, but this only made the taller one roll his eyes to his side in embarrassment.

  
“And then, I just asked my mom about it, weirdly enough, it was hard to recognize, but when she told me the classic signs of a being in love.. it was so obvious!.” Hinata fondly smiled, he really felt blessed that at least his house, his mom would understand what he had gone through.

  
Tsukishima groaned in silence, how dense was Hinata in reality to just, talk to anyone about his feelings, how could he be so…free.

  
The blonde one felt slightly jealous, how could someone be so free of his own anxieties and worries, so free to express himself, how was it possible?, but of course, Tsukishima would never make his worry show up, instead, he pulled a cocky smile as always.

  
“So cliché huh, then you brought a load of roses and declared your love for him.” Tsukishima teased even harder.

  
Hinata pouted in response. “that would be too girly for us stingyshima!!.” The smaller one complained.

  
“Then…em……. how did you confess to him or....something.” Tsukishima slightly blushed at the thought, but he looked in other direction to not make it obvious.

  
“We just talked one day.”

  
“Just…. Talking.” Tsukishima looked unamused.

  
“Yes!!!.” Hinata yelled, there was nothing weird about this, what was even Tsukishima trying to get out of him by asking him this? maybe he was in lo- hell no, Tsukishima doesn’t have a heart, right?.

  
“Anyway….. it was almost 3 moths ago, after practice, we were initially talking about our new quick for the tournament, and then the conversation drifted to what we wanted to do after school.”   
Hinata kept remembering how it had been, a cold night of June, and yet he had felt so hot in that moment, the decoy closed his eyes to get himself more into the memory.

  
Meanwhile joy looked behind, towards the personality island, and between perseverance island and goofball island, love island shined brightly above the others, the Sakura tree had bloomed beautifully, that moment Hinata was talking about, that memory had given birth to love island.

  
“We both agreed that we wanted to be in the national team, and to play more as teammates and rivals. And then I asked him if he looked at me as someone else than just a friend and rival, it took a while for Kageyama, so I decided to break the ice instead, so once I confessed, he immediately followed!!!.” Hinata kept rambling about one of his brightest and obviously core memories.

  
“And then we both realized that we were just loving each other in secret all that time! so then we went to eat pork buns, and after that… we kissed the first time, kind of gross, but that’s where it all started!!.” Hinata finished his ranting with excitement, but when he opened his eyes.

  
He saw Tsukishima writing something in his hand using a red pen.

  
“Are you..hm taking notes right now.” Asked Hinata, which almost made Tsukishima jump, he had waited to write a little about what the redhead said while he was distracted to not forget.

  
“I-.” Tsukishima almost said, but he managed to cut it down to not spill any of his secrets, but to his dismay, Hinata’s face filled with a malicious grin.

  
“Tsukishima’s got a crush!!.” Hinata cheered mockingly, trying to call the other’s attention, this made Tsukishima freak out completely, looking nervously at the sides. “you know nothing, there’s no time for those….silly things, we are all already to busy with practice!.” Tsukishima slightly raised his voice clearly annoyed.

  
Hinata quickly stopped to call the other’s attention, being honest, seeing Tsukishima so freaked out was something new… but he didn’t want to spill tje blonde one's secrets to anyone now that the redhead thought clearly, even if he deserved it.

  
Shoyo tried to change the topic, and naturally, the first idea bulb that the emotions picked from the shelf, was an idea about volleyball.

  
“So….. I guess that everyone’s been getting so better each day huh, even Yamaguchi is improving a lot!.” Hinata awkwardly changed topic to something with no love related, maybe talking about something familiar to Tsukishima would help.

  
hearing Yamaguchi’s name caught the blonde one’s attention.

  
“You… think Yamaguchi has gotten better,.” Tsukishima asked to the smaller teen standing near him, he was curious of what others could think about Yamaguchi.

  
“ of course he has.” Hinata narrated, remembering all of Yamaguchi’s doings this past days. “it might not be obvious, but he has gotten quite good with his serves, even Nishinoya is beginning to struggle day by day to catch em, I wonder how did he get so good?.”

  
“Isn’t it obvious…” Tsukishima stated as he closed his eyes to remember all those days where Yamaguchi spent practicing, getting better slowly, but never stopping at all. “he is probably one of the players that works the most on serves.. and he is getting stronger each day because of this. “the blonde one kept rambling.

  
He did noticed that Yamaguchi was growing in many aspects, obviously in the aspect of volleyball, he was getting sharp as hell, and more precise with where the serve landed, like an assassin training for action.

  
But not only that, he was even growing as a person, in difference of himself, the freckled one was getting more confident, the one who would always follow him around, the one who went behind his tall form.

  
that freckled guy had knocked him out of his bubble of self pessimism towards volleyball, the blonde one with glasses felt… left out, Yamaguchi was so bright, while the moon could only reflect a fraction of all that life and color.

  
And now that he remembered, the green haired boy’s form more closely, he even realized that he was getting stronger in the outside too, his slinky and weak frame at the start of the year was gaining mass, like that day in the lockers, where he had seen Yamaguchi without his shirt, his back was getting wider from all the extensive training, as well as his arms.

  
even while they were changing, the tall, skinny teen noticed that his friend’s chest was even getting slightly defined, as well as his abdomen, everything was changing so quickly, but besides from the freckled one’s shape growing and developing, Yamaguchi still had the same cute face Tsukishima had somehow fallen in love.

  
Tsukishima had gotten trapped inside his own mind appreciating Yamaguchi thanks to Hinata’s own remarks, ignorant that the redhead was still there.

  
“Man, don’t misunderstand me, I would never change Kageyama over anything, but Yamaguchi’s really becoming a good player too!!!, he’s really getting ahead of you-“ Hinata completed his idea, but as he shut his mouth, he saw that the emotionless Tsukishima.

  
Was blushing without control when Yamaguchi had been mentioned, and he hadn’t noticed yet.

  
“it can’t be….” Fear said in shock, as well as everyone else. Seeing how the blonde one’s face turned red while he had his eyes closed

  
Maybe this was a coincidence, maybe it was a misunderstanding, but, when he had began to complement Yamaguchi, Tsukishima began to blush as red as blood can be, making Hinata confused at his discovery.

  
“No way.” Joy slowly said, as he without thinking dragged a lever he was holding all the way to the top, accidentally making Hinata spill put the first conclusion.

  
“Do you have a crush with Yama-.” Hinata said as his orange eyes widened as much as plates would, but when he was about to complete the name, Tsukishima snapped out of his romantic state, and almost slapped Hinata, but instead, the blonde one in a panic squeezed Hinata’s cheeks together with his two hands to keep him shut, everything was falling down.

  
“Don’t. You dare. To finish that sentence.” Tsukishima said, trying to sound intimidating, and it worked, because at the sudden sound, Hinata even dropped his volleyball.

  
but his low posture and shaking lips didn’t helped him much. “this is between us, don’t you dare tell anyone.” The blonde one finished off before he looked down at the ball in the ground, and decided to just give it to Hinata, so that he could remain silent.

  
After giving the ball to the redhead still in awe, Tsukishima turned around and went straight to the bathroom to calm down, walking as slowly as possible, but yearning to break light speed laws

  
“I guess it confirms it.” said disgust, it was a theory at first, but seeing Tsukishima’s over the top reaction regarding Yamaguchi, it made him look more suspicious, also adding to the mix the fact that they had been best friends, so growing that level of near wasn’t unheard of..

  
“Tsukishima might be in love??.” Joy yelled at the top of his imaginary lungs, they never imagined this at all, but the yellow emotion also remembered that they had somehow ended up with Kageyama, so a surprise could still happen.

  
“ this is…. I Don’t know if they will ever work…” disgust rolled her eyes, as she looked closely at the memories Shoyo had made a few moments ago , it was still too much information for the brain to process.

  
“Why wouldn’t they work out?.” Asked sadness with curiosity, slightly standing up from the ground.

  
“Well…I doubt Tsukishima has any confidence to confess, and if he doesn’t, someone else could eventually take Yamaguchi….” The green emotion said, she had seen enough shoujo Mangas through Hinata’ eyes to know where this could be going.

  
“Yeah… but it is also possible that it works out.” Joy slightly smiled to cheer everyone up, the yellow being had a touch that made everyone get a more relaxed mood, that and other things explained why he was the one in charge of Hinata’s head of course.

  
“Maybe….” Disgust said, she still had her doubts, but all possibilities were on the table when love was involved.

  
Suddenly Hinata heard a pair of steps getting closer at a great speed, making him turn around to get a better look, and the redhead’ eyes lighted up when he saw that his boyfriend had finally returned, with 2 milk packages in his hands, one regular, and one strawberry flavored in the other hand.

  
“Oi.” The black haired setter said in his usual neutral voice, looking as good looking as usual.

  
“Kageyama!!.” Hinata bounced forward, obviously with joy in the controls, he then jumped towards his boyfriend’s arms. “where were you? Did you have problems with the basketball team again?.” Hinata asked with curiosity as he clainged affectingly to Kageyama’ waist.

  
“Get off me boke!!.” Kageyama commanded trying to bring back his posture, slightly raising his voice out of chock, not expecting Hinata’s warm welcome.  
“I was just in line for the bending machines, there were lots of people there.” Kageyama exclaimed, now more calmed, but still flustered as the decoy hugged him, near his heart, he still felt the same as the day he had fallen in love with this redhead, and it still felt so different.

  
“Have this.” Kageyama said, raising his hand to show off the strawberry milk he had gotten, making Shoyo’s eyes light up even more.

“thanks!!!.”

  
“only if you get off me first.” Commanded the taller one, trying to wiggle out of his boyfriend’s constrictive grasp, he still enjoyed them, but he still sometimes felt weird with this public expressions of love, even if no one was really watching them.

  
“You are no fun.” Hinata playfully pouted, as he slowly received his boyfriend’s offering, boyfriend, the redhead never thought that he would use that name to refer to his rival, and yet, here he was.

  
As Hinata began to happily drink the strawberry flavored milk, Kageyama carefully looked down, to see the smaller one’s features, the volleyball ball near his feet, and the redhead’s face was filled with joy as usual, except that his cheeks looked a little redder than usual.

  
“Oi…” Kageyama got closer with the milk box hanging from between his teeth, making his speech a little hard to understand. “whqt’s wong about you check.” The black haired teen asked, slightly worried that Hinata had fallen over a pair of stairs or something.

  
“Oh nothing serious.” Hinata commented, while he finished his milk in a few gulps, and then took the package out of his mouth. “Tsukishima just almost slapped me.”

  
It took a few seconds for Kageyama’s emotions to react, but when certain red being almost exploded inside the taller one’s head, Hinata could figuratively see fire bursting out of Kageyama’s blue eyes.

  
“He did what!!!?” Kageyama frowned, as he finished his milk in one big swallow, tossing the package in a garbage bin near him. “that guy’s gonna pay” Kageyama in force of instinct rolled up his right sleeve.

  
Wait don’t do that bakageyama.!” Hinata scolded, stepping between the taller teen and wherever he was going.

“he didn’t even hurt me.” The redhead insisted trying to put the taller one’s sleeve down, while getting a little flustered feeling Kageyama’s slightly muscular arm, when he finally pulled it down to Tobio’s annoyance, Hinata sighted.

  
“I just think Tsukishima’s in lo-“ the redhead was about to say without much worries, but he didn’t had much time, before something in his brain advised him not to say anything.

  
“Wait joy… it kind of seemed that Tsukishima wanted to save the secret for some time… maybe we should not tell Kageyama about this yet.” Fear insisted, as he pulled a lever in the control panel, holding Hinata from saying to much.

  
“Upps… yeah you are right.” The yellow one said ashamed, letting go of the controls for a bit, letting go of Shoyo.

  
The redhead thought for a few seconds what to say, he didn’t want Tsukishima to get even more mad at him now, and being honest, he didn’t want to get way too personal with him neither.

  
“He was… lo- oking for his glasses, so he was a little irritable, but he didn’t really hit me!!!.” Hinata said, trying to calm Kageyama down, and for his relief, he was less genocidal looking now.

  
“Fine….” Kageyama said, he knew that Tsukishima could sometimes get scary, oh well, as long as Hinata isn’t really injured or anything.

  
“Oi!!!.” Hinata yelled with passion as he picked up the volleyball from the ground, pointing at the gym’s direction. “we still need to practice our receives, whoever loses the race has to build milk next time!!!.” The redhead said before he sprinted with a playful grin towards the gym 

  
“Oi , that was cheating, Hinata boke!!!.” Kageyama yelled back, apparently in anger, but in reality, a much softer but useful passion flooded him too, making the setter run behind his rival… friend… boyfriend.. whatever Hinata really was to him, the three were good at least for him.

  
Inside the setter’s head, a red emotion with an attire reminiscent of a king remained seated in his elevated throne, silently watching as his human was running as fast as he could to compete, anger looked annoyed, or to be more specific, he looked worried.

  
“Something’s wrong boss?.” A green emotion dressed with an attire similar to one of a knight asked, kneeling down to ask his leader. “you seem troubled by something.” Kageyqma’s Disgust exclaimed, now looking up to his leader from the ground.

  
The red leader sighted with a frown, as he jumped from his levitating throne, and landed safely in the ground, slowly making his way to the control panel that monitored Tobio’s mood.

  
“That Tsukishima guy.” Said Kageyama’s anger, as he used the console to summon some memories from somewhere in the castle that represented Kageyama’s mind, when the memories appeared, floating from a door, and landed in a projector, Kageyama remembered that Tsukishima had been acting weird this past days.

  
Less concentrated, a little more irritable until last Friday, and the one with glasses seemed to be looking somewhere else during practice games, such little details, but the setter knew that big things may be spotted by this small signals

  
“I don’ have a good feeling about this.” Tobio’s anger exclaimed, maybe the weird behavior from the tall guy was only a premonition of something worse forming in Tsukishima.

  
And at the end, the red emotion’s worries were eventually becoming true.

  
after the blonde teenager managed to calm down from the moment he had with Hinata, he wondered something else.

  
“This could literally destroy our friendship…”

Tsukishima thought, but as the days passed, keeping this feelings to himself, and watching as Yamaguchi slowly drifted away, it hurt him, it shouldn’t be like that… but it did, and it was shameful.

  
Tsukishima then looked at what he had written with red pen in his palm, some stuff that Hinata had done to confess his love feelings to Kageyama, the tall teen would usually think that they are ridiculous.  
They ARE ridiculous, but in the state of despair and confusion he was in… anything seemed possible 

  
“Should I confess to him today?.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, this is where the climax starts, expect lots of angst from here, I start college next week, so the next update will take more time sadly, but I promise to bring it here!!
> 
> Also, for story purposes, I added 1 extra chapter, this and the next and the last chapters were supposed to be only 1, but considering the size of it, it was better to separate it.
> 
> Anyways, please tell me your thoughts in the comments below.

**Author's Note:**

> So, thank you for reading this fic, I always wanted to do a crack fic mixed with fluff, and I always had this weird idea of how Tsukishima's mind worked, so I had to write it, hopefully I manage to complete this series!!


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